-CONTINUATION OF CHAPTER 9-
Despite Raven's anger towards him, the features he'd overlooked all these years were still stuck in his head—when had Raven become…this?
In the weeks that followed this chance incident, he began noticing Raven's presence more, and fantasizing what it would be like to kiss her. It was wrong to think about his comrade that way but the more he thought about it the more he wanted to do it, just to find out how it felt if for no other reason. He never let on. It was his dirty little secret.
Soon enough he found himself going out of his way to touch her, be it a nudge with his elbow or using her to steady himself while pretending to be winded. But there was no intimacy, not even one friendly hug. All it ever seemed to do was annoy her more than usual. At this point it was common knowledge that she hated being touched, and only tolerated it when she was the one doing the touching.
All he knew was that there was an emotion inside him that wasn't supposed to be there, one he only felt towards her, one that only got stronger when she was near. It was like what he felt for Terra times ten.
Weeks turned to months and the feeling never once went away. He didn't want to admit it even to himself but he knew he was completely in love with his comrade. HIS COMRADE. HIS FRIEND. She was nothing more than that and she didn't reciprocate any of these feelings. If anything she was trying to distance herself from him…
During missions or just petty villain battles he tended to stay nearer to her, and felt obliged to protect her more so than the others, even if she wasn't actually in danger. Every insult she threw at him was brushed off and laughed at. And it was frustrating because no matter what he did he couldn't let off any steam. Excessive training, alone time, video games, comic books, television favorites, nothing worked. The mere thought of the girl he'd known and even lived with for years with a strictly platonic relationship was suddenly too distracting for him to focus on much else.
So he decided it was best just to get it off his chest. At first he thought about anyone but Raven. It became clear that they might not be able to handle it in the way he wanted them to. On one hand he didn't want them to support this because it was wrong but on the other he wanted them to just tell him to go for it. But the reality was that they would see a whole new light shed on him, and not a very good one.
He had to let his decision rest with what Raven thought of this, not them…although telling her could very well hospitalize him.
The original plan was to wait until Valentine's Day, but further consideration made him think otherwise. For one, it was still months ways. Two, Raven hated Valentine's Day. Something about it being too "lovey-dovey". It could be chalked up to her having been single for so many years but she honestly had never been the type to involve herself with anything pink and heart-shaped. She was also not a girly character, and never had been for as long as he knew her.
So Valentine's Day went out the window as soon as it came in. Every angle told him it was best to catch her in her version of a good mood, and she had to be alone but not in her room—intrusion was not well-received.
So perhaps something random but casual, in a way? And where? And when? And how?
The question answered itself when Raven conveniently stepped out of her room as he was approaching it. Naturally it was at a time he didn't intend to see her, and was only trying to get to his own room to plan and sort everything out first.
He stood rigid trying to come up with something to say.
"Can I…help you?" she asked as she raised an eyebrow.
He managed to calm his nerves by taking a slow, deep breath.
"I've um, kind of…been meaning to…uh… Okay, so, it's like this, see, I was walking to my room and then you came out of yours…which you know, you already know… So…"
"So…you want me to just move out of your way?"
"Well yes. I mean no! I mean just…just stand there, like you're doing now, and let me tell you…uh…the…thing I have to tell you…I guess…" He groaned, knowing this must sound terrible right now.
She crossed her arms. "Beast Boy, what is this about?"
"Raven…" He drew a sharp breath. "I'm not always that good with words, but…i-it's about you…and…and me…and our dynamic."
"Our dynamic?"
"Yeah. I'm the jokester and you punish me when I prank you." He nervously chuckled. "It's…it's always been that way, hasn't it?"
She quietly nodded.
"What if…one of us wanted that to change…?"
A look of confusion crossed her typically stoic face.
He took a step closer to her and his eyes met hers. "Raven, you're the best girl I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."
"Wha—"
He put a finger on her lips. "Just hear me out." He took his finger off when she nodded. "I know I mess up. A lot. And you make fun of me for it all the time, and you never let me forget some of it. But you've never kicked me when I'm down, all you ever do is try to pick me back up and all you ever do is succeed. The other Titans, they think it's best to give me space but you're the one who actively tries to help. When I'm really serious about doing something, as long as it's not stupid, you're always there supporting me in your own way. And if you think something's wrong, and I deny it, you'll call me out on it, make me talk to you…and you never tell anyone else. You have an incredible, rare personality…and…I think that's why…I…"
Suddenly the girl standing in front of him, hearing him out as he'd asked, became the most intimidating person in the world. She never did seem like the type of girl who would let flattery get him—or anyone else—anywhere. Yet here he was, attempting to flatter her anyway, and probably getting nowhere in doing it.
"Raven…I think I'm in love with you…" he squeaked.
He'd never seen her blush as hard as she did in that moment.
"Beast Boy, I swear, if this is some kind of joke…"
He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his feet.
"I really wish it was."
"C-Couldn't you have at least warned me you were about to drop a truth bomb like that?"
He took another deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry for dumping all that on you. I didn't mean to upset anyone."
Except himself, apparently.
He left without another word and Raven stay put, quietly and wordlessly. He avoided everyone else as he made his way towards the one place he found solace in, which, ironically and depressingly, was the same rock Terra had first told him about her lack of control over her powers. Over time it had become his own little place—Raven wasn't the only one who liked to be alone when she was upset.
"You have a real thing for Titan girls don't you…" he muttered bitterly to his reflection in the water.
"Terra was understandable, at least…" his reflection replied. "But then of all the girls on the planet you choose Raven. Why?"
"I already explained why, and it didn't matter."
"So she thinks."
"So she doesn't think," a third character interrupted.
A familiar face slipped into view and he turned around, only hoping she hadn't been standing there long enough to know he'd been wallowing in self-pity over a rejection he already knew would come. He'd already looked pretty bad once, she had made that clear, and the last thing he needed now was to look pathetic.
He stood up to face her.
"Talk to yourself often?" Raven asked.
His face must've flushed five shades of red. "Uh…no. Sometimes hearing my thoughts helps me, you know…sort things out… N-Not that there's much to sort though, I mean, it's pretty crystal—"
"It wouldn't work, Beast Boy," she interrupted.
So he possibly had a chance, assuming he could convince her that a relationship with him beyond a comrade and friend could work. And assuming this wasn't her way of a blatant "no". He took a breath and tried to gather himself, make himself look and sound as presentable and smooth as possible.
"Sooo…who decided that?" He only realized how bad that sounded after it came out… He should've worded it differently… But it was Raven and…talking to her was like talking to…well…to Raven…
"I did," she said. "Look, I didn't mean to run you off. I'm just…not the relationship type."
"But you've had other relationships in the past," he countered.
It probably wasn't the best idea in the world to argue with a girl who just told him no, twice, but her reasoning was off by leaps and bounds. It was true that Malchior was her first love, and first heartbreak, but she'd recovered and maintained a private love life for some time afterward. Naturally he followed her around when he could and snooped without her ever suspecting a thing, and the pattern of one broken heart after another revealed itself in no time. Her trust in having a partner diminished, and she closed herself off from any and all romantic advances, big or small, to protect herself.
"I know the reason you've been single all these years," he added.
She pulled her hood over her head and gazed out to the sea. "I'm not a very good girlfriend."
That though… That one sentence nearly sent him over the edge with rage.
"What?! You think just because you told them no, that makes you a bad girlfriend?!" he shouted. "So, what, does that mean they were good to you by trying to pressure you into doing something you weren't ready for?!"
She looked at him with challenging eyes. "You shouldn't even know this stuff, let alone care."
"I care because you're you and that's all the reason I've ever needed!" He gritted his teeth. "I know because I followed you around in case something happened."
"Nothing ever happened. I have my powers, in case you forgot," she retaliated.
"Nothing ever happened because I was there to stop it!" He only continued when the only emotion in her eyes was confusion. And this time he tried to be calmer about it. "Remember that one guy, I think his name was Darien or Damian or something? Remember when he took you to that club you never actually wanted to go to? And the last thing you ever heard about him was that he got hit by a car and wound up in the hospital?"
"YOU HIT HIM WITH A CAR?!"
"No, but I'm the one who pushed him in front of one, plus he lived anyway." He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her.
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"
"Funny story, you might wanna sit down for this one," he remarked. "Everything started out fine and dandy until you suddenly got all cozy with him. Your speech was off, you were giggling more than Starfire, and you just weren't yourself. So naturally I had to investigate. Found a girl wearing that nail polish that turns black if there's a drug in the water and asked her to dip her finger in your drink. Her fingernail turned black. I decided to act fast since you were in no condition to make your own choices. I pulled him away from you, kicked him out of the club, shoved him into the street, and I happened to not be paying much attention to the car because I was focused on you."
"I…I woke up in my bed though…he took me home…" she mumbled. "He got hit on the way back to his place…"
"Another funny story. Some jerk called 911 and I explained everything to the cops, what he did, what he was trying to do, what he was trying to get you to do… Everyone else was a witness. The girl who helped me test your drink showed them her fingernail as evidence, then we showed them your drink, and then we showed them you. They let me off with a warning after like an hour of interrogation. After everything was cleared up I tried to get you to drink some real water, from a new water bottle, so it would delude the drug. You took like two sips before pouncing me. You were so disoriented I had to carry you back home. I put you in your bed and you fell asleep a few minutes later."
Her face fell and for a few moments it seemed as if reality was slowly sinking in. He halfway didn't expect her to believe his story…it sounded pretty farfetched even to him—this not including the entirety of what went on that night…
"You said…I pounced you…" she murmured. "D-Did we…?"
He shook his head. "I didn't let anything happen."
But she had been the epitome of sexy. She never even touched his crotch but her soft hands roaming his chest was enough to turn him on. He lifted his head up every time she tried to kiss him, minus his cheeks and neck which he couldn't control. It took everything he had to force his brain to win that battle, and that was only because she would have to live with so much guilt and shame afterward, and he just couldn't do that to her. That wasn't what she wanted, that wasn't even her choice. When he discovered she didn't remember a thing, he decided against letting her know the truth…until now.
"I'm…so sorry, Beast Boy…"
He felt surprise hit him like a brick as he heard those undertones of sheer regret and embarrassment in her innocent voice.
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, his voice drastically softer than before. "He spiked your drink and tried to get you in his bed, you know what that's called, Raven? None of that was your fault, you didn't know. Blame him and fault me."
"Fault you for what? You stopped it."
"Fault me for letting you hold yourself accountable for his actions all these years. If I'd told you about it then maybe you'd have had a chance at a good relationship." He paused for a second. "You deserve that at least."
She had the world's best poker face, always did, but her body was betraying her little façade—her eyes were forlorn and glazed heavily with tears. It was like she was forcing herself to be stoic. She didn't want to open up to him, and was probably hating that he was calling her out on all the pain she'd been hiding. But if this was what she'd been thinking then this was what she needed to hear.
"Let me show you what it's like," he said.
"What what's like?" Her voice cracked but she didn't show any signs of realizing it. He hoped she didn't, at least that way she wouldn't be embarrassed.
He wanted to tell her she could go ahead and cry, he wouldn't tell a soul.
"Let me take you on a date," he replied. "Just one, that's it. If you don't like it, I promise to never bring this up again and we can forget it ever happened. But if you do like it, give me a chance to show you what a relationship is supposed to be like."
He stared her dead in the eye until she finally looked away towards the sea. Those sad but beautiful amethyst eyes literally sparkling from the reflection of the sunset on her unshed tears.
"Just one date?" she murmured.
"Just one," he quickly answered. "I swear."
That one date turned into the relationship he promised he would show her. Now, pregnancy was not something they'd planned on but it seemed to add to the relationship, for him at least.
A/N
Whew! I have no idea why this was so hard to write, I just kept getting...stuck, you know? Anyway I had to wrap this chapter up so I could upload it before a year passed. Next update ought to be soon!