A Very Therapeutic Christmas, Part Two!
Fang: Except, we're not calling it that...
Me: -shrugs- Another one of those days where I'm writing the A/N before the actual chapter...Anyway, I'm talking to Josh on Facebook right now!
Fang: Gah...
Me: You got a problem?
Fang: Only that you're meeting him at 8 a.m. on Sunday...That's early.
Me: You don't have to come.
Fang: Yes, I do! You can't walk there by yourself!
Me: I'll bring Amanda.
Fang: No, you won't. She has to work. I'm coming.
Me: Aww...You're so protective, Fangles!
Fang: -headdesk- No matter what I do, it gets turned against me...
Fang's POV
"So," Saint said, folding her hands together as she sat across from the jolly old elf at her desk. "Rudolph is...Having some emotional issues?"
"You can say that again." Santa said. "He's become anti-social. He won't even work with the other reindeer, which is a big problem, as I'm sure you can imagine."
"I can." Saint replied, nodding. Suddenly, her eyes shot over to me and she scowled slightly. "Fang, could you please stop gaping at my client?"
I closed my mouth, which I hadn't realized was wide open. I mean, how was I supposed to not gape?! Santa Claus had just walked in! I was half expecting the tooth fairy to fly in next to complain about how the Easter Bunny's candy was rotting out teeth faster than she could collect them.
"Well, Rudolph is out in the lobby." Santa said, standing up. "I need to get back to the workshop and check that list one last time, so I'll leave him in your capable hands."
"And by the time you get back, Rudolph will be good to go." Saint assured him, standing as well and shaking his hand.
"It's good to have you around, Saint." Santa told her. "How will I repay you?"
"Oh, Santa, you repay me and the rest of the world once a year with the Spirit of Giving." Santa replied, smiling warmly. Then, her voice dropped to a whisper. "Though, my digital camera did break, just so you know."
Santa winked at her. "Got it." Then, the big guy turned to me and grabbed my hand to shake it. "It was wonderful to see you, too, Fang. Since your Saint's assistant, I guess I have to thank you as well!"
I spilled out the first thought that sprang into my head. "You know, I need a new laptop!"
Saint literally facepalmed from where she stood at her desk. "Fang!"
Santa just waved her off and laughed. "Ho ho ho!" Who knew, the guy really does laugh like he's calling for three New York hookers. "It's alright, Saint. It's my job to know what everyone wants!" He patted me on the shoulder. "Well, I'm off!" With that, he put a finger to his nose, nodded his head, and disappeared in a wisp of snow.
"He sure knows how to make an exit..." I muttered.
"And you sure know how to go from playing Scrouge to playing Tiny Tim." Saint said back. "Telling him what you want for Christmas..."
"What? If he's actually here, than I might as well take advantage of it, right?" I said. "Heck, I never thought he existed."
"Oh, Fang." Saint said, walking over to me. "You must have believed in Santa at some point!"
I shook my head. "Kids growing up in a lab don't have much of a belief in anything magical and happy."
Saint's face fell. "Aw, Fang! Well, that's just not fair! Every kid should have a chance to believe in Santa and all that good Christmas stuff!"
I raised an eyebrow. "Saint, what if they're Jewish, or Jehovah's Witnesses or something?"
She crossed her arms. "You know what I mean...Anyway, obviously, I'm going to have to make Christmas special for you as well as Christian."
I shook my head. "Oh, no, Saint, really. I'll be fine."
"Don't try to stop me, Fang." Saint said, ignoring my protests. "I'll have you rockin' around the Christmas tree before you know it. Now, come on, let's go see Rudolph."
When Saint and I went to meet Rudolph, we were expecting things to be bad, but not this bad...
"Dear Diary." The reindeer narrated, writing in a book, holding the pen with his hoof. Who knew reindeer could do that? "Mood: Apathetic. My life is spiralling downward. The big guy left me off at some therapy center. He's thought that I need help ever since Mrs. Claus caught me kissing another reindeer guy. Come on, it's the 2000s! Can't 2...or 4 guys make out without being gay?"
"Rudolph?" Saint asked, walking up to him. "Hi, I'm Saint."
"I go by 'Rudy' now." Rudolph said, not looking up from his diary.
"Well, Rudy, it seems that you're here with me to...Get some help."
"I don't need any help." Rudolph said. "I'm fine. It's the old man who needs the help. He doesn't understand me. No one does."
"Well, I'd like to try to." Saint said encouragingly.
Rudolph rolled his eyes. "Sure... I don't think a girl like you will be able to understand me."
"And why not?" Saint asked, putting her hands on her hips.
"Look at you!" Rudolph said, waving a hoof at her. "You're happy, cheery, colorful, bright, smart. You're so anti-me, it's not funny. You probably got your therapy degree specializing in bringing 'joy to the world' and all that crap."
"If she had gotten a degree at all..." I muttered.
Saint kicked me and continued speaking with Rudolph. "Uhh...Why don't you talk to Fang?" She said, grabbing me by the arm and pushing me forward slightly. "He got his degree in the art of brooding and sulking!"
I pushed her away, massaging my arm where she had practically tried to squeeze it off.
Rudolph just shrugged. "Look, either way, I don't want help. So, could you leave me alone? I want to listen to my ipod." With that, he pulled out a black ipod and within seconds, he had My Chemical Romance blaring out of its headphones.
Saint dragged me by my sleeve over to a corner. "I just don't get it." She stated.
I shrugged. "Yeah, me neither. I thought his nose was supposed to be red."
Saint whacked me on the back of the head. "I'm not talking about his nose, you idiot!"
"Well, aren't I right? Isn't it supposed to be red?"
She sighed. "In case you hadn't noticed, Fang, the reindeer is wearing all black make-up. He probably covered up his nose with the stuff. Anyway, this is obviously worse than I thought. I was expecting a reindeer with some little social problems, not a stereotypical emo kid!"
"We'll have to remember to keep him away from sharp objects..." I pointed out.
She rolled her eyes, but ignored my comment. "Why don't you try talking to him, Fang? He'd probably be able to connect with you."
I glared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She looked me up and down once. "Fang, hun, have you looked in a mirror lately?"
"What?" I asked, trying to look at my clothing. "What about me? It's not like I'm wearing eyeliner or anything."
Saint muttered something at that point that sounded a bit like "Might as well be."
"What was that, Saint?"
She shook her head. "Nevermind. Fine. I'll deal with him You just...Continue to be one of the 12 pains of Christmas and not help..."
"Sounds like a plan to me." I said, shrugging and turning around. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and see if I can find something that does remind me of a winter wonderland to eat..."
I came back later in the day, full after finally letting myself be subjected to Christmas cookies and candies, not to mention the eggnog. I was only allowed to try a shotglass of that, being told that Saint had forbidden that I be given any more. It was probably a good thing. I don't know what they did to the eggnog down there in the kitchens, but I'd spent a couple hours after having a sip of it feeling like I was flying when I wasn't. And the clouds were so pretty and swirly....
But anyway, the eggnog high finally wore off and I made my way back up to Saint's office.
Just in time to watch her storm out.
"Hey! Where are you going?" I called after her.
"I need air!" She called back. "Maybe some aspirin. Possibly some kind of depressant-type drug."
"Try the eggnog downstairs!" I called after her as she disappeared down the hall and around the corner. Obviously, things with 'Rudy' just weren't going that well...
I went into her office, thinking to go get Christian and take him for a walk, but he was nowhere to be found. Probably out with Quil or his 'brother' Justin again. Instead, Broody Rudy was there, painting his hooves black. (A completely and utterly useless thing to do, by the way, as they already were black, but the guy was in a therapy center for a reason, I suppose...)
"Yo." I said to him, figuring it'd be rude to just walk right back out again.
"Yo." He replied, not looking up from his painting work.
I just stood there in the awkward silence for a couple minutes. I didn't really know what to do. I didn't have anywhere to go, but I didn't really want to watch a dysfunctional reindeer paint his hooves, either....
Finally, I just couldn't stand the awkward silence any longer. (Surprising, for a guy like me, who usually thrives on silence, but whatever.) "Hey, Rudolph- Errr...Rudy?"
His eyes slowly moved to look at me. "Yeah?"
"You, uh, realize your hooves are already black, right?"
He nodded, looking back at his hooves. "Yeah, but painting them black again symbolizes the utter blackness that toils and rages inside of me."
Ok.... "Really..." I was beginning to think this reindeer's real problem was drugs...
Suddenly, he sighed, dropping his nail polish. Oh, that was gonna stain the rug. Not cool. "No, not really. It just kinda sounded cool to say it, ya know?" He asked, looking back up at me.
I shrugged. "I guess...Kinda..."
"Oh, this whole 'emo' thing is actually kind of a drag." Rudolph complained.
"Then why are you, well, acting like an 'emo'?" I asked. "I mean, if it's a drag, you think you'd just act, well, like something else, something you like."
"But then Tinsel wouldn't like me..."
Ok, time for confusion... "Tinsel?"
"She's a female reindeer and she's absolutely...she positively.....she's so..." he sighed. "Ya know?"
"I think I know what you're trying to say." I replied. So, he's Rudolph the Love-Struck Reindeer...Been there, done that.
"But Tinsel, she's into some, well, different stuff." He explained. "She likes MCR, Good Charlotte, a little bit of Fall Out Boy. She likes to write depressing poetry. She even think two guy reindeer, like, kissing, is hot or something." He made a face. "Trust me, I didn't think it was so hot..."
I made a disgusted face of my own. "I can imagine..." I thought of Iggy and his damned mistletoe and had to hold back a gag.
"But I really like her, so I figured doing all this, this 'emo' stuff would help me get her attention, but so far, she just...Doesn't seem to even think I exist..." Rudolph's face fell, his ears drooping sadly.
"Well, I think I might be able to help you." I told him.
He perked up slightly. "Really? How? Oh, and if it involves getting piercings, I'm really afraid of needles, so-"
I put my hands up. "No, no, nothing like that..."
"Then what?" He asked.
"I say, you start acting like yourself."
He looked confused this time. "What?"
"Just be yourself." I explained. "Maybe if you start acting like the real you, and stop being this fake emo kid, she'll start to like you. I think you'll definetely like yourself better, at least."
"But what about if she still doesn't like me?" He asked. "Then what do I do?"
"Then...Maybe it's time you...Move on."
"What do you mean?" Rudolph asked me.
"Move on! You know." I explained. "Find a different girl! A girl who likes you for the real you, not some girl who only likes a fake you that you made up to impress her."
"Maybe you're right..." Rudolph said thoughtfully.
"Of course I'm right!" I said. "Now come on, let's get you out of this outfit your in and get you to start looking like a real lead reindeer."
By the end of the day, I had Rudolph calling himself by his full name again, out of his 'emo' look, his nose red and shiny again, and his diary burned at a steak. (No, not 'stake'. Steak. I got hungry.)
When Saint finally made her way back upstairs, she went into shock at the sight of us.
"Rudolph....Fang......But I....You.....And the.....No more.....Huh?" She stuttered out.
"Saint," I said. "My friends Rudolph needs a box of chocolates, a dark red rose, and two tickets to the next MCR concert. Can you do that?"
She just nodded, eyes still wide. Then, she looked down at her cup of eggnog, shook her head, and dumped it in a nearby plant. "Sure, whatever you need..." She turned slowly and left.
By the time the big guy came to pick him up, Rudolph was a reformed reindeer.
"Thank you again, both of you." Santa said, shaking both of our hands.
"No, it was really all Fang." Saint explained. "He's our local Reindeer Whisperer."
I rolled my eyes. "Don't listen to her. And it was nothing, really."
"Ho ho ho!" Santa laughed. "It was most definetely not nothing! You two might as well have saved Christmas!" He smiled warmly. "You can bet there will be something special for each of you under your tree this year." He said, winking.
"Awesomene, Santa." Saint said.
We watched as Santa drove his team out of sight, Rudolph happily taking up the lead.
"You did good today, Fang." Saint told me. "You proved yourself worthy to be my assistant yet again, you helped out an unhappy reindeer, and you got me to swear off eggnog for the rest of my life."
"All in a day's work." I said, turning and going back inside.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it far down the hall before Saint grabbed me by the arm, stopping me. "Fang, I'd like to find some way to thank you, a special Christmas way."
"Oh yeah?" I asked. "How?"
She grinned mischiviously, then pointed up. "Look what I borrowed from Iggy..."
My eyes slowly travelled upward, catching sight of a familiar looking plant...
"Oh, no..."
Fang: -is burning mistletoe over an open fire-
Saint: Christmas Party Pooper...
Fang: I hate this plant...
Saint: -sighs- Well, anyway, yay! I finally finished the chapter! I can post all this stuff now!
Fang: And Vera will have one less thing to bug you to update!
Saint: Amen to that! :D So, let's post this thing!
R&R?
Question: Can you count how many times in the last two chapters I used the name of a Christmas song in a sentence? I know I did it a couple times, without even trying...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HAPPY HANUKKAH!
HAPPY KWANZAA!
HAPPY YULE!
HAPPY...WHATEVER OTHER HOLIDAYS THERE ARE THIS TIME OF YEAR!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!