Nearly There

Hello again. This is the third piece to go with "Betchin' Blog" and "Fecking Diary" This would be Near's private blog/ journal.

Day twelve here.

I believe I may be in a state of shock. My plan did not work. That is not shocking. My plan sucked. What I wrote here was simply to gauge "Elliot"'s reaction. I held no true stock in it's success. I just... Goodness this is all a bit much... Allow me to begin at the beginning.

I dragged myself to -His- office. "Elliot"'s. He was there. I remained neutral, stoic, asking if we could talk. Now. Telling him I needed to talk. The moment he nodded his assent I was on my knees, begging, bawling, pleading not to get cut off, left alone, sent into the real world. I realize I would die there.My entire life revolved, still does revolve, around "Elliot". To be like him, to -BE- him. To help him. To replace him.

He was disgusted. Tears are not impressive. I'd made a fool out of myself, again. Devious it was most definitely not. I was dismissed, informed that the adoption process for Natasha would not need me, that I should leave the premises immediately. He didn't want to see me again, I was to leave his sight that very instant. He did not yell. He didn't need to. I slowly began to trudge out of the rooms, tears still flowing silently down my cheeks. I felt a warm heavy hand on my shoulder, turning me around to face Elliot again. It was ... "William", we'll call him. Elliots personal assistant. An older man, rather reserved from what I knew. His hand was on my shoulde, but his eyes were on Eliot, who glanced up for a moment and then back down at the crossword puzzle he was solving.

"I won't stand for you to send Near away, Elliot", he said in a surprisingly firm yet gentle tone. I believe it's the first time I've ever actually heard him speak. And the first time I've heard anyone say something contrary to Elliot. "It's not going to happen

"This is none of your business, he is not your concern." Elliot sounded... petulant.

"You are being a hypocrite, Elliot." William stated, to my horror. I gasped at such disrespect...

"You are being nosy, William. "

"He is your responsibility, Elliot."

"He is his -own- responsibility now, William."

William stood straighter, staring at Elliot's hunched form. "Don't make me do this, Eliot. You wanted it a secret. I will tell him if you force me to."

Elliot looked up sharply. "Don't you -dare-." he all but hissed. "He is not your concern!" He stared at me then, no, he -glared- at me, his large black eyes whirlpools I was drowning in, dying in. "You are dismissed! Leave!"

My feet tried to move, but I found William's arms around me, almost a hug, impeding my movement to the point that the expenditure of effort was futile. Not that I tried all that hard, I'll admit.

"He is my concern, though he should be yours far more than mine. Don't be so irresponsible, Elliot! I won't allow it!"

"William... He is capable of taking care of himself. I've done my part. He can go rot now for all I care..." he resumed his puzzle.

The grip tightened, becoming an actual hug, something I'd witnessed between Matt and Mello many times now, and I suppose in a different way had given Linder, but other then that, had never experienced. It was protective, saving me from the raven haired monster that wanted to send me to my death. I was almost too concentrated on the feeling to listen to the words. I'm glad I did listen, for they are the shock.

"You know very well he's my grandchild, you little brat. You never were good at hiding things from me, your own father, and I'm surprised how well you kept thigns from your own son. " Elliot's pen hit the carpet with a muted thud as my mind went blank and vision went black.

The last thing I heard as I fainted was Elliot's voice. "Well now look..."

When I awoke on the rough carpeting of Elliot's office. I was very confused. William was gone and Elliot was reading over his finished crossword puzzle. Upon noticing that I was indeed conscious again, he turned and began to speak.

"Near, I am your father. Now go to bed, we'll discuss this later."

It's later. I haven't slept, though I have sat on the cot that got brought into Linder's room. This... I'm in shock. That's all there is too it.

bye.

Living and Breathing: Near... I do not sound petulant, and I am not a raven haired monster, and my eyes are not capable of drowning you. And you really should sleep, you aren't stable right now. You fainted. Get some rest.

- Albino-mech-kid: You're my father. All this time you've been being a jerk, and Watilliam said it himself. You're a hypocrite! You knocked someone up too! Why were you so damn hard on me for committing the same actions you yourself did!

- - Living and Breathing: Because. I'm special.

- - - Albino-mech-kid: No, You're NOT! You're a human, just like everyone else! How could you have done this to me, had me think I was a fucking ORPHAN rather then be a normal dad?! Why are you so fucked up that you were going to kick me out for being like you, when I've got your own DNA?! I HATE YOU!!

- - - - Living and Breathing: Then hate me. Perhaps after you are calmer and well rested we can have a chat. perhaps over computers, since I doubt you could swear or say you hate me to my face. Have a nice nap, son.

- - - - - Albino-mech-kid: ... fuck.

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