You've had it all before, but I'll tell you anyway…Disclaimer: All the great, talented and eminent J K Rowling's work of magic (tee hee) and none of the characters, except Yuuko, Steph, Natalie, Sarah, Cook, Jordan, James and Eggy, who exist, so aren't mine, but aren't J.K.'s. *Gets on knees to pray to mighty J K.* So please don't sue me. Please!! *Gets back to praying to my 'J.K. Shrine'*
Couples: Hmm…don't know yet…suggestions welcome.
Plot: Nobody knew this, but Hogwarts has a secret safeguard…potions! Except it backfires, causing all sorts of chaos!
Extra A/N: Songs in bold, *actions between stars* [Narrations in square brackets] and (adlibs in curvy brackets). My friends and myself are also dumped there…and James Napier and Dan Weekes-Hannah.
Question and Answer!![Welcome, once again, to what has been made our humble abode. The hall is positively bustling with activity; Cook, Jordan, James and Eggy are still trying to work out how to play Mousetrap; James, Lupin, Lockhart, Sarah, Snape, Voldemort and McGonagall are still playing Monopoly, and it seems like James is winning…]
James: HA! You are on MY space. Cough up!
Snape: *Back to what some may class as 'normal'* But I don't have any more money…
James: Then you're out of the game. Sorry dear. BWAHAHAHAH!!
All: …right…
[James, Dan, Draco and Harry are still playing Gran Turismo 2 on the Playstation, each refusing to believe that the other has won. Lily, Yuuko, Natalie and Steph are having a VERY interesting conversation about Lucius, who, by the way, is still out cold on the floor. *Sigh* Might as well show some kindness and put him on the couch…]
Voldemort: Couch?
Yuuko: Look around yourself, Voldy. The authoress has turned the Great Hall into a play town! We're in the café! You are in the Games Zone!
Voldemort: Oh.
Yuuko: Anyway, where were we?
Lily: So the troublemakers of the afterlife decided to rig the Malfoy Mansion up to the Television set in The Snitch! There's a camera in the living room, one in the study, in the Hall, in the Kitchen, the library, the Summerhouse, the pool house…
Natalie: So, in every single room in the house.
Lily: Except the bedroom, yes.
Yuuko: Except?
Steph: I would have thought that the bedroom is the place they wanted to see first.
Lily: *Malicious Grin* You know, no-one would ever have known that using ice cream could be so much fun…
Steph: Eew, bad mental image…
Yuuko: You just had to bring up mental images, didn't you?
Natalie: KACK!
*They continue conversation, until…*
[Ooh! Message from the authoress!! *narrator gets spirit of Authoress inside her*
HELLO MY LITTLE PRETTIES…HE, HE, HE! HOPE YOU ARE ALL ENJOYING THE LITTLE ACTIVITIES I SET UP FOR YOU. ANYWAY…MINERVA! YOU ARE BEING SENT TO THE HOUSE OF A LOYAL FAN OF YOURS, A CERTAIN NANCY D. AND LOCKHART, YOU ARE JUST ANNOYING, SO GO AWAY. TWO OTHERS, WHO WILL BE ALONG ANY MINUTE NOW, WILL BE REPLACING YOU TWO! WELL, HAVE FUN! BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ARE GETTING ENOUGH QUALITY TIME TOGETHER…THERES STILL A LOT MORE TIME TO SPEND TOGETHER THOUGH…MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!]
All: *Scream*
[ENOUGH WITH THE SCREAMING! YES, SEVERUS, I CAN HEAR YOU. I CREATED THIS SITUATION REMEMBER? BY THE WAY, ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ANSWERING?]
Yuuko: Who are you? This is, or was, my story!
[WELL, I AM YOU, TO PUT IT BLUNTLY. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, OR YOU WILL REGRET IT! YOU ARE THE IMAGINATION OF YUUKO MACKAY, AND I AM THE FANFIC AUTHOR SIDE. STICK US BACK TOGETHER AND HEY PRESTO! YOU GET A FULL YUUKO MACKAY!]
Yuuko: …great…
Lucius: *Suddenly waking up* EEK! PINK ELEPHANTS!
All: …
[…]
Cook: Hey, why are we here, me, Jordan, Eggy and James that is.
[DUH, I MAY BE A PSYCHOTIC FANFIC AUTHOR, BUT I AIN'T DUMB! AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE. JUST THINK OF THIS AS A DREAM…OR A NIGHTMARE, IN SOME CASES]
Natalie: Can James and Dan stay for the rest of the story?
[*sigh* YES, NATALIE, THEY CAN]
*Suddenly, Lockhart and McGonagall disappear, to be replaced by…*
James, Harry, Lily: Sirius!!
Voldemort: *Groaning* Wormtail…
Harry: ACK! IT'S HIM!!! DIE! *Lunges at Wormtail, only to be held back by Yuuko and Natalie* LEMME AT HIM! LEMME AT HIM!!
[*sigh* I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO DO THIS, BUT *SNAP FINGERS AND PUTS HARRY IN STRAIGHTJACKET* THERE, NOW BUTTON IT, OR YOU AND SNAPE WILL DO THE TANGO TOGETHER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! DON'T YOU LAUGH EITHER, WORMTAIL, OR YOU WILL DANCE WITH SIRIUS!]
Wormtail: …eep…
Sirius: WORMTAIL?! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SH- *Mouth is covered by sticky label, marked CENSORED and is also put in a straightjacket* MMPH! MMMMPPH!!
[SIRIUS, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, NO SWEARING…PLEASE, I DO HAVE STANDARDS TO SET.]
Lucius: *Whimpering* Why no more money…?
Draco: Dad, get over it. Money isn't that important, anyway.
Lucius: *Faints*
Harry: …Malfoy, do you realise you just said that money isn't important…?
Draco: *Sarcastic* No! My mouth just spasms and words that I cannot comprehend just fall out!
Yuuko: OOH! Touchy!
Wormtail: Umm, why am I here?
[JUST SO I CAN TORTURE YOU FOR BEING SUCH A SLIMY LITTLE BAS- I MEAN, SUCH A SLIMY LITTLE GIT!! PLUS, I WILL LET SIRIUS GET YOU *IF* HE STOPS SWEARING]
Sirius: *Silent*
[OK, *SNAPS FINGERS SO SIRIUS IS RELEASED. SO IS HARRY*]
Sirius, Harry: DIE! DIE, WORMTAIL, DIIIIIEEEEE!! *Chases him around the room*
Wormtail: *Squeals and runs away*
Yuuko: What happened to Sammy?
[*BURP* NEXT QUESTION]
James, Lily: Why are we here? We're meant to be dead!
[WELL, I THOUGHT THAT THIS FIC WAS FULL OF TOO MANY PSYCHOPATHS, SO I BROUGHT HARRY'S PARENTS TO BRING OUT HIS MORE NORMAL SIDE! PLUS THE FACT THAT HE'S NEVER MET YOU, SO…]
Lupin: Umm, when is the next full moon?
All: …
[NEVER.FANFICTION AUTHORS ARE VERY POWERFUL, YOU KNOW. I COULD MAKE WORMTAIL, I DUNNO, SAY, BUNGEE JUMP OFF A DAM AND MAKE SURE HE IS ALIVE. *SNAP FINGERS*]
*Wormtail disappears*
Yuuko: Umm, excuse me…don't dams slope as the go down?
[YES. THAT'S THE POINT!]
Harry, Sirius: He, he, he!
*Wormtail comes back looking like he had an argument with a wall*
[OR I COULD MAKE HIM GO PARACHUTING…*SNAPS FINGERS*…WITHOUT A PARACHUTE]
* Wormtail comes back looking like he had an argument with a lorry*
[OR I COULD MAKE HIM VOLUNTEER TO BECOME AN EXTRA PERSON FOR A RECORD BREAKING ATTEMPT AT THE MOST PEOPLE JUMPED OVER BY BIKE…*SNAPS FINGERS*…FOR TWENTY ATTEMPTS.]
* Wormtail comes back looking like he had an argument with a steam-roller*
Wormtail: Ooh, look at all the pretty colours, la la laa la la laa… *Collapses*
All: …
[DON'T WORRY, HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT I DISLIKE WITH PASSION.]
Voldemort: Wow! I'm going to worship her!
[THANKS, TOM. NOW, I MUST DASH! I PUT THE POTION ON HOLD FOR TODAY TO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY, BUT IT WILL BE BACK TOMORROW! TOODLOO! OH, AND YUUKO, I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU, ITS ON THE TABLE! BYEEEE! XXXX *Narrator is back to normal self*]
Yuuko: *Squeals with delight as she opens package* WOW! The Harry Potter movie! And a DVD player, a Norbert the Dragon soft toy…and a shiny metal ruler…*Evil laugh*
Natalie: Cool! The movie!
Harry: They have a movie about us?
Yuuko: Yep! The actors are very good, if I do say so, myself!
Sarah: …Ron is attractive…
Steph: *Sigh* Her next victim isn't here, luckily for them.
Sirius: What's a moo-vee?
Harry: Where a director gets people to act out our lives.
Sirius: Oh.
Yuuko: Should we watch? I mean, the authoress has set up the seats for us…
All: *Shrug* Why not?
[Harry, Yuuko, Draco, Steph, (in that order) sit on one couch together with Lucius (Who recovered, again), Voldemort, Snape and Lupin sat in front of them on sofa chair things. Natalie, James, and Dan sit on one of the small sofas, only just squeezing on (Natalie should be happy). Sirius, James and Lily sit on the third couch. Eggy, Cook, Jordan and James squeeze onto the last couch, with Sarah sat in front of them. Wormtail is still on the floor where he collapsed…ha, ha!]
Harry: Ooh, I like the music!
[Oh, and everyone gets a tub of anything they want.]
All: YAY! *Settle down to watch movie*
~*~~*~~*~
Yuuko/Authoress: Well now, that was…
Lucius: Shit?
Yuuko/Imagination: Shut up! *Smacks him with new ruler*
Natalie: Ha ha!
Yuuko/Authoress: Lucius, I will leave you with an afterthought. I am the authoress; therefore I can make anything happen. You just insulted me. Not a very smart move. *Disappears in a puff of silver smoke*
Lucius: Oh, crap.
Yuuko/Imagination: Ha ha!