Be Sollux.

You are hunched over on your living room floor, your fingers tangled into and pulling at your hair.

You feel as if a chunk of yourself has been ripped straight from your body.

He's gone.

Karkat is gone.

The tears fall silently, and they sting your eyes, but you don't wipe them away.

You watch as they drop onto the floor, leaving wet little specks in the carpet.

You can't believe you just let him go.

Just like that, you let him go.

The one person you really give a fuck about.

You know you had a pretty damn shitty way of showing it to him, but damn it, that doesn't mean you don't care.

You shouldn't have kicked him out in that bi-polar fit.

You shouldn't have reacted like that.

If you hadn't, he would still be here.

You would still be able to spend more time with him, even if he still didn't return your feelings.

You would still be able to see his face.

He would still crawl closer to you and rest his head on you and you would be able to feel his small, slightly petite body next to yours.

You would still have the same old morning routine together.

You take back what you had said before about being sick of the routine.

If you had Karkat back, you would get used to it.

You would do it over and over again and grin and bear it, because damn it, you care about Karkat.

Why the hell can't you control yourself?

You think about calling him.

He hasn't even been gone an hour.

He wouldn't have had time to settle into where ever he had gone to (oh god, where did he go?)

You could call and apologize and beg him to come back to you.

You would stop calling him names.

You would cater to him.

You'd give him what he wanted.

You would do anything.

But, no.

Your pride will never allow you to do something like that.

You did this to yourself.

Sollux Captor is not a quitter.

Sollux Captor is not a baby.

You are going through this whether you like it or not.

And you hate it.

God, you hate it.

All you want to do is go back to sleep.

You want to sleep forever, and forget that any of this had ever happened.

But you can't go back into the bedroom.

The imprint Karkat's body had left was still in the sheets.

You can't go in there.

You would fall apart at the seams.

Even more than you are now.

Instead, you curl up into the fetal position right on the floor, and cry into your palms until you slowly fall into a restless sleep.

This is going to be hard.

So hard.