Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infirngement is intended.
Huge thanks to EdwardsEternal.
This chapter is looooong. I was going to cut it and make it two, but I really wanted all these events together. Might be a good time to get a cup of tea or a glass of wine.
Everything in my world telescoped down to the solitary figure standing at the edge of the woods. Nothing else existed.
There was no snow, no light, no air, no sound.
There was only Edward Cullen.
And I was numb.
Thought and reason had left me and I couldn't feel my body anymore. I grabbed the doorpost for support as I stared.
Was he really here?
Or had I finally lost my mind and this was just an hallucination? Or maybe I was dreaming. Either way I didn't care. I'd stay crazy or asleep forever if I could just keep looking at the vision in front of me.
Edward.
But my heart lurched as I realised the brittle shell he had become.
His shoulders rolled forward, hunched and sagging, with his hands thrust deep in the front pockets of his jeans. His head hung as though it were too heavy to hold up. His jacket was soaked from the rain and his hair hung, wet and tangled, over his forehead.
And his eyes ...
They were haunted and hollow, dark and deep with pain that was emphasised by the heavy purple shadows underneath. But those same eyes were consuming me, drinking me in as though he were parched dry and I was his last drop of water.
He was so still, his manner guarded, wary and on alert. I was too scared to move or speak, afraid that any sound or movement might send him running.
Was he really here?
Had he come back to me?
Or was this just a final goodbye? Maybe he was going to ask me not to look for him anymore. The fault line in my heart rippled and strained. I gripped the door post harder.
And now my mind raced with all the things that I had planned to tell him, all the speeches I'd rehearsed ...
Tell him! My mind screamed at me. Tell him!
But the words wouldn't come. My voice wouldn't work.
Then my eyes widened and my heart took off when Edward moved. He pulled his hands from his pockets and took a slow step towards me, then another. He was so tentative, clearly gauging my reaction.
My heart was hammering now, throwing itself against my ribs and pummeling, trying to break out so it could run to him ... like I should be doing. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him and give him the comfort he so obviously needed.
But I couldn't move.
I was so scared.
Because if this wasn't real, if he'd only come back to say goodbye, I didn't think I could bear it. And right now, as we stood staring at each other across the yard, I could convince myself he had come back to me. It was safer just to live in this still and silent moment.
But then that wouldn't ease his pain.
He had to know I understood, even if this was goodbye.
A tear fell, unbidden, down my cheek, just one, single tear, and suddenly Edward's breath shuddered in his chest and he dropped to his knees, head bowed.
I gasped, shocked, not understanding what was happening, and then a second later it hit me.
He was begging my forgiveness.
"No!" I choked out. I didn't want him on his knees like that. But at that single word he closed his eyes and winced, turning his face away like he'd been slapped. And I realised he'd misunderstood - he thought I was saying no to him.
I searched frantically for the words ... but the feelings ran too deep and now the words didn't seem enough, they wouldn't come.
So I did the only thing I could think of that would make him understand.
I tore off my jacket and dropped it on the ground.
My breathing was ragged and rough and my body trembled.
Edward's head began to lift. He dragged his eyes from the ground, bringing them up slowly, almost reluctantly, until they fell on the locket sitting against my chest.
His eyes shot open wide and I heard his sharp gasp.
The cameo swan was moving up and down, fast and jerky with my shaky breaths. I swallowed hard as Edward stared. Then his gaze moved to my face, disbelief and wonder written in his eyes.
And hope.
This wasn't goodbye.
Suddenly Charlie's yard felt as big as a football field.
And I was running.
With every step I took Edward's eyes were on me. His chest was moving fast, his breaths matching my own. He stood up, almost scrambling to his feet and I heard him gasp again as I threw myself at him. He caught me, his strong arms engulfing me, and I started sobbing as he crushed me to his chest.
This was Edward.
His chest heaved and shook as he held me and I tried to get closer. He understood and lifted me so my feet dangled above the ground and my body pressed harder against his as we clutched at each other.
And now my blood was on fire, burning and scorching as it pounded and charged through my veins.
"Bella," he breathed and I heard his agony and joy come together in my name.
"You came back," I whispered between sobs, my face pressed into his shoulder. "You came back."
The last three months came down to this moment, this second. All that mattered now was...now.
Edward shifted and my feet touched the ground again. His hands moved to my face, his palms on my cheeks and he touched his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes and his thumbs stroked across my cheekbones. He was shaking and I brought my hands up to cover his and a sweet, agonised smile stole across his lips.
"Bella."
I gulped and sniffed and turned my face to kiss his palm. He gasped when my lips met his skin and his eyes opened, the black pools burning bright.
He moved smoothly then, taking his hands from my face and opening his jacket. He closed it around me, bringing me in out of the snow, cocooning me.
He kept one arm around me, locking me against him. The hand of his other arm was in my hair, cradling my head as it rested against his chest.
My eyes closed and I breathed him in and a slow smile crept across my lips.
He was here. He was really here.
The cold, bone-deep ache that had been with me since September was gone.
"I lied," Edward choked out suddenly and my eyes shot open.
I titled my face to look up at his. The joy of a few moments ago had faded from his eyes, it just echoed around the edges now. Instead the pain was there, sharp and vivid as he watched me.
"I lied to you when I said ... ,"
I quickly put my finger to his lips.
"Sssh, not now."
He blinked a couple of times.
"Later," I said and he nodded slowly. Some snowflakes landed on my upturned face and he brushed them away.
"You should go inside," he said.
I nestled my head back against his chest.
"Only if you come too."
I felt his chin move in a nod against the top of my head and I smiled.
Slowly he unwound himself and his hand slid down my arm, keeping contact until his fingers twined with mine. Then he smiled softly and pulled me with him, walking backwards towards the woods. I wondered why until I saw a dark grey backpack sitting at the foot of a tree.
His eyes never left me as he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder. Then I squeezed his hand and led him back to the house.
I was so glad I'd decided to light the fire. It was dark now and the room was warm, bathed in the comforting glow of the flames. We stood, holding hands, unable to take our eyes off each other. The atmosphere was charged, humming with anticipation and hope. I tugged Edward towards the sofa but he hesitated.
"I'm wet," he said softly.
"Oh." Of course he was.
"And so are you," he smiled weakly.
I looked down at myself and realised he was right. Stupid snow.
I didn't really care. I didn't want to leave him to go and get changed, but now that he'd mentioned it my skin was raised in goosebumps. I started to shiver and I knew that would bother him.
"I'll be right back," I said firmly and he nodded.
"I'm not going anywhere," he said.
I squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. Then I squeezed again. And it was me who let go first.
He was so cold. The rain and snow had chilled his skin to arctic temperatures and as I left the room I was planning. I grabbed the afghan off the back of the sofa and detoured quickly to the laundry room. I threw the rug in the dryer and turned it on - hopefully it wouldn't be in there long enough to shrink.
Then I flew up the stairs and stripped off, grabbing some comfy old sweat pants and a warm sweater.
I had an arm and my head stuck in the sweater and one leg in my sweat pants while I sort of stumble-hopped around the room, trying to get the other leg in the hole. I fell against the desk and my cd player crashed onto the floor.
"Bella?" I heard Edward's anxious voice and smiled.
"I'm fine!" I called back as my head finally poked through the neck hole and pulled on the other pants leg.
My hair was damp but I wasn't going to waste time drying it now. I opened the door and hurried down the stairs.
In the laundry room I pulled the afghan from the dryer and held it against my cheek. Mmm, toasty warm. Then I tripped on it as I carried it back into the living room.
Edward was still standing where I'd left him in front of the fire, but I noticed he'd changed clothes as well and he was holding his hands out to the fire in a gesture that was so human ... and my heart tightened.
Edward liked the warmth.
He dropped his hands and smiled shyly as I walked towards him, my eyes taking in the fresh jeans and the black sweater with the sleeves pushed up revealing the sculpted muscles of his forearms.
His feet were bare.
He motioned his head towards the backpack sitting against the coffee table.
"It's a prop really. It looks suspicious if I travel without any luggage, but now it's come in useful."
He shrugged lightly.
He wasn't so hunched now and he didn't look so lost or broken, but his eyes still swam with loss and remorse and uncertainty.
I held out my hand and he took it shyly. I began to pull him back towards the sofa, just as my phone rang.
It vibrated across the coffee table and I reached down and pressed cancel without even looking at the caller ID. I knew who it would be - and he had apalling timing.
I turned back to the sofa and sat at the end, angling myself into the corner. I tugged on Edward's hand, making it clear I wanted him to come and curl up with me.
He seemed hesitant, his eyes asking are you sure? Then he shook his head and let go of my hand. My heart reacted and he heard it.
"I want to," he said quickly. "But, ...Bella, I don't expect ... ," He pulled both hands through his hair and his face twisted. "I was so wrong. And I am more sorry than I can ever tell you."
I bit my lip, trying to stop the fresh tears that were threatening.
"Will you sit with me?" I asked softly.
There was a moment of stillness, and then he came. He sat beside me, leaving a small space, and leant forward. He rested his elbows on his thighs and put his head in his hands and his words poured out so fast I could barely keep up.
"I didn't know what to do, it all seemed so hopeless. And I thought if I left then you would be safe ... from me, and the danger you put yourself in every time we were together." He pulled his hands away and looked at me and the pain in his face was rough and raw and heartbreaking.
"I thought lying would be the only way you would let me go, if you thought I didn't want you anymore ... ,"
His voice cracked on those last words and his face crumpled. Deep in my chest my heart splintered and tore.
"Edward, no ... ,"
He shook his head asking me to let him continue.
"Regardless of my intentions, I was arrogant and cruel. I won't ask your forgiveness, what I did was unforgivable, but if you let me I'll spend the rest of forever trying to...,"
"Edward." Now I was going to cut him off.
His hands were clenched into fists on his knees, the knuckles straining against the skin, and I grabbed one. He wouldn't open his fingers but I held on anyway. He was staring at me, anxious and uncertain and I stroked my thumb over the back of his hand, trying to soothe him. He'd beaten himself up enough.
"Edward, I'll tell you what I understand and you tell me if I'm wrong...you sacrificed your own happiness, your own life really, to keep me safe. Because you love me."
He was completely lost. He stared at me, confused, surprised, as though he hadn't understood what I said.
Then he nodded.
"I have always loved you," he whispered and I smiled
"I know. And I love you."
A small smile spread across his lips but his body, his fist, stayed rigid.
"You told me once, in the cafeteria, that you'd hurt yourself to keep from hurting me."
"You remember that?"
I nodded and felt his fist loosen. I gave his hand an encouraging squeeze and slowly he twined his fingers with mine.
"And I know you've always loved me because you told me every day that we were together, and not just with words."
"But you believed the lie," he whispered. "You believed it so easily. I could see it in your face, I shattered your belief in me, and in yourself. I could see it, I could hear it in your heartbeat." His voice wavered and I squeezed his hand again, holding on tightly. "And when I walked away you called out to me...I could hear you ...,"
He let go of me and buried his head back in his hands. He was shaking again.
"It was like all the light and air had been sucked out of the world and replaced with pure pain." I reached across and took his hands in both of mine.
"Edward, stop." He looked up at me sharply. "It broke my heart, but I remembered the truth, and now I understand."
It was so important that he got this.
"I didn't like what you did, but I understand why you did it."
He stared at me, searching. I let go one of his hands and lifted my fingers to his face. I traced the shadows under his eyes.
"And I understand exactly what this has done to you, because I know what it's done to me."
His face crumpled again.
"But you came back," I whispered, smiling.
"I hurt you."
"You hurt yourself, too."
His eyes squeezed shut and he shook his head.
"Bella, I've come back, but ... ," He opened his eyes, they were searching again, apprehensive and anxious.
"Will you still have me?"
Now he was blurry through my tears and I rubbed the wetness away quickly.
"Yes."
"Bella." Edward exhaled sharply and then he gathered me into his lap. I pulled the afghan over us, it was still warm from the dryer, and tucked it in around us both as I held him against me.
His body shuddered a little at my touch and he tensed. Then finally he let go and allowed himself to melt into me. He settled me closer, his arms wrapped around me, his head buried in the crook of my neck while I gave him the warmth from my body.
He let out a long breath and I used every ounce of my strength, holding him until the muscles in my arms burned. And even then I didn't let go.
We stayed like that, warm and quiet under the rug, watching the flames dance and weave. Edward's breathing was slow, its rhythm calm and steady now. Sometimes his hands would rub over my back, my arms. His fingers caressed my cheeks, stroked my jaw and trailed over my neck - like he was discovering me again. Or perhaps he was just making sure I was really here.
While I held him my eyes took in his every detail. Every line and angle of his beautiful face. The curve of his lips. How his hair curled around his ear and kicked up a little at the back of his neck. The faint blue veins inside his forearms. All these little things that were so familiar, but seemed so new.
The fingernails on his right hand were chipped and broken and I wondered how that happened because his nails were like steel. My thoughts floated to Victoria and what happened under the sea off the cliffs. I felt myself tensing and I pushed the thought away quickly.
After a while Edward's fingers ghosted over to the locket on my chest. He touched it, his index finger carefully tracing the upswept wing of the swan.
"It's beautiful," I whispered. "Thank you."
He shook his head a little, dismissing my thanks I supposed. Then he lifted his face. At this angle, in the firelight, the purple shadows under his eyes seemed darker and deeper. And the pain still echoed.
"I have no right coming here and asking you to take me back." he whispered. "I know that. I was standing in the woods, trying to work up the courage to knock, and then when you opened the door...I was sure you were going to send me away, I was waiting for it, it was no more than I deserve, but when I saw this... ,"
His eyes drifted down to the locket and then back up to me. And now he was smiling, and the wonder in his eyes was beautiful to see.
"How?"
I smiled too. "The Christmas tree was too big and it went through the ceiling. All my birthday gifts fell down."
His eyes widened, surprised.
"But this got knocked under the cupboard," I said, touching the locket. "I found it about two weeks later."
He didn't say anything, but his eyes dropped to watch his finger play over the swan again.
"You designed it for me."
"For your birthday," he whispered.
"But I said I didn't want gifts. I'm so sorry."
His eyes came back to mine and he stared, puzzled.
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because I didn't understand."
He was still confused and I took a deep breath, ready to explain.
"You wanted to give me things because you love me, and you're generous and kind and that's part of who you are. But I didn't get that. I was too busy thinking I wasn't good enough." I dropped my eyes. "I made it all about me. And I wouldn't let you be you."
His fingers moved from the swan to my chin and he tilted my face up. Some silent tears had started and he brushed them away.
"Don't cry." His voice was so gentle, concerned. "I wanted the locket to make you happy."
"It did," I sniffed, and now I buried my head against his neck as I started to cry. "It does."
Soon Edward's skin was slick with my tears and my words were pouring out like his had before. His hands rubbed slowly over my back as I blubbered.
"And what you put inside it...you were giving me you. All of you, human, vampire...and you cut that piece off your hair... and it won't grow back and...it's, it's perfect, I love it. Thank you."
"You're very welcome." I could hear his smile.
I pulled back, wiping my sleeve over my face. Then I reached around to unclasp the locket from my neck.
"I've worn it ever since I found it. But now I'd really like you to put it on me."
His eyes lit up and I could see my request had effected him. He nodded and took the locket from my hand. He studied it for a moment, opened it up and looked inside. Then he smiled again as he closed it.
He lifted the chain and I held back my hair as his hands reached around my neck. A second later I felt his fingers trail over my skin as he brought his hands down over my neck and shoulders. My locket was in place.
Edward pulled back a little to see and an expression of such tenderness crossed his face.
"It looks beautiful on you," he said softly and lifted his eyes to mine. "I knew it would."
Then he drew me in close again and I talked some more.
"When I found the other things I couldn't work out why you'd left them there. It didn't make sense at first, and that's when I remembered what you said in the cafeteria and I knew. I knew you still loved me."
His arms tightened and flexed around me.
"I have always loved you," he whispered.
"I know," I whispered back. "But then I was angry with you. So angry."
I felt him nodding.
"So you should have been. You should still be angry with me now. I don't deserve the reception you've given me... ,"I cut him off quickly.
"No, I was angry because I knew what you'd done to yourself, to us. I knew then you weren't off looking for new distractions, you weren't dancing in a Conga line ... ,"
"A Conga line?"
"It was New Years," I waved a dismissive hand and kept going. "I tried calling you but you'd disconnected your phone and that made me even angrier."
I sat up straight, took Edward's face between my hands, stared him in the eye and even I was surprised by how firm my voice was.
"Next time there's a problem, you'll talk to me about it, okay? I'm not four years old, I don't need you to make my decisions for me. We're in this together, Edward. Have you got that?"
He was nodding enthusiastically.
"Together," he echoed my words.
I dropped my hands from his face but his eyes stayed fixed on mine as he spoke and his voice was rich with conviction.
"I'll never leave you again," he said. "I was foolish to ever think I could. Even if you were to change your mind and send me away...I would go, but I would never be far." His long fingers came up to gently stroke my face. "I can't be without you Bella, you are all there is for me. You are everything."
First one tear trekked down my cheek, then another.
"I've been looking for you," I said softly.
His face creased into a frown.
"Looking for me?"
I nodded and realised I was biting my lip. Then Edward's expression melted into a smile so surprised and happy, that my heart flip-flopped in my chest.
"You were trying to find me?"
Why did he sound so surprised?
"Yes. I knew we belonged together, but I also knew how much you'd be hurting, and I had to stop that."
He exhaled sharply and pulled me closer.
"I really don't deserve you," he murmured and I felt his lips on the shell of my ear. I leant into him, letting my heart sing with the closeness of him, his touch.
"Where did you look?" he whispered and I let out an exaggerated sigh.
"Everywhere."
And suddenly composed, comforting, understanding Bella was a blubbering mess. The pain of the last three months was finally finding a release in the only place it could...Edward's arms.
I curled into him and let it all out while he held me.
All the sadness, fear and frustration.
The anger.
The exhaustion of searching, the agony of dead-ends and near-misses.
It all came out in dark, damp patches on Edward's sweater.
He stroked my hair, he kissed my temple. He made soothing sssh sounds and rocked me gently. Sometimes he'd murmur that he was sorry, other times he'd whisper that he loved me. I clung to him, and finally, as my tears slowed I lifted my head and looked into his eyes.
"I missed you."
A smile ghosted across Edward's lips. "I missed you, too."
His thumb wiped away the last of the wetness from my cheeks.
"But I know I was part of the problem, too," I sniffed.
"You?"
"Me." I sat up a little straighter so I could look at him properly. "I let myself get in the way."
Edward's eyes narrowed.
"I don't think I understand."
"I didn't really listen to you. I didn't understand what you needed."
"What I needed? Bella, you are what I needed...what I need."
He still seemed confused and I realised I wasn't making much sense.
"Okay. Um, sometimes you treated me like a four year old, but sometimes I acted like a four year old."
I watched for Edward's response.
There was just the slightest arching of an eyebrow and I started chewing on my lip.
"You were always so worried about us being together, worried that you'd hurt me, and I was always so desperate to show you I wasn't worried, but instead I probably just seemed reckless. Like I didn't really grasp the situation."
The eyebrow arched a little higher and I took a deep breath.
"Edward, I realise you are very dangerous. You could break my bones, you could drain me. You told me these things and I just blew them off. I was trying to make you see that it didn't matter."
"Bella, I ... ,"
I held up my hand to stop him. He closed his lips and nodded.
"I know the risks, but I also trust you, and you've proven my trust, over and over again. I say that you won't hurt me, not because I don't understand, but because I trust you not to."
Edward was watching me closely as I lifted his right hand, turned it over and kissed his palm. His breathing hitched and then he gently took my hand and brought it to his face, inhaling deeply at my wrist. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"The burn has never been less significant, or more welcome," he said and his eyes opened again. "It tells me you're really here, with me." He kissed my wrist and then wrapped his arms around me.
He smiled and pushed my hair over my shoulder. Then his eyes flicked towards the window.
"Charlie's coming," he said.
"Charlie!" I'd completely forgotten about my dad. Shouldn't he have been home before now? How late was it?
Slowly, with a kiss on my forehead, Edward uncurled himself from me and stood.
"And I shouldn't be here when he arrives," he said quietly.
"No! You're not leaving?" Panic surged through me so hard that my head span as I stood up.
"Ssh," he cupped my face with his palm. "I won't be far."
"I don't want you to go."
"Neither do I." He smiled and his eyes moved towards the ceiling then back down to me. "Shall I wait in your room?"
I nodded eagerly. "Yes."
He smiled wider, and then we both turned to the window as the headlights lit up the room. Edward reached for his backpack and took my hand.
"I'll be upstairs," he whispered and disappeared just as Charlie opened the door. I headed for the kitchen, wondering what I could throw together fast for dinner.
"Bella? That you?"
I rolled my eyes as I heard him hang up his gun. "Yeah, it's me, Dad." Who else?
"Sorry I'm late. You got my note?"
Note?
In the fruit bowl, propped up by a banana, was a piece of paper bearing Charlie's writing.
... Working late, home about 7.30, I'll bring pizza
I grabbed it quickly and shoved it in my pocket, relieved as the smell of a Tomato Special ushered him into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I'm just getting the plates out."
He set the pizza boxes on the table.
"How was Jacksonville?"
"Good, fine. Mom says hi."
"Oh, mm. You lit the fire?"
"Yeah, just for a change."
"It's warmed the place up pretty good."
"Yeah."
We sat and ate. I asked about his weekend and he told me about his marathon of sport with Billy. I smiled and nodded.
Then we lapsed into our usual, comfortable silence. But my whole body was tingling, hyper aware of the vampire that was on the floor above us.
"You look like you've been crying," Charlie said suddenly.
"Just reading a sad book."
"Oh," he nodded and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Well, it's Monday...,"
He didn't say anything else but I knew Monday night meant Fishing Channel night.
He pushed back from the table and carried our plates to the sink.
Pizza meant there was basically no washing up and it only took a minute for me to wash and Charlie to dry and then he was tuning into the fishing channel and I was back upstairs before the bait had even hit the water.
It was dark in my room and at first I couldn't see him, but then I caught the movement of the rocking chair.
"I'm here," he said softly.
I went to him and he opened his arms. I climbed into his lap and curled up - my favourite place to be. It reminded me of that first morning when he had stayed.
His arms wound around me as he rocked us both and I felt his lips press tenderly on the top of my head. Then he let out a long sigh that sounded almost contented.
"I'll have to speak to your father at some point." Contentment gave way to resignation.
"I guess so." That wouldn't be a conversation to look forward to. I'd have to prepare Charlie for that, pave the way a little bit.
"And I think your cd player is beyond repair." I looked over his shoulder and saw that he'd set it back on the desk. The lid was broken off and it had cracked open along the join at the side. "I tried it, but it won't work," he said and I shrugged, tucking myself back into him. I hadn't used it since he'd left.
"Doesn't matter," I murmured. "I haven't used it for months."
I felt his fingers under my chin, gently lifting my face so he could see. He studied me for a moment and I saw understanding in his eyes.
I nestled back against him.
"There are still things we should talk about," Edward whispered.
"I know. There's a lot I have to tell you. And I have questions."
"I have things to tell you, too," Edward said. "And questions."
His hand was resting on my knee and he gave it a gentle squeeze.
"But we don't have to do it all right now," he said. "We have lots of time."
He said we. We have lots of time.
My heart did a little dance.
"Unless you want to talk right now," he said.
I was starting to feel tired, but I wasn't ready for sleep yet.
"Tell me about your family."
"My family," he sighed and shook his head, smiling. "My family is going to be ecstatic and relieved when I tell them about this."
I started to laugh.
"I'm surprised you haven't heard from Alice already," I said. "Where is she? Are they all together?"
I really missed my friend. I missed all of them and I hoped I could see them soon.
"I'm surprised too. Maybe Alice is giving us some space. Although that's never been her style."
"No," I laughed again. "It hasn't."
Edward smiled and ran his fingers along my jaw. The tip of his thumb just softly nudged my bottom lip.
"It's so wonderful to see you smile and hear you laugh ... you have no idea." Then he moved his hand to take hold of mine. "But to answer your question, my family is all together in Ithaca now. Carlisle and Esme have been there since they left Forks but Rosalie and Emmett were in Europe for a while and Alice and Jasper spent some time away in Canada."
Canada.
That would explain the overseas address for the Vogue magazine.
I stroked his hand, feeling the bumps of his knuckles under the smoothness of his skin. I ran my finger over the jagged edge of his broken fingernails. I watched as he curled his fingers slowly, tucking them into his palm, away from view.
I looked up and he was studying me, eyes wary again, cautious.
"I came back last week," he said slowly. "I've been tracking Victoria since I left you. It was me who sent you to Jacksonville."
He seemed nervous now, watching for my reaction, so I smiled.
"I know."
Now he was surprised.
"Jacob told you." It wasn't a question and there was an edge to his voice.
"Not exactly. I worked it out when I saw Seth's bandages."
A beat of silence.
"From the bandages?"
"I recognised your style."
Another beat.
"I have a style?"
"You do. And then I forced Jake to tell me what happened."
"Oh." I wasn't sure if he felt relieved or let down. "I was going to tell you myself."
I ran my fingers over the crease that had formed between his eyebrows, smoothing it away.
"You just did." I smiled again and he relaxed a little.
"And thank you. For saving me. Again."
"My pleasure," he said.
I studied him for a moment. The memory of that hollow victory was reflected in his eyes and I remembered what Jake had told me.
"But it wasn't a pleasure, was it?"
He was still for a moment, then he shook his head. "No. I mean, yes, I wanted her dead, I was glad to do what I did, but afterwards...," He leant his head against the back of the chair and closed his eyes. "After I left you in September I started tracking Victoria. I'd never tracked before, I wasn't very good and I followed a few false trails. I was wretched but I felt at least I still had a purpose in your life, even if you didn't know it. But then, when I realised she'd come back here ... ,"
He stopped talking. His head bowed and his body tensed. I felt a subtle tremor run through him and instantly tightened my hold. He leant his head against my shoulder. There was obviously something going on here but I had the feeling he wasn't ready to talk about it. Not yet. That was okay, we had time, we'd get to it one day.
After a moment he lifted his head and kept talking.
"I insisted you go to Jacksonville, I didn't want you anywhere near Victoria, and...I asked Alice to go too. To watch you, just in case. I made her promise not to make contact."
He studied me carefully, his jaw tense, but I just nodded. It was just as I'd thought. He relaxed a little and continued when he saw that I wasn't upset by this new revelation.
"After Victoria was dead, and you were safe, all my purpose in your life was gone. I realised it really was goodbye."
His voice sounded so sad now, so far away, it was like he'd got lost again. I squeezed my arms tight around him, letting him know I was here. He took a breath and when he spoke his voice was stronger.
"After I left Forks again I booked a flight from Seattle to Chicago. I was going to tie up a few loose ends there and then disappear. I sat in the airport lounge, my flight was still hours away, but I had nothing else to do." He shrugged, it was almost like he was talking to himself now.
"Since September I'd been battling with the overwhelming need to come back to you, but as I sat and waited for my flight I didn't know if I could actually go through with my plan. The longer I waited... ," he trailed off and I leant in and kissed him under his ear. He smiled a little.
"I cancelled Chicago and decided to just go straight to Canada...there's a dense area of remote forest there that I was planning to inhabit for the next few decades."
"Oh, Edward." I stroked the back of his neck with my fingers. I knew he liked that and I smiled when he sighed and his eyes closed.
"I booked the new flight, it was much earlier and I thought that was good, no more waiting. I forced myself to board the plane, I even took my seat, but just before they shut the doors I knew there was no way I could leave you so permanently. Just the thought of it brought actual, physical pain," he paused. "So I stood up and walked back to the flight attendant and told her I had to get off."
His last sentence was so straightforward and matter-of-fact, it made me laugh, and that puzzled him.
"Just like that?" I said. "You just got up and said you had to get off the plane."
And now Edward's mood swung. His lips curved into a smile and he started to chuckle.
"Just like that," he said.
"And she let you get off?"
"After a moment of indecision, yes."
"Did you dazzle her?"
"No," he scoffed. "I gave her my vampire stare. You know, the one that doesn't work on you."
I laughed again. "Oh, that one."
"Yes," he nuzzled me with his nose. His voice was muffled slightly as he spoke.
"When I got off the plane I started running. And I didn't stop until I got here."
My heart did another backflip.
He ran. He ran back to me through the rain and the snow.
And he hadn't gone to Yellowknife, he hadn't got my message.
He was coming back anyway.
That made everything seem even sweeter, somehow.
"Looks like we've been trying to find our way back to each other," I said softly and he smiled.
"But you still haven't told me where you looked for me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Where do I start? You didn't make it easy."
He grimaced. "I guess that was part of my plan."
"Mm, the whole 'not existing' thing."
He nodded and his eyes showed his regret.
"Except you were everywhere, Edward. Your scuff marks are on my window sill."
His head lifted and turned towards the window.
"And you took great chunks out of the underside of the biology desk. I could feel your finger grooves in the wood."
His eyes widened.
"Yes, I know now what you were doing in that first lesson."
He looked a bit embarrassed.
"And of course, the locket ... ." I lifted my hand and touched it gently and Edward smiled. Then he took my hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.
"It doesn't beat," he said. "But I feel you in here."
Tears stung at the backs of my eyes and I bit my lip hard. He pulled me in close, kissing away the one tear that managed to escape.
"Will you tell me?" he whispered.
So I introduced Edward to Stalker Bella. I started with the post office and Mrs Morgan and scolded him for the lack of a forwarding address. Then I moved on to Mrs Morgan's lack of discretion and the returned Vogue Magazine. And that led me to the gift subscription I sent Alice.
"It's probably still in transit," I yawned. Suddenly I was overwhelmingly tired. "Especially if she's moved again."
"Bella, you're amazing." Edward was grinning at me now and I shrugged casually, but inside there was a smug warmth radiating through me, making me blush.
"I thought she might see it coming, and call me."
"Not necessarily," Edward said. "It's easy to forget how random Alice's visions are. She doesn't see everything."
"Did you ask her not to look for me?"
There was a beat of silence before Edward nodded. "I did."
"That doesn't stop the visions though, does it?"
"Not if they were coming anyway, no."
"She just wouldn't have been actively watching for me, right?"
"That's right."
I nodded, understanding.
"I bet she peeked sometimes, though," I mumbled through another yawn and Edward gave a wry smile.
"I'm sure she did."
My eyes closed without permission and I forced them open, blinking hard.
"Do you want to sleep now?" Edward asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to miss anything,
"I'll stay. I'll be here when you wake up," he promised.
"But there's still more stuff I have to tell you. And I have more questions." My eyes closed again and this time it was harder to open them.
"Okay," I gave in. "Sleep time for the human." And Edward rumpled my hair as I slid off his lap.
I took my toiletries bag and pyjamas to the bathroom. The hot water felt good on my tense muscles but I didn't linger. Five minutes later I was back in my bedroom.
Edward was still sitting in the rocking chair, but my bed covers had been pulled back. I climbed in and drew the quilt up over me.
"Are you going to sit there all night?" I asked and Edward frowned.
"I didn't want to assume ... ,"
"You can assume, Edward."
I threw back the covers in invitation. I didn't actually see him move but a second later he was there, lying beside me, and we were facing each other as I pulled the quilt back over us. Edward ran his fingers up and down my arm. The sensation was comforting and soothing and I sighed as I sank into the pillow.
He was smiling at me, but I could see in his expression that he'd longed for this, just like I had.
And there were still the shadows.
I lifted my hand and stroked the purple beneath his eyes.
"You need to hunt."
"I'm alright."
"How long has it been?"
He shrugged. "A while."
I rolled my eyes. "Edward, you need to hunt. Your thirst must be unbearable by now."
"Not unbearable. There are worse things."
I understood what he meant and gave him a smile.
"But I don't want you to hurt." I touched his face again. "How long would you need?"
He considered for a moment, eyes narrowed.
"If I went into the Park, two hours, maybe less."
"Okay then. Do it tonight."
"I won't leave you, Bella."
"Edward, how long are you planning to wait?"
I listened to myself being all brave and selfless when, really, the thought of him leaving, even for two hours, made me feel sick.
His mouth twisted, he was struggling. And so was I. But I could do this.
"Please, Edward. I want to see your eyes golden again."
Now he rolled his eyes at me and I started to laugh.
"Alright," he said. "But I'll wait until you're asleep."
I nodded.
"And I'll be back before you wake up."
"I know you will."
Hearing me say those words seemed to ease something in him. He gathered me into his arms and I closed my eyes, letting myself drift into sleep while Edward hummed my lullaby.
Butterscotch.
His eyes were warm butterscotch and they were the first thing I saw when I woke up. I touched his face, the purple shadows were gone, his skin had the faint, barely-there flush of a well-fed vampire.
And though I could still see the faint echo of his regret, he was smiling.
So beautiful.
I smiled back.
He was lying down, on his side above the covers, and his hands were clasped between his face and the pillow, as though he'd been sleeping, too.
He took one of his hands from beneath his cheek and reached across to me, pushing my hair back over my shoulder, tucking it away from my face. With the backs of his fingers he gently grazed over my cheek, along my jaw and down to my neck. His eyes followed his fingers and I saw a gentle smile play at the corner of his lips.
"So beautiful," I heard him whisper, almost to himself.
His touch was like electricity on my skin and a warmth started humming through my body. I hadn't felt like this in a while.
Edward's hand moved over my shoulder and down my arm, his eyes still following. He came to my waist and stilled for a moment, hovering and unsure, before hesitantly settling his hand in the curve there. He fitted perfectly and I smiled. His long fingers gave a gentle squeeze.
Then his eyes retraced their path, taking everything in, coming back up my body, over my chest and shoulders to my throat and then stopping at my lips. His eyes stayed there.
Edward's own lips parted, just slightly, and the tip of his tongue made a slow, perhaps subconscious sweep of his bottom lip. Then his eyes came back to mine and I could see he was asking permission. My heart was only a beat or two away from exploding now and I leant in at the same time he did.
His nose stroked mine, caressing, softly nudging as he came closer, letting me know his intention. I could smell the sweet scent of his breath washing over me as my lips sought his.
And then Edward's lips brushed over mine.
Just once.
And it was soft, and tender, and...bliss.
We were home.
Edward pulled back, his eyes shining and I knew I had a ridiculous grin on my face. Then his eyes dropped back to my lips and he leant in again.
I wound my fingers in his hair as his arms slowly pulled me closer and I couldn't stop my whimper as his lips caught mine again.
And now the world, everything, was gone. And I was falling, helpless and lost in the exquisite touch of this man's lips.
He poured himself into that kiss...it was all longing and love, hope and promise as his hands clutched me to him. My lips answered his, telling him I loved him, that I had always loved him, and would always love him.
And in response his hold tightened and his lips became more urgent. I wrapped myself around him, the growing heat deep inside spread through my body, making my skin tingle and sing. I was preparing myself for the moment when it became too much and Edward would pull away, but he didn't.
His lips continued to move and mould with mine and I had to pull away first. For air.
"I love you," he breathed.
"Love you, too," I panted and he touched his forehead to mine and we waited while our breathing slowed.
"Good morning?" I said shyly after a while and Edward smiled. A gorgeous, full smile that was completely overwhelming.
"Good morning," he whispered and kissed my forehead.
I stretched and I saw his eyes wander over my body briefly. There was a time when I would have thought I'd imagined that, but now I knew differently. And so did my body, the blush that raged over me was proof.
"What shall we do today?" I asked.
Edward rolled onto his back and tucked his hands under his head.
"I don't know. I'm happy here, but, should you go to school?"
"Argh." I threw my arm over my face. School? Really? It just seemed insignificant right now.
Edward chuckled and gently tugged my arm away.
"Please don't spoil the view," he murmured. "What do you want to do today?"
"Stay here with you."
"Mm, sounds good. And tomorrow too?"
"Yep."
"And the next day? And the day after that?"
"Yes and yes."
He rolled on his side again and twined his fingers with mine.
"And when Charlie gets a call from the school about your persistent non-attendance?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"You think you're clever don't you?"
He shook his head. "I used to think so. But then I met you."
"Hmph." I pulled out of his grasp and rubbed my hands over my face.
School.
I knew I'd have to go back sometime, but not today. And I didn't know yet what Edward's plans were. I knew he was staying, but would he go back to school, too?
"I'm not ready for reality yet," I said, but sat up. "Has Charlie left?"
"About fifteen minutes ago."
I nodded. "What time is it?"
"Ten minutes to eight."
I flopped back down on the pillows.
"Not going," I murmured and snuggled against him. "Today's special."
"Yes, it is," he said softly.
"And it's healthy to ditch sometimes. A vampire I knew told me that once."
"That vampire obviously had a corrupting influence on you."
"Mm, completely."
He chuckled and wrapped one arm around me, holding me close.
"What will you tell Charlie?"
Mm, I didn't like lying to my dad, and it felt like I'd done that a lot lately.
"I'll say I was tired after my trip to Jacksonville and needed a day to recover. It's not a complete lie."
Edward nodded, just as my stomach decided to get in on the act.
He sat up.
"I'll get your breakfast, if you'd like some human time."
I was happy where we were, but he was probably right - I did need a human moment. And I was hungry.
"Okay." I was pouting and he touched my lip with his finger.
"Is it still pop tarts?"
I nodded. He kissed me and was gone.
The mood seemed so different this morning. Lighter, happier. The heaviness of yesterday had fallen away. I wasn't stupid though. I knew there was still a lot of stuff to get through and talk about. And I knew we'd never forget the pain of the last three months, but I was hoping we could build on that now and make it work for us somehow. I grabbed my clothes and headed for the bathroom. Downstairs I could hear the bang of a cupboard door and smiled. My vampire was cooking me breakfast.
Just ten minutes later I was dressed and coming downstairs. As I hit the bottom step I was distracted by the smell of smoke and the sound of my phone ringing.
I did a quick detour to the living room where my cell still sat on the coffee table but it quietened just as I picked it up.
1 missed call.
Callum.
I groaned and put it back on the table, he'd have to wait. I wanted to tell Edward about Callum before I told Callum about Edward.
I turned round and hurried to the kitchen where a smoke cloud was hanging.
"What happened?"
"I think I had the setting up too high," Edward was glaring at the burnt and blackened remains of my breakfast in the sink. It seemed the pop tarts had offended him personally.
"Oh." I covered my mouth, trying not to giggle.
"They were the last ones, sorry," he said. "I could boil you an egg, I think I could manage that."
I laughed out loud now and nudged him out of the way with my hip. He got the idea and stepped aside.
"I'll do it," I said. "You sit down."
But he didn't sit down. First he leant against the counter while I cracked and whisked some eggs in a bowl. I was hungry today, famished, and I wanted a cheese omelet. Then he pulled himself up to sit on the counter top next to me.
"Was it important? The phone call?" he asked.
"Um, it was Callum. He's a friend from school," I said. "I'll tell you about him later." After I've eaten.
I poured the mix into the pan and Edward took the spatula from the utensil rack.
"Let me," he said. He slid the spatula under the omelet smoothly and then flicked it in a move so fast I didn't see it happen. I saw the omelet though. It headed skyward, turning three times, before falling back, perfectly centered, into the pan.
"Where did you learn that?"
"From watching you."
He smiled, eyes dancing.
"Watching me? I can't do...that." I twirled my finger in the air then pointed to the pan where my breakfast sat, cooking its underside.
And I tried to think when I'd shown him how to cook an omelet.
"I don't remember... ,"
"Last August. We were going to the meadow and I made you have a big breakfast before we hiked through the woods."
"Oh, right," I grinned now. I remembered the hiking and the meadow and the argument beforehand about me eating enough. I hadn't specifically remembered the omelet though.
"But I wouldn't have flipped it like that."
"No. But the basic principle was there. I just built on that."
"You're just showing off, you mean."
He shrugged and gave me an apologetic half smile.
"I'm trying to make up for the pop tart debacle."
"By impressing me with over the top omelet aerobatics?"
He nodded, smiling, and his hair fell in his eyes.
"Did it work?"
I shook my head and laughed as he pushed back the strands.
"So, from watching me cook one omelet six months ago you learned how to do a ridiculously perfect triple-omelet-flip, but you still burn the pop tarts?"
He shrugged. "I don't understand it either," he said.
I took a step towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head against him.
"Yes, I'm impressed," I whispered.
I felt his lips press against my hair.
"It's burning," he whispered back.
"Oh!"
It was. I grabbed the spatula and scooped the smoking omelet onto the plate while trying to ignore the smug smirk that I could actually feel coming from the vampire beside me.
He was still smiling as he watched me eat, swinging back on his chair, just like normal.
I wondered what he was thinking. If it wasn't cold and winter and snowing maybe we could have hiked to the meadow and talked. I'd eaten an omelet after all.
"Are you sure about missing school today?" Edward asked as I stood to wash up.
"Yep."
He dried and when we were done he followed me into the living room, holding my hand as we went.
"I thought maybe we could just hang out here today and talk," I said. "There's still a lot I have to tell you."
Edward smiled. "We could do that," he said. "Would you like me to light the fire?"
The house still held some residual warmth from the evening before, but it was fading fast. I nodded and Edward disappeared, returning only a second later with an armful of firewood.
He knelt down and started to build. I liked watching his shoulders move as he worked, positioning the wood and the kindling, his confident fingers moving things smoothly into place. I had to drag myself away to go and get the matches from the kitchen.
It only took a few minutes for the blaze to take. We sat on the hearthrug, our backs against the sofa. Edward's arm was around me, my head was on his shoulder.
His feet were bare, I wore thick socks, and he rubbed his foot over mine.
"I spoke to the family last night," he said suddenly and my head shot up. Edward jerked his head out of the way quickly, saving me from a nasty bang on his stone chin.
"What did you tell them?"
His eyes softened, melting into mine as he ran the backs of his fingers over my cheekbone.
"I told them that by some miracle I don't deserve, you had agreed to take me back."
I closed my eyes and shook my head, hugging my arms around him.
"What did they say?"
"There was much excitement," he said with humour and I smiled.
"Will we see them soon?"
I didn't assume they'd just drop everything and come back to Forks. Maybe we could go to Ithaca.
"Soon? Mm, is tomorrow night soon enough?"
"What? Tomorrow? Where? Here?"
Edward nodded, grinning.
"They're coming back?"
He nodded again, and the grin got wider.
"To visit...?" I didn't want to assume they'd just drop everything and come back now.
"To stay."
"Oh!" My hand flew to my mouth. They were coming back.
"But, they're all settled in Ithaca."
Edward shook his head and stroked my cheek again. "As Carlisle said, it'll be good to have all the family together again."
I blushed at his meaning and felt my eyes fill.
"They've missed you," he said quietly.
"I've missed them too."
"I know. I'm sorry."
The sadness started creeping back into his eyes and I shook my head.
"So, how's this going to work?" I asked. "Are they just going to...come back?"
"Pretty much," Edward smiled. "When Carlisle resigned from the hospital, they told him there'd always be a position for him if things didn't work out in Los Angeles. He's calling them this morning to take them up on that."
I snorted. Los Angeles. My vampires sparkling in the Californian sun.
"And, I guess I'll be re-enrolling at Forks High." He gave an exaggerated eye-roll and sighed in mock exasperation.
"Really?"
"Yep," he grinned. "Alice too."
Alice.
I couldn't wait to see her.
"What about the others?" They'd officially 'graduated' highschool the summer before and were supposed to be away at college.
"They'll be here, but not officially. Just like before."
Wow. This was just...wow.
"And they want to do this?" It just seemed too much. I wondered for a moment about Rosalie, but let it go. "They can really just pick up and move like that? With a day's notice?"
"They do want to do this. Very much. And we have a lot of experience at just picking up and moving." A shadow flickered through his eyes and I knew what he was remembering. I squeezed my arms around him and the shadow faded.
"Is it really that easy?"
"It can be."
This was all so ... much. Three months of nothing and now ... everything.
"So it looks like we're graduating together," I giggled and he laughed.
"Looks like it." He lifted an eyebrow. "Will you help me get caught up? I might need special tutoring."
I pretended to consider.
"Mm, maybe. If I have time. But you can also try the Forks Library, it's actually pretty good these days."
I watched for his reaction.
"Oh?" He sounded casual, his expression giving nothing away.
"Yeah. They've got a couple of new books now." I was biting my lip, trying to stop the laugh that was threatening.
But Edward just smiled
"And they have four copies of Wuthering Heights."
Now there was a reaction. There was just the faintest flicker in his eyes, the slightest tightening of his jaw.
"Thank you," I whispered. "I know it was you."
His eyebrows went up and now his face registered plenty, but mostly disbelief.
"How did you know?"
"The reference number on the delivery box were our birth years. And then all the extra Heathcliffs kind of clinched it for me."
"Your copy was falling apart and I didn't want you to be without," he said. "I was going to buy you a new one and send it to you, but you'd know it was me, and then I would have broken my promise...,"
"That it would be like you'd never existed?"
He nodded slowly and the haunted look was back in his eyes.
"Oh, Edward."
I climbed into his lap and wrapped myself around him.
"The books...when I realised, it made me feel so...loved."
"You are loved," he breathed and his lips caught mine in a kiss that was tender and sweet and I could feel just how loved I was.
He broke away when I needed to breathe and his hands stroked over my shoulders and down my arms.
"I should tell you," I said, still slightly breathless. "I contacted the book suppliers, trying to track you down... ,"
He cocked an eyebrow, amused now.
"Did they put you onto my lawyers?"
I nodded. "But they were no help. Stupid client confidentiality."
Edward chuckled then sighed.
"Bella, if I'd known you were looking for me, my resolve would have dissolved so much faster."
"Really?"
"Really. I was barely hanging on as it was."
He buried his nose in my hair, nuzzling me, and I giggled and squirmed.
"Um, now this ...," I tried to talk as he nuzzled. "This kind of leads me to ... um, the other stuff I need to tell you."
Now he ran his nose over my neck, down to my collarbone, inhaling deeply.
"Mm?"
"I need to tell you about Callum McLeod, um, ahh... ,"
The nuzzling had graduated to lines of little kisses over my neck and throat. Maybe I should just give up and let him go for it. I turned my head and arched my neck to make it easier for him.
"You were going to tell me something," he whispered against me and pulled back slightly. I could still feel his breath on my skin.
"You're seriously making up for lost time now, aren't you?" I laughed and he smiled back, nodding. But then the smile dropped and he was worried.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume ... ,"
I rolled my eyes. "Edward, so help me if you apologise for kissing me I...I...well, I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty."
The smile was back. "Alright," he said, and leant in to attack my neck again. I laughed.
"But I really do want to tell you about this...and I can't concentrate with your lips on me like that."
Immediately he stopped.
"I'm listening," he said and gave me his full attention, resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Okay. Um, Callum McLeod. It was him on the phone before. And he called last night, too."
Edward was nodding, I could feel his chin digging into my shoulder.
"He kind of has a part in all this. Not the library books, he didn't know about that, but all the searching for you, he's involved with that." My voice was getting softer, I noticed.
Edward lifted his face, cocked his head and frowned.
"Callum McLeod?"
I nodded and started biting my lip.
"Is he the boy that Leah imprinted on?"
That threw me.
"Jake said you didn't meet him."
"I didn't. When I was in La Push bandaging Seth I saw him in Leah's thoughts. And the thoughts of some of the others. I wasn't really concentrating though. I had other things on my mind."
I could imagine.
"Yeah, well, that's Callum. He's been a good friend the last few weeks and ...,"
Edward's attention was suddenly directed towards the window. He did that sharp, quick vampire move that would no doubt unsettle any other human.
"What is it?"
And then I heard it. The familiar dak-dak-dak of a VW beetle. An orange VW beetle no doubt.
Callum.
My eyes closed and my heart picked up. Not now. Not yet. I should have answered his call, I should have realized he'd turn up here if I didn't.
I opened my eyes and could see confusion and surprise on Edward's face. How far away could he read minds? Oh, crap!
I scrambled out of his lap and hurried to the door, opening it just as Callum was about to knock. His hand was still in the air and I talked real fast.
"Hi, Callum. I'm fine, but now isn't a good time."
He dropped his hand and frowned. "The last time you said that there was a werewolf in your kitchen and a vampire stalking your house."
I winced. "Yeah. I know, but this is different, um ... ," The vampire is in the house this time.
"It's cold, can I come in?"
"Er...,"
"Thanks." He didn't wait for me to answer as he came in and stood near the hallstand.
I sighed and shut the door, trying to look past him into the living room.
"I just wanted to know if you're okay. You didn't answer my calls and I've been worried you were going to take off to Yellowknife. Did you know Edward didn't actually fly? I checked and his status had changed to a cancellation."
"Yeah, listen, I... ,"
"I can't see any new flights booked for him, so ... ,"
"I'm here." Edward stood in the living room doorway.
Callum's head whipped round, his eyes shot open and his mouth dropped. I saw him shiver as he took an instinctive step backwards and stumbled into the hall stand.
"Shit," he muttered and I could practically see the hairs standing up all over his body. This was the first vampire he'd ever met, but unlike most humans, Callum knew what he was looking at.
"Callum, this is Edward Cullen." I could hear the strain in my voice. I hadn't wanted things to go like this.
"Edward, this is Callum McLeod."
Edward seemed relaxed enough, if curious. Callum was staring.
"Um ... ," Callum cleared his throat. "Hi, Edward. I've heard a lot about you."
"Hello." Edward was polite and smiled, but I could see he had the mask in place now, his face giving nothing away. But just as I thought that, his expression changed. His face seemed to drain somehow, his lips parted and I heard him gasp. My eyes closed slowly as I groaned. There was one detail about Edward that I hadn't given Callum.
"Callum, he can read your mind."
Callum blanched.
"Oh ... no... ,"
"And I haven't had a chance to tell him anything."
"Oh ...!"
But if Callum's brain worked like his mouth, then Edward was getting everything right now. Everything.
The hacking, the phone companies, the old phone records, the credit card, the travel history, Chicago, New Mexico, Brazil, the airport lounge ... all the things I was going to explain to him myself.
Now Callum's face had drained.
"Bella didn't tell me what you are," he told Edward quickly. "She never said a word...it was a photo."
Now Edward's jaw dropped. His eyes looked almost frightened and I was surprised when he snarled. Callum started shaking and he backed up against the wall and I wondered what Edward had seen that would make him ...
... oh, Lord...the Vigilante Vampire.
I pulled my hands through my hair. Edward was rigid, a statue, glaring at Callum. Callum stared back, the rabbit to Edward's headlights.
Suddenly, Edward turned away and stared down at the floor. His fists were clenched at his sides.
"Um, I'm sorry. I'd better go." Callum started backing towards the door.
"Wait," Edward said suddenly and Callum froze. Slowly, carefully, Edward turned. His face was smooth now, impassive, but the tension in his jaw and neck told me the effort involved. Edward extended his hand cautiously, letting Callum understand his intention, clearly giving him a choice.
Callum was surprised...and so was I.
"You've been a good friend to Bella, I can see that," Edward's words were strained but sincere. "Thank you. And I apologise for my behaviour just now, that was inexcusable. It won't happen again."
Callum just stared. For a moment I thought he wasn't going to move, but then, tentatively, he took a step forward and shook Edward's hand.
"Wow, cold." Callum smiled awkwardly.
Edward gave a small, apologetic half shrug.
"Yeah, um, no problem with the snarling. And Bella's great, I was glad to help. Glad you two are back together, um ... yeah."
Edward nodded as they dropped hands.
"Um, so you're okay then?" Callum turned to me. The atmosphere had changed. Things were still tense, but the aura of barely controlled panic, from both of them, was gone.
"Never better," I smiled and wrapped my arms around Edward's waist. He pulled me close, settling his arm across my shoulders.
"She'll fill you in later," Edward smiled wryly and Callum winced.
"You got that, did you? Okay, must remember to clear all thoughts." He pressed his fingers to his forehead. "Well, I'll just leave you to it, then. Er, I guess you're not going to school today, Bella?"
"Not today, no."
"Okay. Um, well I'll see you sometime?" He turned back to Edward. "Bye, Edward. Sorry about the, you know ... ," he tapped his temple. "Mind vomit."
Edward smiled. "It's fine."
Callum said one more goodbye and then he was gone. Edward dropped his arm from my shoulder, and the mask from his face. He walked back into the living room and I had the sinking feeling we were back to square one. My eyes started to burn and blur.
"Edward?"
He was standing by the fireplace. His hair hung over his eyes as he stared down at the flames, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
I knew he needed time to process what had happened, so I waited.
He was unnaturally still, unnervingly quiet. I noticed his chest wasn't moving. It was like he'd gone into lock down and I started to wonder exactly what he'd seen in Callum's thoughts.
I sat on the sofa and watched the statue in front of me. Where had he gone, what was he thinking?
If I'd just answered Callum's call I could have spared us all this. I could have eased him into things.
After a while Edward blinked, and I knew he was coming back to me.
I stood up, anxious.
"Which part are you most mad about?"
He stared for a moment as confusion washed over his features. Oh no, he didn't even know where to start. I sucked in a deep breath and braced myself.
"Is it the invasion of your privacy? The hacking into your bank account? Or, um, the exposure, the stuff about you on his dad's computer?"
Oh, it was quite a list and my voice had dropped to a whisper.
The confusion was still clear in Edward's face and I began to wonder. My hand flew to my mouth.
"You did see those things, didn't you?" I panicked. "I mean, we are talking about the same things here, aren't we?"
This really wasn't how I had planned to explain.
A smile ghosted over Edward's lips.
"Well, you seem to be the only one talking, but they are the same things, yes. Callum's thoughts are clear and vivid and very, very detailed."
I groaned. Of course they were. It was probably like watching a dvd with the director's commentary.
... Now here, Bella is giving me your human name. And now she's telling me all about your family. And in this next scene we're discussing your credit card details ...
Edward cocked his head. "But why would I be mad?"
"You mean you're not?"
He shook his head.
"But, we... ,"
Edward shook his head again, smiling wide now, his eyes bright and brilliant as he took a step towards me.
"Not mad," he said. "I'll tell you what I understand, and you tell me if I'm wrong." He echoed my words from the night before.
"You love me so much that you did everything in your power to find me, even if that meant breaking the law." His voice wavered just a little.
"Hacking's not illegal," I whispered, smiling a little bit. "Cracking is."
"A technicality," he whispered back, and took another step closer.
"But you're right," I said. "What you understand is right."
Edward's eyes were drawing me in, I could feel the pull between us.
"So, no, I'm not mad that you love me that much. I'm not mad that you did everything I would have done if the situation had been reversed and I was looking for you."
The relief was sweet. I could feel my cheeks stretching with my grin.
"And there's something else I understand, and again, tell me if I'm wrong."
I waited and it seemed for a moment that Edward was struggling with his words. He was biting his lip and then he took a deep breath and continued speaking.
"You told Callum to stop looking for me. Twice. When he confronted you about what I am, and again when Victoria came back."
Oh.
He rubbed his hands over his face and I could see he was obviously moved by this. Then he dropped his hands and when he spoke I was surprised by the raw emotion in his voice.
"Bella, I don't know how, but...you love me so much you would let me go if it meant protecting me."
Now the tears were starting again and I nodded.
"Like you did for me," I whispered.
And there it was.
Understanding.
"Bella," Edward breathed.
He took the final two steps across the room, grabbed me and pulled me into his lap as he sank into the sofa. It was so sudden, I squealed and laughed at the same time. Then tucked myself in under his chin.
"There's so much ...," he murmured. "So much ... Bella, last night when you told me you'd been looking for me, it was like my heart started to beat again. I could feel it. Knowing that you would do that for me was...I can't explain. And then, to see it all in Callum's mind." He buried his face in my hair. "I had no idea. I don't deserve... ,"
"Ssh," I cut him off. "Of course you do."
"I've always...I've always thought that you couldn't possibly love me like that. I believed what you felt for me would pale into nothing compared to my feelings for you." He brushed some strands of hair off my face and there was a flicker of sadness in his eyes. "That's why I thought you'd move on."
I rolled my eyes. "Definitely not moving on."
"I know."
He leant in and I felt his lips touch my forehead.
"But I still love you more," he whispered and I laughed.
"Don't start, Cullen."
We sat quietly for a while, just letting all this new information sink in. Edward lounged back on the sofa, bringing me with him so we were almost lying down.
"I'd still like to hear your version, though," he said after a while. "Will you tell me?"
"I will." And I still had to tell him about Alaska and the Denali's, but not right now. My scalp prickled at the thought of Tanya - I didn't want that conversation intruding on things just yet. "I will give you my version, but first can I ask you...you're okay with those computer files and, um, you know?"
"The Vigilante Vampire?"
"Er, yeah."
He closed his eyes and his chest moved with a slow, deep breath.
"Seeing that was a shock," he said slowly. "You could probably tell."
"Mm, just a bit."
Edward snorted. "A bit? I terrified your friend." He shook his head at his behaviour. "My instincts just kicked in and suddenly Callum was a threat and I snarled at him like a, a ...,"
"Vampire?"
He gave a sharp laugh and pulled his hand through his hair. "Like a vampire."
I shrugged. "He can take it."
"I know," Edward sighed. "He's strong."
"But, you're okay?"
He nodded. "But Callum's not a threat. He won't expose us, I could see that clearly, he's not that sort of person. And his relationship with Leah probably binds him to the secret anyway. But the files on the computer...," he paused and looked down to where our hands were clasped together.
"I didn't want you to know that part of me."
"Edward, I already knew about that time in your life. You'd told me."
"Yes, but I spared you the details. I didn't want you to know the where and the when and the...the how." I felt his hands flex as he kept his eyes on mine, face creased slightly into a grimace. "I could see that you defended me to Callum, but...Bella, were you very shocked?"
I picked up his hands, holding them in mine, stroking his long fingers with my thumbs.
"A lot of people lived because of you," I said. "And you can flip a mean omelet with these things. You have very good wrist action."
He blinked at me. Twice. And suddenly his hands were gone and they were in my hair, holding me while he kissed me hard.
"I love you," he murmured against my lips. "And I'll flip omelets for you whenever you like."
I laughed as his mouth moved down to my throat. He was trying to kiss me but he was laughing too. Eventually he gave up as we tumbled together, rolling from the sofa to the floor, Edward keeping me safe in the cage of his arms. We lay on the hearthrug, in front of the fire and Edward settled his head against my chest while I wiped the happy tears from my cheeks. I was surprised I had any tears left to cry.
The clock on the cabinet said it was only half past nine. Barely past breakfast and already I was exhausted.
"You know what I want to do today?" I asked.
"What?"
"I just want to do something normal. No more drama or tears or shocks. I just want to do something normal and boring. So, so boring."
Edward lifted his head, setting his chin just above my locket, and studied me for a second. His eyes were alight and alive with happiness and...mischief?
"Alright," he said and sat up. Then he stood and grabbed my hand. "Come on then," he pulled me to my feet. "Lets go to my place and pull the dust covers off the furniture."
A/N: Huge thanks for all the reviews, messages and recommendations. I appreciate them more than I can say.
There are only two or three chapters left now - we're getting near the end.
If anyone is interested, there is a thread for this story over on the AU forum at Twilighted.