Ever After

Missing

Therapy Room

"How have you been sleeping?" Lawson asked.

Casey had been sitting on the sofa in Lawson's office for fifteen minutes giving short answers to his questions. Severide was back on shift today and he was out for two more. It made him feel incapable despite the valid reasons being given, although he could still barely move without wincing in pain but Severide had been hurt too.

"Fine," he replied.

"You sound a little surprised," Lawson noted.

"Well it was a rare occasion if I didn't have a nightmare last time I'd been stuck in that room… and this time I killed two people so yeah I'm little surprised, it has only been two nights though," he said with a small shrug of his shoulders.

"Do you remember?" Lawson questioned.

"Killing them? No. Don't worry Severide is constantly reminding me that it wasn't my fault," he scoffed, "But maybe he's wrong, I don't know what I was thinking, what I did, I don't remember." Lawson said nothing and watched as Casey expression changed from indifferent to worried. "What happens if I remember? What happens if… what happens if I'm a bad person?"

Lawson looked sadly at him and spoke honestly, "You're not a bad person Matt."

Hundreds of examples popped up into Casey's head, scenarios and situations that made him think that he wasn't the best person, that he had failed, let people down, hurt people, he falsely accused himself of all of them. "You don't know that."

"I've known you for nearly two years, you're not a bad person," he tried to reassure him.

"Two years in October," Casey stated.

"It will get easier every year," he replied.

"I won't be working this year, I think it will be harder," Casey said.

"You could go away for a few days, get out of Chicago, go fishing, hiking," Lawson suggested. He had suggested it last year as well but Casey had insisted he would be fine and he was, he had been given little time to think about the anniversary of his kidnapping, his shift had been busy and he had kept their downtime busy by drilling his crew; none of them uttered a word of complaint that day.

Casey shook his head, "I won't run away, it's just… it's just a memory now," he stated.

"I want to ask a difficult question but we need to talk about it, you need to share your thoughts and feelings so you're not alone with them," Lawson began cautiously, "Antonio gave me a copy of the police report and with Kelly's permission I read his statement as well. You were in that room for at least three hours and none of your injuries would have rendered you unconscious for that amount of time. What happened in there?"

There was something dark in Casey's eyes. He sat deadly still on the sofa, his breathing shallow, he'd been looking directly at Lawson but he couldn't keep up the act and cast his eyes downwards, "Nothing."

"I don't believe that," Lawson replied honestly, "Ok let's start with this; how did you end up in there?"

"You've read the file," he stated, "I was tricked. It was stupid."

"Why did you go to that building?" Lawson asked. He already understand why but he wanted Casey to talk through the events that had taken place so his thoughts could be processed.

"I thought Severide was in trouble," Casey replied simply.

"Because you couldn't contact him," Lawson said, "Why didn't you tell the police?"

"According to the cops I was being paranoid, according to Severide I was being paranoid, according to…" he broke off.

"And according to me you were too?" Lawson questioned.

"I know I was being paranoid, I know," he said simply, "But it wasn't unfounded."

"So you decided to handle it on your own?" Lawson asked.

Casey nodded. "I should have known it was a trap from the start. I think I did know. As soon as I walked in that room and saw… I knew that was where… where I spent those nine days, it still smelt the same, like rusting metal and… and blood." He paused for a few moments before continuing. "When I realised what was happening I tried to get out but I was too slow, too caught up in the past. Nesbitt and that guy… I don't even know their names, I killed them and I don't know their names… Nesbitt and the guy just watched like there was no way I was going to be able get past that man… I was dizzy but he didn't knock me out so when the door closed I… I screamed… I was slamming my arms on the door as if that would help." Unconsciously he ran a hand through his hair. His sleeve dropped revealing the bruising on his arm. His eyes avoided Lawson's gaze as he thought out loud. "And then I just… it felt like I was there, like any moment one of them would come through that door and hang… I couldn't think… it was… it was like I'd never left."

Lawson sat in silence as he waited for Casey to continue but after a while he said nothing. He saw the distressed look on Casey's face decided to break him out of his own thoughts. "Matt?"

He looked up and found Lawson looking at him expectantly. "Erm... then Kelly was there, it was light and Kelly was there." He thought back to that moment, it had been the last thing he could clearly remember before he was stood shakily holding a gun in his grip. He frowned. "The man was behind him… he came in after... did I warn him? Did I tell Sev? The man knocked him out and…" He shook his head again, losing the little memory he had. "I don't think I want to remember. I want to go, can I go?" he said in quick succession.

"Not yet Matt, not like this," Lawson replied. There were unshed tears in Casey's eyes, he scratching at his arm, an anxious trait Lawson had noticed in one of his very first sessions. Casey leant forwards in an attempt to relax and winced as he did. "Your ribs? You're taking your painkillers?"

He nodded, "They just seem to wear off quickly, I'm taking all my pills, don't worry."

"Good," Lawson stated, "You see why you shouldn't be back at work yet?"

"Yeah," he said through gritted teeth, "Boden does have a point."

"Get some rest when you get home," Lawson advised.

"I'm not going home," he replied, "Got to go down to the district and make my official statement or Antonio will be chasing me."

Apartment

"Casey?" Severide questioned as he entered their apartment. It was nearly midday, he'd gone to gym straight after his shift had finished.

Casey was standing with his back to him, facing the wall, paintbrush in hand. He turned around to see the perplexed expression that Severide wore. "I'm painting."

"I can see that," Severide frowned, "Why are you painting?"

"Because I can," he shrugged before turning back to the sample patches he'd painted, "What colour do you prefer?"

"Colour?" Severide questioned. "They're all beige…"

Casey looked down at the colour chart, "This one is beige," he pointed out one of the colour patches on the wall, "Well… Beige Cloud…"

"Beige Cloud?" Severide repeated with amusement.

He sighed, "Just pick one Sev."

"Why do I need to choose? You're the guy holding the paintbrush," the grin hadn't faded from Severide's face.

"When we're home we spend most our waking hours in these rooms. Which colour do you like best?" he asked.

"Erm… that one," Severide pointed, giving a small shrug, "I like that, it's bright-ish… bright beige?"

"Dull sunset," Casey said.

Severide nodded, grinning, "Dull sunset it is then." He frowned, "What does bright sunset look like?"

"These are the colours accepted by the landlord," Casey explained.

"Ah so you're not the one who chose five shades beige," he smiled.

Casey sighed, "Maybe I should leave it like it is."

"You can't leave it now," Severide scoffed, "We've got five different beige squares on the wall." Their laughter quickly died off. "So you spoke to Antonio yesterday, go all right?"

"It was fine," Casey replied matter-of-factly, "My statement is being typed up and I'll need to sign it at some point."

"All good then?" he asked.

Casey turned his attention back to the colour swatches on the wall.

"Lawson helpful?"

"With what?" Casey questioned immediately.

Severide frowned, "Erm…"

"We talked," Casey supplied, "I'm all right." And before Severide could say anymore he asked, "Are you still on for Saturday?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Thanks, we won't be there long," Casey said.

"No?" Severide questioned, "We can stay as long as you want."

"No," he confirmed, "I don't wanna get in the way. We'll just watch her open her presents, maybe have some cake."

"All right, well, it's up to you."

Christie's House

"Happy birthday Violet," Casey bent down carefully and gave her a hug. Despite nearly a week having passed since he'd injured his ribs he winced slightly and it didn't go unnoticed by both Severide and Christie.

"Nice to see you Matt," Christie pulled him into a quick embrace. "Kelly," she smiled at him when Casey broke away from her, "How are you both?"

"We're good," Casey supplied. "Presents?" he grinned at Violet.

"Go into the kitchen," Christie said, "There's cake and the rest of her presents in there."

Casey and Severide follow Violet into the kitchen, her friends were sitting round and it looked like she'd already begun to open her gifts. "Here," Casey smiled and handed her the envelope in his hand.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Go on, open it," he insisted, nodding.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed when she opened up the envelope. "Oh my God! Thank you! Look!" Violet showed her friends the contents.

"See," Casey looked at Severide, "I told you it was a good idea."

Christie entered the kitchen to see Violet and her friends excitedly milling around. "What did you get her?" she asked.

"There's three tickets, so you can take one friend and your mom because you need an adult with you," Casey explained to Violet. He turned to his sister, "Justin Bieber tickets," he smiled.

"That explains the high pitched squealing then," Christie stated.

Violet walked up to Casey and thank him once again. "When did you get them? Mom tried to get them as soon as they were released but they sold out!"

"I know people," he replied slyly and Violet gave him another hug and went back to her friends.

"You know people?" Christie questioned.

"Call a couple of weeks ago. Helped someone out and I pulled some strings," he explained.

"Thanks Matt," she smiled gratefully, "If you wanna take her you can, I'm sure she'd like that, after all you got her the tickets."

Casey shook his head, Severide grinned, "You take her, I wouldn't appreciate it."

"I dunno Case... can just imagine you enjoying it," Severide teased.

Firehouse

Casey was glad to be back at work, he was still bruised and sore but the pain had faded and he'd grown bored at home despite painting the open plan lounge and kitchen area.

"You've lost weight," Herrmann stated as soon as he saw his lieutenant in the locker room.

"Thanks Herrmann," Casey smiled thinly, "Always count on you for an honest opinion."

Herrmann smiled, shrugged and walked away. It was a slow shift, Truck 81 had just one call to a stove fire and Borelli nearly set one himself whilst making lunch much to the amusement of Mouch and Otis.

Severide was sitting alone at the squad table when Herrmann walked onto the apparatus floor so he took a seat next to him. A perplexed looked crossed Severide's face when he looked up from the newspaper. "Herrmann?"

"How's he doing?" Herrmann asked.

Severide raised an eyebrow. "Obama? The pope?" Herrmann shot him a look and Severide shook his head, smiling. "Casey is fine, go ask him yourself."

"He's lost weight," Herrmann said.

"You watching my weight too?" Severide grinned.

"I'm worried about him," Herrmann said softly, "After everything that's happened and now… well we don't really know what happened last week."

"He's all right, he's… he's just been running a lot," Severide admitted with a concerned sigh.

Herrmann frowned, "I saw the state of his chest this morning, can only imagine what it looked like a few days ago, he's been running like that?"

"Uh huh," Severide replied. He was fairly certain that Casey had only managed the running in the latter half of his week off duty by loading himself full of painkillers before pounding the streets but as honest as he was being with Herrmann right now Severide wasn't going to divulge that little piece of information.

"That man has no self-preservation," Herrmann stated, half mockingly.

"That's what I said," he replied, thinking of a conversation he'd had with Casey the week before he had the IM rod removed from his femur.

"Can't you do…" Herrmann began.

"Can't I do something?" Severide scoffed.

"He's listens to you," Herrmann said.

"Just let him deal with this and that means him being here, doing normal stuff, surrounded by all of you guys," he said. "Without being asked a thousand questions," he added.

Late in the afternoon Casey had finished filling in the maintenance log for his truck was walking from his quarters to the common room when he heard Severide's raised voice. "… Look you were told last time not to come back, if you come back again I'll have you arrested."

"This is a…" the man stood with Severide started to respond but Casey chose that moment to interrupt. "Lieutenant Casey," the man spoke.

"Do I know you?" he questioned.

"I'm from the…" the man started.

"You're leaving," Severide said forcefully.

Boden approached the three of them after hearing the commotion. "What's the…" he began but then he saw the man's face, "You're not welcome here and you need to leave, you cannot come here again and harass my men." And he instructed Severide to escort him out of the house

"Lieutenant!" the man called after Casey as Severide led him to the door. "I just have one question; how do you feel about the fact that Jack Nesbitt is missing because of your actions? That he could…"

Casey frowned and glanced from the man to Severide and Boden, "Missing?"

TBC