Chapter 10: The Climax
Shu
Zhuge Liang: Everybody, RUN!
The Three: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Zhao Yun: Gasp…pant…pant…so, Zhuge! How's that code cracking?!
Zhuge Liang: Well, I was able to crack what the strange symbols are supposed to mean, but-
Fa Zheng: You know guys, let's just save this 'smart talk' for later, okay?! They're right behind us!
The Three: Eh?! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Zhao Yun: Aaaahhhh! Zhuge, do something!
Zhuge Liang: Eh, uhm…I'LL TRY! casts lightning on the gays
Zhao Yun: GOOD! Okay….where are we going to?
Zhuge Liang: Huff, huff….okay, back to our 'smart talk'. So, the thing is, I know what these strange symbols mean, but they instead also construct a foreign language! Here, I've listed all of them here.
Zhao Yun: Hmm…uhh…why does this 'language' sound too much like…..
Fa Zheng: Sex sounds?
Zhao Yun: Y…yeah…
Zhuge Liang: I know. The problem is, we don't know what they actually mean.
Fa Zheng: …uh-oh. Guys?
Zhuge Liang and Zhao Yun: What?
Fa Zheng: ….THOSE GAYS ARE COMING ONTO US AGAIN!
The Three: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Zhuge Liang: Huh?! Guys, look!
Zhao Yun: Eh? Is that…a secret passage?
Fa Zheng: Seems so. But…since when?!
Zhuge Liang: That doesn't matter! JUMP!
The Three: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OOF! ….pant, pant….
Zhao Yun: …whoa! Where…where are we?
Zhuge Liang: Some kind of an underground tunnel?
Fa Zheng: Those gays are gone, right?
Zhuge Liang: Yeah. Hmm….this is really weird. Since when had we have this?
Zhao Yun: Yeah, I know.
Fa Zheng: Hmmm…AAAHHH!
Zhuge Liang: AH! What, what?!
Fa Zheng: Eh? Gee, I'm pretty sure I saw a shadow or something….
Zhuge Liang: So someone else is here as well? Ah, shit…be careful, guys.
Zhao Yun: ….huh? Hey, there seems to be a noise coming from there!
Zhuge Liang: Really? …sounds like a commotion or something?
Fa Zheng: So more people are there? Aw, man…
Zhuge Liang: Hm….I don't know, but I have a feeling that those people can help us.
Zhao Yun: How can you be so sure?
Zhuge Liang: Well, do you expect the Author to throw this in if it's unrelated to the gay problem we have now?! Everything happens for a cause, Zhao Yun. Okay, guys, let's go there and check what's happening.
Fa Zheng: …I kinda have a bad feeling about this…
Zhao Yun: Huh, that's kinda uncommon for you to worry, Fa Zheng. And, I think this phrase has been used so many times throughout this fic it's not even funny….
The Three: …..GASP! WHAT?!
Wu
Zhou Yu: …oh. So this is the secret passage.
Sun Quan: What is that? I don't remember ever having that!
Sun Jian: Yeah, me too.
Zhou Yu: This might very well have been created by those girls for whatever shady plans they have.
Sun Quan: Y-you think it's s-safe?! I mean, if they somehow have a trap or anything if any males enter.
Zhou Yu: Relax, nothing will happen. Let's go!
All three: Yaaahh! Oof!
Sun Quan: So…uhh….what is this place?
Zhou Yu: Hmm…well, Gan Ning said that this is the place where those girls went…after tying him up in THAT position…
Sun Jian: …wait! Tying with what Quan said, maybe this actually leads to the HDFA?
Sun Quan: You mean those girls are associated with the HDFA somehow?
Zhou Yu: We still don't know what HDFA is, or what those girls' plans are, though it's fair to say that they really are the ones behind this gay plague, what with all those shady activities they've been having…
Sun Quan: Sigh…disgraceful! Why would they do something like that, anyway?!
Sun Jian: Y'see, that's the problem we always have in Wu. With this number of hot guys, whaddaya expect?
Sun Quan: Yeah, but even then by DW7 Shu already has more pretty boys than us! And as of 8, even Wei!
Sun Jian: Yeah, I know.
Zhou Yu: Hm? Guys?
The Two Suns: Huh?
Zhou Yu: Look at that.
Sun Quan: …oh? Is someone there?
Sun Jian: Seems so.
Zhou Yu: Could it be those girls? Hm, this could be a trap. Be careful, guys.
The Two Suns: O-okay, okay.
The Three: …..GASP!
Wei
Xiahou Dun: Goddamn…these gays are overwhelming us!
Jia Xu: shoots a gay-cure dart with each word I'm. Handling. THIS. Okay!
Zhang He: AAAAHHHH! They're getting closer!
Jia Xu: You too! Don't just bitch around! If you can't do jack shit to help us then just shut the hell up! Ungrh, gah!
Guo Jia: AAAAAAHHHHHH! JIA XUUUUU!
Jia Xu: Oh, SHIT! IT'S HIM! HYAH!
Guo Jia: YEOWCHIE! Sigh…..faints
Jia Xu: Hrmh, this is bad. HYAH!
Xiahou Dun: Pant, pant…gee, you still have a plenty of cure stock, huh?
Jia Xu: Of course I do! I always think ahead, unlike YOU.
Xiahou Dun: Remind me to take my vengeance on your ass after all of this is over.
Jia Xu: With pleasure.
Jin
Sima Yi: Let's go down, boys! OOF!
Everyone: YEOW!
Sima Shi: Gee, what is this place, anyway?
Jia Chong: Hmm…your mom went this way? Where does it lead to, anyway?
Sima Yi: Nevertheless, we have to find her.
Sima Shi: …dad.
Sima Yi: What?
Sima Shi: …is it just me, or does it seem that mom and Yuanji seem to be planning something?
Sima Yi: Really?
Sima Shi: Yeah. They were generally acting suspicious when this gay plague came upon us all of a sudden…
Jia Chong: Heh, well I wouldn't be surprised if they did.
Sima Yi: Hmm…well, it's too early to jump into conclusions. Though really, this place does seem quite suspicious enough….
Sima Shi: …ah! Dad, did you hear that?
Sima Yi: Hear what?
Sima Shi: There, there.
"….so, each of us will carry this and gas the insides of the palaces. That should do…"
Sima Yi: Gassing? Wait, what?
Sima Shi: They sound like girls.
Jia Chong: Oh my…
Sima Yi: Are Chunhua and Yuanji there too?!
Sima Shi: So they were planning something after all!
Jia Chong: Ssshhh. Be quiet.
"…okay, that's all. Carry out this plan, girls! Don't fail!"
Sima Yi: Crap! Okay guys, I'll count down to three, and on three, all three of us will jump out to stop them. Understood?!
Sima Shi and Jia Chong: Yes, yes!
Sima Yi: Okay. One…two…THREE!
The Three: HYAAAHHH!
The girls: AAAAHHHH!
The Shu Trio: GASP! WHAT?!
The Wu Trio: GASP!
Sima Yi: What the?! The others are here too?!
Zhuge Liang: Sima Yi!
Zhou Yu: Zhuge Liang!
The girls: Oh no! You…how can you guys discover us?!
Zhou Yu: Well…you girls probably should learn to cover your exits the next time you attempt to sneak around.
Sun Shangxiang: What! Grrr…you, how could you guys escape being gay?! This is impossible! You, all of you males should be GAY!
Sima Yi: HAH! You think your pissy-ass gay mist could stop ME and my INTELLIGENCE! Of course not! Now, put down that gassing device!
Xiaoqiao: Hah! Why should we listen to you, creep?!
Zhou Yu: Because if you don't, we'll kick your ass! I'm sorry Xiaoqiao, but you gals have to stop this!
Wang Yi: Hah! We won't!
Zhuge Liang: Why are you girls doing this, anyway?!
Zhang Chunhua: Hmph! Well, put it simply…
Bao Sanniang: ….we're just sick of you guys treating us as mere 'trophies'!
Zhenji: And that's why we want to gain our pleasure by seeing you guys making out with each other instead!
Sima Yi: What! Grrr….and you decided to spread the gay plague through this 'gay-mist' throughout this entire region just for THAT?! That's ridiculous!
Xingcai: And, well, don't you think that it's ridiculous you pay more attention to other males rather than YOUR OWN GODDAMN WIVES?!
Sun Shangxiang: Precisely! Especially since most of us ended being stripped of our personality for it!
Zhou Yu: Tch! You bitches! Then what's with that gassing device?!
Diaochan: Oh, that…even though our mist employ was mostly effective, it can only gather a few number of victims.
Lu Lingqi: Which is why now we decided to use this to gas the INSIDES of this palace as well! And it would've worked out if it weren't for you meddling strategists!
Zhuge Liang: We won't let you do that!
Sun Shangxiang: Hahahahahaha! As if! Release Weapon-12/6!
Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu, and Sima Yi: Weapon-12/6?!
Sun Shangxiang: Mwahahahahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHA! MEET YOUR DOOM!
Lu Bu: GRWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu, and Sima Yi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S LU BUUUUUUUUUU!
Sun Shangxiang: Ohohohohoooo…..not just Lu Bu! It's GAY Lu Bu! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zhuge Liang: WHAT?!
Zhou Yu: Oh my god…is there a worse thing than a gay Lu Bu?!
Sun Shangxiang: Psst…hey, Lu Bu.
Lu Bu: Eh?! Urm, what?
Sun Shangxiang: whisper whisper
Lu Bu: …..enters Rage Mode RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sima Yi: …..an ANGRY gay Lu Bu.
Lu Bu: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! YOU GUYS STOLE MY ZHANG LIAO! I'LL BEHEAD EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! HYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone (except the girls): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
In just a few minutes, almost all males got pretty much knocked out by Lu Bu.
Zhuge Liang: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Lu Bu: GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! ZHANG LIAOOOO!
Sun Shangxiang: Hahahahahahahahaha….alright, girls, activate the gas!
Zhuge Liang: GAH! No…please! Someone…ANYO-
Suddenly….
Lu Bu: Hm? turns around Huh?! AAAAHHH!
Everyone: GASP!
Zhuge Liang: What's….that?!
Zhou Yu: ….a tranquilizer dart?
Jia Xu: You're always a bother to us, Lu Bu.
Everyone: GASP!
Jia Xu: Oof!
Xiahou Dun: HYAH! Whoa! Everyone else are here too!
Jia Xu: I hope I'm not too late to give these perverted bitches some TUTORING.
Sun Shangxiang: What the- YOU TOO?!
Jia Xu: Heh. What about it?
Zhang He: Aaaaahhhh!
Zhang Liao: GASP! LORD LU BU!
Jia Xu: It's alright, he'll wake up.
Sima Yi: Jia Xu! What…what's that you've just fired?
Jia Xu: Oh, this? This is the cure.
Everyone: THE CURE?!
Zhuge Liang: What the?! How…how did you find the cure?!
Jia Xu: Hm? Well, methods? I just observed what was going on inside Zhang Liao's head, then I devised a cure to undo it. Then I used this to cure the rest of the gays. That's all.
Zhou Yu: Whoa….
Sima Yi: Hey. Can we have some of that?
Jia Xu: Sure, why not? tosses the cure to Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu, and Sima Yi
Xiahou Dun: What! Hey, you! You sure it's alright to-
Jia Xu: It's fine. They can't do much against us even when they're not gay, anyway.
Zhuge Liang: Alright, after all is said and done…let's get this over with.
Sun Shangxiang: Tch! Not so fast! Activate the gas weapon!
Zhou Yu: TCH! Everyone, duck!
All males: ducks
Sun Shangxiang: Hah! Think you can escape this so easily?!
Jia Xu: Tch! Hrmf…okay, maybe this is the time for me to use this! HYAH! shoots a dart at Sun Shangxiang
Sun Shangxiang: Huh?! AH! Ouch…
Jia Xu: Hahahahaha…you're finished.
Sun Shangxiang: Heheheheheheh…what, you used one of your 'gay-cure' darts at me? That's so idiotic. I'm a girl, and- suddenly faints
Everyone: widens eyes and jawdrops
All girls: raises their hands in the air
.
.
.
Sun Shangxiang: Uhhrrrrghhh…what…happened? HUH?! Urngh…gah! Where, where am I?!
Jia Xu: Hello.
Sun Shangxiang: AAAHHHH! You, what are you doing?! I-
Jia Xu: Okay, the thing is, I used an actual tranquilizer dart on you. After that, the fighting stopped because the rest of the girls immediately surrendered after you fainted.
Zhou Yu: The rest of us escorted then back to their respective kingdoms.
Sun Shangxiang: WHAT! Grr…those cowards!
Zhuge Liang: So, apparently the thing is…those girls didn't wanna get involved at the first place, yet you blackmailed them to join this 'Han Dynasty Fujoshi Association', correct?
Sun Shangxiang: Eh! Uhm…
Sima Yi: Sigh, to force other people to join your petty feminist organization….you IMBECILE!
Jia Xu: Okay, that's enough. Well, since all of us already know about your motives in doing this, we'll just ask one thing….how to get rid of this gay-mist?
Sun Shangxiang: That…uhm…
Sima Yi: ANSWER!
Sun Shangxiang: Okay, okay! Jeez…well, do any of you have that excerpt of the yaoi doujinshi we used?
Zhuge Liang: I do.
Sun Shangxiang: Okay. If you turn the page, you'll find strange symbols. That is the language we use to speak here.
Zhuge Liang: Huh. So you perverted lots use sex sounds to communicate? Seems legit.
Sun Shangxiang: That's the whole point! Okay, I'll translate it for you. Those will be the instructions to remove the mist.
Zhuge Liang: Okay.
Sun Shangxiang: First, you need to load this gassing device with the gay-cure. Then, you have to shoot it from five different points to remove the mist.
Jia Xu: Hm. I guess the 'five different points' mean the five different faction complexes.
Sun Shangxiang: Yeah, yeah. Now, can you guys please untie me now?
Zhou Yu: Sure thing.
Sun Shangxiang: Thanks, Zhou Yu.
Zhou Yu: Yeah. By the way, when we return home, your father would like some SERIOUS talk with you.
Sun Shangxiang: Sigh…right.
Later…
Jia Xu: through a headset (?!) So, are you guys ready?
Zhou Yu: Yeah.
Zhuge Liang: Sure thing.
Sima Yi: Yep.
Zhang Liao: I'm on it.
The five: fires the gassing device loaded with the 'gay-cure' HYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
After that, thick black mist spread throughout the land, which dissipated the thick white mist before dissipating itself, once again bringing light to the land.
Jia Xu: Woo-hoo! Success, guys!
All five: YOOOOOO!
Xiahou Dun: Hm. Hey.
Jia Xu: Whoa! It's you.
Xiahou Dun: Heh…been a long time since we saw the light, eh?
Jia Xu: Of course. That was one big 'dark age', indeed. Also...
Xiahou Dun: What?
Jia Xu: You're not going to take your vengeance at me for that one time?
Xiahou Dun: You still remember that? Heh, at second thought, I think it would be a waste of my strength to kick the ass of someone like YOU.
Jia Xu: Classy as always, tough guy.
Cao Cao: HEEEEYYYY!
Xiahou Dun: Huh?
Cao Cao: Dunny! Let's play go again!
Xiahou Dun: Heh, okay!
Jia Xu: Hey. You're not scared he might-
Xiahou Dun: Nah, it's alright. Even if he did, it's just him being, you know…him.
Jia Xu: Now I'm kinda worried at what he might do next. Oh well.
Guo Jia: HEYYYY! JIA XUUUU!
Jia Xu: What?
Guo Jia: Let's go- AAAAAAHHHHH! MY EYESSSSSSSS! THE LIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTT!
Jia Xu: Oh, come on.
THE END
WHEW! Finally, it's finished! It's kinda short, I know, but I just simply don't like dragging things for too long.
Oh, and I may enter a short hiatus after this. I kinda ran out of story ideas at the moment, coupled with my other hobbies, I may not be as active as I used to before.
That being said, when I do have a good story idea, I'll be sure to give it to you guys right away. It's just that my schedule will be inconsistent.
Well, I'm still thankful for you guys reading this fic from the start until the end. Please leave a review and have a good day!