I found what my friend said about Asuka's confronting of Shinji kind of funny. She said I didn't just throw her in front of him, but instead wore her down before she broke. She phrased it like this; "It's like you beat her with a baseball bat, and then threw her in front of Shinji". Then the scene where Rei had made Asuka cry in chapter two came up. My friend said "That's where you picked up the bat".

But for those who feel bad for Asuka right now, don't worry. The next two chapters are all about the aftermath of that day, and how they're going to move on. Everything will be resolved in time for the beginning of the final part. For those of you who want to know, there are exactly six chapters left after this one.

I need to thank all of the people who reviewed on the last chapter. It's great to hear your opinions on what happened. So, all that aside, here's chapter 10. Enjoy.

The gentle hum of the hospital's machinery was the only sound in the sterile, white room. Positioned in the middle of the room was a simple bed on which Asuka Langley Soryu was positioned, unconscious. Unlike her previous room, this one had no window. The only thing to stare at was the pale, thin face of the red head.

Shinji sat next to her. He was motionless. He watched Asuka with a sullen look. This was his fault. Everything that had happened was his fault. NERV now had a lovely hole puncturing through several floors, and, more importantly, Asuka had returned to the state she was in four months ago. The worst of it all was that he couldn't do anything. Shinji whispered silently, his body finally putting into words the only thing his mind could think about.

"I'm so screwed up,"

Episode 10: All I'm Worth

Shinji slid the front door to Misato's apartment open. To his dismay, the woman was still sitting at the table. Misato turned to look at him as he stepped inside. Shinji just stared back. Finally, Misato asked a question.

"How is she?" Misato asked. She was holding a cup of coffee, a surprise switch from her usual beverage of choice. "Asuka, I mean,"

"Nothing's changed," Shinji responded sullenly. He started to walk to his room when a loud noise startled him. Misato had slammed the porcelain cup down on the table. The force of the impact caused some of the hot liquid inside to spill over the sides.

"Shinji," she said in an exhausted tone. "Are you blaming yourself for this?" At his silence she continued. "Every time something like this happens, you just push everyone aside so you can wallow in you own self pity. Why do you do this to yourself?!" She was getting loud. All Shinji wanted was to be far away from this moment, to get away from this confrontation.

"Are you just going to sit in your room again? Are you just going to do nothing but blame yourself again?" Misato was relentless. Finally she provoked a reaction.

"How can you say things like that?" Shinji asked. "You don't even know what happened."

"Then why don't you tell me?" asked Misato. She tried to keep her anger down, hoping she could pull through as a guardian this time. Shinji didn't say anything. Her rage was building up again.

"Asuka's like this…because of me…" Shinji said slowly. Misato snapped.

"Stop blaming yourself!" she yelled. "Everything in the world isn't your fault!"

"But this is!" Shinji yelled back. Misato was surprised. It wasn't like him to actually yell. "Asuka needed me and I left her! I went after something I wanted instead of staying with her! She's unconscious because of me!" Shinji stared at her, trembling ever so slightly.

"Shinji…I-," Shinji slammed the front door of the apartment. He was gone again. When did he change so much? When did he start acting with more confidence in his words? When did he start yelling when he was provoked? Shinji had changed, and Misato hadn't even noticed.

Misato hadn't. She hadn't changed since the last angel was killed. She was so wrapped up in work, in trying to figure out the clues Kaji had left her that she didn't take the time to be a decent guardian to Shinji. God knew he needed one. It looked like she'd failed as a parent figure again. She hadn't even tried to stop Shinji from leaving. Misato sighed and started to clean up the spilt coffee on the table.

Rei sat in the middle of a large white room. Several wires ran from her head and arms to unseen devices. She assumed they were monitoring her. 'They', being Gendo and Fuyutsuki. Commander Ikari had instructed her to remain stationary, and so she did.

He'd been having her sit like this for a while. Several times he'd asked if she would participate in the instrumentality program again, and each time she'd respond with a firm "No", usually followed by a one line explanation of how a program such as that was useless on her. And each time in response he'd say how that was a disappointment.

Recently, he'd started running synch tests between Rei and Unit-01; or at least she assumed they were synch tests. With the way things had been going lately, it seemed likely it was another strange test that would usually have been carried out with Dr. Akagi monitoring her. But since said doctor had been 'missing' lately, Gendo watched over these tests.

After a few more minutes of silence, Gendo spoke through the intercom device linked to the room she was in. "You're free to go, first child. Rei stood, removed the wires, and walked back to the locker room to change back to the school uniform.

Shinji walked the streets of Tokyo-3 solemnly. He'd stormed out of Misato's and had absolutely no idea where to go. Just great. He sighed and continued walking. He could always visit Asuka again, but decided against it. He'd been there for a good couple of hours, waiting, hoping for some kind of change. When none came, he felt an overwhelming wave of guilt assault him.

If he hadn't been so obsessive over the computer program, if he hadn't been hoping for some slim chance, a somewhat insane belief that it might actually happen, if none of that had been there, Asuka wouldn't be the way she was at the moment. His eyes caught on something that pulled him out of his self-attacking thoughts. Rei Ayaname was standing on the other side of the street, staring right back at him.

They stared at each other for a while. The sound of birds singing echoed down the street. A cloud blocked the sun for a moment, slightly darkening the scene as a car drove by, obstructing Shinji's view of the first child. When it was gone, and when the cloud had moved on, brightening the streets yet again, Rei had turned the opposite way and was walking down the slope that led to the riverbank. Confused as to his reasoning, Shinji followed.

When he'd crossed the street, he saw Rei staring into the clear, reflective waters of the river. Shinji stood slightly behind for a minute before sitting on the ground a few feet to her left. "How do you feel?"

The question was so sudden and unexpected Shinji didn't know how to respond. "How do I…feel?"

"Is it a difficult question?" Rei asked, her voice empty of any sign of emotion.

"No…maybe…but, how do I feel about what?" asked Shinji.

"About everything that's happening," asked the girl. "About the recent attack, about Asuka," Shinji lowered his head.

"Both were my fault," he said at last.

"Does it trouble you?" Rei asked. It was hard to tell if she was trying to be a good friend or just callously seeking information. Shinji didn't say anything. "Would it be any kind of help to say the attack doesn't matter?" When Shinji still didn't speak, she narrowed her eyes. "So everything you feel right now really is connected to the second child,"

Rei stood as a gentle breeze flowed across the scene. When it stopped, she sat down next to him. "How do you really feel about her? If you care so much, like you seem, then why do you two intentionally fight with each other?"

"Rei…" Shinji tried to think of something to derail the conversation. Nothing came to mind, and so Rei continued to speak.

"How is it that you two seem to have grown so close, and yet you're so distant now? Is that really what your love means?" Shinji choked on his spit and coughed.

"That's not what…" How was he supposed to respond to that?

"It draws you two together, and yet still cause trouble…and still…" Rei looked into the water, staring at her reflection. "Shinji Ikari, what if I were to say I loved you?"

Shinji turned to stare at the girl. Her expression hadn't changed in the slightest. Was she honestly waiting for his reaction? No, she was talking again.

"What if I said, that I was in actuality…What if I was finding myself to be less of an individual then I had hoped?" Rei spoke calmly. "The second had grown close to you…and I think that I have those kinds of feelings in common with her," Shinji stood suddenly. She looked over to him.

"I have to go," he said before starting to walk away. Rei stood and watched him walk away. She held her right arm and kept it pressed tightly against her side.

"Tell me Shinji Ikari," Rei spoke softly, knowing he was too far away to hear. "How would I know if that was love?"

Fuyutsuki had waited for Rei to leave before speaking to Gendo. "She keeps refusing instrumentality. Is it really okay for her to leave when so little has been accomplished?"

"It's fine that she's not accepting my program. After all," Gendo's mind flashed with images of Asuka and his son. "The original two seemed to have not benefited from it at all. There proceeding as if it hadn't even happened,"

"Time isn't on our side," Fuyutsuki warned, speaking of SEELE.

"I know that," Gendo said. "But we don't need much more of it as it stands,"

Shinji wandered to NERV. He couldn't go back to Misato's. Not knowing that she was there, waiting. Shinji sighed and sat in the chairs in front of the vending machines. He was tired. He leaned back and closed his eyes-

-and opened them as he heard a piano playing. He had been sitting in front of the river. Now he stood and tried to find the source. He finally came upon a small building. The door opened easily, and he found himself watching someone with gray hair slide his long fingers across the black and white keys. The figure finally ended the tune, pressing down three keys in a chord.

"It's a beautiful tune, isn't it?" he asked. He leaned back to stare at Shinji. "Do you know it? Beethoven's ninth. Captivating in its own sense yet amazing that it's still played after all this time."

"Kaworu," Shinji said. He wasn't surprised to see him. If he was right, he was dreaming at the moment. Still, he proceeded in the moment as if it was real.

"Tell me, why do you find it so difficult to tell someone how you feel?" Kaworu stood and began walking towards Shinji with his hands in his pockets. "Is it truly difficult to say the three words your heart asks you to?"

"I don't know…" Shinji confessed. "It's difficult…everyone expects different things from me,"

"Maybe you should consider more what you want to do," asked the silver haired boy. "Maybe you should listen to what it is you want deep down. The human heart; frequently associated with feelings of an intimate nature and in reality it holds no other purpose then sustaining your life.

"Maybe the problem isn't that you can't read what it is it's telling you. Maybe you just can't draw enough courage within yourself to admit it to anyone but yourself," \

"Courage?" asked Shinji.

"You've gained a lot of it lately, yet you still can't do it. So it could be that that isn't the issue. It could be something up here," Kaworu put a finger on Shinji's head. He was only about half a foot away from Shinji. "Perhaps you should actually try to fix something yourself.

"Unless, this is what you really want. To stay here, in this dream. What if I said you could? What if I said it was all up to you?" Kaworu stared into Shinji's eyes. "Do you want to live in the past? Or do you finally want to take that step?"

Shinji stared, wide eyed. Kaworu stopped smiling and his face became entirely serious. "You can't. Even though I empathize with what you feel, you can't choose to stay in the dark. Even if I wanted you not to, you have to start walking. Wake up, Shinji,"

And with that simple command, Shinji woke up. The lights in the room he was in had been turned off. The only source of light came from the hall adjacent. Shinji stood up and walked toward the hall, deciding to visit Asuka.

He was in her hospital room in a matter of minutes. He sat in the chair next to her bed and did little more then watch her breathe for a solid ten minutes. Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry…" he began. "All of this is because of me, Asuka." The red head continued to breathe in the hospital bed, unresponsive.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "This was all my mistake. All because I couldn't say what I needed too…"

Every time something like this happens, you just push everyone aside so you can wallow in you own self pity.

"Now you're like this again, because I didn't stay. Asuka…"

How is it that you two seem to have grown so close, and yet you're so distant now? Is that really what your love means?

"Asuka, I love you…I really do. All I want…"

Unless, this is what you really want. To stay here, in this dream. What if I said you could? What if I said it was all up to you?

"With everything that's happened…all I really want right now…"

You can't… you have to start walking. Wake up, Shinji.

"Asuka," Shinji started to cry. "I just want you to wake up. Please…Asuka…" His voice grew quiet and he put his head down on her bed. He sniffed once, and spoke again. "Please just wake up,"

There were a few minutes in which he just sat there, his head on her bed, and then he heard something. A voice came from the occupant of the bed. "Shinji?" Shinji lifted his head and stared in disbelief. Her eyes were open. Asuka was awake.

To be continued

Wow. The one-year anniversary and the story's first two-parter. The next chapter is Asuka and everything she went through in her mind from the point Shinji left her to the point she woke up. Since it wasn't really moving on with the story and is mostly just a continuation of this part, I figured the 'to be continued' was in order.

The challenge I had with this chapter was actually putting Shinji through the same kind of emotional tests that Asuka's going to have to go through. The problem was being able to do it in the reality of the story. Hopefully I met everything I needed to through this, and with luck it came out decent. We'll see how Asuka's turns out next update.

Thanks of course for reading, and to those who have been here since the beginning, thanks for seeing this through an entire year. It's almost hard to believe this fic will be over before the end of the summer. Thanks for reading, and please review! I appreciate it.