AN: All hail the Harry Potter Lexicon! And yes, Harry, Ron and Neville all got recruited to be Aurors at 17. I hate Deathly Hallows. *sigh*

XXXX

After the many booze-fests and all-night partying in celebrating the death of Voldemort, who was slain in the most anti-climatic end battle of all time, it was time for some serious business. Even though the world was safe from once-threatening Voldemort, there were still Death Eaters abound and scrambling to fill in the Dark Lord's shoes.

"We've been recruited as Aurors to defeat the Death Eaters, Hermione!" Harry said as he and Ron entered the kitchen of the Burrow.

"Surprisingly, you've been recruited too," said Ron, stuffing her already opened letter in her hand.

"What gives you the right to read my mail?" Hermione spat, then scanned over the letter, "Well, this is all wonderful, but I'm going back to school so I can be fully prepared as an Auror."

"YOU'RE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?" Harry and Ron gasped.

"Of course! I'd rather rely on knowledge than deus ex-I mean, dumb luck."

"I didn't defeat Voldemort on dumb luck!" Harry said before shrinking under her disbelieving glare.

"Anyway," Hermione started again, "I'm going back to finish my schooling while you two help out with catching Death Eaters."

And so that following September, Hemione took the Hogwarts Express back to Hogwarts, rebuilt and refurnished. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief that at long last, life at Hogwarts would be an uneventful lull.

But of course, she wasn't aware of the new teachers hired to help accommodate the massive influx of students that year.

As she took an early stroll by the lake the first morning of the term, she noticed a new teacher surrounded by a bunch of third years, all holding a part of a gigantic fishing net. She came closer to the group, curious to see what was going on.

"All right, now!" the yellow-haired man took a drag, then pointed at three students shivering in bathing suits and an intertube around their middles, "You three are going to go out and attract the giant squid while we all net him in. Ladies, you can stand by and make sure the cutting knives are sharp."

"Professor!" Hermione cried out, "Just what kind of class is this?"

The man turned around and smiled at Hermione, "Mellorine! Another pretty student! I'll excuse you, even though you're terribly late!"

"I'm not apart of this class! And even if I was, I don't know whether or not I'd want to be in it. Just what kind of class is this? And who are you?"

"My name is Professor Sanji, and this is Care of Magical Creatures!"

"It's not very caring to dissect the giant squid!" Hermione said, eyeing the girls sharpening the knives.

Professor Sanji raised a curly eyebrow, "We're not going to dissect the squid. We're going to cook it."

"WHAT?" she screamed.

XXXX

The rest of the week for Hermione fared worse, for she had many new teachers. The new Potions master was a little reindeer who accidently made a potion that made him human as well, though he never bothered to try to change himself back. To his credit, Prof. Chopper was much nicer than Prof. Snape, though he had the tendency to hide and call girls bitches whenever they squeeled about how adorable he was. Then there was Prof. Franky, who taught Arithmancy. He took one look at the book that they were assigned for the term, closed it, and asked, "What's two plus two?"

"Professor, I don't think-" Hermione started.

"Four," answered another student.

"Good job, you get a free bottle of cola!"

At least her new History of Magic professor, Professor Robin, knew all about the history of magic.

"Can I have a volunteer to demonstrate the scenarios in which Voldemort killed his first victims?"

The room was as still as stone. Professor Robin blinked.

"Smith, come up please."

"Hey, I'm not gonna-"

"Now."

Smith bit his bottom lip, but he stood up and mumbled, "Yes, ma'am..."

As bad as she was, there was no one, no one as worse as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher.

"Whenever a bad wizard comes at you, you just punch him."

"Oh, but Professor Luffy..." Luna Lovegood said dazily, "What if he casts the Killing Curse?"

"Then punch harder."

Hermione's last nerve broke at that point. She punched her desk and yelled-

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!" she and an orange hair girl yelled togather.

"You can't just punch a Killing Curse! You can't punch any curse!" the orange-hair girl standing behind Hermione shouted, "It's impossible."

"Who're you?" Professor Luffy asked.

"Nami!"

"And you're a student?"

Nami's face grew redder, "OF COURSE!"

"Oh. Well, come over here and I'll show you how it's done!"

The room fell silent. Hermione turned her head to look up at the girl, who looked increadibly confused.

"You want me to what?" Nami asked.

"Come up here and I'll show you how it's done."

"I...well...okay."

Hermione and the rest of her peers watched Nami gather up her wand and walk to the front of the classroom. Luffy stepped a few feet away from her and told her, "Cast any curse you want, even the Killing Curse. I'll punch right through it!"

"This is stupid."

"Says you. C'mon, give me your best shot!" he lowered himself and held up his curled fists, "I can take it!"

Nami raised her wand with trembling fingers, then smiled, "I better not get in trouble for this!"

Hermione gasped, "Don't do it! You'll hurt him! You'll-"

But even she ceased to speak and leaned like all the other classmates to see if Professor Luffy was speaking the truth. He looked young, all about their age, but his immense determination and focus made him seem older, wiser. It entranced them all and made them wish that what he said was true.

"All right then! Petrificus Totalus!"

Instead of freezing like a plank of wood and falling over, Luffy punched the air so fast that they could hear the deafening BOOM of the spell breaking on his knuckles. In a split second Luffy was still standing but Nami was crumpled on the floor with a bloody nose. The class roared with cheers from the amazing stunt, so amazing that they had forgotten about Nami, except for Hermione. Hermione got out of her seat and tried to squeeze pass the students that flocked towards Luffy, begging to know how he learned such a trick.

"He punched me," Nami muttered as she sat up, wiping the blood from her nose.

Hermione managed to squeak around the crowd and kneel next to Nami, "All you all right? You're not too terribly hurt, are you?"

"He punched me," she mumbled, her face glowing red.

"I know, I know. We'll go tell McGonagall...Nami, was it? Oh dear, let me get my handkerchief," she said at the sight of Nami's glassy, reddening eyes.

Nami took a great snort and pushed Hermione out of the way and ran into the crowd, "YOU PUNCHED ME, DAMN PROFESSOR!"

She plowed through the crowd and punched Professor Luffy in the face, knocking him to the ground. The crowd gasped at Nami's who's eyes were wide from rage and her teeth seemed to become like fangs.

"You punched a professor!" the crowd gasped. Hermione, who once again had to wheedle her way through the crowd to get to Nami, shrieked with horror.

"You kicked a professor!" the crowd gasped again. Hermione, who edged up into the front of the crowd, saw the horrific act and nearly fainted.

"YOU KICKED A PROFESSOR'S BALLS!" the crowd screamed before fleeing the scene, dragging Hermione along with them.

"You can't-" Luffy wheezed, flat on his back.

Nami squatted next to him and whapped him over the head, "That's what you get for punching me."

"It was an accident!"

She punched his stomach, "Accident or no accident, you still hit me."

"Oww! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"That's better," she smiled, "I forgive you."

"You should be the one apolo-OW!" he grumbled before getting hit on the arm.

"What was that?"

"N-nothing."

Nami sighed and pulled out her wand, "Well, I guess that was a neat trick you did today in class." She muttered a healing charm and Luffy's nose fixed itself like it was before, "Where did you learn it?"

"I came up with it myself!"

"Oh really?" she said, "If you want to fix the bruises, go to Pomfrey. I'm not any good at that sort of healing. Well, aren't you going to get up?"

The professor smiled, "I don't know who Pomfrey is."

"She's the school nurse! Didn't you two at least meet when you first came here?"

Luffy thought for a few minutes then laughed,"Probably, but I forget."

"Oh, come on," she groaned and helped him up.

"Naah, I don't need to get stitched up!" he punched his chest, only slightly cringing from the spot the Nami had kicked him, "See, I'm perfectly fine!"

Nami put on a weak smile, "Yeah, but I'm probably going to be expelled for this."

"And they'll probably sack me too!"

"Unless..."

"Yes?"

Nami's eyes gleamed as she smiled wickidly, "I have an idea!"

XXXX

It was a surprise both to Hermione and to the entire school that Professor Luffy was not sacked for hitting a student and Nami was not expelled for punching and kicking a professor in the balls. Even more surprising was that a rumor had gone around that the two's excuse for the whole affair was that it was preplanned to show students how the element of surprise was essential for budding Aurors to use when fighting dark wizards, but unfortunately, the class had left before the explanation was made. Still, Nami got a week's worth of detention and Luffy had to help Hagrid take care of the grounds for a week.

Several weeks passed, and one morning in the Grand Hall, a barn owl swooped past Hermione, making her jump in her seat and spit oatmeal, and flew over to Nami at the Ravenclaw table. Nami quickly took off the scrap of paper, blushed as she read it, wrote something on it, attached it to the barn owl again, and the bird flew to Luffy at the teacher's table. Luffy let go of the ten pieces of toast he was about butter to read and answer the message. The barn owl flew back and forth ten times before flying out of the hall when Nami had finished her breakfast and left the hall as well with Luna at her side.

Hermione stalked the two as they made their way to the library, catching bits and pieces of their conversation.

"...really cute, eh?" said Nami, who's face was still pink.

Luna nodded and answered, many of her words swallowed by the morning babble, "Good...nice...metaphor..."

They fell silent as they passed by an irritated Madam Pince grumbling at her new assistant.

"You're supposed to dust, clean, and guard my books from sticky finger prints, Mr. Usopp, not read them!"

"I swear to you that I will never do that again!" said Mr. Usopp with a hand on his heart and several books falling out of his other arm's sleeve.

Hermione hid behind a case of books and peeked at Luna and Nami, who were huddled over the scap piece of paper.

"What line should you add next?" Luna whispered.

"I can't think of anything that rhymes with orange. Why the hell did he put down orange?" Nami bit the end of her quill as she racked her brain for the answer.

"Maybe because your hair is orange?"

Nami smiled, her cheeks all rosy, "Maybe, I don't know. Or maybe he just like oranges?"

"No, he likes you a lot more than oranges."

Hermione's mind imploded at this sudden realization of what was going on. Thus, she did not put up a struggle when a Gryffindor student named Zoro and a Hufflepuff student named Brook wheeled her out of her hiding spot and presented her to Nami and Luna.

"Looks like we found a rat," said Zoro.

"Would you like me to modify her memory?" asked Brook, then he raised a finger and said, "No, wait! Let me ask to see her panties, and then modify her memory!"

"Oh, it's Hermione," Luna realized, "Hello Hermione!"

Hermione said nothing, seeing as her brain imploded.

"Are you sure you haven't modified her memory already?" asked Nami, who waved a hand in front of the shocked girl.

"Nah, she's just in shock. You said that she was a prefect once, right Luna?" asked Zoro.

"Oh yes," Luna nodded, "I'm just surprised that she's like this, since I've been told she fancied Professor Lockheart when he still taught here."

"I DID NOT FANCY HIM!" Hermione shrieked, then she looked around in confusion, "What? Why? Where am I? What happened?"

"Oh goody, she doesn't remember!" Brook chuckled.

"Don't remember what?" Hermione's eyes fell on Nami, and the memory rushed back, "YOU! You're the one who...who..."

Luna put a finger to her lips, "Sssh, Hermione. We're in a library!"

Zoro pulled out his wand, "Well, I guess it's time to modify a memory."

"Wait!" Hermione whipped out her own wand, "I'm not going to say anything, tell anyone! I know how to keep a secret, I do! I just want to be sure that Nami is...and Professor Luffy..." She took in a great gulp of air and asked in a low whisper, "Nami, are you seeing Professor Luffy?"

Nami clenched the note in her hand and said, "I am."

"All right. Just wanted to be sure," Hermione said before fainting on the spot.

Omake:

"You look awful tired, Astrid," noted the great horned owl that rested next to the ruffled-looking barn owl.

"You would be two if you had to keep flying back and forth from table to table this morning."

"Geez, what was so important that you had to fly so much?"

"A word game."

"A...a word game?"

"Yes. Between Nami and that Professor Luffy. He wrote a line and then she had to write a line that rhymed with it, then she wrote another line for him to rhyme."

"Well, what did it say?"

Astrid the barn owl sighed, then recited:

Beef, chicken, and takoyaki are so yummy

I feel like I have butterflies in my tummy.

I see you laughing in the hall.

Professor Hagrid is so tall!

It's breakfast time so time for eggs.

All I have in my cup are dregs.

What are you telling Professor Flitwick?

He can't beat me with his magic stick.

Are going to class today?

I have no choice, okay?

I'd rather spend it at the lake.

We'll fish all day and bring it to Sanji to bake!

He said he'd make takoyaki out of the squid.

I'm sure that costs a pretty quid.

You seem so happy this morning.

That's because living here isn't boring!

Now I'm eating an orange. "

The horned owl blink, "That was quite...tedious."

The barn owl huffed, "And that's why I'll peck both their eyes out if they make me do that again!