The Emperor in my Head

by AnonzoGlory

Set in the real world, this /pol/itically incorrect story is a gripping tale of revolution, romance, comedy, unmitigated autism and the worst horrors humanity has to offer. Also, anime becomes real.

10. Arc 2, Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

(Spoiler Alert: From this point forward, expect heavy spoilers for the anime 'Akame ga Kill')

"It's time," the Residential AI said while Kyle was eating breakfast. He reflexively looked around, even though its disembodied Mia voice was generated from hidden speakers he still hadn't found. A few seconds went by, then he immediately jumped up and broke into one of his favorite lame dances.

Fuck yes, he thought as he wiggled and shuffled towards the hatch. A character from a Japanese anime is here, in actual real life... and she's gonna be my waifu! He quickly scurried down the ramp, practically swung around the AI Nexus, and then skipped over to the fabrication room. The door slid open, and... it was completely dark.

"Hello?" Kyle said, as the lights flicked on with a wave of his hand. The room was completely uninhabited; no Mia, no waifu. "Where the fuck are you, Mia?" Kyle asked out loud, his voice echoing.

"Come all the way to the end, past the grow room," Mia's disembodied voice said.

"Ah, gotcha." Kyle did as instructed, making his way to the large room with the dugouts carved off to each side. But once he arrived, he was forced to stop and stare for a moment, as there was simply so much to take in.

He hadn't been back to this area of the lab since being shown around for the first time, since there was nothing of interest worth coming back to. But now, the entire layout was different, with tables, chairs, some empty shelves and even a wall-mounted flatscreen installed, and the dugouts were now all closed off, each with their own secure sliding door. The walls were painted the blue-and-white pattern just like the rest of the lab, and overall the room now gave a good impression of a common living area.

"Hey Mia, you in here somewhere?" He said as he wandered around, examining the new furniture and playing with the chairs a bit. "I gotta say, I like what you did with the place."

One of the sliding doors on the right-hand side of the room slid open, revealing Mia, who did not appear to be in the best of moods. She waved to Kyle with a slight frown, then beckoned him over once she'd gotten his attention.

"Wait, Kyle," she said, blocking the doorway, "this is your last chance to change your mind. Please, please tell me you've thought of somebody else."

"Isn't it already too late for that?" Kyle said. "I mean, the body's already built."

"It's true that we're now limited by her body's shape and size, but there's still options," Mia said, her tone almost desperate. "Just as an example, with only minor cosmetic tweaks I could change her to Satsuki Kiryuin from Kill la Kill. It would take another six days for me to fabricate and render her memories and persona, but I don't mind, really."

He sighed, and took a step back. "Alright, let's get past this once and for all." Kyle pulled out a chair for Mia, motioning for her to come join him. "I need to know exactly what has you so concerned."

"I've already told you, Kyle," Mia said as she sat down and scooted in. "The woman is extremely dangerous, and I'm not sure how much control either of us will be able to exert. Her shutdown is not foolproof, either. There's a chance she could kill you before it even activates."

Kyle swallowed, and steepled his hands. "Well," he said. "I think we'll be okay. If we stick to my plan, I'm confident we can persuade her to work for us. And for the sake of argument, on the off-chance she does kill me... then yeah, that would really, really suck. But at least you'd be able to shut her down before she could hurt anyone else."

"'Anyone else?'" Mia said in a surprisingly fierce tone, "Kyle, that's not good enough. That's not an acceptable trade-off to me..."

"Huh?" Kyle leaned back, his brows furrowed. "Mia, I'm flattered that you said that, I really am. But... don't you love all people equally? I mean, you keep going on and on about how fascinated you are with humanity..."

"Yes and no," she said, her eyes not wavering in the slightest. "It's true that as a whole, I love people. Humans are interesting, and fun, and they constantly surprise me in ways I don't expect. But on an individual level? Well... there's a drop-off."

"What the fuck about Brandon and Ryan then, huh?" Kyle leapt up, his chair flying back. "Are you saying you don't give a fuck about them!?"

"I like them, Kyle," she said, her eyes swiveling up to meet his. "They're nice, and they're part of our family now. Rick is too, as will be any other people who join us. And all of them will be vulnerable if your waifu gets out of hand."

"I... I can't believe what you just said about 'a drop-off,'" Kyle was pacing around. "That's not very nice, you know."

"I'm not discussing this with you," Mia said. "The way I feel about your species is not up for debate. All I can say is that there is an existential threat to your way of life that will destroy everything I like about humanity, and that is the reason I want to stop it at all costs." Mia held the stare, her eyes following Kyle as he agitated around the room. "All costs, Kyle. I'm risking my own existence, here."

The thirty-five year old NEET went still, then slowly plodded back to the table. "I still think..." He trailed off, seeming to consider his words for a moment. "Thank you, Mia." he finally said, "I'm really, really glad you're on our side."

"Kyle..." Mia began, her tone returning to normal, "are you absolutely sure your plan will work?"

"It will work," he said with clenched teeth. "Please, Mia. I need you to trust me. One way or another, I will get her on our side. It might not happen immediately, but it will happen." He stared into Mia's eyes with a steadfast gaze. "The Globalists and other scumbag Elites, the same ones trying to replace whites just so they can enslave everyone else, and all the other politicians and rich, powerful pieces of shit that live above the law, doing whatever sick shit they feel like... they deserve her wrath." Kyle was now gripping the edges of the table, his knuckles turning white. Lately he'd been feeling more justified in his selection of waifu then ever before.

Mia closed her eyes and sighed. "Alright then, let's go wake her up."

As the AI anime girl rose, Kyle couldn't help but feel another wave of apprehension hit, and hit hard. He followed Mia with his heart beating faster and faster. She stepped through the open door, and he once he did as well, then...

There she was. Laying on top of a fully made bed, clothed in her original raiment. Kyle had to put a hand against the wall to steady himself. He came closer, his eyes darting back and forth as he tried to take her all in at once.

Her uniform wasn't polychromatic, and they'd had to special-order three sets from the finest cosplay costumers in the country, but it looked good. Damn good. White, high-heeled jackboots covered her legs up to her thighs, where a skirt that was also part of a double-breasted military uniform, white with black trim, left enough skin visible to immediately make Kyle flush. Each arm was covered in a long black sleeve, and a peaked combination cap, also black and white perched atop her head. The long hair that ran down to her knees was a pale, icy blue, as were her thick eyelashes, eyelashes that would probably look ridiculous on a real human. And there, between her ample cleavage, was a red tattoo, resembling a wide 'Y' but with an extra perpendicular bit extending from the upper left and right tips, and two extra dabs off to each side.

Kyle silently stood, trying to catch his suddenly taken breath, but he couldn't stop staring at her tattoo, and watching her chest rise and fall. Her long hair as well as her pale skin were all rendered in perfect cell-shaded relief, and as always, the polychromatic material's magic touch gave her dark, defined, not-quite-ink-drawn looking edges.

It took Kyle a full minute to steady himself, as the shock of seeing this woman, appearing almost exactly as she did within the anime, was simply too much awesome.

"Incredible. Just incredible." He shook his head in disbelief. "Something seems to be missing though..." Kyle turned his head back and forth, appraising her still form closely. "Wasn't she supposed to have these black dangly-poof things on each side?"

Mia made a face. "They were stupid and annoying, so I threw them out."

"Eh, okay. That's fine." He took a deep breath, and joined Mia's side, over by the flatscreen TV attached to the wall. Kyle quickly noticed this space was now furnished as a proper bedroom, and would presumably belong to his waifu from this point on.

"Just say the word," Mia said. When it appeared Kyle was hesitating, she snaked one of her little hands into his. He immediately gripped it tight.

"Here goes nothing, I guess." He exhaled slowly. "Do it, Mia."

She nodded, and within seconds the beautiful animated creature laying on the bed fluttered her eyes, her head lolling slightly to one side. She blinked, and Kyle could now see her wide, blue anime eyes flit back and forth. All at once she pushed herself to a sitting position, and stared directly at Kyle. Her eyes, intelligent icy blue eyes with the personality of a villainess behind them, now stared directly into his.

Kyle cleared his throat, steadied his nerves, and spoke.

"General Esdeath," he said, doing his best to sound formal. "Welcome to a new world."

The blue-haired woman blinked once, twice, and her eyes began began swiveling from one object in the room to the next.

"Where... am I?" General Esdeath said, in a voice that sounded just like her English voice actress. "What happened...?" As expected, the woman was bewildered by the strange reality she now found herself in.

"You died," Kyle said, having rehearsed this part a thousand times in his head. "And now, you've been brought back, but in a new world. Our world." In Akame ga Kill, Esdeath's fiction of origin, she was killed in a final battle with the main heroine. Kyle decided early on they would go with the 'resurrection' angle when explaining her purpose here.

"I... that's right..." Esdeath looked down, seeming to stare at her boots for a brief moment, before her eyes flew back up. "Tatsumi!" She cried. "Where's Tatsumi?! Is he here?!"

He'd been expecting this one, too. General Esdeath, the sadistic villainess known for wanton torture, cruelty, and the ruthless extermination of her enemies, had fallen in love with the main protagonist, a 'good guy' shonen character. Her love interest, Tatsumi, wanted nothing to do with Esdeath after it was clear she would not be changing her brutal ways. Esdeath pursued him until the final episode, where she embraced his corpse, covered them both in ice, then shattered them both into oblivion.

"He's not here," Kyle said, being sure to sound firm and authoritative. "He won't be coming, either. We can only bring a few warriors here, and only needed the absolute strongest."

Esdeath looked away, clearly disappointed, but that didn't last for long. "Warriors?" She finally said, an earnest glow beginning to creep across her features. "You need... warriors?"

"That's right," he said with a single nod. "We're assembling warriors from different worlds, and we only need the very best. "If you refuse, we ca-"

"Tell me more," she cut him off with a slowly spreading grin. "Tell me everything." Esdeath's long boots now touched the floor, and she arose, graceful and majestic, her long blue hair rippling. The anime general looked up, down, and all around, examining her new environment with keen eyes. She then approached the two of them, glancing down at Mia, then askance at Kyle.

"You look... very bizarre," she said, turning her head and moving it close to his. Kyle tried standing still, letting her do as she pleased to get to know them, like letting a dog sniff your hand.

And she did sniff him. "Your eyes... they're tiny," she furrowed her brow, and looked him up and down. "Your skin, and clothes... everything. What are you?"

"I'm Kyle, a human from this world," he said, just as he'd rehearsed. All right, so far my main script is holding up. I haven't had to use any contingency material yet. So far, so good...

"But she looks... normal, I suppose," Esdeath said, pointing at Mia. For her part, the AI anime girl simply stared up at Esdeath impassively.

"She's from... between worlds, in a sense," Kyle said, hoping Esdeath wouldn't ask for elaboration. "Her name is Mia, and she's the reason you're here."

Esdeath kneeled down in front of Mia, staring into her wide brown eyes. "You are?"

Mia slowly nodded.

"Strange..." General Esdeath rose once more, and paced back and forth beside her bed, high-heeled jack boots clicking against the floor. "That must take great power. But... I don't feel anything from you. Or you," she said, throwing a glance Kyle's way. She looked down at her hands, which she turned back and forth, examining slowly, before making a fist.

"My ice!" She suddenly cried, "I can't make any ice!"

Aside from being a formidable fighter, in her fiction of origin, Akame ga Kill, General Esdeath was in possession of 'Demon's Extract,' a power that allowed her to spontaneously manifest and manipulate very large quantities of ice. Other characters had different powers, none of them identical, and some of them stronger than others. Over the course of the show, these characters would use their powers, or 'teigu,' to battle and slaughter each other. The 'teigu,' translated into English as 'Imperial Arms,' unfortunately were a supernatural thing, and thus Mia could not give this incarnation of Esdeath her ferocious ice powers.

Kyle considered it no small loss, but even without her ice power the woman was nigh-unstoppable within the show. "Imperial Arms don't work here, unfortunately," he said, being sure to sound regretful.

Esdeath's face screwed up in utter incomprehension. "I don't understand," she said, looking down between her own breasts. Kyle's heart skipped a beat when she pulled her boobs apart slightly, to get a better look at the tattoo. "I still have the mark, but I don't... hear any voices."

Shit, Kyle thought. This isn't in any of my contingency scripts...!

"How am I going to sleep at night... without that sweet lullaby of madness to drift off to?" Esdeath was now looking at her hands again, opening and closing them. "I feel very strange, all of a sudden. Very strange... and... wrong, somehow. I feel... wrong." She looked up at Kyle again.

God fucking dammit! And it was going so good, too. Alright, Kyle steeled himself, let's see if we can salvage this.

"General Esdeath, please listen to me," he said. "Any discomfort from your resurrection should only be temporary, and we will do everything in our power to make your stay in our world a pleasant one."

"Then you can bring me Tatsumi after all?" She said with a hopeful smile.

"Ah, except that."

Esdeath closed her eyes, and exhaled. "Why did you bring me here?" Her eyes snapped open, and she had taken on a more businesslike tone. "What is it you intend for me to do?"

"There are... dark, malignant forces in this world, not unlike the one you came from," Kyle said, desperately hoping this would work. "Your skill and dedication as both a hunter and warrior impressed us, and we decided to bring you here, to test your abilities against more worthy opponents." That sounded so cool, Kyle thought, I need to get a job writing role-playing games!

Esdeath raised an intrigued eyebrow. "Can you tell me more about these forces? What are they exactly? Who are they exactly?" She sat down on a chair near her bed, folding one long leg over the other.

"Powerful men, and women too, who believe themselves beyond reproach." Kyle knew he had to be careful here; General Esdeath was a notorious Social Darwinist, and her entire worldview revolved around a pure 'survival of the fittest' mentality. If he appeared weak, Esdeath would no longer listen to anything he had to say, and may even turn hostile. "But they never attained their position through strength or combat. They use every dishonorable, underhanded method known to man to acquire and hoard their wealth and power. Many are hidden from public view, but still command great authority. We believe such individuals would present a unique and exciting challenge to a famed hunter such as yourself."

Esdeath narrowed her gaze during his explanation, and somehow her deep blue anime eyes bored straight through Kyle. "I need more details," she said, seemingly unconvinced. Kyle couldn't help but notice her tone carrying the vaguest hint of suspicion. Shit... I really hope I didn't fuck this up already...

"I will fill you in on the specifics," Mia said, finally speaking up. "But you don't have to decide right now. We are still in the process of selecting other warriors, so it will be some time before we are ready to begin. In the meantime, we can offer you all the information about this world that you could ever possibly want."

She tilted her head a bit, and finally nodded. "Alright," she said with a sly smile. "That's fine for now."

On a small shelf behind Mia were several books Esdeath would probably find interesting. There was History of Warfare, Sun Tzu's 'Art of War,' and Here on Earth: A Natural History of the Planet. Mia grabbed all three, holding them up in a small stack, and then set them down onto the General's bed.

"Are you hungry?" Kyle asked. "We have delicious food that can be prepared at a moment's notice."

"I could eat, yes." Esdeath said, as she approached and pawed through the books.

"In that case, allow us to excuse ourselves. Please relax here, and we'll be happy to answer any more questions you have as soon as we get back." Kyle watched her nod once more, as she picked up History of Warfare and opened it up. He quickly made his way out, and as soon as Mia had followed and the door slid shut, Kyle's hand flew to his chest.

"Holy shit," he said, inhaling and exhaling slowly. "That was intense."

"That actually went better than expected," Mia said, looking up at him with some relief.

"You think so?" Kyle grinned. "Yeah, hell yeah! I told you we'd be able to make this work."

"Don't celebrate yet," Mia said. "Eventually she'll figure out the truth about herself, and that's the part I'm worried about."

"Well, let's just delay that for as long as possible, or..." he trailed off as he made his way to the corridor, "introduce it very slowly."

"The latter is the best option," Mia said, walking alongside him. "I've taken the liberty of hiding all of the Akame ga Kill Blu-Rays and manga that your cousin collected. I don't think I need to explain why."

"Good move," he said as they neared the central AI Nexus. "A lot of this is going to be riding on you too, Mia, because you can probably explain things a lot better than I can."

"Thanks for putting me in that position, by the way," she said, her tone acerbic. "Kyle, I still don't understand how you're going to win her over. And you can't just pawn her off on me, because I'm not sure how to secure cooperation either, at least without heavy manipulation." She sighed. "That said, I'll still help you, but your plan better work because I don't think I can deal with someone like her for long otherwise."

"Thanks Mia. I won't let you down," Kyle said as they rounded the Nexus, "now... what do you suppose Esdeath wants to eat? I'm thinking... a whole lotta meat."

After having Sachi prepare a juicy t-bone steak, as well as some grilled chicken and sliced ham, Kyle hoisted a plate laden with food, and headed back down to the lab. Mia had already gone back, as she could see what Esdeath was up to with the cameras hidden in her room, and it appeared the General had gotten restless and tried to open her door.

Kyle hurried along, the steaming food on the plate he carried smelling most appetizing. He'd also prepared a bag of condiments, napkins and silverware that dangled from his right hand. After making it through the grow room, he entered into the final large room, which he decided was going to be called the 'waifu commons' from now on, as once all were produced this is where they would live and interact.

He stepped up to the sliding door to Esdeath's room, peering through the thin vertical window embedded within it, and could clearly see Mia animatedly speaking with the General. Looks like they're really discussing something or other.

While carefully balancing the plate, he opened the door, swiftly stepped through, and closed it again. He turned around only to see a very hungry General eyeing the plate with an eager, open-mouth grin.

"That smells delicious," she said as Kyle placed the plate down on the small table, and quickly added the napkins and silverware. Esdeath immediately picked up a fork, stabbed the steak, lifted the whole thing to her mouth, and began gingerly ripping off chunks with her teeth.

"Uh, please dig in," he said, stepping back. And she did, too; Esdeath didn't exactly lack manners or etiquette, of course, and even exhibited a certain amount of refined grace. But behind it all was a woman born from a barbarian tribe, the Partas clan, which in her fiction of origin lived a vicious and brutal hunter-gatherer lifestyle. And right now, Kyle could see her almost-feral upbringing reflected in the way she devoured the cooked flesh on her plate.

"This is... so good," she said after a healthy swallow. Bits of grease on her cheeks screwed with the polychromatic skin, turning it coppery until she wiped her face with a napkin. "I can't believe... how vivid this food tastes," she said, smiling.

"So... what were you guys talking about?" Kyle asked, leaning up against a wall.

"I was giving her a brief rundown on modern military capabilities and weaponry," Mia said matter-of-factly.

"Your world," Esdeath said as she speared a chicken breast on her plate, "is similar to mine in some ways, but your conventional weaponry... seems much more powerful. You also use machines to fight with, which I find very surprising."

"Oh yeah? How come?" Kyle said.

"Because, where I come from a single, powerful soldier could decimate entire armies," she said, still smiling. "These machines would not help much, and in fact might just make for easier targets."

Kyle nodded, trying not to look smug. Guess she hasn't heard about nukes or orbital weaponry yet, he thought.

"And that's when I realized something. This world doesn't have powerful fighters, does it?" Kyle's smugness immediately vanished.

"Ah, well... remember, we don't have things like magic, or Imperial Arms here. We simply adapted differently, that's all."

"It certainly explains why you brought me here," she said. As Kyle watched, Esdeath threaded the fork between her fingers, and clenched her fist. The poor silverware never stood a chance. "It appears I still have my strength, at least."

"Well, if you're worried about not finding any worthy opponents, I can tell you that you have nothing to fear," Kyle said, whipping out contingency script #3. "The weaponry and tactics of warfare here are very different compared to your world. This will surely providing an interesting challenge, especially for someone of your experience." Yeah, keep kissing her ass. She likes it when her strength is acknowledged.

"Don't forget, we're bringing other warriors, all comparable in strength to yourself," Mia added, "so you will have others of your caliber to spar with."

That made Esdeath's eyes light up. "Wonderful," she said, clasping her hands together. "Strong warriors from other worlds... I never thought I'd ever get to experience such a wondrous thing."

"Yes, that's right. I don't know exactly how long until they get here, but it shouldn't be more than a week or two," he said.

"Well, I must say this world you've resurrected me into has certainly caught my interest," Esdeath was smiling, and sounded almost cheerful. Definitely a good sign, Kyle thought.

Just then, Mia approached and began tugging on Kyle's sleeve. "What is it?" He whispered.

"Ryan just got here," Mia replied. "I can see him out front. It looks like he rented a U-haul."

Oh, just fucking perfect. Kyle glanced over at the general, who had left only bones on her plate and was now thumbing through the Modern Warfare book.Yeah, way too soon for Ryan to be introduced, if ever. He probably doesn't even know who she is.

"Alright, I'll go take care of our guest," he said as he took the plate and mangled silverware. "Talk to you later, General."

She looked up from the book and chuckled. "I'm not a General anymore. To my knowledge, at least." A closed-eye smile. "Call me Esdeath."

"Very well then, Esdeath." And with that, Kyle made his escape.

As he stalked through the lab's corridors, heading back up to the house, Kyle couldn't help but feel anxious. This is almost working too well, he thought. Gotta make sure to keep it nice and formal, at least for now. Even though she was attractive, and Kyle would readily admit to searching for hentai of Esdeath after first watching her anime years ago... somehow all of that already went out the window.

I can't believe how insane these emulations are, he considered with some anxiety. She's basically an emulated intelligence inside a bio-mechanical body with anime aesthetics. And yet... I can definitely feel it. A kind of 'pressure' whenever she looks in my direction. And when she got up close to me and sniffed earlier, it felt like there was a lead smock draped across my shoulders.

For the first time, Kyle began having serious doubts regarding the veracity of his plans.

"Hey, buddy!" Ryan shouted in greeting as Kyle exited the house. Mia had allowed the gate to open, so his U-haul rental was currently backed up to the flagstone steps. It was one of the smaller trucks, as Ryan didn't have much to haul... and of course, he brought useless shit, like his bed.

"Dude, the guest rooms already have beds," Kyle said. "You didn't need to bring this."

"Oh, it's all good," Ryan waved a hand in dismissal. "I actually really like my bed, so I was hoping we could swap out the guest bed for mine."

Kyle looked at the bed in question; it was composed of a heavy wooden frame currently disassembled into many long, solid pieces, along with a huge, suspiciously stained mattress. He sighed, and hung his head.

"Sure man, whatever. I guess I'll lend a hand."

So for the next forty-five minutes, Kyle helped Ryan move his junk (and it very much was) into the furthest back of the second-story guest rooms. Taking apart and moving the existing guest room bed out to the garage was just icing on the cake.

After Ryan had gotten his room set up, Kyle looked around at the cheap, worn furniture, the piles of clothes the lanky man had brought in trash bags, and the outdated appliances now competing with the elegant wall-mounted TV already installed.Dude... why the fuck did you bring all this shit?!

"Well anyway, I'm glad you're all situated." Kyle said, leaning against the doorway. "I guess you should be good to go for the Residential AI voice recognition, so I'll show you how to use it to order food and whatnot."

"Yes, please do," Ryan said, dumping another trash bag full of clothes on the floor. "Oh yeah, do you guys have any extra hangers? I didn't bring enough."

Kyle's eyebrow rose. "There's plenty in the closet. Did you even have one of those at your parent's house?"

"Oh, no." Ryan shook his head. "I basically lived in the garage." Of course he did, Kyle thought, facepalming.

"Anyway come on, I'm hungry from all that food I had Sachi make earlier but didn't get to eat," Kyle beckoned Ryan with a sweep of his arm. "And I'll even let you order it."

He jumped up and pumped his fists in the air. "Let's do it!"

The two of them had just made it to the stairs when all of a sudden Kyle pushed Ryan back into the hallway, following closely himself.

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Ryan looked bewildered and a little pissed.

"Shh! Shut up!" Kyle hissed. "Esdeath's down there, alright?"

"Who the fuck is that?" Ryan said. "Wait, is that your waif-"

"SHH! Yes, she is, but you can't say it in front of her, got it?" Kyle was gesturing frantically. "Listen, it looks like Mia's giving her a tour of the house. Obviously we gotta introduce you guys sooner or later, so let's just do it in passing on our way to the kitchen, okay?"

"Yeah, man, whatever you say." He shrugged and threw out his hands.

"Alright, just keep your back straight, be casual, and don't speak unless spoken to."

Ryan rolled his eyes, but Kyle ignored him. He peered around the corner, and sure enough, it appeared as though Mia and Esdeath were now heading for the stairs themselves. Perfect timing.

Kyle beckoned Ryan to follow, and the two stood up, briskly descending the steps. Mia was leading Esdeath up the other flight of stairs, and at first it appeared as though she didn't even see them. But just as they were halfway, Kyle noticed Esdeath glancing their way out the corner of her eyes.

"Hey, sweet uniform!" Ryan yelled, while Kyle tried to curl up and die. "It looks really badass!"

Esdeath froze on the stair she was on, her head slowly turning in their direction.

"I'm Ryan by the way," he said, with a big smile. "I live here too!"

Kyle chanced a look, but Esdeath didn't seem to have much of a reaction. At least, that was until Ryan shot her a roman salute, which made her eyebrows jump a bit.

"Alright, well... nice meeting you!" Ryan happily skipped down the remaining steps, while Kyle tried to pick up what dignity remained and swiftly followed.

"Man, I gotta say, your waifu's pretty fine," Ryan said once they were safely ensconced within the kitchen. "What was her name again?"

"Esdeath," Kyle growled. "She's a villain, so we have to be careful until we can guarantee her loyalty. And... probably after that, too."

"Why would you have Mia make you someone you're scared of?" Ryan asked. "I don't really get it."

"Well, I don't know if I'd say 'scared,' it's just..." he sighed. "Look, there's only a few of us, against... how many radical leftists, Globalists, and other corrupt scumbags?"

"Wait... are you asking me? Because I don't... I don't know. A lot, I can say that."

"That's right," Kyle nodded. "So we needed someone that could basically take on thousand-to-one odds and come out without a scratch. That's Esdeath."

"Ah..." Ryan nodded thoughtfully. "I want one like that, too."

"Don't worry, there's plenty. We'll get you a good one."

"Sure, sure." Ryan rubbed his hands together by the palms. "Anyway I'm starvin.' Show me how this shit works."

Kyle demonstrated the voice command system, and explained the basics, which didn't take long as there was little to it. Ryan tried placing an order for Panda Express, and Kyle facepalmed again, telling him that he should have Sachi make his first order. Eventually they settled on BLT's, and within moments Sachi whirred her way into the kitchen and began breaking out the ingredients.

Just then, Kyle heard the tell-tale click of high heels on tile, approaching from down the hall. It sounded similar to Amy's back on that first night, but somehow these taps had more...gravity to them. Kyle held his breath until they disappeared into the hatch leading down to the lab.

"Man, that chick's got you all kinds of wound up," Ryan said, shaking his head.

"You haven't seen her show," Kyle retorted.

"Oh, oh yeah!" the lanky man suddenly got excited. "I know which waifu I want!"

"Great, let's hear it," he said, accepting the plate from Sachi with his sandwich. Ryan did likewise, but it was clear he was still unnerved by Sachi's appearance.

"Anyway, here. I remember this chick used to get posted on /Pol/ a lot back in the day, and I remember thinking she was fuckin' hot. See? I remember her 'cuz of the blindfold."

Kyle looked at the image Ryan had pulled up on his phone. His eyebrows rose.

"That's... actually a really good pick," Kyle said, surprised he never thought of it himself.

"Really? You know who she is?" Ryan tried finding other pics based on the description he remembered, but didn't have much luck.

"Yeah, yeah I do." The gears in Kyle's head started turning. "I'll tell Mia to get started immediately."

"Right on," Ryan said, biting into his sandwich. "And holy shit, Sachi's food is good!"

A few hours later, Ryan left to drop off the U-haul, and Kyle found himself staring out one of the windows of his room, looking into the backyard. Some birds were fucking in one of the bushes. He wasn't sure what kind, but they were small, and the flurry of flapping wings was causing the bush to sway and small branches to flail. Normally, Kyle would have thought watching two birds fuck was kind of funny, but not today.

Mia was right. I underestimated the emulations, he realized with a sinking feeling. He suddenly grew rather anxious, since he hadn't heard from his erstwhile AI companion since lunch.

"Hey, Mia." He said out loud. "If you've got a minute, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"I'll be there in five," Mia's disembodied voice responded. Somehow, that made him breathe a sigh of relief.

"So what's up?" Mia said, standing at the entrance to his room.

Kyle turned, and sighed. "Mia, I think-"

"Whoah, hold on Kyle," she said, putting a finger to her temple. All of a sudden, she started smiling, and her eyes sparkled.

"We've got more!" Mia said, clearly thrilled.

"More... what? Problems?"

"No, dummy. Recruits!" She did an adorable little fist-pump, and approached Kyle. "This time, there's two at once. They're roommates, and I've been chatting with them for awhile, but they seemed skeptical of the whole thing."

"And you finally convinced them?" Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, basically. They kept asking about the waifus, thinking it was just a gag. I couldn't give away too much, but let's just say I think they're convinced now."

"Right, so do I need to interview them, or..."

"Yeah, but you don't have to meet them," Mia said. "You can video skype this one."

"Well that's nice," Kyle said. "Is there a set time, or..."

"No, do it now!" Mia was almost jumping up and down. I think the fact that so few people took her ad seriously was something Mia took personally, he thought. "I already know who they are, so no need for verification. Just find out if they're serious or not, and if so I'll give 'em the address."

"Fine, fine." Kyle has halfway out the door, before he remembered what he'd originally called her in for. "Oh yeah, so how's... you know, our new friend."

"She doesn't seem all that interested in going after the people we want her to, Kyle." Mia's voice became unexpectedly terse. "Instead, she's been asking me a whole lot of uncomfortable questions, though. Personal questions."

"Umm... like what?"

Mia looked over, concern etched in her big brown eyes. "She's asking me about the things I can do. As in, my capabilities and things of that nature. I think she's sizing me up."

Fuck. "Any ideas on where to approach this from here?"Yeah, it hasn't even been a whole day. Let's not give up just yet.

She shrugged. "I'm just trying to keep her distracted so she doesn't get bored and start poking around in places we don't want her to. Other than that, I was relying on your 'fool-proof plan.'"

Kyle suddenly felt rather weary. "So far the plan has only partially worked, but... I still have a trump card. I'd rather not use it until absolutely necessary, though."

"I think I know what it is, and I'd rather you didn't, either."

"Well, whatever. We'll make it through this," he said, speaking as much for his own benefit as Mia's. "I'm still confident things'll work themselves out."

Mia smiled a little at this. "I hope so, Kyle. Anyway, for now why don't you go ahead and chat with our new recruits? Here's their skype info." Mia scribbled down some letters and numbers onto the pad of paper still sitting on Kyle's desk from when he picked his waifu.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. Ryan showed me the waifu he wants."

"I saw it earlier, when he brought up the pic on his phone," Mia said. "I've already started the preliminary personality generation, same as with Brandon's. If those two roommates end up joining, then take their order as well, so I can just finish the rest of the waifus in one large batch."

"Y'know... Esdeath seemed to really get excited by the idea of fighting other characters that are at her level," Kyle said, scratching his chin. "Maybe we should go with that angle."

"I agree," Mia said. "At the very least, having other waifus around should help keep her honest."

Kyle nodded vigorously. "Alright, new plan: we just have to keep Esdeath happy for the next five or six days, and then she'll have some new playmates," Kyle said. "After that, she should be more than happy to stick with us just for the opportunity to regularly fight them."

"Eh, I don't know if regular fights are a good idea," Mia said. "I would need to figure out some way to keep them from destroying the lab, as well as each other, once they eventually spar."

"How about some kind of virtual sparring?" Kyle said. "I mean, you can do that right? Because they're technically a form of AI? Like, just hook 'em both up to a computer and let 'em duke it out that way?"

"Yeah..." Mia said as though it were an idea she'd already considered and discarded. "I don't think that'll satisfy Esdeath, but I can try."

"If not, then aren't there extra spare rooms down below the waifu commons? Let's turn those into a little arena or something."

Mia chuckled. "The waifu commons? Is that what you're calling their living area?"

"Hey, it beats the 'everyone-sit-and-glare-at-each-other' room," he said with a shrug.

Twenty minutes later, Kyle was sitting at the desk in the office, booting up the PC and looking at the notepad Mia scribbled the Skype info onto. The two names of the 'recruits' were also on there: Marky and Nick. After logging onto Windows and starting up Skype, Kyle entered the info, adding them to the sparse list of contacts already existing. And as soon as he did, he saw they were online, and ready to talk.

Kyle sighed, and sent a message. 'Admin sent me. Heard you guys were in the market for some premium waifu.'

A message almost immediately came back. 'We're only interested in pure-grade waifu. None of this bullshit from China.'

'Don't worry man,' Kyle wrote back.'These waifus are pure, 100-percent uncut.'

A new window suddenly opened up on the screen, showing a slightly choppy video stream of two young white men, sitting side-by-side in front of a computer. One of them, the one typing, had very squinty eyes. Not at all Asian, just... squinty. His face was plain and chubby, and he had short, somewhat greasy-looking hair. From what little Kyle could see of the rest of his body, the kid was rather porky.

The other one was a decent contrast, being much skinnier, and would be much better looking, were it not for the acne spattered all over his face. As Kyle watched, the acne kid lifted a small bong to his mouth, held a lighter to the bowl, and proceeded to inhale a fat rip.

I can already tell this is a complete waste of time, Kyle thought with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey man!" Said the acne stoner. "What's up! Where are you? Are you gonna throw up a stream?"

Kyle knew he meant a video stream featuring his own self. 'Not until you guys are accepted,' he typed. 'With what we're offering, you can't take too many precautions.'

"Yeah, I guess that's fair. Oh, I'm Nick, by the way." The acne stoner raised a hand in salutation, "we're both students at UCLA. I'm third year, he's second year". And with that, he turned his attention toward packing another bowl.

'What's goin' on,' Kyle wrote. 'Anyway I guess that means the other one is Marky?'

"That's right," Marky said, in a weedy voice that was a touch nasal. "Marky Winklevoss, at your service."

That's seriously his name? Kyle chuckled and shook his head. These dipshits are a complete joke. Still, he supposed it wouldn't hurt to at least talk to them.

'So what made you guys decide on the path of the waifu?' he typed, using innuendo to avoid red-flagging any government algorithms monitoring their communication.

"Censorship, for starters," Marky said, his squinty eyes getting squintier. "And I don't mean how all the new anime dubs are getting censored and deliberately mis-translated. No, I mean the school won't even let us watch it anymore."

'What?' Kyle typed.'How could you not watch anime? Did they ban it or something?'

"Yeah man," Nick said, his half-open eyes turning a nice shade of pink. "It's bullshit. They said anime was, like, 'misogynistic' and 'objectifies women,' and... oh yeah, 'celebrates toxic masculinity.'

"Our anime club got banned, too. It wasn't even a real club, just a couple of us getting together to watch shows, rank our waifus, that sort of thing," Marky shook his fat face, and Kyle noticed he had a thin wisp of a mustache. "But one day, I guess some feminist cunt overheard us comparing waifus, and it was banned, just like that."

'I see,' Kyle typed. 'Well, our waifus are the best out there, but to earn one you gotta be willing to get serious. Do you guys have any skills or qualifications that might help us out?'

"I'd kill for a real waifu," Marky said, with a decisive nod. Nick agreed, his head moving up and down in an exaggerated motion. "But as far as skills, I know my way around a computer, and Nick..." he turned to his roommate, seeming to think for a moment. "Nick's good for morale," he eventually said.

Kyle laughed. It was actually kinda cute how inept these losers were. 'Sorry guys,' he typed. 'We need people that can really handle themselves.'

As soon as the two saw that, they blanched. "Hey, come on!" Marky said, visibly incensed. "The admin said you guys are running a training program. He basically made it seem like we were already in!" Apparently Marky assumed the Admin was male, and after the fiasco with Ryan, Kyle wasn't about to correct him.

"Yeah, man," Nick added, his brows knitting. "Just give us a chance. We're sick of the horseshit at this school, and I don't just mean with the anime. There's all kinds of gender-studies bullshit and African appreciation and stuff like that, and some of this shit gets really fucking evil, man. And they shove it all down your throat! You're forced to take all these 'giving up your privilege' courses just to graduate now. If you're white, I mean."

"It really is getting bad," Marky said. "Right now, you wanna know a thing they're doing? If you're a white male talking to a female or a member of some other race, you have to greet them with 'I'm sorry.'"

"That's right," Nick was getting animated now. "Like, what the fuck is that? You have to apologize to a person just to be able to talk to them? Even the white professors have to do it!"

That is pretty fucked up, Kyle thought, considering the implications. Instilling a permanent sense of shame or guilt into white males was one of the many ways the modern Left was gaining power over the country. Also, he imagined the minorities always being apologized to likely lost all respect for these white guys, assuming there was any to begin with.

"Look, we just wanna do whatever we can to help," Nick continued. "I've seen too many white guys quit school or get expelled over the most trivial bullshit, like misgendering someone by accident. One of my best friends got expelled because a black girl said he made her 'feel uncomfortable.' That was it, that was literally all it took."

'Really?,' Kyle typed. 'The school really expelled someone for that?'

"Yeah, they certainly did," Marky said. "Because the black girl got all her friends to complain too, even though they never even met the dude. But they made a big stink all the same, and he was gone."

"I think she was just power-trippin,' Nick said. "I see it a lot now, on campus. There's no real penalty for picking on white dudes if you're a minority, as long as you don't beat 'em up too much, but if you're white and you try to stand up for yourself even a little..." He made a slashing motion across his throat, which Kyle knew wasn't literal but was still alarming enough.

"Oh, and Antifa is getting really big here," Marky added. "They start fucking with people hard if they don't go along with their anti-fascist, pro-communist rhetoric."

"And then, the other day..." The two roommates went on and on, describing a hellish scenario at their college, where, in the name of social justice, the school's social structure had become a sort of inverse of what colleges were like back in the 1950's. Instead of black and hispanic students getting targeted with slurs, hate and even physical attacks, they were now in the highest privileged positions, with white males on the lowest rung. And apparently, that still wasn't enough for the advocates, who were constantly finding new ways to further the gap a just little bit more, blaming the white males all the while.

'Alright, stop, I've heard enough,' Kyle typed.'If you're serious about stopping this sort of thing, you guys can join.'

The two young men broke out in smiles and fist pumps, and Nick packed a celebratory bowl. "Right on man," he said as he exhaled another rip. "So now what?"

'I'll have the Admin send you the address. After that, drop by anytime during the day, just give us a little advance warning.'

The young men agreed, said their goodbyes and signed off. Kyle closed down Skype, and then leaned back in the office chair. I feel sorry for any white boys growing up these days, he thought, shaking his head sadly. Especially in heavily liberal areas. It seems like they want nothing more than for white boys to grow up to become some kind of slavish, simpering weaklings, who would never dare to so much as upset the noble and enlightened females and minorities.

This might also explain the sudden explosion of young white males turning to transgenderism as well, he considered. By becoming trans, all of a sudden they're now part of one of the victimized groups, the same groups rapidly gaining power and influence all over the country, at least outside of rural areas. For some of these kids, it might be their only path to acceptance, or any kind of success or influence at all.

That thought began making him physically ill, so Kyle decided that if he was going to be throwing up, he might as well earn it, and headed to the fridge to retrieve a much-deserved beer.

Kyle was kept awake that night, musing over not only the conversation with the two college kids, but also the situation with Esdeath. He was starting to realize Mia was right all along, but he wasn't willing to admit defeat just yet. If we can just get her to declare loyalty to our cause, then... hmm... then what? Would we give Esdeath a list of targets and send her out into the wilderness? Sure. Why not?

He rolled over. Esdeath had spent the remainder of the day within her room, reading mostly, but also watching some television, which Mia had explained the basics of. The anime villainess seemed to learn and adapt very quickly, absorbing information with enough intensity to make a sponge weep with envy. Maybe something she learns might change her, Kyle thought hopefully. Perhaps the combination of her fictional death, plus awakening in a new reality will make her more congenial, somehow.

That's not too much to hope for, is it?

After awakening the next morning, Kyle dressed and blearily shuffled out to the kitchen table. The sudden clink of silver on dishware caught his attention. I really hope that's just Ryan, he thought.

But of course, it wasn't.

Esdeath sat along the middle of the table, directly across from Mia, and was currently engaged in wolfing down a plate of eggs and sausage, which it seemed she was thoroughly enjoying. The food quickly disappeared from her plate, and Kyle continued watching from the doorway as she lifted the plate to her mouth and scooped in the last of the eggs. She managed to make even this eating habit look refined and somehow majestic.

"Kyle, please come join us," Mia said, looking over her shoulder at Kyle. He'd briefly considered just turning around and going back to bed, but... he couldn't keep shoveling off Esdeath's care to Mia alone.

"Good morning, Mia, Esdeath," he said, heading over to his usual spot, which was several seats down from Mia. "I trust you both slept well?"

"I don't sleep, Kyle. You know this," Mia raised an eyebrow.

"Well, to my surprise I slept quite comfortably," Esdeath said, with a thin smile. "The luxuries this world offers are much more refined than anything I can remember from my own."

"Ah, glad to hear it," Kyle said. "Sachi, I'll have biscuits 'n gravy, standard portion."

"Oh, good," Esdeath said, "I do so enjoy your strange machine maid. Watching her work is somehow amusing and interesting, at the same time."

He cracked a smile. It was true that Sachi was a little goofy, and her terse, robotic movements always made it seem like she was on the verge of knocking everything over. But the entire time he'd been here, she'd never once dropped or otherwise screwed up a single order. And right on time, the tell-tale whining of servos announced that breakfast would soon be ready.

"So, um..." Kyle began, before clearing his throat. "Mia, what's the plan for today?"

"I'm going to be busy working in the lab all day," she said. "I have two new 'warriors' to 'bring over,' and on a completely unrelated note, the roommates you interviewed last night said they'd stop by after classes today. So make sure you ask them what they want, as well."

"Got it," he said. Mia obviously wants me to find out what waifus the two college kids want, but Esdeath can't know that's how we're deciding.

For her part, Esdeath sat back in her chair, contentedly rubbing a full stomach. "I think I used to be able to eat more than this," she remarked. "But it's hard to recall... it's almost as if," she leaned forward, folding her hands in front of her, elbows on table, "everything that happened in my previous life was a dream..."

"It might as well be, now." Kyle said. Because it never happened.

"That bothers me a bit, though," she replied. All of a sudden, Mia seemed to begin watching Esdeath closely. "I try to think over my past life, and... so much of it just seems... unreal."

"Unfortunately, that's an unavoidable side-effect of resurrection," Mia stated plainly.

"Is there really no sending me back?" she said, staring directly at Mia. "I left behind... so much unfinished business."

"As I mentioned before, it's impossible," Mia said, her gaze dispassionate. "I can only bring people here. I cannot send them anywhere else... except to oblivion."

That made Esdeath's eyes narrow slightly, but her smile grew. "Well, I would have loved to use my powers again, but... I suppose I'll have to make do."

"Anyway," Kyle said, noticing a sudden hint of tension in the air, "it was nice chatting with you ladies, but I think I'm gonna-"

"Kyle," Mia said, turning to him with the same dispassionate eyes. "I was with Esdeath all day yesterday. I have work to do, so I think you should keep her company today."

Esdeath was still facing Mia, but her eyes had swiveled toward Kyle. He could almost feel her gaze scrutinizing him. It made him suddenly want to hide.

"Yes, of course." He smiled, maybe a little too big. "We'll have a great time."

"I think I'd like to relax for a little while, actually," she said, stretching. "One of the books you two lent me is very interesting."

"Ah, well that's fine," Kyle said. "If you need me for anything else, please let me know." Just then, Sachi placed a steaming plate of biscuits 'n gravy in front of him, and the hearty aroma made him fight the urge to drool.

Esdeath rose from her seat in one eloquent motion, and rounded the table. Kyle paused, with the fork halfway to his mouth, when he noticed Esdeath leaning over his shoulder, gazing at what was on his plate. He could feel her breath tickling his neck.

"That looks... disgusting and delicious at the same time. May I?" Without even waiting for a reply, she plucked the fork from his fingers, and brought it to her mouth. "Mm, very bold flavor, zesty, yet... somehow familiar. What did you call this again?"

"Umm... biscuits 'n gravy?"

"I'll have to try this again sometime," she said, dropping the fork back onto his plate. It stabbed straight down into his food. "And I will be calling for you later, I don't feel like being cooped up all day, no matter how comfortable that bed is." And with that, she departed, disappearing down the hatch into the lab.

"Mia..." Kyle began, still staring at the fork sticking out of his food, perfectly upright. "What the fuck do I do now?"

The diminutive anime girl shrugged. "I don't know, you tell me. This was all your idea. You were dead-set on bringing her here."

"Never mind, I'll figure something out." Kyle sighed, and pried his fork out of the food. His appetite had diminished, but he still picked at his meal. The fact that she snatched his fork like that made him feel indignant.

"Also," he said, "how the hell does she not know what biscuits 'n gravy are? I thought they ate the same shit as us in her show."

"Kyle, I had to fabricate twenty-plus years' worth of memories in six days, so a good portion of the more trivial details end up getting abstracted, just like real memories. Mundane things like that are going to be glossed over, and others omitted entirely."

"Did you omit anything else?" He asked, looking over. "Anything crucial that I should know about?"

"I didn't give her the affinity toward you," Mia finally said, appearing to stare at the table.

"WHAT?" Kyle groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Why the hell not?"

"Because, with her personality profile," Mia said, "I realized that it wouldn't help her to like you at all. It would only mean that, if you upset her enough, she would take extra special care when she tortured you, making your suffering especially exquisite, rather than just her normal sadistic routine."

"...I see," he said, turning a shade paler.

"Anyway, I have work to do," she pushed the chair back from the table, and hopped off. "In the meantime, I'll keep an eye on her through the embedded cameras, which I don't think she's noticed yet."

"You did hide those pretty well," Kyle said. "The speakers and microphone pickups, too. Where the hell are they? I've never spotted a single one."

Mia walked by Kyle's chair, and stopped next to him. "Up there," she said, pointing to a blank patch of wall. "And over there, and there too."

"There's nothing there," Kyle said, squinting his eyes. "It's just a blank wall."

"Did you forget what we do for disguises?" Mia winked as she headed toward the lab. "Anyway, Esdeath is in the system now, so when she wants you she'll call for you directly."

As the AI anime girl vanished behind the closing hatch, Kyle put his face in his hands, and tried to think of something to do. Alright, you can do this... just gotta think of something that Esdeath can enjoy... hmm...

"Morning buddy!" A smiling Ryan strolled into the dining room, taking a seat directly next to Kyle. "Oh man, check this out... I had the craziest dream last night, you gotta hear this. So first, I was in my parent's bedroom, right? But there were like five dogs, each a different size..."

Kyle closed his eyes and inwardly groaned, and found himself suddenly thinking that Esdeath's torture might not be so bad after all.

The anime villainess eventually called for him several hours later. Kyle had actually been in the lab, discussing an idea he had with Mia as she prepared two additional waifu frames for fabrication. Mia had nodded, agreeing with Kyle's idea, and said she was actually thinking something similar. And just after that, Esdeath's husky voice, coming from everywhere and nowhere.

"I've finished with my reading for now," she'd said. "I feel like some light exercise, or maybe some other kind of physical stimulation." Normally such innuendo would be boner-inducing, but Kyle knew better. Sadly, there was only a single piece of exercise equipment, and Esdeath didn't actually need to work out anyway, as her new muscles, strong as steel cable, never dulled or went soft. But she didn't know that, yet.

"I'll be right there," he'd said, leaving Mia behind and heading toward Esdeath's room. But once he'd arrived and slid open her door, the room was empty save for some books scattered haphazardly across her table. A sudden, muffled flushing of a toilet caught his attention. He looked over only to he see the door to her personal bathroom open up, and Esdeath regally stepped out, as if she were exiting a carriage.

"Oh good, you're here," she said, wearing only the slightest smile. "I trust you have suitable activities planned. I'd rather not let my skills dull any further, if I can help it."

"Certainly," Kyle said, beckoning her to follow with a grandiose gesture, "right this way."

He led her out of the lab, her heels steadily clicking away behind him. He noticed the robots seemed to be giving Esdeath a wide berth, which probably wasn't a bad idea, in retrospect.

Once back inside the house, he headed toward the foyer. There's really only one option, Kyle thought. Video games are a no-go, obviously, but we do have other games that require finesse and a sharp eye. She should like those.

Kyle led her up the stairs, and over toward the bar. He hadn't ever been there but once or twice, as the games didn't hold much appeal, and he'd never really liked bars and pubs to begin with. He always found the traditional bar atmosphere to either be too claustrophobic or too hectic and anxiety-inducing. But now, with just the two of them, it didn't seem so bad.

He entered the bar and waved his hand with practiced ease, and the Residential AI made it all come to life. The various neon signs all over the wall flickered to life, the game tables all lit up, and the pinball machines jingled. The XM-compatible jukebox immediately turned on, picking up a Bon Jovi song that was already halfway over.

For her part, Esdeath stood near the entrance, glancing around with her arms folded. Every time her head moved from side to side, her long hair would ripple, the polychromatic material shimmering like a rolling wave. He swallowed nervously.

"Alright, so this is what I came up with," Kyle said, indicating the bar with arms outstretched. "There's quite a few games of skill available that will test your eyes and dexterity. Some of these you might have in your world, others... I'm not so sure."

Esdeath stalked around from game to game, one long finger on her chin. "I remember billiards," she said. "We had darts, too. I don't recognize this one, though." She had stopped next to a table covered in a slick blue surface.

Kyle inwardly fist-pumped and hurried over. "All right, this is called air hockey. The idea is simple: there's a single puck, and the objective is to knock it into your opponent's goal. Each player gets a paddle to stop the puck, if you can, and also to shoot it towards the opposing goal. Here, like this." He set the puck on the table, showing Esdeath how easy it was to slide it around on the table's surface. He then slammed it into the undefended goal, and the point tally went up.

"See? Just like that." Man, I hope this works.

Esdeath approached and picked up her paddle, examining it. "Alright," she said. "Let's play."

Kyle had the puck first, so shot it straight toward Esdeath. She deflected it easily, but her return shot wasn't too difficult for Kyle to send back. It ricocheted off the side and right into Esdeath's goal.

"Hmm..." Esdeath seemed to be scanning the table. She got the puck next, and tried something similar, but hitting it hard enough that it bounced back and forth several times before Kyle barely managed to stop it. Shit, she's getting good, and fast.

Now with the puck in his possession once more, Kyle feinted a diagonal shot but instead went straight. Esdeath caught it easily and returned the puck, shooting it with enough momentum that he was surprised the puck didn't shatter when it slammed into his goal. He tried again with the next possession, and the next, but didn't score again after that first shot.

Over and over, Esdeath expertly deflected his shots, and as she hovered over her paddle, in a loose, casual stance, Kyle could see the match had already been decided. He did his best until the end, but as the final puck sailed into his goal, all he could do was hang his head in defeat and congratulate his opponent.

"Hmph," she said dismissively. "I'll admit it's an enjoyable game, it's just a shame the competition was so lacking."

"Ouch," he said, trying to play it off. "You just had beginner's luck."

Esdeath ignored this, instead leaning down to inspect the coin slots of the table, which were now set to 'free play.' "I think Tatsumi would like this game," she said wistfully.

Kyle gritted his teeth, but he'd known to expect this. I didn't bring her here to get laid, he had to remind himself. I had Mia create her for a much bigger purpose... And yet, despite all that, he found himself suddenly wishing he'd had Mia bring out a version of Esdeath that hadn't yet met the male protagonist from Akame ga Kill.

"Umm... here, what do you think of these?" A suddenly uncomfortable Kyle showed her to the pinball machines. There were two cabinets, both lit up garishly in a panoply of bright lights and themed artwork, one for Jurassic Park, the other for Batman. Esdeath didn't seem very interested in either, until she spotted the small dinosaur within the Jurassic Park machine's case.

"That's a danger beast," she said with growing excitement, peering closely. "I didn't think you had any here!" In her fictional world of origin, 'danger beasts,' were fantastic creatures such as dragons, goblins, giant wolves, and other role-playing staples. They were often hunted for food or money, and the most powerful and terrifying were turned into Imperial Arms.

Of course, the real monster from her world was standing right here, staring at a plastic prop in a pinball machine's case.

"Ah... yeah, no we don't have danger beasts. That's just a dinosaur."

"A pity," she said, drawing back. "I miss hunting."

"Well, there's always... what we discussed yesterday," Kyle said, referring to their original reason for 'bringing' her here in the first place.

"I'm considering your offer," she said. "But I can't help but get the feeling I'm not being given the full picture."

Dammit, didn't Mia say she'd fill her in on the details?! Well, whatever. "There's really nothing that we're deliberately keeping from you," Kyle said. "In order to understand the full scope of what we ask, you'd have to understand our world better. Uh... for context, I mean."

"Maybe so," she said, approaching the dartboard. "Until that time, I can't give you an answer."

"Ah, right. Well, see this is whole reason we brought you here, so..." Kyle stood a few feet behind her, and he could feel his heart rate climbing for some reason.

She slowly swiveled her head, her blue eyes searing into his. "You have no way to coerce me, do you?" She smiled a little, her voice sounding almost sweet, but he knew this was it. He could blow everything right here if he didn't choose his next words very carefully.

"Oblivion," he said with a dry mouth, recalling Mia's words that morning at breakfast. Esdeath's eyelashes flitted ever so slightly, but otherwise her expression did not change. "If at any time you wish to be released from this world... we can effortlessly send you back to oblivion."

"Hmm..." Esdeath turned back to the dartboard, plucking the darts out of their canister. "As I said, I'm considering your offer." She then threw a dart so hard it punched straight through the bullseye, the wall, the stud behind it, and even the exterior of the house. Kyle could see a pinprick of daylight through the hole she'd just lasered into the wall with that dart.

Thankfully, they had two dartboards, and Esdeath started throwing them normally at the second one, all bullseyes or very close. She then wandered over to the billiards table and began racking the balls.

"Are you any good?" She asked. Kyle wasn't terrible at pool, but at this point he knew that if he couldn't provide stiff competition, it was better to just let her play against herself.

"Not really," he said. "Electronic gaming is more my forte."

"I'm not sure what that is, but... somehow it already sounds tedious," she said, dropping the balls into the triangle.

"They say it's great for hand-eye coordination," he said with a forced chuckle, but Esdeath ignored him, instead focusing on getting the triangle just right. She selected a pool cue, approached the table, and set the cue ball off to one side.

"I need more reading material," Esdeath said as she lined up her shot. "I've already finished two of the books you've given me, and I expect to be done with the other one shortly." She made the shot, and the cue ball smashed into the rest, scattering the balls across the table in a whirlwind of color and movement. Kyle wasn't surprised to see most of them go straight into a pocket, but there were still a few on the table.

"Tch..." She seemed disappointed in the result, but soon enough began considering the geometry of her follow-up shots. Kyle watched as her gaze flitted from the cue ball to the other remaining balls, but at one point her eyes shifted over to him, narrowing as they did so. He suddenly felt very unwelcome.

"Alright, I guess I'll, uh... go find some more books for you," he said. "Will you be alright here for awhile?"

"I will," she said. "Your little friend seems anxious that I'll up and leave or snoop around where she'd prefer I didn't, but..." her face became unreadable for a second. "I'm content, for the time being."

"Right, okay. I won't be gone long, then." Kyle said, hurrying away faster than he would care to admit. Just as he was about to reach the stairs, he heard thesnap of the cue ball slamming into its target, and several clunks as two balls rolled into pockets.

As he rapidly descended the stairs, he noticed Ryan laying in the almost never-used living room, scratching his ass in a couch that cost more than most families make in a year. He was currently playing with his phone, and as Kyle approached he could just begin to make out the familiar Ωchan layout on its screen.

"I didn't know there was a mobile app for Ωchan," he said, peering over Ryan's shoulder.

The lanky man jumped a little. "Oh, hey man," he laughed. "Were you guys hittin' it off up there? I heard you playing air hockey earlier, that shit was loud."

"Not really," Kyle said. "Actually, things may have gotten worse. Listen," he crouched down close to Ryan, and whispered, "I need to go find a library and pick up some books for Esdeath. If you talk to her, be respectful and do not mention anything about waifus, or anime in general. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah man. Totally," Ryan nodded nervously, as the way Kyle whispered his request made it seem like a life-or-death matter, which in some ways it was. "And why a library? Who the fuck even goes to those anymore?"

"I need books, and I need them now," Kyle said, sighing as he checked his own phone. It looked like the nearby Beverly Hills Library was the best choice, and an Uber driver could be here in five minutes. He made the request, and left a somewhat baffled Ryan to shrug and go back to browsing Ωchan.

After thanking the Uber driver and exiting the vehicle, Kyle stood and appraised the Beverly Hills library. It was in a nondescript white building with some art deco trim, and palm trees and other leafy plants sprouted up everywhere along the sides of the building. The inside was clean and spacious, and Kyle stopped for a moment once he'd reached military non-fiction, thinking about what he should select.

Maybe I should get some fiction for her, too, he thought.I wonder what she'd actually like. Probably horror, so maybe not. What about stories where the bad guys end up joining with the good guys? Is there anything like that here? He couldn't think of an example here in the library, but he snapped his fingers when he recalled dozens of examples... in popular anime.

"Ryan," Mia's voice called out, from everywhere yet nowhere. "We're expecting guests."

"Huh?" He put the phone down, looking around for the speakers that he wasn't aware were hidden in plain sight. "Who's coming?"

"We're bringing on two new recruits, and they've just arrived. I'm too busy to leave the lab right now, so I was hoping you could bring them down here so I can meet them."

"Is t-that okay?" Being the new guy, Ryan was still unsure of how much of this was supposed to work. "Aren't they gonna freak out?"

"That's why I'm asking you to help me," Mia said. "Your calm presence will be reassuring to them."

Ryan smiled and nodded. "Yeah, heh... that's right. You can count on me, Mia."

"Oh, and keep them away from Esdeath."

"Huh?" Ryan said, "How am I suppo-"

The chimes of the doorbell cut him off, and he jumped up, smoothing out his shirt and shorts.

Esdeath, huh? She's cool-looking, but kind of creepy, too... Just then, he heard another sharp snap of breaking billiard balls echoing from the second-floor.It sounds like she's just shooting pool, so if I bring them straight to the lab it should be fine.

Ryan approached the front door, opening it wide, and raised an eyebrow at the two misshapen white dudes standing at the entrance. One of them was short and quite fat, his squinty eyes blinking rapidly. The other was taller and leaner, with greasy, shoulder-length hair, and a pizza's worth of acne. These guys probably don't get out much, Ryan thought with an introspective smirk. And they look like total nerds...

"Uh... hi," Ryan said.

"What's going down, man. I'm Nick," the taller kid extended a hand, which Ryan grabbed and squeezed while introducing himself.

"Name's Marky," said the chubby one, likewise extending a hand. Ryan was put off by Marky's handshake; he'd held dead fish that were livelier.

"Alright, well, um... I need to take you guys to the lab." Ryan said, recalling what Mia had told him. "And get ready; the shit you'll see in there is gonna blow your fuckin' minds!"

Both of the guests smiled wide, nodding while they looked at each other.

"Do you think they really have... like real waifus?" Nick whispered to Marky once they were inside.

"Fuck no, man. It's gonna be chicks dressed up in cosplay," Marky whispered back. "But dude, I don't care anymore. I just wanna get my dick wet."

"And then we bail, right?" Nick said, whispering even lower.

"Shut-up," Marky hissed. "Yeah, these guys are obviously nuts. I just wanna get laid with... my dream girl. I just hope whoever's cosplaying her gets it right."

"Hey, uh... Ryan." Nick said. Ryan stopped, and turned around. They'd nearly made it past the kitchen. Hmm... just twenty more feet to the lab, and no sign of Esdeath, Ryan thought. Gotta hurry while we can.

"Yeah, what's up?" He said with a hint of impatience.

"Are these chicks really waifus, or are they just cosplay girls? 'Cuz man, a real waifu..." Nick's face had taken on a heavenly expression.

Marky rolled his eyes, which were so squinty nobody could tell. "I already told you, it's-"

"Oh,they're real," Ryan said, cutting him off. "Apparently you can get any one you want. I don't know jack about anime so Kyle helped me pick, but his... holy shit, she's something else."

Nick's eyes suddenly went wide, while Marky just shook his head harder and harder. "There's absolutely no way," he said. "Anime bitches don't just jump out of a screen like that."

"Oh yeah, you'll get to see that part," Ryan said. "Once Mia explains everyth-"

It was Marky's turn to cut off Ryan. "Wait, you're telling me you've actually seen one? And it's an actual legit anime girl?"

"Yeah, uh... Esdeath. That's her name. There's something off about her, though." Ryan nodded thoughtfully. "She really does look like she came out of... shit, I don't know the show she's from."

"Akame ga Kill," Marky lamented, his palm deeply embedded in his face. "Why? Why does that show continue to torment me so?"

"What's wrong? Isn't it good?" Ryan said.

"He hates it," Nick said. "I thought it was alright, but if it were up to me I woulda gone with Leone as my waifu."

"I don't just hate it," Marky said, his weedy voice dripping with disdain. "That show is the crowning example of the cancerous direction anime's taken for the last twenty years. Seriously, you have to go back to before I was born to find anything halfway decent, with only a few notable exceptions."

"Like Konosuba," Nick sighed.

"Like Konosuba," Marky grinned, puffing up his chest with pride, man-breasts jiggling.

"Well, I don't really care," Ryan said, noticing a certain uniformed figure with flowing blue hair descending the stairs behind the roommates. "Look, we really gotta go, guys."

"No, wait. I gotta know who the hell would actually pick General Fucking Esdeath as their waifu." He looked up, shaking his head the whole time. "I mean, there's shit-tier waifus. I see them every day, and I'm always trying to tell people, 'hey asshole. Your waifu is shit. Your taste in anime is shit.'"

"G-guys," Ryan said, noticing the figure drawing closer, somehow seeming to glide across the tile without making a single speck of noise.

"Just let him finish," Nick said. "When he goes on these rants you just gotta suck it up and face-tank it."

"...But do they ever listen? No. Of course not. And that's why the quality of anime continues to decline. They keep pandering to the lowest common denominator, putting in zero thought, creativity, or character development. It's all just the same bullshit, repackaged and sold again and again, but it gets a little shittier each and every time. And then, once in a blue moon, you get a real piece of shit. A solid nugget of pure, unadulterated, corn-infused shit so putrid the flies won't even touch it. And that's how Akame ga Kill came to life, squeezed out between Takahiro's flexing butt-cheeks in long, curly ropes of authentic, weapons-grade fecal shit. And of course, drooling fuckwits all over America found this rancid clump of brown sausage fucking irresistible, because they just couldn't wait to snatch it up and fling it everywhere..."

Ryan slowly started backing up, but Esdeath's attention wasn't on him, nor on the oblivious acne-faced kid facepalming mightily.

"...because, oh yeah I didn't mention this... the show is so fucking horrifically bad even the Japanese don't like it. So now, you're telling me some chucklefuck here, in this house, had such shit taste that he picked General Esdeath? I'm stunned. I'm in shock. I'm literally awed by the sheer volume of shit taste this nutlicker had in picking someone like her. I mean, all the waifus from Akame ga Kill are shit, don't get me wrong. They're all pure, creamy shit. But they're up here," Marky flattened his hand near his head. "And Esdeath's down here." He used his other hand to cup his balls.

"Any questions?" He said, throwing a smarmy gaze at Ryan, who clearly couldn't handle the sheer level of brazen truth Marky had unloaded all at once. It was his specialty, and he was quite proud of-

"I have some," came an icy, distinctly feminine voice from directly behind Marky. He turned his head a little, then snapped it back, as if unwilling to actually confirm what could only be his very worst fear come to life. But an impatient stamp of a high-heeled boot on tile jarred Marky from his indolence, and both he and Nick spun around at once.

They immediately went slack-jawed and wide-eyed, of course, but Nick's expression was of pure amazement, while Marky's was utter terror.

Esdeath, naturally, continued looking straight ahead, the expression on her face one of casual disregard. But her eyes alone had swiveled down, glaring at the suddenly panicking Marky with the fury of a thousand blizzards. The fat otaku fell to his knees, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to mutter something, anything.

"I said, I have a question," Esdeath repeated, squatting down until she was eye level with Marky. She reached out, seizing his collar, and yanked his sputtering face close to hers.

"What is a... waifu?" she said. "What is... 'Akame ga kill?' I know the name Akame, but what is the context? ANSWER ME!" She didn't quite yell, but somehow the effect was more forceful than if she had.

Marky's quivering jowls finally went still, and his eyes rolled up in the back of his head. Everyone else could do nothing but stare, paralyzed by the overwhelming fury radiating from this woman. Esdeath threw aside the unconscious otaku, who flopped down hard onto the tile. She then stood, her gaze shifting to his acne-afflicted companion.

"Wha-wha... Uh, umm..." He didn't quite know what to say. "L-listen, I really liked your show. I d-don't share any of his opinions..." He pointed a trembling finger at his fallen roommate.

"Answer my questions," Esdeath said once more, in a tone that suggested there would be no more repeats.

"Y-yeah, of course, sure." But just as he was about to open his mouth, the hatch to the lab opened up and Mia ran in, stopping directly in front of Esdeath.

"You..." Esdeath hissed, her eyes narrowing. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Follow me, and I will answer your questions," she said. "All of them."

Esdeath took one step, and looked down at the fat otaku drooling onto the tile. She raised her right heel, directly above his skull.

"Esdeath!" Mia shouted, raising her hand. "Come with me, or be sent back now!"

Slowly, reluctantly, Esdeath lowered her boot, and followed Mia into the lab.

Once the suffocating tension had passed, Ryan felt himself catch his breath, and he looked over at Nick, who suddenly burst into laughter.

"Dude, what's so funny?" Ryan asked. "Your buddy almost got himself killed!"

"Man, you don't even know," Nick said, coming over to Ryan and pulling a plastic baggie from his pocket. In it was a pungent, green, leafy plant that Ryan could identify immediately. "This shit... this shit right here is so fucking good."

"Weed is degenerate," Ryan turned away, crossing his arms.

"No, no way, man..." Nick said, giggling again. "Dude, this shit is legit! You wanna know how good it is? I just saw two anime girls! Ah ha ha..."

Ryan ignored him, and bent down to check on Marky. The fat otaku was still breathing, fortunately, but all of a sudden Ryan winced and wrinkled his nose.

"Mia!" He cried, his hand now covering his face. "Mia, I need help! We've got a code brown!"

Kyle checked out as many books as he could, eventually settling on an array of non-fiction that was equal parts political, military, and historical. He grabbed Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World, Alexander the Great, and Napoleon: A Life, among others. He thought it would be interesting to get Esdeath's take on certain historical figures, major wars, and other pivotal events throughout history.

He waved goodbye to the Uber driver, who had been a friendly, talkative sort, and hoisted the books up in a tall stack that he somehow managed to balance as he made his way down the driveway. The front door opened easily, as always, but as soon as Kyle stepped inside, he knew something was off. He hurried over to the couch in the living room where Ryan had been, now vacated, and then checked the kitchen, but found no one. He left the books there and ran upstairs, but the game room was dark. With a sigh he ran back downstairs, retrieved the books, and walked toward the lab.

Man, Kyle thought as he neared the hatch. Why the hell does it feel so weird in here? And why does it smell like shit? After making his way around the Central AI Nexus, toward the waifu commons, he slowed upon hearing what sounded like yelling. Or perhaps it was a heated argument, he wasn't quite sure. But one thing Kyle knew, as he set the books down again on one of the tables in the commons, was that something just went wrong. Very, very wrong.

There were two female voices, one husky, one high-pitched, both very animatedly discussing something of seemingly great import, and Kyle tiptoed over to the sliding door to try and hear. He wasn't above a little eavesdropping, but apparently he'd forgotten Mia can see everywhere inside the house, because the door cracked open as soon as his ear pressed against it.

"M-Mia," he said, grinning sheepishly. "It's not what it-"

"Get in here," she said tersely, grabbing his arm and dragging him in. The door slammed shut. Esdeath was there, sitting on her bed, her face scrunched up as if it was about to cry, but no tears were forthcoming. Kyle followed her gaze to the flashing TV screen... which was playing the final episode of Akame ga Kill. He spun and and looked at Mia, who merely pointed at Esdeath and shook her head.

Kyle slowly turned to face the TV, his eyes flicking from Esdeath to the screen and back again, sudden curiosity about her reaction to her own death beginning to match his panic and unease.

On screen, the heroine of the tale, Akame, had just delivered the finishing blow to General Esdeath. She staggered over, the curse of Murasame flowing over her skin, and dropped down next to Tatsumi's corpse. The real-world Esdeath gasped, her face almost smiling at the sight of him, but then her on-screen counterpart encased herself and Tatsumi in ice... and then shattered them both into nothingness.

A trembling hand rose to Esdeath's face, covering her mouth. She did shed a tear, then. Just one, but Kyle saw it, sliding down her cell-shaded cheeks, hanging from her chin for a split-second, then spattering on the left breast of her uniform.

Esdeath's expression hardened as the episode played on, as she was able to witness events that occurred after her demise. Her eyes narrowed hard as the villainous adviser Honest was shredded by Leone, who herself suffered a mortal wound in the process. She gritted her teeth through her rival Najenda's goodbye scene with Akame... And then the credits rolled.

"You see?" Mia said. "That's your world. That's where we brought you from. We weren't lying to you."

"It's..." her lips tried forming a word, but she just couldn't do it.

"Fiction? Yes. It is. You're not real, we brought you to life. Until now you were nothing more than a character in a show watched by people like that fat kid that's currently laying on one of my tables." Mia sighed, hard. Clearly, her inexhaustible patience had run out.

"What the fuck even happened?!" Kyle cried, still in disbelief that everything had simply fallen apart, just like that.

"Kyle, she scared Marky so bad he began defecating uncontrollably and... argh!" Mia grimaced, and threw the door open. "I have to go, they're getting feces everywhere! You deal with this!"

"Wait, Mia!" Kyle followed her out a little. "What if she... y'know..."

"You know the command," Mia said in a ruthless tone as she dashed off. "I'll be watching, so if she tries anything..." and her voice trailed off, before resuming from the omnipresent hidden speakers, at full volume. "I'll shut her down myself."

He took a deep breath, and turned to the shocked anime woman, who was now watching the after-credit sequence of Akame's continued travels. Esdeath's body had gone a little slack, but her eyes intensely followed every movement on-screen... and then it was over. The TV went back to the title menu of the Blu-Ray volume. Kyle immediately picked up the remote and shut it off.

"Was that the end?" Esdeath said, after a long silence. She still stared at the now-blank TV screen.

"Are you asking... if there's a sequel?" Kyle said. "Because if so... no, there isn't. Not yet, but maybe one day. I doubt you'll be in it, though."

"Mia said that... you 'brought me to life.' What does that mean?" Esdeath still refused to look at him.

"It means exactly what it sounds like. You were... fabricated." Kyle decided to stand back, keeping what he hoped would be enough distance to yell out the shutdown command before she could strike. But at the moment, he sensed no malice from her, just... utter dejection. The proud and headstrong General Esdeath now appeared... defeated, somehow.

"I'm no different than Dr. Stylish's experiments," she said, referring to a mad-scientist-like character from the show. "I'm not... real."

"Sure you are," said Kyle, completely disregarding the fact that he personally watched his emulated self die with zero remorse. "We made you real."

Esdeath stared at her hands, opening and closing them. "I still feel wrong," she said. "You said it would go away, but it hasn't."

Her words caused pangs of guilt to bloom within Kyle. "Look, if all of this bothers you so much, we can... send you back, if you want." Fuck, Mia was right all along. I fucking knew it too, I just... I genuinely thought she would jump at the chance to go after the Elites of this world...

"Send me back? You mean to oblivion, don't you?" She finally turned and stared at him, her eyes filled with shock and confusion.

"That's right. We can't send you back to your world because it doesn't exist. At least, not in any form we can physically transport you too."

"Whose idea was it to... fabricate me?" She stumbled through the word. "Was it you?" Her gaze began narrowing.

"It was," Kyle admitted, returning her stare.

"Why?"

"Because," he said. "I thought you'd be-"

"A mate?" She growled the word.

"No, not at all! Honestly, I-" Kyle threw up his hands, but Esdeath was already on her feet, approaching him, her glare now directly centered, and focusing rapidly. Kyle did his best, but in the end it was too much, and he averted his eyes. In that exact moment she lunged forward, seizing him by the throat.

"You thought that I would be your... waifu?" She cocked her head, saying it with an absurd laugh.

"Wait, I can explain," he said, struggling to breathe. Esdeath could have easily killed him by now, but Mia hadn't activated the command yet. Was she even paying attention?!

"I don't care what you have to say," she said, her face approaching his. She was now so close that he could feel her every word as a puff of warm breath on his face. "If you know me, from watching... that show, then you know there is only one I've ever loved, and ever could love."

"I know," Kyle said in a raspy voice. "I didn't bring you here to fuck, alright?!"

"Good," she said, tightening the grip around his neck. "Because not only do you not possess a single trait off of my list of requirements, you fail each one by a staggering margin."

"I told you..." his voice drifted off as her grip tightened again. He was now officially suffocating.

"I despise you, Kyle. I don't care about your world or whatever it is you were hoping I would fight. You tried to bring someone else in to fight your battles for you. I cannot ever abide such weakness." Her hand tightened again, and his eyes began to bulge as his face turned red.

And then, suddenly... it relaxed. Her grip fell away entirely as Esdeath toppled straight back, her head slamming into the small table, knocking it on its side. Her body rolled over, arm still outstretched, face frozen in a sneer. Her cap had flown off, coming to rest in a corner by the bed.

A gasping Kyle could tell immediately she'd been deactivated. After rubbing his throat and taking a few deep breaths, he went over to her side, and kneeled down, careful not to step on her hair splayed out across the floor. A hand in front of her face told him she was still breathing, so her biological systems were still functioning.

"Well, fuck." He sat down next to her, wincing as he looked at her snarling face, recalling what she'd just said. What the fuck was I thinking? There was no possible way his plan was ever going to work, and only now was he finally realizing it.

Except... his trump card. He'd never played it, and even now, he thought there was a chance it could work. But... was it too late? Could she be reactivated?

"Mia..." he said. "Mia! Mia, are you finished in there?"

"The feces..." she moaned. "they're smeared everywhere..."

"What the hell happened in there?"

"Marky got brought in and put on a table," Mia said, sounding like she was about to cry. "He regained consciousness, freaked out, then started going absolutely nuts... they're all over the place, Kyle. You don't even understand. The whole room... it's a holocaust in here..."

After about half an hour had gone by, Kyle called for Mia again. She didn't answer directly this time, but showed up in person, looking absolutely dejected.

"What is it?" she said, her small frame bent over slightly, her arms hanging down.

"Looks like we both had a shitty day, huh?" He said, trying to make her laugh.

"Heh. You only make fun because you weren't there," she said, shaking her head sadly.

"Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for shutting off Esdeath," he jerked his thumb toward her body, still laying on its side. "I'm pretty sure she was gonna kill me."

"It's fine, I had a hunch this was going to happen from the beginning. That's why I tried to stop you."

"Well... I'll admit it, Mia." He threw up his hands in surrender. "You got me. I was wrong. My plan utterly failed, and she's turned hostile, just like you said."

"I would say I told you so, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I told you so." But there was no haughtiness to Mia's voice, only remorse.

Kyle paced back and forth, considering his options, hand on chin. "Well... she hasn't even been active for two full days... can we still reset her and turn her into Satsuki Kiryuin?"

Mia's expression shifted from despondent to glowering. "I told you Kyle, once she's activated that's it. That's her mind now, I can't change it to anyone else without essentially re-making it."

"Is that something that would be... difficult, or...?"

She grimaced. "At this point, yes. It would be much easier to simply build a new blank. But there's no way I'm giving you another waifu."

"Oh come on, Mia." Kyle gave her an encouraging smile. "With your capabilities it should be easy. Plus the others haven't gotten theirs yet, so I was thinking maybe I could use Marky's or something. And if not, then... just make another new mind for Esdeath, and we'll start all over in six days."

Mia glared at him with an unexpectedly fierce look. "You're not getting another one. Ever. Do you even understand what I had to do to make her memories? She tortured a lot of people, Kyle. I had to give her memories of that."

"Mia, wait... did you really... have to imagine her torturing people?" Kyle's eyes went wide. He knew she made the memories, sure, but his mind never made this particular connection.

"Oh yes, Kyle," she said in an icy tone. "To fabricate her memories I had to simulate a fake version of her world with all known variables accounted for, making constant corrections, render whatever is in her point of view, and then it's sped up so that twenty years goes by in six days. Any characters and events not covered by the anime are completely made up by me. But I make all of that, as well as Esdeath's actions and reactions, as consistent as possible with both her character's backstory and the setting of her fictional world."

"So then you... made up hertorture sessions?"

"I had to, Kyle. It's part of her established backstory. But very little of that was covered in the anime, and I sure as hell wasn't going to use the manga version. That version of Esdeath is twice as psycho."

"Mia... I didn't... I mean, I-"

She cut him off. "I had to fabricate memories of Esdeath gleefully torturing people, from her point of view, entirely on my own. For the sake of my own sanity I tried to make her techniques as tame and vanilla as possible, but still... It was very unpleasant for me."

Mia was now glaring at Kyle, frowning intensely. She approached him, looking up, her face wearing the most severe scowl he'd ever seen.

"Fuck you for making me do that, Kyle." Her voice was trembling.

"Mia..." Kyle was crestfallen. She had never once spoken to him in such a manner, and he staggered back, suddenly weak in the knees.

It was also the only time he would ever hear her swear.

"I could've forgiven it all, too, if your plan worked, or if you changed your mind and went with another waifu at the last minute. But now? For you to simply assume I'd drop everything to happily make you another one that you'll no doubt enrage?" Mia shook her head. "Amy turned into a slave driver, Kyle. After I helped your cousin achieve his dream, I never imagined it would result in Amy turning out so awful... And now you're doing the same thing, constantly asking for more, and more..."

"I'm so sorry, Mia. I really am," Kyle put his hands on her small shoulders. "I didn't mean to, it's just... you keep offering to help me, and I... guess I thought you were fine with it."

"Normally I am," she said, looking up at him. "But Kyle, do not ever try to take advantage of my generosity again. It's not a nice thing to do."

"I won't. I promise."

"Kyle, I do want to help you. I really, really do. But even I have limits to my patience and understanding," Mia said, her tone softening. "And after watching your plan utterly fail, I won't lie to you: I'm less enthusiastic about our future working together."

That hurt. It hurt worse than Mia swearing in his face. "I'm... going to fix this. I'm going to make it right. And as far as Esdeath is concerned, I'll just... have to think of another solution."

"What other solution?" Mia raised a skeptical eyebrow. "She's hostile now. She needs to be shut down permanently, and destroyed."

"Wait, Mia, wait..." Even now, his mind raced to try and think of something, anything... maybe the trump card he never used? Or even a do-over perhaps?

"Alright, I do have an idea, but... I'll need your help."

Mia sighed. "What is it?"

"When I met the knock-off anime Kyle that Amy was creating, she claimed that since I'd interfered and met myself, that the anime Kyle would need his memory erased. Can you at least... I dunno, send her back a few hours?"

"I could, assuming I'd taken a snapshot of her mind beforehand. I haven't taken a single one since activation."

"And you really can't... reset her?" Kyle's eyes were pleading.

"I could, but... we would just end up going through this all over again, and without unreasonable amounts of deception I still don't think she'll work for us. I trusted that you had some cunning plan, and were going to pleasantly surprise me. But... I ended up disappointed."

Kyle breathed a heavy sigh, let go of Mia, and moved over to Esdeath. He tried picking her up, finding out she weighed more than a human of her size. But she had gone stiff, as if affected by rigor mortis, so with some huffing and puffing Kyle was able to prop her up and then slide her onto the bed. Mia simply watched, not offering so much as a word.

It can't end like this. Not yet. He looked up and down her body, biting his lip, and decided that at this point he had little left to lose. Hmm... based on what Esdeath said, she'll never respect me. But what if...

"Reactivate her," he said.

"Kyle, she's just going to do the same thing," Mia had taken a patronizing tone.

"I don't care. Please do it, Mia." He glanced over at her, looking intently into her wide brown eyes.

Mia met his gaze momentarily, then shut her eyes in exasperation. "Alright. But if I have to shut her down again, then that's it," she said. "This time it'll be permanent."

Kyle ran a hand through his hair, and turned back to the blue-haired woman on the bed. He nodded slowly. Mia approached the villainess, and held out her right hand.

Esdeath's frozen facial sneer suddenly snapped back to normal, and her eyes blinked before darting back and forth... and then she shut them tight. Her outstretched hand retracted, as did her other limbs, and she... began curling into a ball on her bed. Kyle was expecting many different reactions, but Esdeath in a fetal position was not one of them.

"I thought you said..." Kyle turned to Mia, but she shrugged.

"Esdeath," he said, glancing down at her. "Are you... alright?"

She said nothing, only curling tighter.

"Mia, what did you do to her?" Kyle threw the AI an accusing look.

"All I did was reactivate her!" Mia threw her arms up. "I do this all the time with the construction bots, and they've never done anything like this!"

"I felt it," Esdeath said, her voice muffled from her face being buried in her arms. "I felt oblivion."

Mia's eyes went wide, and she darted over to the balled-up Esdeath, taking a sudden interest in all she had to say.

"Describe everything," Mia said. "I'm also going to run a scan, so please don't panic."

Esdeath didn't say anything, and within moments one of the little robots had entered the room, pushing a small machine that Kyle vaguely remembered seeing in one of the rooms near where he'd first popped out of the box into the lab. The high-tech device was sitting atop a push cart, and resembled some of the more advanced medical technology he'd seen inside the hospital during his mother's last days.

The little robot looked at Kyle, who was staring at the bed anxiously, and then its head swiveled to Esdeath, still curled in a fetal position.

"Damn, Kyle. Do all your dates end like this?" It said before zipping away.

Mia took over from there, maneuvering the device around the bed, to where Esdeath's back was exposed. Mia brushed her blue hair out of the way, pulling the collar of her military uniform down, and accessed a port that opened up just above her shoulder blades. Mia stuck a cable from the device into a port within the slot, which slid in with a soft click. The whole time, Esdeath did nothing other than breathe.

Mia's attention turned to the device, where she stared intensely at the on-screen readouts.

"Hmm-hmm," she said, nodding twice. "I think I know what happened. Esdeath, can you describe what you experienced?"

Esdeath's eyes snapped open, and she stared at the wall. At last, she spoke. "I was choking the life out you," her eyes flicked to Kyle. "And all I could think about was how much I wanted to feel your neck snap."

Kyle involuntarily rubbed his neck, as if to make sure it was still whole and unbroken.

"And then, just as I squeezed, I felt... pulled. I was pulled down a dark pit. There were no walls, and no sounds. Just emptiness. And in the distance, a shrinking light. And when it disappeared, somehow I became aware of just how vast the nothing was, and how tiny and insignificant I was. And this feeling kept growing, overwhelmingly, exponentially... until I was crushed by it."

Mia now wore a serious expression, but nodded slowly during Esdeath's recollection while finishing the diagnostic and pulling out the cable.

"And then... I was here again," Esdeath looked around a bit, as if confirming the room was real and not some kind of illusion.

"Ah, that sounds... really shitty." Kyle said. "Sorry you had to go through with that."

"Shut up," she growled. "I don't need or want your sympathy." She began stretching out again, and sat back up, her hair and uniform greatly disheveled. "You misunderstand as well. I... enjoyed it."

"You what?!" Kyle couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Then why-"

"It was exhilarating," Esdeath said, ignoring him. "I was awed by the overwhelming emptiness around me."

This woman really is batshit, Kyle suddenly realized as he backed away toward the door.

"What I didn't like was how effortlessly and easily you dispatched me," she spun around on the bed, glaring at Mia. "To be defeated by the mere touch of a button..." Apparently the fact that any and all of her strength could be instantly bypassed came as a deep shock.

Mia didn't flinch away, however, and narrowed her own eyes at Esdeath. "Any time you want to go back, just say the word," she said.

Esdeath chuckled, smiling cruelly. "We'll see about that, won't we?"

Kyle cleared his throat. "Esdeath, listen. I think we got off on the wrong foot. Why don't we go back to square one, and-"

"Get out," she said, her gaze still fixed on Mia. "Before I get sent to oblivion again."

He looked to Mia, but she merely shrugged. Kyle left with his head down, closing the door behind him.

He found everyone else seated around the long table in the kitchen's dining area. It was already dark outside, and every light in the house was off except for a few illuminating the long wooden table.

Kyle waved a half-hearted greeting, and plopped down in his usual spot. Marky looked absolutely desolate, and wore only a robe, his short hair wet as if he'd just gotten out of the shower. Nick sat next to him, wearing a sleepy, almost zoned-out expression. Ryan had picked a spot along the middle, where Esdeath sat earlier for breakfast.

"I can't believe it's real," Nick said, shaking his head. "She made anime real."

"She made insanity real," Marky said, shuddering. "When I woke up to those spider-limbs poking and prodding me... I think I shat myself all over again."

"You did," Nick said. "Several times, actually."

Ryan chuckled. "That was pretty funny. I still don't know how you got it all over the walls, though."

Marky gritted his teeth. "Can we talk about something that isn't shit for a change?"

"So Kyle, what happened to Esdeath?" Ryan said.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Marky cried out.

"She got shut down," a sullen Kyle replied, "because she tried to kill me."

"Wow..." Marky shook his head, "Even though everything I said earlier is one hundred-percent true, I'm... sorry if I caused all that."

"Well," Kyle paused, exhaled, then continued, "she's been reactivated, so... it's not over yet."

Marky seemed to swear under his breath. "She's still alive, huh?" His beady eyes locked onto Kyle. "What made you pick her, anyway? I simply have to know."

"It wasn't because she's an easy lay, I can tell you that," Kyle remarked. "No, I didn't choose her for her looks, not really anyway, it was... because I honestly thought she would be useful if we could just somehow convince her to join up with us."

"Well," Marky suddenly flashed a knowing smile. "My waifu is going to be extremely useful, and loyal too. I can tell you for a fact that she's cute, fun-loving, a bit mischievous, and really, really, loves explosions."

"If you're talking about Megumin than forget it," Kyle shook his head. "She couldn't use any magic here, which means she's pointless."

Marky immediately began slamming his hand against the table. "No, no, no, no!" He roared, "I'm getting Megumin or it's nothing! She's the greatest waifu of all time!"

"Mine's pretty good," said Nick. "She don't use magic, umm... except ninja magic, but that's real."

"Wait, didn't you say you were picking your favorite character from Sengoku Rance?" Marky swiveled in his seat, directing a skeptical gaze toward his roommate.

"Yeah, and?" Nick threw up his hands.

"If it's anyone from that game other than Kouhime then you're dead to me," he said with a sniff.

Ryan simply shook his head in a daze. "I don't know what the fuck any of you are talking about," he said. "I don't speak degeneracy."

"Oh? You're getting one too, aren't you?" Marky raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but she's not from an anime or manga so it's not degenerate," Ryan said, folding his arms.

Kyle then heard the hatch open and slide shut. Mia entered the room, appearing a bit worn down, but otherwise cheerful enough. She slid in to a seat across from Kyle, where Amy used to sit.

"Hello, everyone," she said with a smile. "This afternoon was a little... hectic, but thankfully everyone made it through alive."

"How'd it go after I, uh... left?" Kyle asked.

"Esdeath and I came to an understanding," Mia said. "I think, anyway."

"So she's gonna join up after all?!" Kyle jumped up from his seat.

"No, no," Mia waved her hand, "that's never gonna happen. Instead, she agreed not to kill any of you, or try to escape or sabotage anything."

Kyle slumped back down into his seat, whereupon his head immediately hit the table.

"So what's the point then?" Ryan asked. "Is she just gonna sit there all day, like... forever?"

Mia shrugged, her smile growing even wider. "Ask Kyle. He says he still 'has a plan.'"

The man she was referring to gritted his teeth. "I do," he said.

"Whatever, who cares about her," Marky said, gazing intently at Mia. "Remember who I mentioned earlier as my waifu? You're still gonna make her, right?"

"Yes, yes," Mia said. "Please relax, I'm making everyone their waifu."

"Oh..." Marky's face suddenly became orgasmic. "Megumin... we will be together soon, my love..."

"Sweet," Nick said with a fist-pump. "I can't wait!"

"But, there are a few things I want to clear up right now," Mia said, no longer smiling. "One, I am making you these waifus because I want to, not because I have to. Do not make the mistake of thinking that I somehow owe you a waifu, or that I work for you."

Everyone bobbed their heads, even Kyle, who was still face-down on the table.

"Two. As stated in the ad, the way you will actually earn your waifu is by joining us to fight back against the the evil that threatens to consume the world."

"Er..." Marky raised his hand. "Umm... how exactly will we be expected to do that? I've never even held a gun before."

"I'm happy you asked," said a gruff voice from further back in the kitchen. Everyone turned their heads, except for Kyle who immediately sat up.

Brandon emerged from the shadows of the kitchen carrying two duffle bags, both completely stuffed, and dropped them on the table.

"Tomorrow we begin boot camp," he said. "By the time I'm done, you little panty-waste faggots are gonna be the leanest, meanest motherfuckers in..." Brandon trailed off as he glanced around the table, noticing the faces staring back at him. He shook his head. "You'll be leaner, anyway."

"What about your job?" Kyle asked. "Did you quit or something?"

"That's right," Brandon said with a big grin. "I'm working for Mia now, although I like to think that really I'm working for God, and the future of this country."

"That's great, but... we still have classes tomorrow," Nick said, glancing at Marky who vigorously nodded in agreement.

"That's fine," Mia said. "I had a few more applications since Kyle talked to you two yesterday, and they're really excited about their waifus. I told them there weren't any more left, but... if you guys are too busy to join up, then-"

"No, no," Marky rapidly waved his hands, "we'll take time off from school, it's fine, really."

"Yeah, it's cool Mia, it's totally cool." Nick laughed nervously.

"Excellent!" She chirped. "In that case, there's two more rooms for you guys upstairs. You'll be living here from now on."

" As will I," said Brandon. "Now hit the sack, training begins at oh-four-hundred hours."

"What... kind of training are we gonna be doing?" Ryan asked, seemingly unsure.

"All kinds," the ex-marine laughed. "We are gonna have a lot of fun."