"Are you fucking serious?" I ask.
"Yeah," Momiji answers," I am. "We've got no idea how to find a shape shifter. When Aya and I get to Nitori's we need to come up with a strategy."
"See you in a bit," I say, hanging up.
"What's up?" Nitori asks without looking up from the holographic sight she's tinkering with. Instead of answering I pull my gun out of its holster, flick the safety off, and point it at Nitori's face. She falls out the back of her chair and backs herself into a corner. I follow, keeping the gun trained on her the whole time.
"W-what the f-fuck's wrong with y-you?!" she screams, covering her face.
"When Reimu and Marisa first came up Youkai Mountain to deal with the Moriya Shrine what invention were you testing?" I ask.
"W-what are y-"
"Answer the question!" I growl.
"I, uh, it-it was the, uh, o-optical camouflage, I think. Yeah, it was the camouflage. I remember they s-spotted me after it stopped working. What's gotten into you Ben?!" I lower my gun and sigh.
"Sorry about that," I say, holding out my hand. "Momiji just told me the guy we're after is a shape shifter, so I had to be sure you're actually Nitori." She reaches for my hand but stops and pulls back.
"How do you know that?"
"Not important," I say.
"But how do I know you're really Ben?" she asks.
"Well if I wasn't I probably would have killed you as soon as Momiji and Aya left."
"But what if you knew they would find out about you and you wanted me to tell them you were actually you!"
"I, uh…" I step back and scratch my head. "Well ain't that some shit."
"Just kidding!" she says, standing back up. "I can tell you're a good person."
"You do know I just pointed a gun at your head, right?"
"Yeah, but you didn't shoot me," she says with a big smile. "And you have a look in your eyes that says you're a nice person!" I guess I won't mention that I shot a guy in the face last night. Don't want to ruin the mood.
Not that I get a chance to, because I hear the *THUNK* of the front door slamming open behind me. This can only mean one of two things:
1) Fucking Kenji found me and is here to take his revenge…
"We're here! Wait, are you two done screwing already?"
2) …or it's Aya. Dammit, why'd it have to be #2?
"What do you mean by, uh, screwing?" Nitori asks.
"Aw, don't give me that girlie," Aya says, giving Nitori a wink that is simultaneously extremely cute yet extremely unnerving. "We both know about that secret drawer in your bedroom."
Nitori's face turns redder than the visitor section of the football stadium when we play the University of Oklahoma, except she's actually tolerable to look at. Not for long, anyway, because she pulls her hat off and covers her face with it.
"Do you ever turn your libido off?" I ask.
"Get her drunk," Momiji says, walking in from behind Aya. "She actually gets less horny when she's plastered."
"Great!" I say. "Let's go get some booze then!"
"Not now," she says. "So what do you think about the weapon Nitori?" She nods her head toward the guns on the table. Nitori throws her hat back on, her blush disappears, and she starts talking in a really excited voice. I'm starting to wonder if there's something about Gensokyo that makes everyone act bipolar.
"Well it's a lot more advanced than the last one I worked on," Nitori says. "Its size alone is going to make it more accurate than Ben's. His is only accurate to about 50 meters; this one can hit someone several hundred meters away. It's also able to fire rounds constantly. Plus there's this part at the front that-"
"Hold up," Momiji says with a dismissive wave, "I don't care. How soon can you make me one?"
"It'll, uh…" Nitori takes her hat off and scratches her head with it. "It's going to take at least a week to duplicate the metalwork in it. There are a lot of parts that need to be machined."
"Screw that. Just mod this one to fire the same bullets as his."
"But if you take this one then I won't be able to make any more of them!"
"Good. The last thing I want is to have more of these out there."
"Fine," Nitori says, her shoulders drooping. "If that's what you want I could probably have it ready for you in a couple of days."
"Alright." Momiji pulls herself onto Nitori's workbench and sits on the edge slowly kicking her legs in the air. "So, do you want to know what me and Aya just found out?"
"Is it the shape-shifty thing?" Nitori asks. "Ben mentioned it after putting his gun to my head."
"He what?!" Momiji says, jumping off the workbench. She walks up to me, grabs my collar, and pushes me against the wall. "I get what you did last night but going after Nitori is unacceptable! You need to –"
"Whoa, calm down!" Nitori puts her hand on Momiji's shoulder. "He just freaked out after you called. It's nothing serious."
Momiji looks at Nitori before releasing her grip on me.
"Watch yourself," she says, pointing her finger in my face. "You do anything else to her and I'll take my sword and show you what your liver looks like. Got it?"
"Got it." No funny retort here. My liver probably hates me for what I've put it through and I don't want to have to face it.
"Good." Momiji leans against the workbench. "So Ben, you have any ideas on how to hunt a shapeshifter?"
"Let me think." How do you find someone who doesn't have the decency to look the same all the time? Didn't I see a movie about that a few months ago? It was a bunch of scientists hunting an alien in Antarctica. How did they catch the alien again? Wait, alien? "Nue."
"What?"
"Nue Houjuu. She's a youkai that can change her appearance. I think she lives at Myouren Temple. I've got no idea how to find this bastard but I bet she does."
"Nue, huh? You heard of her Aya?"
"Yeah, the name rings a bell. I've heard she's a bit of a bitch, but it's worth a shot. On the plus side, I've also head she doesn't wear panties ." Dammit Aya, you shouldn't say something like that with hearts! Now Momiji's going to sma-Nitori and Momiji aren't reacting? Alright, I'll play along. "Shall we head out?"
"Yeah," Momiji says, "let's go." She heads for the door and I follow.
"Before you leave," Nitori says, "I want to ask you something Momiji. How does Ben know so much about Gensokyo? Earlier he asked me something an Outsider shouldn't know about."
Momiji stops and looks at me and then Nitori. "Not important. Just get that weapon ready for me." The day has already begun giving way to night as we fly off.
…
"Oh, we have some visitors!" The green-haired girl sweeping the entrance stops what she's doing to greet us. "Welcome to the-oh, it's you." The girl narrows her eyes at Aya.
"Ayaya? What that look for?"
"I haven't forgotten that article you wrote about my band. Our songs aren't 'noise'; they're an expression of the heart! A stupid crow like you wouldn't understand!" The girl closes her eyes and sticks her tongue out at Aya. Even though we came here for serious reasons, I can't help but chuckle at the girl. Well not at her exactly. More like what's about to happen to her. The girl notices and turns her attention towards me. "Hey, what are you laughing at? Are you here to hate on me too?"
I draw a circle in the air with my finger and say "you might what to turn around."
"What are you-" the color drains from the girls face. "She's behind me isn't she?"
"Aw, what's that supposed to mean Kyouko?"
The girl slowly turns her head to face the woman standing behind her. She has long purple and brown hair flowing over her black and white dress.
"Uh, I'm sorry about that Ms. Byakuren. I didn't see you there."
"I think we both know that's not the problem," the woman replies with a motherly smile. "We've talked before about being rude to visitors. I think reciting more sutras would help you understand."
"But…I…" The girl looks back at us, pleading for sympathy. I just smirk and shake my head.
"Sorry, but you kinda walked into this one."
The girl glares at me for a second before bowing her head and walking into the temple. Once she's out of sight the purple-haired woman says "I'm terribly sorry about that."
"Don't worry about it," Aya says. "That girl just needs to learn how to handle criticism."
"I suppose so. But regardless, that's start over." The woman clasps her hands together and bows. "Welcome to the Myouren Temple. I'm Byakuren Hijiri, the resident nun. How can I help you on your path t enlightenment?"
"I'm Momiji Inubashiri, head of the Tengu Village police. I'm hoping to talk to one of the residents of your temple about a string of murders. Nue Houjuu, specifically."
"Nue?!" Byakuren's eyes widen and she covers her mouth with her hand. "She couldn't have done any such thing! The girl loves to scare humans but she'd never-"
"Woah, hold up," I say. "Let me clarify something. We don't actually think Nue did anything. In fact, we know it was someone else. We want to talk to her because we think the killer has an ability similar to hers and want some advice."
"Oh? Well that's alright then. I'll take you to her."
Really? Just like that? How does she know I didn't make that up and we're actually here to kill her or something?
"Before I do that, though, I'm going to have to ask you to leave your weapons here Miss Inubashiri. I don't allow weapons of any sort in the temple."
Ok, I guess she's not too naïve.
"Fine," Momiji says, rolling her eyes. She pulls her sword and shield off her back and places them against a wall.
"Great! Let me show you to Nue's usual hiding spot." Byakuren walks past us out of the temple and goes around the side. Aya and I start to follow her but Momiji grabs my arm and stops me. Aya looks back at us and winks before heading after Byakuren.
"What's up Momiji?"
"Listen, I get her not wanting me to bring weapons into a temple but I feel naked without anything to protect myself with. Don't you have some stuff in your bag?"
"Yeah, I have a knife in this pocket here," I say patting the side of the backpack. "If anything happens feel free to grab it."
"Great, thanks. Now let's go catch up before Aya gets any funny ideas."
"Ha! We both know it's too late for that."
After running a bit we catch up to Byakuren and Aya, interrupting what sounds like a conversation about Buddhism.
"Ayaya, there you two are. Couldn't wait to steal a smooch 'til you got home, could you?"
Called it! But now Byakuren is smiling at us. Don't tell me she actually believes Aya.
"You're a couple, are you? It's so wonderful seeing a youkai and a human so close!"
Fuck fuckity fuck.
"So how did you two get so close?"
"We're really not," I answer. "I have a personal interest in finding the fucker they're after so I'm helping them."
"Oh," she responds.
Is she actually disappointed that Momiji and I aren't screwing or anything. You depraved little-
"Here we are!"
We stop next to a dense cluster of trees.
"So…where is she?" Momiji asks.
"Oh, she's probably disguised herself as one of these trees." Byakuren cups her hands around her mouth and calls out "Nue, dear? We have some guests that would like to talk to you."
…
"Oh well, I guess she wants to keep hiding. When she's like this we usually just let her be."
"We don't have time for that," I say. "We'll get her to come out."
I start reaching for my gun but Momiji elbows me in the side. Oh yeah, no weapons. Guess I'm actually going to need to think about this. Now how does Nue's ability work again? It's times like this that I wish I was good enough at Touhou to play the extra stages. I think it was 'hiding her true form' or some quasi-mysterious title like that. She, uh, looked different depending on who's looking right? Wait…
"Follow me," I say walking into the trees, the other three close behind.
"You got an idea?" Momiji asks.
"I think so. Say, what kind of trees are these anyway?"
"Red pine," she answers. They don't look like the pine trees I've seen. They're all trunk most of the way up with a bit of green at the top. Except for one. It's about five feet tall and is a perfect cone of pine needles. The thing looks like a damn Christmas tree.
"Look at that one," I say, pointing to it. "Does it look different to you?"
"Looks the same to me," Aya says. "You might want to get your eyes checked."
"Bingo." But I want to be sure, so I walk up to it and put my hand out. Rather than pine tree-ish, it feels soft. Like, really soft. And warm too. I'd go on but one of the tree's branches reaches up and smacks me in the face, hurling me to the ground.
"Easy there boy," the tree says in an annoyingly playful voice, "you can look all you want but touching is extra." The tree starts glowing so brightly that I have to put my arm up to cover my eyes. When the light subsides a black-haired girl is standing in its place. What's more interesting is what's coming out of her back. On the left side there are three blue tentacles, and on the right there are three red spikes. And what's even more interesting is how her black dress perfectly shows off her thi-NOPE NOT THE TIME.
"Ayayayaya! So where's he touch you?"
"Oh ho, this boy's pretty daring," the girl says, a devious smile appearing on her face. "I'm just standing here and he walks up and grabs my-"
"AHEM." Momiji clears her throat. "You two can swap groping stories later, but I have some business to deal with. I'm guessing you're Nue?"
"Who knows? I was a pine tree a moment ago." The girl kneels down next to me and starts poking my cheek. "Speaking of which, how'd you know where I was? I don't know many people that walk around feeling up random trees."
"We've got different pine trees where I'm from," I say. I swat her hand away, revealing that, uh, how do I put this?
"I say old chap, it would appear that your crow friend was right about this girl's fashion choices. Quite a good view, isn't it?"
You know, I'd yell at you but you actually have a point. Now shut up.
"Oh, aren't you daring!" She leans in close; her piercing blood-red eyes staring at me. "How about I give you a taste of the unknown?"
"I'm going to have to pass on your offer Nue." I reach up to her face and push her away, causing her to fall on her butt. With her out of my way I pull myself up and brush the dirt off my clothes.
"It looks like he won't take the bait," Byakuren says.
"Damnit! What more do I need to do to get some action? Do you know how boring it gets when you're sealed underground for a few centuries?"
"Try not pretending you're a tree," Momiji says, "I hear hardwood is a big turnoff for guys. Now I don't really care if you try him again later but can you talk to us a bit first?"
"Fine." Nue rolls her eyes and stands up. "So what do you want?"
"We're looking for a youkai that's been killing youkai and humans," Momiji says. "As far as we can tell the guy is some sort of shape shifter like you. We need some advice on hunting someone like that."
"Like hell I will! It took me years to learn how to blend in, and I'm not about to give up my secrets to-"
I see, the blood all over your hands/ Does it make you feel, more like a man?/ Was it all, just a part of your plan?/ The pistols' shakin'-
Who the hell is calling me now? Let's see…the number's 444-444-4444. That's always a good sign, right? Right?!
"The fuck do you want?"
"Oh please," Kenji says. "Is that how you say hello to an old friend?"
"Well look who decided to poke his ugly little head out of the shadows! How's being dead been for you?"
"Wouldn't knOw," he says. As he talks his voice starts to morph into an inhuman static before settling as an old man's voice. "It takEs mOrE thAn A bIt of lEad to keep me down. Try silver next time. Or maybe kryptonite."
"I'll keep that in mind." I sling my backpack off my shoulder and toss it over to Momiji. She zips it open and pulls out the knife, much to Byakuren's chagrin.
"Momiji! I specifically forbade you from bringing weapons into the temple!"
"Duly fucking noted," I say, pulling my own weapon out of its holster.
"Aw, sounds like you got yourself a bitchy girlfriend. Why don't you let me take care of that?"
"I'm good. Why don't we meet up instead? We'll go round two in 'I blow your face off.' I already got some practice on your gun supplier."
"No big loss. That Delta Force dipshit was so blind from his self-righteous bullshit that I could've ripped someone's face off in front of him and he'd still give me goods."
"Well dipshit or not he's dead now, and you're next."
"SurE yOu wIll," he says. His voice morphs back into the static as he talks. "YOU kEEp tAlkIng lIkE yOU'rE sOmE hOtshOt, bUt tO mE yOU'rE jUst thAt prIck whO sIts On hIs Ass plAyIng COD All dAy. And dOn't Act lIke yoU know me." He settles into an all too familiar voice.
"You have no idea who I really am," my sister says.
*CLICK*
He hangs up, and I stand there for a second looking at my phone.
"What the fuck's going on?" Momiji asks.
"Kenji called to say 'hi'. The fucker was sayi-"
I hear a branch above me crack, followed by an object falling to the ground in front of me. It's a bamboo cylinder a few inches long, with a piece of burning fuse sticking out one end. For a split second I watch the fuse disappear, noticing several identical objects fall to the ground nearby.
*BANG*
…
Huh? W-what the fwah? Where am I? Why-why can't I move? A-and I can't breathe! What the f-
"Well isn't that interesting," a voice says. "I didn't expect you to wake up so quickly."
I slowly open my eyes. Everything is a white blur, save for a yellow figure to my side. Where do I know that voice?
"Don't strain yourself dear. All you need to know is that you're in the hospital."
I try to respond but something keeps my lips from moving.
"Don't try to talk. There's a tube down your throat."
A tube? Hospital? What the hell?
"You were in a coma. That must have been some dream you were having."
What? Dream? So all that stuff with Gensokyo and Touhou was…? I blink a few times, and my world becomes a bit clearer. The white blur becomes walls and lights and tubes, and the figure becomes someone in scrubs. A very familiar someone.
"So what do you think?" Yukari asks, running a hand through her blond hair. "How do you like me as a nurse? You know, I should do this more often. What do you call it? Cosplay! That's it."
"But enough fun. After all, you were seriously hurt. Apparently some, shall we say, distracted driver hit you while you were jogging. Whoever hit you was probably some beautiful and young girl. Or at least that's what I hear."
She picks up something long and thin from a tray near my feet. She walks past my head and reaches for something with it.
"Just go back to sleep. And when you wake up, give the tengu my regards."
The scene around me gets smaller and smaller, until it's just a pinpoint of light. That light gives way to darkness and I begin to feel my body fall.
The ringtone this chapter is from "Always" by Saliva.
Wow, that took long enough. So I would have liked to have this out in April, but stuff kept happening. First it was finals, and then it was having to clean up after a monster tornado near my place.
I was planning on saying some things about myself to celebrate Lucid Dream lasting a year, but to be honest I'm running low on the brain after the last couple of months. Maybe next time.
I've said it before but if you're liking the story let me know in a review. Same if you're not liking it.