Ten
The call from Santana was, as were most conversations he had with the girl, abrupt, rude, laden with innuendo, and far more entertaining than it had any right to be.
"Your house is parent-free for the weekend, so we're getting our part on, Gay Love."
"What?"
"Party, Homolicious. Your place. Friday."
"I-" A weary sigh. "Fine. But I have one rule: no alcohol."
"You serious? Just because none of us are every letting you near anythinghard again, with the exception of boy parts you want to get up close and personal around, doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer through the evening sober."
"Too bad. No alcohol, or no party. That's my final offer."
"Whatever, Porcelain. But you know what this means, don't you?"
"I know you, Bitch Barbie. So, yes, I understand this means we'll be playing all the same party and drinking games but will substitute stripping for shots of alcoholic beverages."
"Exactly."
"You just want to see me shirtless again."
"Been there, done that, and would love to go back and get the full experience instead of just the drive-by tour."
"I will repeat to you exactly what I tell Brittany every time she brings it up: I'm flattered, but until you miraculously transform into a male, you're not my type."
"Whatever, Queen Couture. So I can't ride the rides. Doesn't mean I can't stare and drool while someone else does."
"What?"
"You heard me, Baby Gay. My goal for the party is to get you down to your lace panties, or tighty whities, or silk boxer briefs, or whatever else you wear under those skinny jeans, until the helmet-hair hobbit is begging to suck you off and I get a free show."
The choking cough caused by this explanation made the girl chuckle evilly and begin planning. Friday was gonna be a good night.
… …
Found under the couch by Carol, at the Hummel-Hudson home on the following Monday: a handful of M&Ms, three smashed solo cups, a half-empty bottle of maple syrup, popcorn and chip remnants, cookie crumbs, twelve pixie stix wrappers, a list of checked off names and phone numbers, one hairband, a bowtie, and a shirt and pair of pants that the woman was almost positive she had seen Kurt wear before. Both pieces of clothing appeared to have been ripped open by someone with long nails, wadded up, and then hidden under the furniture.