Hey guys! I'm really, really, really sorry for the wait. Junior year has been extremely stressful. I have to take the SATs this Saturday and do makeup homework and study for the AP exams which are next week. I promise that the next update will be under a month. :)

However, I hope you enjoy~

Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of their characters.

"And why are you here today?"

Catherine took a breath. "To recount the events of my capture by the Taliban."

Ellie nodded as she looked up from her notepad. "Tell me why you were in Afghanistan."

She hesitated for a moment. Why had she been there? Even the CIA didn't know why she had been there in the first place. Not really, anyways.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had always hated being in front of the camera.

Just then, a knock on the door resounded. Catherine looked up at the entrance to see Keegan standing by the door, folder in hand, and suit impeccable as always. She gave him a small smile in greeting.

He sat down next to Ellie and asked, "Sorry, I'm late. Where are we?"

"She was just about to tell me why she was in Afghanistan."

Keegan nodded and looked at her expectedly. He knew that she was withholding that piece of information from them, but since the fine print didn't really affect the whole situation, he had let it go. He still wondered, though.

"I was helping out a friend," she said vaguely.

Ellie looked at Keegan and he gave her a slight, albeit restrained nod. She proceeded, "In a previous statement, you told the CIA that you were there alone and of your own accord. Is this correct?"

"Yes."

Keegan spoke up, sifting through the papers of his folder, "Incidentally, during your supposed time there, a Lieutenant Commander Steven McGarrett of the US Navy Reserve was rescued by a SEAL team while in captivity. You both served together and it is accounted for on numerous occasions that you two were acquainted with one another. Was he in any way connected with your personal agenda in Afghanistan?"

Ellie looked at Keegan at the mention of Steve's name; surprise, curiosity, and horror etched across her features. She turned her head quickly towards Catherine.

She willed her poker face to show, masking the intense range of emotions she was currently feeling. It all came back to her in a blur.

Steve calling out to her to save the kids and not worry about him. How could she not?

The truck; his battered and huddled body. Every time she saw a truck, she thought of that moment. Even his own pick-up.

The rush to save him.

Finding out he was okay.

Having to tell him that she had decided to leave – the pain of not being there when he was hurt almost killing her.

The moment he had told her – for the first time – that he had loved her. Her heart had exploded in her chest, feelings bubbling to the surface. "I love you, you know." Of course she had known – How could she not? - but hearing the words? It evoked something in her that she couldn't even describe.

Catherine shrugged, acting nonchalantly. "You should ask him. It was probably a coincidence. I was there by myself."

Not believing her, Keegan added, "A representative had talked to Commander McGarrett and he had told us that he was hazy on the details because of the number they inflicted on him. We were just hoping that you could clarify."

"Is there a question there?" She asked, her voice suddenly cold and distant.

"Yes," he made direct eye contact with her. "Were you there in Afghanistan on your own?"

She kept the eye contact, not daring to look away even for a moment. She took a moment to answer, recalling her training as if this an interrogation by an enemy. Then, ever-so-calmly, she responded, "Of my own knowledge? I was. Alone."

Keegan held her gaze for a few beats, searching her eyes for any signs of deception until he pulled back and nodded. She knew that he still didn't believe her, but she still had to do everything she could to protect him.

Returning back to Ellie, she waited for the next question. Watching as she was trying to regain her composure by clearing her throat and pretending to look through papers, her mind wandered back to the texts she had received from him. Yes, it had made her smile, knowing that there was still a chance at them, but Ellie was a good woman. She was sincere, unsuspecting, and clearly held intense feelings for Steve. Catherine hated hurting people and knew that it wasn't directly her fault, but it still made her feel bad for the federal prosecutor.

"Um. What-what happened in Afghanistan? How did you get involved with the CIA?" Ellie forced herself to look at Catherine.

"The CIA caught up with what I was doing and they knew of me. In exchange for protection of…" Catherine trailed off, wondering how to respond to her question truthfully without implicating Najib and his mother. Her heart still ached for the father he had lost – he had recovered fine, but the infection had ravaged his body; it had been too late once they realized what was going on. "An asset," she chose.

"They offered me a position as an operative or a consultant – whatever you want to call it – and I took it."

"And can you tell me the events leading up to your capture?"

"I, um, I was surveilling a possible cell. It was a compound held by a faction of the Taliban. Everything had been going fine and then all I remember after that was that I woke up being tied to a chair." She had been so close. That cell had marked the last of the ones in her agreement with the CIA. If things had gone smoothly, she would probably be working on a case with Five-0 right now, her relationship with Steve stronger than ever before. But things hadn't. And now, she was here, in a deposition by Steve's new girlfriend, recanting the most horrible moment in her life.

"And can you tell me what you remember about your capture?"

She was ravaged by memories she had tried so desperately to suppress. The words she was trying to speak were caught in her throat. She stammered a little before gathering all her strength to focus. Just focus. Breathe.

"I was held in a compound by the Taliban for the first few days where they questioned and interrogated me, often using methods of torture and beatings. I held onto the American journalist act until they caught on. Um, I couldn't understand all that they were saying, but some small bits and pieces registered into my mind. Th-they moved me constantly – kept on going with the torture and beatings – and then one day I found out that the real reason that they were keeping me alive – they, um, knew who I was and who I was affiliated to. They must've had a mole within the CIA or something because the next day or something – I really didn't have any orientation of time – I was being dragged to a room where a guy I've never seen before started showing me pictures of my friends and family and the asset I was protecting. He threatened that if… if I didn't tell them what I knew – what the CIA knew – then they would hurt them. But I knew that the CIA was keeping them under watch by multiple agents per my agreement, so I kept quiet. It was only after I was rescued that I knew I had been there for six months. It felt like forever."

The whole room was quiet after she finished, the last words were soft-spoken as it was a secret to be kept hidden. The only sound was the outside world, blocked by the windows and concrete of the government office building.

.

An hour of clarifications and answering more questions later, the deposition was finally over. Regardless, Catherine just sat there. Camera turned off and dismantled, papers being neatly organized and being stored away in file folders; none of it registered to her. She had been shoving the memories of being held captive and the trauma that came along with it to the back of her mind. She hadn't even thought about it when she came back to Hawai'i – she had done her best not to. But now, acknowledging the events that happened had opened floodgates – and they weren't closing, no matter how hard she tried to close them.

She told them about everything that was pertinent to her immunity process.

However, she didn't tell them about the part when she was blind.

She didn't tell them about how she lost hope after that.

She didn't tell them about how she had been ready for death.

She didn't tell them about how every time they would drag her back to that chair, memories of her family and friends raced through her mind.

And she certainly didn't tell them about how every time they would throw her back into her small windowless room that she wished for Steve to be there – to rescue her. She didn't tell them that she had started to hear his voice when she had been on the brink of death before they pulled her back to reality. She didn't tell them that during the last few whatevers that she had started to think that he wasn't even searching for her; she questioned if he even knew she was missing – He must think I abandoned him.

She was so lost in thought that she hadn't even noticed that Keegan left. Or that Ellie was calling her name to get her attention. She only found herself back to reality when a soft hand rested against her shoulder.

Startled, Catherine jerked up to look at the Australian woman. Ellie gave her a gentle smile.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. We're done. It's just paperwork now. Your part is over for now."

Catherine nodded stiffly and moved to stand up, her gaze still far away.

Noticing her unusual demeanor, Ellie stood up and called after her, "Catherine." She turned around. "Wanna get a couple of beers? I own a pub a short car ride from here. It's been a long day. They're on me."

Catherine's smile was strained and it didn't quite reach her eyes, but she nonetheless nodded. She could use some alcohol right now.

Lots of alcohol.

.

They were seated in a booth tucked in the corner of the quaint pub. Ellie nursed a beer in her hand as she sat across from Catherine, watching as she downed her second glass of scotch - the best that they served. Ellie motioned for the bartender – Paul – for another. If anyone deserved alcohol, it was Catherine.

"You own a pub, huh?" It seemed that the alcohol ebbed a teeny bit of the tension from her as the small smile on her face seemed somewhat real.

Ellie nodded and took a sip of her beer. "It was my dad's. He passed away when I was a teenager."

Catherine's face turned solemn. "I'm sorry."

Ellie shook her head. "It was a long time ago. I've made my peace with it."

Catherine nodded at her as she gave her thanks to the bartender that brought her another glass. "Thank you for this. I needed it."

"No problem. It was the least I could do."

A laugh resounded from the former naval officer. "You're already helping me with the whole immunity from the CIA thing."

Ellie shrugged. "A wise man once told me that there is no limitation to helping those in need of it – even when they're not willing to accept it."

"Who told you that?" She lifted the cool glass onto her lips and relished the fire it set when the amber liquid touched her tongue.

"John McGarrett."

That caught Catherine's attention.

"You knew Steve's father?"

Ellie nodded. "He was the responding officer to my father's murder." She gave a small smile of nostalgia when she continued, "He was like my second father. He made sure I was okay every now and then." A moment of silence. "He was a good man."

Now Catherine really felt that she didn't deserve Steve. Ellie and Steve shared a connection – a strong one too. She could never give him something like that. Steve deserved to be happy. Being with her would just cause problems. She knew that and as hard as it was, she accepted it.

"This must be hard for you." Ellie spoke.

Catherine looked up at her. After a beat, she shrugged in meek response. She watched as Ellie analyzed her and she never wished for the power to read minds more than this moment.

"Off the record, can I ask you something?" She took a gulp from her bottle.

"Sure."

"Why did you join the CIA if you hate it so much?"

"Join would imply wanting to." Ellie waited for Catherine to continue. Catherine was suddenly focused on her glass. She traced her thumb over the glass' edge, drops of alcohol pooling on the pad of her thumb. "They gave me an ultimatum. Go to jail for life and make the people I love look over their shoulders for the rest of their lives or work for the CIA and protect about the people I cared about most. Even if it meant hurting them, ending up resenting me or not being able to tell them." She took a gulp of her scotch. "Irony in its finest." Catherine's voice was acidic and cold, rage pooling inside of her towards the government she once – numerous times, actually – put her life down for.

"That's a bad hand you've been dealt."

"Tell me about it." Losing everything and everyone I loved to protect them. A chance at happiness; a real life? Gone.

Catherine downed the rest of the liquid courage and leaned back against the leather seats. The hand she'd been dealt was pure an utter shit. Even bluffing wouldn't help her win. And she was a damn good poker player.

"Want another?" Ellie asked.

Ellie was a nice enough woman, but there was a nagging suspicion that there was a double prerogative for this drinking session. But she didn't care. She really didn't anymore. About anything. Catherine nodded and watched as the lawyer signaled for another glass and another bottle of beer for herself.

Mickey, Lasker, and Reeves were probably parked right outside anyways. She looked towards the window. The outline of a black SUV stood in the distance, its inhabitants giving her a slight nod. 'Predictable," she thought, but smiled nonetheless.

The words came out of her mouth before she even had a chance to process them. "How long have you and Steve been dating?" She regretted it the moment she uttered the first syllable. But there was no turning back now.

Ellie smiled – a genuine one. Catherine's heart ached for the love she lost. "Almost four months."

Catherine smiled back. It was fake, but Ellie couldn't tell that.

"What about you?"

Paul brought the drinks over.

She panicked for a moment. Had Ellie found out about her and Steve's history? She was intuitive and a lawyer, after all. She must know. Or she's just being really ignorant about it.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you dating anyone?"

"Oh." She took a breath. Calm down. And then shook her head. "No."

She took a gulp.

"Being held captive for six months doesn't really help in that department," she sarcastically remarked.

Ellie managed to laugh at the crude humor.

A very long moment filled with awkward silence passed before Ellie sighed. Catherine felt the first wave of tipsiness come over her. Being devoid of alcohol for over a year had weakened her rather usually high tolerance.

"He went with you didn't he?" Ellie finally acquiesced to the thing she denied for so long. When Catherine didn't answer, she asked again, "To Afghanistan. He went with you, didn't he?"

"I told you. I went alone," she did her best to sound convincing, "Steve being there was totally-"

She interrupted, "Could you spare me the pity speech and just tell me? I promise you it won't go into the record or anything. I'm not recording this. I'm not that vengeful." Catherine noticed how Ellie tightened her grip on her bottle.

"I shouldn't be the one to tell you about-" Catherine started.

Ellie cut her off once again, "How long?" She looked up, sadness in her eyes.

Catherine sighed. She let a few moments pass to stare at the swish and swash of the amber liquid currently in her glass. Ellie deserved to know. She was innocent – just caught in the crossfire of their relationship.

Trying one more time to digress, she spoke, "You shouldn't hear it from me, Steve-"

"Please. I need to know." Catherine looked up. Ellie had tears in her eyes, her voice had been shaky.

She finally relented, looking directly into her eyes. She straightened her back and spoke confidently. Ellie didn't deserve to be hurt. "I've known him for about twelve years. A year after we met, we started doing whatever the hell we were doing." Their relationship was always one of uncertainty and labels weren't something they used – much to her chagrin. They weren't technically exclusive, but they…were. "Three years later, we broke it off. Close to a year after that, we got back "together" again. And it seems long, but with deployments and missions separating us every few months or longer, there wasn't really much time for an actual relationship."

Ellie had to take a moment to digest everything. She hadn't been expecting something of this magnitude. "Ten years." She said it softly, as if, if she had spoken any louder, she would break.

"Nine, if you include this past year."

Ellie looked up at Catherine. She was doing everything she could not to let a tear out. "Thank you for telling me. I always knew there was more to your relationship with him from the moment you said his name in the video. I guess I just fooled myself into believing in maybes."

Catherine stayed quiet for a long while. The silence stretched out for a long time between the two ladies. The only thing genuine she could come up to say was, "I'm sorry."

A/N: Please leave a review if you enjoyed it. Thank you!

*A/N: Michelle Borth is coming back for the season finale! A real confirmation! YAYAYAY! I can already hear all the McRoll fans rejoicing! ;)