CHAPTER NINE
LASTING PROMISES MADE
RACHEL'S HOUSE: QUINN'S BEDROOM
"You know that we all care deeply about you, Rachel. We don't want anyone to hurt you ever again. We have all ready given enough damage to you as is." Quinn sat down on the end of her bed. Her hand resting on her womb.
Rachel turned around quickly, "I know that you, Noah, and Kurt care deeply for me, Quinn. I'm not so sure about everyone else. They all fall in line because you ordered them too. Only Noah and Kurt have shown that they care about me because they want to – not because you ordered them too."
Quinn's head lowered in shame. But, she forced it back up to meet Rachel's chocolate eyes once more. "Are you going to give the rest of them a chance to prove to you that they do care for you. Honestly care for you?"
Rachel hugged her arms across her waist, "I want too, really want too. But I'm afraid."
"I'm sorry that I'm the sole cause of you being so afraid to allow anyone into your soul." Quinn sighed. "I know you are tired of my apologizing, Rach, but how can we get past the past if I don't say I'm sorry when I mean it."
Rachel sighed herself, "I'm not tired of you apologizing, Quinn. You are a more softer person when you sincerely apologize. But I wish you didn't have to apologize to me, Quinn. Like I said, those are just words. I want you too show me that you are truly apologetic. At times it feels like all of this will disappear once the -"
"...baby is born." Quinn finished. "That's my greatest fear also, Rach." She tried to stand, but her legs just didn't want to obey her. Sitting back down on the bed. "But, I know that will never happen Rachel Berry. You know why?"
Rachel shook her head slowly.
"Because I have you." Quinn simply stated softly.
"Perhaps you shouldn't have me." Rachel whispered.
Before Quinn could reply to this starting statement, Rachel turned and rushed from the room. Quinn stared in shock at the spot where Rachel last was. It took her six beats before she forced herself to get onto her tired legs and go after the short Diva. Raising her hand on Rachel's closed door, she knocked. Pausing to wait for an answer – and receiving none, she knocked a little sharper now. "I know you are in there Rachel. I'm being polite here by knocking – instead of barging in. At least you can acknowledge me."
There was no answer. Quinn leaned her head against the smooth door. "I'm going to wait right out here, until you open this door Rachel." She was going to say that she would have waited just until she received a acknowledgment that the Diva was in her bedroom – but her heart beat before her mind could.
Quinn waited for something. Even the tiniest sound that the brunette was in the room. But not even the slightest of all whispered came from the closed up room. Quinn sighed and knelt down. Sitting down and crossing her legs. Her head rested against the door once more, "I'm going to sit here and talk to you. Rachel, I'm never going to leave you. Not ever. I'm never going to hurt you ever again. Those two promises I tend to keep." Heaving a sigh, "I haven't made a promise since I was six years old. I was taught that a promise is a solemn vow to God. He holds those solemn vows deep within his heart – and his heart breaks when you break them. Even accidentally. Well Rachel, you make me want to promise everything that I hold dear to my life. My soul, heart, my beautiful and precious little girl."
Quinn's eyes closed, "Please God hold me to the promises that I made to Rachel." She whispered. "If I break them, then take my life. But please spare Rachel's and my little girl's life." She felt slim but strong arms wrap themselves around her waist, and her head was against smooth skin instead of the door. She twisted her head so she could get better accesses to the offered neck. Breathing in deeply taking in the deep essence of her life line, she let her sobs out.
Rachel simply laid her head against Quinn's and cried silently herself. "You shouldn't have made those promises to me, Quinn." She softly said in the blond's right ear, after twenty minutes of the two teens breaking apart in one another arms. "I've informed God that I'm not holding you to those promises – and I don't expect him too either."
"It doesn't work that way, Rach, once a promise is made – it's for all times." Quinn said in a low firm voice.
"Have you ever heard about Jephthah?" Rachel replied sadly.
"Yes. I know all about his vow to God. He swore that the first person to greet him when he arrived home – he would sacrifice. His beloved daughter ran out to greet him. He sacrificed her." Quinn sighed, "I know that God commended Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son, Issac. Abraham obeyed and just as he was going to – God said the he was pleased that Abraham would not behold his beloved son from him."
"I don't want anything to happen to you when you break your vow." Rachel moaned softly. Tears steaming down her cheeks. She buried her face into Quinn's all ready damp neck.
Quinn's right hand went up to stroke back Rachel's hair, "You are never going to lose me, Rachel. I will never break my vow to God or to you. I'm not going anywhere." She said in a soft and steady voice. Rachel just sobbed more harder into her neck. She was shocked that the Diva could break down so quietly – even after how many breakdowns that she had been witnessed to in the month since moving in with the brunette. It still shocked her to the core that Rachel was so quiet in her true heart to heart misery. It scares her to hell.
"Everyone leaves me. First my mother, then Shannon, then it's going to be you." Rachel whimpers.
Quinn's left hand rose and cupped the side of Rachel's cheek – her hand was all ready on it's cheek. Gently pulling Rachel away from her neck, "Rachel," she whispered. "Rachel," She said once more in a low steady voice, "I'm never going to leave you baby. Not willing." She leaned forward and captured Rachel's mouth with her own. Quinn's tongue peeked out to lick Rachel's lips, asking for entrance. Rachel complied. Quinn's tongue slipped inside of Rachel's mouth, touching the other girl's tongue. Quinn pulls away after a few moments. "That's my seal on my promise."
Rachel lowered her eyes. "I wish I could believe you."
"All you have to do is take that leap of faith, Rachel. The one that you said that I needed to take months ago when you offered your friendship." Quinn quietly said.
"I'm all ready in this friendship to the point where I can't even begin to image to live without you, Quinn." Rachel said lifting her eyes to meet Quinn's hazel ones. "There is no going back for me. But, I'm allowing you to have your out. You need to distance yourself from me once more. It's the only way to protect you."
"I can't live without you either, Rachel." Quinn simply said.
The two girls just stared into each other eyes, and knew that they spoke the truth. They knew that no matter what life brought their way – they would be together. Even if they lived thousands, upon thousands miles apart from one another – they would be together.
JESSE'S PARENTS HOUSE
Jesse took a deep drag of the double joint, passing it over to his best friend James. He leaned back in the over stuffed chair and slowly exhaled the large amount of weed that he had just in took. "I needed this after the shit of a day that I just had man."
"I still don't understand why you transferred to McKinley." James said before putting the jasper between his lips.
"Shelby needs me there." Jesse said. "I usually tell you everything that is going on, Jimmy. But, this thing for Shelby is off limits. I can't ever tell you man. If I do then Shelby is going too hang my balls to the wall."
James let the pot out of his system as he passed the joint back. "It's cool man. I know you dig Shelby more then any other adult out there. I wouldn't pressure you." He frowned, "I just feel bad for you Jesse, I mean this is your Senior Year. You need to be in VA non stop man."
Jesse smiled with the jasper between his teeth. "Don't worry about VA. We'll still going to win Regionals. No threat." He took in as much weed as his lungs could take. He slipped the jasper out of his mouth and passed it back. "I'm going to need your help. I need to get in good with New Directions. They don't trust me for some odd reason." He looked confused.
James burst out laughing. "I wonder why, man." Jesse laughed along with him. They finished the joint. "What do you want me too do."
"Gather the gang up. I want them to meet me outside of McKinley's parking lot after school tomorrow. I want them to accuse me of betraying VA. I want them to beat me to a pulp." Jesse said looking his best friend straight in the eyes.
"We can't do that to you!" James jumped from the couch. "Dude, seriously, whatever Shelby has you doing for her isn't worth getting yourself hurt. Think of ..."
"I am thinking, Jims. This is the only way." Jesse looked up into James's blue eyes calmly.
James's jaw clenched. "Alright."
Jesse nodded firmly and started working on the first bong of the evening.
RACHEL'S HOUSE: RACHEL'S BEDROOM
The girls had managed to move from the hallway into Rachel's bedroom. Neither one of them would never know how they managed that feat. They just knew that they felt the most comfortable in the bedroom – and that was why they ended up in there.
The girls currently were lying length wise on the bed. Quinn's back was against headboard, with two pillows against her back. She was gently playing with Rachel's brunette locks which were against her heart. Rachel's right hand was playing lightly on top of Quinn's womb. Her left one was at to the right of Quinn's hip bone.
"Do you ever think of your mother?" Quinn hesitantly asked, very unsure if this was too much of a touchy subject for Rachel. She didn't know if this would be the one thing that would make Rachel shut herself off from her. She held her breath and waited.
Rachel's hand stilled on the blond teenage pregnant stomach. She stared into space contemplating. She felt a movement under the palm of her hand, a tear rolled down her right cheek. "All the time." She whispered not trusting her voice. She felt butterflies playing lightly on her forehead, and neck. "I wonder if she ever took the time to really think of me when she alone. Or is she just showed my fathers that she actually cared about me when they were around. Perhaps she was the woman whom just carried me for my two gay dads and never thought one once of the little being growing inside her. I wonder if it pained her knowing that she had to give me away to perhaps never see me again.
"I wonder if she ever sang to me. I wonder if she ever talked to me. I wonder if she hoped that I would look more like her then my biological father. I wonder is she even thought of what I would look like. I wonder if she held me when I was born. I wonder if she even set eyes on me." Rachel grew silent, "I wonder if she loved me." She whispered.
"Your mother loved you." Quinn's soft voice said firmly in the darkness. It had grown dark since the the two girls had entered Rachel's bedroom. Quinn had the foresight to turn on the lamp on Rachel's bedside table. But the bulb was going out. So there was only a dim light that showed where things were in the room. "Your mother loves you still."
"How can you be so sure?" Rachel softly said. "How can you be so damn sure? I'm not even sure anymore." She moved away from her place on Quinn.
Quinn gripped Rachel's shoulders to prevent her from leaving her. "Don't run away, Rachel." She commended.
"Let me go Quinn." Rachel ordered in a hot voice. "You have no right to hold me here."
"I have every right, Rachel." Quinn forcefully said. The heat rising in her own body and soul. "This isn't just about you. This is about my own little girl." Her free hand rested against her womb where she can feel her baby girl moving around. "Don't you get it?"
"My situation is completely different from your little girl's." Rachel said tonelessly. "You love your little girl. You love her so much that if you deem it necessary for her to have a better life away from you – then you allow her too."
"I'm not going to keep her, Rachel. I can't." Quinn moaned. "I can't allow her to have any part of me or my life. Look at everything that I was put through due to my fucking parents. H-how can I put my precious little girl through that? I have all ready destroyed her DNA. How can I destroy her childhood?"
Rachel moved closer, and cupped Quinn's chin in her hands. "I promise you Quinn, that I'm going to be there for you no matter what. You chose to give your daughter away – then I'll be there for you. I'll comfort you and tell you that your daughter loves you every single moment. You chose to keep her – then I'll be right there by your side as you raise her." Leaning forward to capture Quinn's mouth with her own. Her tongue licking Quinn's quivering lips. When Quinn's lips broke apart – her tongue slipped in the small opening. Her tongue met Quinn's tongue as they gently but firmly massaged one another. Pulling away finally to rest her forehead against the blond's, "Promise sealed."
Quinn breathed in and out slowly. Her eyes closed as she just wrapped herself in Rachel's promise. She never wanted to leave this moment. To leave was to go back to where the fear was. She felt a hand on her womb – and her little girl kick. A smile slowly graced her lips. "I'm going to help you find your mother, Rachel."
Rachel slowly pulled away and got off the bed. Walking to her dresser she picked up her brush. Holding the brush against her chest with both her hands. "I'm never going to look for the woman whom carried me for nine months, and given me to my fathers." She said in a dead voice.
Quinn sighed deeply, "This isn't something to be stubborn about, Rachel. You need your mother in your life."
"I'm doing just fine without her. I have my two dads." Rachel gripped the brush harder.
"How did they take the talks that you had to have? You know about your boobs coming in. Oh and when you started your period." Quinn's right eye bow rose high and firmly.
"I didn't need them for those issues in my development. I looked up everything that I needed before any of the changes accord." Rachel slammed the brush down onto the dresser.
"I see." Quinn said in a soft mocking voice.
"Don't mock me." Rachel growled.
"You deserve-" Quinn shut her mouth tight as she Rachel started to kick her out. "I'm sorry Rachel. I didn't mean to mock you. I was just trying to get your temper up so you would actually be honest with yourself."
"I'm very honest with myself, Quinn. I very well know that I'm not normal. That I could have gone to my grandmothers, or one of my aunts. I could gone to some of my female cousins with the boob and period topic. But, I didn't." Rachel sighed as her hands were placed behind her holding herself up against the dresser.
"Why didn't you?" Quinn tilted her head to the right.
"My grandparents don't want anything to do with my dads. They don't want anything to do with me. They have forced my dads siblings to turn their backs on them. On me. The only family I have in this world are my fathers, Quinn. That's it, my fathers. If anything happens to daddy, whom is my biological father, before I'm eighteen – then dad my lose custody of me." A grim smile came to Rachel's lips, "The courts would deny Kristopher Berry any rights to me. Not only is he a gay man – but an African American. That's two major strikes that he has against him concerning me – a white girl."
"Today courts are more understanding and modern. They would award custody to the parent / guardian whom best suits you. That's Kristopher, your dad." Quinn said in a firm voice.
"This is Ohio, Quinn. Lima, Ohio, small Conservative American town! No way in hell that any court would award custody to a white girl to a African American gay man." Rachel said in a dead voice. "They would locate the woman who carried me for them. They would either force her to take me in – or officially sign her rights away."
Rachel's hands quickly covered her chest in a protective motion. "I don't want my mother that way." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's better that I don't have my mother in my life at all."
Quinn quickly got off the bed, and rushed over to wrap her arms around the fragile shorter girl. She felt Rachel's arms move around her back, and the girl's head rested on her chest, just over her heart. She silently cursed Giovanni and Kristopher to hell for the stupid fear they had when they decided to have a child together. How dare they put their child through this much pain – in fear that the surrogate mother would want a relationship with her child? It was her eggs, her DNA that helped create this beautiful and fragile creature in her arms.
Quinn was also cursing Rachel's mother for signing away her rights without battling an eye. But, she had deep sympathy for the woman also. If the woman even had half of Rachel's talent and dreams – then yeah she would have done anything to help accomplish her dream. Even offer up her body to a baby for a couple whom couldn't conceive a child in the natural way. Perhaps Rachel's mother was too afraid to freely admit to herself that she loved the child growing inside her – so she had managed to build up a solid steel wall around her heart and soul – so she could hand her precious baby over to the men that she carried her for.
Quinn firmly believed that Rachel's mother loved Rachel very much. She firmly believed that Rachel's mother still loved Rachel very much. Quinn just knew that Rachel's mother was back in Lima, just waiting till Rachel was eighteen. Quinn was bound to find the woman and get her to reach out too Rachel. Both Rachel and Rachel's mother can't wait until Rachel's eighteenth birthday to come around. Too much time has passed away.
Too much damage has been done to Rachel's fragile soul.
END CHAPTER NINE