You were sitting on the hospital bed. It was two days, and today was the first time after the accident, that Recovery Girl was able to heal you. She helped with your throat and was able to put some of the muscles back together, however, some still stayed untouched, which you could feel really precisely. It hurt as hell, but you bite the bullet, trying not to pay attention to it. You shifted your eyes, from the window, to the doors, when you heard a knock. You sighed and put the best fake smile you could get and invite your guests inside.

With Aizawa being against any students visiting you, you needed to ask All Might to send a message to those six ones, that now entered the room. You could see lost in their eyes. You weren't surprised. It was precisely those six you wanted to see. You smiled a little seeing that they were all looking fine, even Midoriya, who you heard, was injured after using his quirk.

- Sensei…- he started looking at you tentatively.

- Please don't call me like that- you interrupted and smiled as brightly as you could. You needed to try. Those kids don't need to see you suffering. They need to know that you are alright and don't need to worry about anything. It's not their job to do it. They have done it enough.

- So, how should we call you, Ribbit? – ask the girl, who seemed confused of being here.

- L/N, call be by my last name, please… I am not your teacher. I am just an advisor- you answered and you noticed Bakugo hissing under his nose. You raised an eyebrow, noting how he was still looking at your bandages covering your arms and almost whole body- what's wrong, Bakugo?- he raised sight to look at your eyes, and then looked away, like ashamed of being caught.

- Who the hell are you exactly? And how does your quirk work? – apparently it was something that all of them wanted to know, cause except of Asui's discomfort look, no one said anything. You smiled and sighed loud, putting your head on the pillow behind you.

- I guess I do have some things to answer, especially, to those who heard a word anti-hero- you looked at Midoriya, Asui and Mineta. They nodded their heads, not looking into your eyes- but you know this was not the reason I called you all here… I wouldn't be surprised if Aizawa-san would storm in here in a second, to get you out of here, so let me first say what I wanted at the beginning…- you gave Katsuki and apological look and smiled sadly- to be honest I'm not sure, what I should start with… Apology or a thank-you…- they gave you a surprised look- it was irresponsible of me, to ask you to go and help All Might- you looked at the four boys- so I guess an apology will be first- you turned on your bed with you legs hanging off it and bowed your head- I'm sorry, Bakugo, Todoroki, Kirishima, Midoriya for putting you in a position of danger. I can promise you that I will never do this again. I also understand that with my pure behaviour you may have lost any respect towards me. But I do ask you not to do it towards All Might, or any other teacher. It was my decision, which have…

- L/N- san!- Kirishima stopped you with a blank look- oi, oi, please stop!- he laughed uncomfortably- it's true that you asked that, but to be honest- he stopped and look at his friends- we would probably go, even without your plea- he laughed a little and Bakugo chuckled.

- Exactly- he added, giving you his characteristic big smile- so don't worry about it… Seriosuly… that's kind of lame, that a teacher or as you call yourself an advisor bows in front of his students- you smiled when Tsu and Izuku shouted to him something about the respect. You thought a lot on how this conversation should look like, and this was the only way you thought of… However, you would never expect Katsuki, to be the one who would actually try to make you feel better, no matter how disrespectful that may have sounded.

- I am sorry, but you will have to bear with it for a while, as I'm not finished- you said, smiling to the blonde boy. You turned your gaze to Asui and Mineta, with your eyes still on Izuku- some apologies should be send to you too. I should have acted differently and get you all out of there, however- you stopped contemplating if you truly wanted to keep going with this road od thoughts- saving others is not really what I'm doing every day and I wasn't ready for this kind of steps. I let my personal feeling get better of me, which I owe you apology for- you smiled sadly and looked directly into the girl's eyes- Asui-san you must have been terrified when Shigaraki attacked you… I need to apology for my incompetence and my movements to be too slow… If Sho…Aizawa-sensei wasn't there I'm not sure I would be able to protect you…

- L/N-san what are you saying?- she asked smiling to you – you stood in front of me, and was ready to take the attack on you… I own you my life! Please, there is no need to apologise to me!- you nodded, thanking her silently. You than sighed and looked at confused Minoru.

- Aizawa was wrong about you- she said, making him look even more surprised and confused than before- you are braver than you or anyone thinks… If you didn't stop Tomura's second hand, I'm not sure I would be able to react in time- you bowed to him, which made him recoil in surprise- and of course I should thank you all for all the help and courage you showed that day…- you stopped, smiled and bowed lower than you did before- you will be amazing heroes one day! – the room went quite and the students were looking at you with a mixture of surprise and respect, which you thought you lost in them.

- I think it is us, who should thank you, L/N-san- started Tsuyu- well, you save us, Ribbit, and because of that you are here with so many injuries- you looked at your body and smiled- you really are incredible, Ribbit!

- And a mystery to us- added Shoto, who stayed quite till now. Your eyes landed on him. You knew about Endeavour's action towards his family, but you were hoping till now, that the rumour about his son, was wrong… Apparently not.

- Oh yeah… - you started, sitting back, like you did before, biting your lips, when a pain attacked every part of your body- so Midoriya do you know who an anti-hero is?- he gave a surprised look- you always keep the notes about everyone and everything, so I assumed you are the best person to ask.

- There are no information about it…- he answered, looking down, ashamed that he didn't find anything. You chuckled bringing their gazes on you.

- Of course there's none, I just thought, you tried to ask All Might about it- you winked at him and coursed under your mouth, when you moved too fast. You could see a fear in his eyes, but you decided to ignore it for now.

- And there is a reason it is kept as a secret- everyone turned around hearing a low, irritated voice, from the now, opened doors. You narrowed your eyes and sighed. Well it took him more than you thought- I will kill All Might- he hissed, which made you smile a bit, feeling sorry for the number one hero- and you- he gave his students a scary look- go back home, the school has finished for today!- they nodded and saying goodbye they left, definitely feeling unfulfilled and mad, that their class teacher needed to walk in at that moment. But they were lucky, you thought, because it was you who needed to deal with his unsatisfied position towards you- that was stupid- he said, sitting next to you, on the small chair. After you lost conscious two days ago, he hadn't visit you once, at least not when you were awake. You didn't blame him, but you had to admit, you enjoyed the fact, that he has finally came here, even if only to scold you.

- I didn't know you can be so intimidating- you started, laughing a little bit. You always done that. You used jokes to make the awkwardness go away. Apparently, recently it has become a normality when it came to your relations with Shouta. You could feel his tired gaze on you, even when you didn't look at him. You grabbed the duvet and clenched fingers into it. You could hear a loud sigh and you knew he was irritated.

- It's not like you, to mumble all around!- he started, watching your expressions- nothing good would go with them knowing about your 'real' job and your quirk…

- Not like me?- you asked, before you were able to bite your tongue- and what is, like me, Aizawa, cause I managed to forget- you lifted your head and looked at him. He didn't need to focus to much, to see the pain in your eyes. The same pain, you had since the third year of school. The same dull expression, like you don't care about anything, which was only a mask, which would help you hide all the negative emotions gathering in your heart. You were able to fool Hizashi, or Nemuri, but not him. However, not matter how many times he tried to talk about it, you secluded yourself even more and didn't let him even try to help you, or understand you more. From that time you started to isolate from your friends. You focused entirely on the education, started to train harder, coming to school with all sorts of bruises every day, and you took the internship with the most hated by you, hero, Endeavour. You changed, and keep on changing for the next two years, until you left, with a word of goodbye. At least not to him. He closed his eyes remembering that day.

He was standing in front your apartment door waiting for you to open. It was too long. He couldn't take it no more. You changed too much and he couldn't recognise you anymore. You shut down on anyone who tried to get closer to you. Mic, Midnight… even him.

He narrowed his eyes, when you weren't opening. He knocked harder, starting to get a little nervous. For the past years you have become quite predictable and your day looked normally the same. You got up, went to work, took some extra patrol activities and by this time, you were always back home. But not today.

He walked toward the window and looked inside. It was dark. It wasn't the time for you to go to sleep. Too early… He knocked at the window, hoping that this will work.

- She's not here!- he turned around and pulsed seeing his friend with red eyes from crying and still wet from the rain that happened about 30 minutes ago- I'm sorry Shouta!- his voice was trembling, and terrifyingly quiet.

- Oi, you're ok? – he asked looking at his eyes- were you crying?- he never seen his friend like that. Never seen him cry, nor to be that upset- and why are you apologising? – he raised his eyebrow, looking at the piece of paper, that the blonde gave him.

- I tried to stop her, I am sorry- Aizawa felt his heart skip a beat, when he opened the letter and recognised your writing. For a person who worried so much about perfection, you had a terrible writing, which always made him smile a bit. But not today, nothing about that letter seemed normal.

Hizashi-yashi!

I am sorry to tell you all this through the letter, but I wouldn't be able to leave, if you were here, next to me… Any of you…

I have left a similar note to Midnight, but comparing to you, she will read it tomorrow after her patrol. This is why I am asking you not to go and look after me, when you finish this. I have made my decision three years ago, and all I have been doing since then, were only steps for me to stand where I am now.

I know we never truly talked about, and I am thankful for this, that none of you forced me to do it. But I think you have a right to know. When I was four, I found out about my quirk. Unfortunately it was too strong and I was not able to control it. My parents tried to help me, but they failed… Whatever the rumour you heard about what happened to my mother, were true. It was me who killed her.

Aizawa stopped and looked at his friend, who with a hand, made him continue reading, as he knew, where he stopped.

I won't tell you all that happened, but I do admit it right now… I am a murderer that many took me for. Not many know about it. Only some heroes, and police officers… and him. You were aware of my relations with this man. I learned to live with him ignoring me, for all this years, but I couldn't ignore the fact, that he has decided to become a villain…

It was than I have understood, that I will never become a hero. I do not have a right to do it. I don't deserve it. I still remember those words he said "A murderer cannot become a hero". And he was right. But I did want to catch him and make sure, that he will be stopped and caught by no one else but me. This is why I gave up on an idea of becoming a hero, and I am now going on my first mission as an undercover agent a so called anti-hero. I cant tell you anything more.

I will try to find my father and kill him. Well… I guess Endeavour was right. A murdered will always stay a murderer.

I am sorry Hizashi. I want you to know, that you have been the best friend I could have ever ask for, and I truly do not deserved you. I love you and I want you to know it.

I am sorry.

P.S. Please apologise to Shouta!

He was looking at the piece of paper for a while, after finishing reading, not actually understanding, what he just read.

- I found her, before she left- Hizashi started- I am so sorry, Shouta, but I wasn't able to stop her- Aizawa gave the letter back to his friend and sighed, hiding half of his face under the scarf.

- I guess nothing could have been done- and then he left, not even once coming to this house again.

He was looking at you not being able to answer.

- I'm not sure myself- he said, and scolded himself, seeing you pulsed at his words- you showed us so many faces, that I don't know which one of them were true- you lowered the head and swallowed feeling a pinch in heart.

- I guess you're right- you said finally. You bit your lips when you sounded so weak and shaky. Partly because the pain started to be again, beyond endurance.

- I wish I wasn't – you looked up hearing his quite, harsh tone- so tell me right now, which face are you showing me now? And which one is true? Is there even a real one, or did you forgot how to be yourself, through out all this time- you widened your eyes, not being ready for his bluffness.

- You're a bit harsh, Aizawa…- you whispered, clinching your fists, feeling as something painful stuck in your throat.

- Am I ?- he asked, staring at you, like that would make you change anything. You couldn't state how mad he was. You weren't even sure if he truly was mad, but his tone and words he used, hurt you.

- It wasn't easy for me…- you started- saying goodbye to you all was the…

- Well, you didn't even manage to say goodbye to me… so I guess it wasn't so hard for you- you looked him with tears in your eyes, which completely surprised him. He didn't expect you cry in front of him.

- You don't understand, right?

- Understand what ? – he hissed, hearing your shaking voice. You nudged the tears away and shook your head.

- This is not a place, nor the time to talk about it- you said with a harsh tone, which surprised him. He was sitting there, looking at you. He knew that you were right, but he needed to know… he wanted to know, what happened those ten years ago.

- I guess it never is- he stated, getting up slowly. You gave him a hurtful look and bit your lip, feeling metal taste in your mouth.

- Have you noticed, that you look at me, like all of them do?- he stopped quickly hearing your voice- you are the last person I wanna see that look in eyes. The look that have doubts in me…- you stopped for a second, getting rid of the tears coming from your eyes- you always had confidence in me, when no one else did… Even when I lost all the faith… You were there for me… Aizawa… I need you more than you think…

- And where were you, when I needed you?- you gasped hearing his sad, but firm tone- I am sorry, we are not what we were ten years ago… at this point I don't even know if we were 'anything'- you wanted to stop him, scream after him, when he closed the doors, but you couldn't, because of the lamp that appeared in your throat. Even if you before thought, hoped that he didn't hate you, you were sure now. He did, and there was nothing you could have done to change it. No words, not action. Especially the truth. He didn't deserve to know the truth. You didn't deserve to love him. You were nothing but a monster, who does nothing else but hurt his friends. They were all right. Endeavour, your father… Why did you say yes to this troublesome work? You could just confront Police and make yourself stay and do finish your mission. Find your father and make good on the promise you made on your mother's grave. And then disappear for ever. No one would miss you. Hizashi and Midnight would feel sad, but it wouldn't make them suffer, All Might would probably try to get sort of revenge, but nothing that would bring harm to anyone… There would be no students who would worry about you… And him… He wouldn't care at all. You wonder if he even remembered about you before you came back… You should just disappear for ever, and make everyone's life easier.

You looked at your sheet, which started to get all wet, from the tears falling from your eyes. When did you become so sad and pathetic? It was better, when you were all alone. The nights spend outside, on the grass, looking at the stars, seemed the quintessence of your pitiful life. Yes, you didn't need to care for anyone, and worry about anyone. And no one needed to stay by your bed and make sure, that you will wake up. Why did you need to wake up…

You looked at your hands, and started nudging them one on the other, trying to get rid of the blood, that you've seen on them since you were six. Sometimes, at the happy times, you were able to ignore it, but when you felt like shite, you could even see it, through the gloves, that you wore all the time.

You turned and put the bandaged feet on floor and got up slowly. The pain was awful, but you needed to get rid of the blood, until it will make you insane. One step, after another. You started coughing, and blood fell on the floor in front of. You ignored it, and took another step. Your legs felt like they were on fire and every other step made it worse. You didn't care anymore. The pain, brought a weird relief. At least it made you feel like you are still human.

-Y/N!- you heard a voice next to you, but you couldn't recognise it. You just took another step forward and another cough and some blood left your lungs. Jumped to the right, when you felt a touch on your shoulder. You started to lose conscious. You started to breath faster and a cold sweat attacked your body. Toilet, you needed a toilet. You're gonna be sick… You needed water to wash that blood away- Y/N!- you pushed the person away, with all the power you had in you. You reached for the handle of the bathroom door, but before you were able to touch it, you fell on your knees, shaking, like you were freezing to death. You closed your eyes and started screaming through tears, when all the bodies, of all the people you killed, started to appear in front of you. And there she was, your mother covered in blood, pointing at you and calling you a murderer. You wanted to run to her and apologise, hug her, and promise, that you will do anything to make him pay for her death. But she didn't want his death… She wanted to see you die.

You felt your body relax a bit, when strong arms hugged you. They were so warm and so far away from the nightmare you were just involved in. Before you were able to say anything you started to cough again, spitting some blood on the man's chest. The arms hugged you even more, when you started to cry again, holding stronger to his shirt.

-Hizashi- you whispered, and felt a hand slowly smoothing on your back- Hizashi, please take this away from me…I don't wanna feel that anymore!

- Shhh, baby girl, shhh- he looked at you with fear in eyes. He was holding you tight to him, as he was scared of losing you. He never seen you like that. You looked like you were day dreaming, but you were conscious. He was patting you slowly on your back, until you calm down and fall asleep again. He than took you on hand and put you down in bed, only now noticing, the wet stain on your covers. You were crying… A lot. His heart stopped beating for a second, finally slowly understanding what he just saw. You had a panic attack. A strong one… He gasped not even wanting to think, how it would end, if he didn't walk in. He turned and took a dry blanket from one of the shelves and covered you with it. He run fingers through your hair, and sighed, thinking whether it was the first time that it happened to you. He couldn't even think what you went through, in the past ten years. All alone, against the world, having to say goodbye to your friends, and him… the one you loved more than anyone.

- I asked you not to come- you said calmly, feeling his presence behind you- you never listen do you?

- Not when you want to do something as idiotic as this!- he hissed at you, which surprised you. It wasn't often you heard him lose his patience. But could you blame him?

- Hizashi- you took your bag and turned around- I told you everything in the letter- and you started to walk towards him. You looked down, feeling his hand on your arm.

- What about him? What about Shouta?! Did you leave him a letter like that as well?- you shook you head, and got free from his grasp.

- I didn't leave him anything- his eyes widened, not believing what he's hearing- I am barely stopping myself from crying in front of you right now- you said, looking down on the floor- I… can't even imagine what I should tell him… I cant even imagine saying goodbye to him, Hizashi. It hurts too much. I love him, so much, that I am happy to make him hate me, than to know that he will suffer after my death.

- Shut up- you pulsed feeling his arms, closing all over you- don't you dare say those things! You are like my little sister, you are my baby girl! You have to come back, do you hear me!- he shouted into your ear, making you gasp. You couldn't take it anymore… Before he would say anything more, you hit him in the neck, and held him, protecting him from falling.

When you came back, when he seen you at this meeting room, it was like a dream. You came back and you were all right. Alive as ever and you even smiled and made your kind of jokes. It looked normal, until you saw Shouta. The pain in your eyes, made him feel like you didn't really wanted to come back. And that the feelings you had for his idiotic friend, where still inside you and didn't cool down. What happened in USJ just made him understand that you were truly ready to do anything for Aizawa, and that scared the hell out of him. As your self-proclaimed older brother, he wanted to save you and protect from any bad from this world, even if he needed to protect you from one and only person, you ever truly loved. He looked at you with pain in eyes and left, with a total mess in his head.

Aizawa left your room and started walking up the stair to the floor. He stopped coming here, after the high school days were over, but now it felt like the best place ot be. He was happy the school day was over and there were no kids present. He leaned against the wall and sighed. He is seriously going to kill All Might. But to be honest, you opening up to those kids, was the last thing he thought you would do. The thought of you telling them about it all, just scared him. They did not need to know about it all. Your work, quirk and why you were truly here.

He sit down and closed his eyes. He slept worse than normally, after you came back. You were in his head all the time, and he wasn't able to et rid of you. He didn't know what to think, how to behave towards you. He was happy to see you alive, but couldn't get rid of the anger, when he thought of how you left with out a word. You were the only person, who he opened up to. Even Hizashi didn't know about all the things you knew. You were his best friend, a person to go to. To hide from annoying parents, problems and seek for help. You were the only one that seen him stressed to the level which made him cry out of anger… And then you just left. Your leave made him close up to people, believing, that there is no reason to trust anyone else. They will leave anyway… With out a note, with out a word.

He turned his gaze, when he heard the doors opening. He stood up quickly seeing stains of blood, on his friend's shirt. The blonde one came closer to him and without a word, just pushed him on the wall, holding him by his scarf.

- Mic…- he started but shut, when he noticed his mad looking eyes.

- What did you tell her!?- he hissed, gripping his scarf stronger second by second- why was she crying… why did she…- he stopped and let go of his friend, taking a step back- she came back, Shota! Why can't you be happy about it?

- What happened?- he asked, ignoring the questions- who's blood is it?- Yamada sighed and sat down, feeling like what happened in the last fifteen minutes, would bring him to death. He was sure, the he should not tell Eraser head about what he saw.

- Panic attack… She just gone through a panic attack!- Aizawa pulsed hearing his friend's sad voice. He did thought it is possible that she may have some issue, but would never see it as a panic attack… And from seeing, how Mic reacted it probably was a strong one- she looked so fragile… So weak… I don't even wanna think, of what she went through, those past ten years!

- You're overreacting, Mic… She's probably…

- You didn't see her, Aizawa!- black haired man, frowned hearing his surname. Yamada normally called him by his first name or hero name, so hearing this, made him quite stressed- I know your mad at her- he said after a while. He stood up and started walking to the doors- but please try to understand her… Try to walk in her shoes… Would you be able to say goodbye to someone you loved?!- and he just left, leaving ruffled Aizawa alone.