A/N: I meant for this to be the last chapter but I have to much going on in the end of the story for this to have been the last chapter sooooo there will be another chapter after this one :) I hope you are all enjoying the story! Thanks for reading and reviewing! And for all the favorites as well!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age or its CHaracters

It wasn't long after Isabela returned that things started to go from bad to worse in Kirkwall. It seemed like every day Meredith and Orsino were starting public riots in front of the chantry and Hawke was forced to intervene to cool the situation down. One night Hawke came home looking extremely exhausted and angry. She threw her armor down upon walking in, a move that caused Sandal to go scurrying into the other room to hide. Along with her armor she threw her weapons to the ground and stormed restlessly from room to room.

Anticipating such a mood, as they were frequent lately, Merrill had drawn a warm bath and leaned against the wall waiting for Hawke to storm into their bedroom. It didn't take long before Merrill heard thumping up the stairs followed by Hawke thundering into the room. Before she could say a word Merrill kissed her forcefully on the lips and guided her into the bathroom. She quickly disrobed Hawke and then pushed her gently into the tub and then quickly followed. Merrill sat behind Hawke and lathered her back with soap and massaged it while Hawke told her about what had put her in such a terrible mood.

"I swear they are worse than children, no you know I have seen children handle conflict better than they did. And then! And then they ask me to take a side! Can you believe that?"

"Did you pick a side?"

"No, I couldn't, if I did it would have started an uproar."

"Which side would you have chosen if your word didn't hold so much authority oh mighty Hawke."

Hawke turned her head halfway to look at Merrill, there was a slight smile on her lips, "mm I would choose Orsino."

Merrill smiled back at her and kissed her cheek, "that is a good answer lethelan."

Hawke laughed, "how could I choose a side that would apose you love?"

"I do not know that would be a terrible choice."

Hawke turned to face her and kissed her, without another word Hawke stood and lead Merrill to their bed. Hawke ran her hands up and down Merrill's naked flesh leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. Merrill held Hawke tightly and kissed her neck, letting her tongue play lightly against the soft skin of Hawke's neck. They moved against each other for hours until finally they lay too exhausted to move in each others arms.

"The sheets are wet," Merrill muttered.

"Whos fault is that?"

"Yours."

"Oh yeah that's right. Should we change them?"

"Too tired to move," Merrill said already drifting to sleep.

Hawke kissed her on top of the head and they fell asleep in the sodding wet sheets and a bad night ended up being a good one. Not all nights would turn out so well though as Merrill would soon find.

It wasn't long after they shared their bath filled night together that there was another mission to undertake, a mission involving a nightingale. Merrill and Hawke had decided to take a walk to get some sun, well more like Varric had told Hawke that Merrill needed to get outside and away from her obsessive work on the mirror, when they ended up at the chantry.

"Shall we go visit Sebastian, we haven't seen him in a while."

Merrill nodded and followed Hawke into the huge building. Inside they found Sebastian speaking to the grand cleric and as things usually happen with Hawke they were given a mission to meet with a sister nightingale at the chantry later that evening. As they walked away Merrill looked at Hawke with an expression of amusement on her face, "how?"

"How what?"

"How do you all end up getting dragged into these things lethelan?"

Hawke smiled, "just lucky."

"Can I come tonight?"

"You want to come?"

"Yes, I don't get to go on very many missions with you and this one sounds interesting and safe enough."

"Mm I suppose it does, alright let's go down to the hanged man to visit with Isabela and then we can take her with us to meet this sister nightingale character."

Merrill smiled anticipating a smooth enjoyable mission, as luck would have it this was not the case.

After finally killing all of the zealots in the chantry there to try and assassinate sister nightingale, the woman finally showed. Isabela gasped upon seeing her and sputtered out, "Leliana?"

"Isabela?"

"Sister Nightingale huh? As I recall it didn't take much to make you sing."

Leliana blushed and said, "yes well, that was a long time ago yes? Yes."

It all came back to Merrill in a flood, she felt like she had been hit by a train. It had been a very long time since she had thought about Aspen and indeed she felt that her feelings for Hawke were much greater than anything she had ever felt for Aspen, but regardless she felt the old anger and the old hurt well up inside of her. It was this woman who had stolen Aspen from her, this woman whom only a year after she had left Merrill Aspen had bedded. It was this woman that Aspen loved better than Merrill. She was vaguely aware of the conversation between Hawke and Leliana until she heard Hawke say, "wait! The Leliana? The one who traveled with the hero of fereldan?"

"Yes, she is very dear to my heart."

That tore it, Merrill could no longer keep her temper and she said exasperated, "dear to your heart? Is she now? Well how well do you know her hm? Do you know of her past? Where she came from? Did she tell you of the woman who she made promises of love to before she left for the Wardens? I doubt she did! I bet she didn't even tell you of all the warm nights we spent in my bed!" Merrill grabbed for the necklace that she kept hidden in the pouch of her robes and threw it at Leliana, "here give that bitch her necklace back!" And then she stormed out of the Chantry, as soon as she was out in the fresh air she realized what she had done.

Oh how she must have sounded! She sounded as though she was still in love with Aspen! Oh how Hawke must feel! What is Hawke didn't think she loved her anymore? What had she done? She couldn't stay here of course, she couldn't face Hawke. Not after what she said to Leliana about Aspen, she had never told Hawke of Aspen. The only place she could go was back to her rat hole of a house, but she didn't care, that's where she would go because that's were she belonged. She didn't want to see the hurt on Hawke's face, or the anger, so she took off at top speed to her house.

Once she was inside she slammed the door behind her and locked it. She then threw herself onto the bed in a fit of tears until she cried herself to sleep. And all she could think of was what have I done.

Days went by with no sign of Hawke, no letter, nothing to indicate that Hawke wanted anything to do with her. To keep her mind off of the beautiful blue eyed warrior Merrill threw herself relentlessly into her work on the Eluvian. It wasn't until the fourth day straight of doing nothing but working on the Eluvian that she got a visitor. It wasn't the visitor she was hoping for however, instead it was Isabela. Isabela looked sadly at Merrill, who must have looked an outright mess and said, "I would have come sooner but Hawke had me running around doing all kinds of crazy missions, ever since well, you know."

"You can say it, ever since I ruined everything."

Isabela put an arm around Merrill, "oh Kitten, you didn't ruin everything, you did make it a bit worse by not sticking around afterward, but nothing is ruined."

"How can you say that? Hawke hates me."

"Hawke does not hate you, she loves you, and she was hurt when she thought you loved someone more than her and even more hurt that you never told her about Aspen. But no the less she loves you, very much."

"Then why hasn't she been to see me?"

"Kitten, you're the one who messed up not her, she is in a lot of pain that she is not willing to admit to right now and you need to be the one to go to her and fix it all."

"I don't love Aspen anymore."

"I know, but she doesn't, the way you talked it sure sounded like you did."

"I love Hawke."

"Then you need to go make sure that she knows that."

Merrill nodded, "I should go right now."

"Hold on Kitten, let me fix your hair a bit before you go, in fact perhaps a bath."

Merrill nodded realizing she smelled of old cabbage and fish. She quickly went about the process of making herself presentable and then dashed out of her house to the Hawke manor. She had to fix this, had to make it right.

She walked into the manor quietly, as soon as she entered however, she heard two voices from the front room. It sounded like Anders and Hawke.

"You can't trust her Hawke," said Anders.

"I said it's none of your business."

"She's only going to hurt you, she already has, but it will be worse if you continue to see her."

"Stop Anders I said its none of your business."

"She'll never choose you over her demon Hawke, you have to let her go."

"Well that's brilliant advice from someone who has already chosen his demon," said Merrill stepping into the room.

Anders turned, anger showing in his face, "Justice is not a demon!"

"No? What would you call him? Surely you have not diluted yourself into thinking you are not an abomination."

Anders eyes glowed blue, or rather Justice's eyes and he raise his staff, Merrill backed away from him, terrified of what he would do to her. Hawke quickly intervened, "Anders enough! Get out of my house!"

The glowing blue went away and without another word Anders scurried quickly from the manor, Merrill took a step toward Hawke, who was refusing to look at her, "thank you, I-"

Before she could finish Hawke cut her off, "what do you want Merrill?"

"To apologize for and explain what happened the other night."

"There is nothing to explain I was right there."

"There is something to explain, please just let me try."

Hawke remained silent which Merrill took as an indication to continue, "I lied to you when I said that I didn't remember what happened to me that day you rescued me from my blood magic." She launched into the whole story about Isabela and then about Aspen, then about what she was feeling that night and finally ending with, "but I don't love Aspen anymore Hawke, she and I were over as soon as she became a Grey Warden, I love you Hawke, I love you."

Hawke looked at her with tears brimming in her glowing blue eyes, "why couldn't you just have told me? Why did you run away Merrill? Why?"

"I was afraid to lose you."

Hawke looked away from her, "please leave Merrill, please, I need time alone to think. Just leave me alone."

With a broken heart Merrill dragged herself from the manor and back to her house. All she had left now was the Eluvian.