Emmett's (POV)
I had just finshed reading Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer, when I turned on the TV. I gasped and the remote fell from my hand. there on channel twenty-two was HER discussing her new book, Breaking Dawn, which was the fourth book to the Twilight saga that I loved so much.
I jumped up and down in the couch, clapping my hands in pure happiness. "Emmett, get your filthy feet from my new couch. I'll kill you if you make a dent in it like the last time", Esme threatened.
I jumped down from the couch. "I have to see her! I have to talk to her!" I squealed.
"who?" Esme questioned.
"Stephenie meyer. she is my Idol!"
Esme grinned. "you'll scare the living daylights out of her if she sees you. remember now, she is human", she said.
I glared at her. "oh what do you know?! you don't even know her!" I yelled.
Esme's grin just got wider and wider. "do you even know where she is right now?"
"duh! of course!"
Esme shook her head, shaking with laughter. "you've been spending way too much time with Rosalie and Alice!"
"and what's that supposed to mean?"
"it means that you're fruity".
I gasped. "I am not! if anyone's fruity it's you! I saw you staring at my wife's butt yesterday!"
now it was Esme's time to get angry. I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.
"take it back or else!" she screamed.
"or else what?!" I screamed back.
"or else...or else...I'll tell Rosalie that you love this Stephenie character more than you love her! ha! I said it!"
I gasped again. "please don't! she'll murder me! alright,alright. I take it back! there, are ya happy now? god!"
Esme smiled sweetly. "just peachy keen, thank you. and... I still think you're fruity".
"I am NOT fruity!!"
"prove it!"
"say WHAT?!"
"you heard me. go do something that proves that you're not a queerdo".
I smiled. "alright...but you have to give me three hundred G's if I prove that I'm not fruity, 'kay?" I said, putting out my hand.
"done", Esme said. she shook my hand with her own before walking off to the kitchen.
thirty minutes later in canada...
I found Stephenie meyer's house on the east side of canada.
I took a breath and walked up the steps and knocked on her door.
The lovely lady who opened the door was none other than Mrs. Meyer herself.
"a-are you Stephenie meyer?" I asked, even though I already knew.
Stephenie looked me over with a very scared expression before answering. "in the flesh", she said, her voice cracking.
"can I come in?" I asked.
"Well, I don't think that would be a good idea. I have alot of work to do", She said quietly, trying to close the door.
I grabbed the door and accidentally ripped it off it's hinges.
"How in gods name did you do that? I'm calling the police!", she screamed.
"go ahead. I'll just have to slaughter every last one of them on the spot", I said smugly. Then I said "can I have your autograph?"
Stephenie stared at me in shock, backing away slowly. "you need to see a therapist. I think you might have some serious personality problems. I don't know who you are or what you do for a living but...I've got pepper spray! so back off!"
I smirked. what the hell is Pepper spray?
"your bluffing", I said.
"fine then I'll just get the police!" she said.
"oh yeah?" I raised an eyebrow.
"yeah!" she yelled.
two hours later back home...
"Hi esme", I said, waving a piece of paper in her face.
"hello", she said.
"guess what?"
"what?"
"Stephenie meyer loved me so much that she gave me this piece of paper with her name signed at the bottom!"
Esme took the paper from me and read it.
"Emmett, this is an restraining order. She's ordering you to stay away from her".
"what?!" I whined, grabbing the paper.
"I guess you were right. you aren't as fruity as I thought you were but...you sure are stupid".
Esme slapped some money in my hand and laughed as she walked away from me.
I just stood there, dumbfounded and hurt.
But...she's my Idol. doesn't that count for anything? doesn't she care?
Oh well...at least I have her autograph!
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