Chapter ten: Final entry.
Ray? Ray my love it's Ryan.
It's been awhile. Just a little over a week now. But I still wish you were here.
Michael approached me and handed me this saying that it was yours.
At first I was confused as to why he had something of yours but I just took it and left. I wanted to find out what was inside.
I cried after seeing your entries but I also was smiling.
Ray. You're perfect. No matter how you are.
Even on our first date I wouldn't have lost any love for you or anything even if you went in your pyjamas. Jut as long as you stayed as who you are I was happy.
And you did stay as yourself which I was so happy to see.
You never needed to change yourself to make me love you.
You've got me to love you so deeply that every day and night you're always in my head. I clutch your favourite purple sweater to my chest every night as I dream about you even after I cry every night. It's sometimes like I'm still able to hold you.
Then I noticed that others had written in this. I felt angry at them.
What right did they have to write in here!? This was your special thing!
I read them anyways… And I was still angry but I didn't say anything… I just will keep this away from them so no one else can write in it. I only decided to write in it because the last person to write in this should be you but… You can't… So I thought that with me being the closest then I would give a final entry.
You know a part of me want's to blame Michael for what happened but I can't… It was the drunk driver that caused the crash… I only am angry that he took you with him that day… I know that he couldn't have known that this would happen though I still feel angry to him about it…
Why did it have to be you!?
… However…
I understand that it could have just easily been me in that car that day. Then you would be enduring the pain that I am enduring and I would never wish it upon you. You don't deserve pain.
You were my angel in the dark after all. I never thought I would love or be loved because I was a bit of a psycho as you know… But then I met you and my changed forever.
Now I don't really say anything or try to show that I am angry about him taking you that day… But I really can't blame him… Plus I was surprised as I could see that there were tear stains on his entry. I never thought of Michael as someone to cry so it was really surprising to see that as I read the entry.
If you could have seen how he looked every day that Gavin dragged him to visit after the first day in hopes that you'd wake up and be okay… There is obvious sorrow and guilt that is showing with everything about him. Along with the entry that he made he seems to be blaming himself enough for the both of us so I can't bring myself to blame him for the crash.
You know just recently I finished recording for a special episode of X-ray and Vav. The final episode of it being X-ray and Vav as they have thought about switching it to Mogar and Vav. The episode was all my idea and everyone agreed on letting it be made. In the episode X-ray is alone and runs in with the Mad King and they have secretly admired each other so they get together. Vav ends up finding out and wants X-ray to give it up but X-ray refuses and he runs off with the Mad King. Someone might have to record some lines for you and at the end of the episode they decided to make a special montage of pictures and videos taken of you to make sure that the fans understand that you are gone as well as it's like a special little thing just for you.
There is also talk of doing this Rooster teeth sleepover in your honor and raise money as they record it all.
I think it's sweet of them to do that and one of my favorites is that there is also a new line of stuff for sale all done in your honor as well as about you.
So yeah the others are making a whole bunch of things in your honor. It's nice of them to do that.
I think that they think it might help me but I'm sure about attending right now. I can hardly even go to that building because of all the memories… I just try to deal with the memories in our home instead…
I really miss you. And I love you with every fiber of my being.
I've actually been wearing the engagement ring I let you put on me as my wedding ring to you. I push away anyone who comes onto me saying that I am taken. I'll always belong to you no matter what happens.
I don't know if you know but I visit you every day and sometimes I talk to you even if I get weird stares from others there… Even if all I ever see is a cold dark stone now…
Life without you has been hard to be honest.
But I know that even when you're gone you'll still try to be there for me even if I don't realize it. So maybe you're reading this over my shoulder or something.
Anyways I have said most of what I wanted on the days that I visit you so this probably wasn't really a long entry and I know that you deserve to be talked to face to face so any words only meant for you can wait and not be put in here.
So wait for me. I'll see you soon my love.
With lots of love Ryan.
AN:
And that's the end!
I wanted to try this format out and it was weird because I felt that it was better without a set minimum limit for the words in it.
I hope you enjoyed it!
Reviews are awesome and flamers will be used to make cookies!
Kitkat.