Hello! We're getting closer to the final chapters! This is the second final chapter, but since Hidan comes to power, be prepared for… well… swearing and violence.
Hidan for President of the United States of America.
Acceptance Speech:
The new President was heard long before he was seen.
"Hey there motherfuckers! I am the new President!" a voice yelled from somewhere behind the stage.
People frowned at the curse words and protectively covered the ears of their children.
A white haired man wearing nothing but black pants and a three pronged scythe ran onto the stage and yelled, "I am Hidan, bitches!"
Some grumbling came from the crowd at the man's profanity. "This is so cool! You all look like fucking ants from up here!"
Hidan stopped pacing and stared straight at the crowd.
He was actually looking each person in the eye and looking for fear.
"You're afraid!" he yelled suddenly and jumped down from the stage with his scythe in hand.
A woman screamed as he jumped on her and mercilessly cut her head off with his scythe. "Fear will get you killed!"
Then, he proceeded to jump on the nearest people around him with a murderous grin on his face.
People all around the world watched in horror as Hidan killed person after person without any hint of stopping.
Someone tried to call the police, but they got their head cut off before they could do anything.
Soon enough, the entire area was just a wasteland of bodies and the only people standing up were Hidan and a little boy.
The little boy sniffled and tugged on the sleeve of his mother, who was lying on the ground face down.
"Mommy… are you okay?" the child whimpered as Hidan advanced.
"Your mother is dead you little shit! Now I'm going to sacrifice you to Jashin!" the white haired man yelled as he stabbed the boy with his scythe and then licked it.
The boy fell down crying while Hidan turned black and white with skeletal features.
Then, Hidan stabbed his leg and the boy cried out in pain.
"Stop!" he yelled but it was pointless.
The Jashinist then slit his throat, which caused the boy to go mute and fall to the ground shaking.
Hidan let out an animalistic scream as he finally stabbed himself in the heart.
The boy lay still as a trickle of blood went out of his mouth.
"Hahahahahahahahahaah" the white haired man announced as he pulled the weapon out of himself and let his body be bathed in blood.
He looked out onto the carnage he had caused and grinned.
"I am so fucking doing this again!"
First order of business:
"Slaves! I am home!" Hidan announced as he kicked the front door of the white house open and barged in.
The guards sighed and #1 said in monotone, "Welcome home, Mr. President. We are your guards. I am #1, this is #2, 3, 4, and 5."
At first, they had been excited about the prospects of being the guards of the Akatsuki Presidents, but it had just gotten so horrible with all the murdering.
"It doesn't matter what your names are –You are all my bitches now," the white haired man said.
The guards did not fail to notice that Hidan was completely covered in blood.
"Please take a shower, Mr. President. We do not want all that blood to go on the carpet," #2 said despite the 'you're my bitch' comment.
"Fuck you! I don't want to shower!" the Jashinist proclaimed like a small child. Well, a small child that swears.
Hidan then proceeded to make a huffing noise and stomp all over the room.
The guards just watched the scene with a mix of sadness and boredom.
After all, they were the ones who had to clean up the mess.
"Is there anything else you would like to do today? You have a meeting in the morning so you might not want to stay up too late," #3 warned with a wag of his finger. He had a sneaking suspicion that with enough mothering, Hidan would listen.
"I am going to stay up! All night I'm going to pray to Jashin-sama!" the white haired man announced.
Following regular psychological procedure, #3 continued, "Alright Hidan. But that means you don't get any spare ribs in the morning."
Hidan froze. Spare ribs were his favorite meal in the world.
"But if I go to sleep… will I get ribs?" he said with an edge of hope.
#3 nodded. "Yes, but only if you go to sleep right now."
The Jashinist's eyes lit up and he ran upstairs to go to sleep right away.
When he was gone, the other guards looked at #3 with open mouths and wide eyes.
"How did you do that?" the asked in unison.
"Before I was a guard, I worked at the mental hospital for children that had severe anger issues. Hidan behaves like a child, so I just used his weakness," #3 explained calmly.
The others gave him a smile; glad that there was someone who could control Hidan.
President's Goals:
After much trouble and arguing, the guards had managed to convince Hidan to promise not to kill anyone at the meeting.
Thus, he was rather grumpy and came into the meeting room with a deep frown on his face.
"Make this quick because I don't know how long I can hold back from killing you shitheads," he muttered angrily.
"Mr. President, all you have top do it tell is what you want to do with the budget. Then, you are free to go," the vice-president said.
"Umm… I want to be on TV!" the Jashinist exclaimed suddenly.
"I want my own TV show and I will be the host!" he continued with growing enthusiasm.
"I'll have my own set and everything!"
The vice-president listened quietly before saying, "Alright, President Hidan, we will arrange for you to have your own TV show and we will call you when we are ready. You are free to go."
Hidan jumped up from his chair and ran out of the room.
"I'm free!"
On TV:
"Hello and welcome to Fox news. Today, our top story is that President Hidan now has his own television show. It will air tonight after this news broadcast."
Interestingly enough, there was no mention of the massacre Hidan had caused at his acceptance speech.
American politicians had decided to just sweep it under the rug because they did not want to worsen the already poor image the world had of America.
An hour later, the new reporter said, "And that brings us to the end of this news program. Thank you for watching and Hidan's new television show is next."
There was some dramatic music and a blood red background appeared on the screen.
Some words came out of the centre and they said, 'Jashin-sama'.
The music got louder and louder, until suddenly there was high pitched laughter and the music went dead.
"This is my show; Jashin-sama! I, Hidan, will show all you stupid Americans who the true God really is!" a voice shrieked.
The red screen went away and it could now be seen that Hidan was standing on a stage and there was a cage with people there beside him.
"These are the sacrifices! Now watch, as bring them all to Jashin-sama!"
Hidan then paused to hold the religious symbol around his neck and look up.
"Jashin-sama, I will make you proud!" he announced and threw the door to the cage open.
His scythe was drawn and he waited with a bloodthirsty grin for the first victim to step out.
The people let out a few whimpers and then pushed one of their own in front of Hidan.
The Jashinist quickly stabbed the man in front of him, licked his blood and then turned black and white.
Meanwhile, the other people ran out of the cage and started trying to get off the stage and to the outside world.
"There is no use running fuckers! All the exits are blocked!" Hidan hollered before releasing another high pitched laugh.
Then, Hidan stabbed himself in the gut, which made the man scream and fall to the ground shaking.
Ten minutes later, Hidan was done torturing the man and he started running after the others.
They had all dispersed to random areas. Some were trying to break the metal door down, while others were trying to hide.
There was, however, one intelligent person who was currently climbing up the wall and into the ceiling, where there were several pipes.
Needless to say, that was the only person who made it out of there alive.
For the next hour, Hidan captured the remaining victims and cruelly sacrificed them while a horrified camera man was forced to record.
Then, when they were all dead, Hidan turned the camera onto the camera man and killed him as well.
Before the end of the show, the white haired man stood on the stage and laughed while praising Jashin-sama's name.
At the white house:
#3 stood at the door wearing an apron.
He was rather upset about what Hidan had done on the show and he was getting ready to scold the Jashinist.
The apron was there to make him look more… motherly.
Hidan walked into the house and just like last time, he was caked in blood.
He was grinning from ear to ear as he came over to #3 and eagerly said, "Did you watch my show? Did you like it?"
#3 shook his head with a frown. "Hidan, your show was too violent."
The white haired man's face fell and he whined, "B-But why? I tried so hard to make it perfect! I even bought the cage and caught the people myself."
Meanwhile, the other guards just watched with growing interest. They were wondering how long it would take for Hidan to snap and kill #3.
"I have a show again tomorrow! And I want it to be prefect so what did I do wrong?" Hidan continued while tugging on #3's apron childishly.
"Well, I really like your set-up so don't change that, but I want you to stop killing people! It's not right. They do not deserve to die," #3 said with a small compliment to make the criticism less harsh.
"But I want to promote Jashin-sama!" Hidan continued with a sniffle.
He actually looked a little cute when he did that.
"You still can. Why don't you tell America was Jashinists do and what kind of God Jashin-sama is?"
Hidan's eyes lit up again and he said, "Then will you be proud of me?"
#3 patted Hidan on the head and started leading him upstairs, "I will always be proud of you, Hidan. Now go take a shower and I will tuck you into bed, alright?"
The white haired man nodded and ran to do as he was told.
Then, #3 came back down the stairs and to the other guards.
"Good thing Hidan got no love as a child. It makes him sooo much easier to manipulate."
What the Akatsuki members thought:
Itachi: "Hidan was rather predicable with the uncontrollable killing, but I was a bit surprised when one of the guards was able to control his emotions so quickly. Though, it should have been expected because Hidan has such a weak mind."
Kisame: "TV show… I should have done a TV show! I want to be on TV too! Oh and Hidan was alright as President, well, alright by Akatsuki member standards."
Pein: "The mothering technique is a useful one and I intend to employ it when we get back to the base. It would certainly help to keep him from destroying everything."
Konan: "It's so sad… All Hidan needed was a little bit of love. I feel bad for him because Pein and I had Jiraiya, while he had no one."
Zetsu: "Bodies! At last, I have bodies to feast on! So much blood! Yey! But too bad that stupid guard made Hidan promise to stop killing…"
Tobi/Madara: "I have to say, I was rather intrigued by the prospect of using Hidan's psychological past against him in a way to make him behave. It is something interesting I will look into with other humans."
Sasori: "Nothing he did interested me. He only proved how vain he was by being on television."
Deidara: "Killing is good, I guess, for the Akatsuki. Haha! Now I can finally get him back for being so sarcastic by calling him a mama's boy! Hahaha"
Orochimaru: "Weak minded Hidan… I am not surprised he fell for such a simple mind trick so quickly. It was rather pathetic."
Kakuzu: "This is perfect! Now, all I have to do to make Hidan obey me is put on an apron and talk down on him! …But I'm too cheap to buy an apron so I guess I will just steal #3's. He was horrible as President, though."
To be continued…
Wow… that was just plain strange.
Next time, Madara becomes the President! Next chapter is the last chapter so this is forewarning to extreme violence, assism and mass destruction.
Thanks for reading!
Any thoughts?