You got a heart on fire,

it's bursting with desire.

You got a heart full of passion,

will you let it burn for hate or compassion?

-Jose Gonzalez, "Killing for Love"

...-...

Days went by like sand in the wind, and Yuuki passed through them in a colorless daze. Attending class in the daytime and keeping the vampires from stirring at night, she slept only in the early morning hours, when no one was around to disturb her. Last week's incident played through her mind over and over again, and though everyone had heard her alibi, no one had questioned her any further. It was as though they feared her answer, and she thought she knew why. Zero...the night class... they all believed her disappearance had something to do with Kaname, that her broken heart could take no more and she had run away to be in the arms of her lover. This is what the they all assumed, and the idea that she would even attempt to see him now, after all that had transpired, made her realize that no one really knew her at all.

She could feel something moving inside of her, an emotion of sorts, but more than that they were fractions of memories, pieces of her life she struggled to adhere. At the tender age of seventeen she was feeling so much older, so much more restless, though no one could ever tell by seeing. She walked to her window and picked up a small amber stone from the night-table. As she raised it up into the fading sunlight, her stomach clenched with nostalgia, and she gazed at the tiny flower that was inside . She remembered what Kaname had promised her when she was living with the Chairman, that he would one day whisk her away; that on one silent night he would take her from her daily life and bring her to a magnificent field of roses that never died, which in rain or shine would live to bloom. To be with Kaname, strong and unchanging, had meant everything to her then. The sound of that promise had sang in her ears and filled her empty days with hope. The promises of eternal life and love, too sweet for her human heart to ignore, were all that she could wish for back then...but what were they now?

She leaned back and let herself fall into her bed, trusting that it would be there to catch her fall, though she hadn't looked behind her. She fell down hard, body bouncing along with the movements and the force of gravity. She felt weighed down by it now, suffocated and breathless, like she no longer belonged. Now that she had tasted the sky, she could no longer wait in her cage like a sparrow. It made her feel confused and disarrayed. She longed to be free from her troubles...to be free from herself. To feel the joy and redemption and happiness that she thought she had lost, the sweet reminder that Yuuki Cross was not just a memory, but a mirror self.

Rolling over in her bed, she flexed her long limbs above her, only to have her hand brush against the resin rose once again. She wrapped her fingers around it, letting the memories stipple her thoughts. She thought of Kaname, her dear brother, with soft brown eyes that always seemed to smile for her...for only her. She thought of the boy in the snow all those years ago, and how they were as children before everything had fallen apart. She remembered her thoughts of him while she was still a human, when her memories had been hidden. She recalled these feelings more than the rest, for they were peppered with intense love and admiration, with respect and fear. But most of all...they were covered with lust. She blushed as she recalled the nights she'd spent dreaming of him, of the day when he would touch her in her most intimate of places. How she would imagine him naked beneath her as she had her way. Yes, these were the things that had filled her lonely nights as she lay in her virgin bed, wondering what it would be like to taste a man, to feel his body. She remembered all the days she'd spent alone in their secluded home, how she would lay in her bed with her prettiest nightdress and wait for him to come to her. But he never did. He never came. And she would often cry herself to sleep in her guilty loneliness.

But even now, even still, she wondered how it would feel to be loved by another; physically , intimately, musically... as they crashed together like the sand and the tide. She imagined a hard body and warm fingers touching her in places she longed to be touched, an intense love and passion she'd never felt. Breathless now, she placed her hands upon herself and thought of Kaname once again, trying to unearth the lewd fantasies that had once distracted her from daily life, but they did not come. Instead, she was filled with painful truths, memories that sliced through her happiness like a bleeding wound. She remembered that day... the guilt and shock as she remembered who she really was, what she was, and the realization that the object of her feral attraction was actually her own flesh and blood. Though it was normal for pureblood vampires to wed within family, her years as a human had destroyed that right within her, making her feel ugly and sinful as she harbored love for her own brother. Although Kaname was, in reality, her distant ancestor, being Yuuki Cross had left a large footprint in her morals , and also her heart. But in truth it was knowing that, after all those years, he had known what could never truly be. They were doomed for each other, two broken pieces that would no longer fit. He had a doomed destiny, one of secrets and pain, and she felt in her heart that his path was not the right one.

"Why would you make me yours again, just to take yourself away?"

She remembered all the things he had shown her that night, when he had brought her to his coffin and told her the truth about his past. The truth had taken weeks to settle in, and even now the idea was hard to grasp. Kaname was an old soul, and he had lived many years in silent anguish. She wept silently, as she had before. His words from that night rang through her heart,

"The feeling of powerlessness...the fact that there are things, for which no matter how hard one tries, always comes down to nothing..."

Yuuki's heart faltered as she remembered the sacrifice and bloodshed, the deep pain she had felt in her heart as Kaname had shared his memories. The despair and loss and loneliness... she knew it all too well, though not as much as he. Yet he had chosen this path, he had chosen this path away from her. In his self-righteous way he had taken up this destiny and accepted a fate without her and their forgotten dreams. Yuuki let herself weep silently as she thought of her brother, of her lover, though she knew he really was neither. Though she loved Kaname deeply, she was aware now of the things they had lost. He once was everything, all she had, all she could ever want; but now things had changed... and so had they. She wondered if there was a future that could ever exist for them. But the truth made her heart ache.

She thought again of the young girl's sacrifice, and for the thousandth time realized what that meant for her, and for everyone she knew. She knew that the war between human and vampire was going to begin once again, and she wondered deep in her heart if there would be no victory.

Then something hit her suddenly, a face, a thought, a realization that brought along a terrible sadness. It weighed down her heart like the blackest storm and she clenched her fists, trying to contain a wall of emotions that welled up inside of her. Zero, though a hunter, was fighting the war on both sides, but instead he was fighting it within himself. She let herself imagine the pain and loneliness of being the very thing that had destroyed you. She thought of the hate that was slowly killing him, eating at his soul and bringing darkness to his days as time went on. All this time she had been struggling to deal with her own pain, her own loss, and she had been pushing thoughts of him into the deep recesses of her mind, wanting to ignore the pain and sadness of losing him. She remembered the day she had left him, the realization that he had loved her and had continually watched her as she longed for another. She remembered the look on his face as he had carried the corpse of his only brother..a look devoid of hope, of faith. Of weary eyes that seemed as though they would never again look to the sky or smile from within. But he was still here, still here with her, yet she was not there for him. How could she not be?

Zero. She wanted to see his smile again. She wanted him to smile for her.

A soft wind rustled the curtains by her window and, without thinking, Yuuki Kuran leapt from her bed and into the cool evening's welcoming arms.

...-...

Hanabusa Aidou did not like to be made a fool. He very much disliked being kept in the dark when he knew that there was something to be found, something to be discovered, and it burned at him with a nagging ebb. Secrets were something he had never grown used to, even as Kaname had always kept things hidden from him until the very last moment. He considered himself to be a smart man, no, a scholarly man, and he felt he deserved to know what was happening around him in the midst of war and other such things.

Aidou wandered the school grounds with questions burning in his mind. He thought of his diagrams back in his room, complicated charts and notes that he had put together in hopes to make sense of what happened around him. He pictured the large memory board hidden inside of his closet, tacked with pictures from history texts, notes and maps, and the little lines he drew to connect things of significance. So far he had come to many conclusions, mostly concerning the plans of his former friend and master. The same man who had murdered his own father with not even a whisper of reason. He thought back to his diagram, where at the very center sat a faded picture of he and his father, taken when he was just a child. His father was smiling in the picture, and Aidou realized that his father had almost never done so. Someone had captured that rare moment and its long-faded memory would be forever held inside of his heart. That was all he had left.

Aidou's thoughts wandered to Yuuki and the strange wounds that had stretched down her back. She had acted strange that night, and had been avoiding him ever since. Walking around the campus to avoid him in the hall, meeting with the chairman during the daylight hours, these were all things that pointed to one solution, and that was secrets. Yuuki was hiding something, and he had yet to find out what.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice the small girl hiding in the bushes near the garden. In fact, he was so caught off guard that he tripped over her foot and yelled in alarm , catching himself gracefully mid-fall. He looked down at the girl, trying to stifle his embarrassment, and saw that it was Yuuki's friend, Sayori Wakaba, wearing a thin white dress and holding what looked to be pen and paper.

"What are you doing out here at night?" he asked her coolly, though he hoped to intimidate her with his suggestive tone. "You of all day class students should be aware of the consequences."

He watched her in slight surprise as she stood up to face him. She was very short and petite, but he saw how she puffed out her chest and tilted out her chin to appear more bold and confident, yet still kept a safe distance away.

"I was...writing." she said, and Aidou was once again aware of the notebook in her hand. "It's pretty out here at night and it helps me get more creative."

"I see. What is it that you are writing? Poetry, fiction, or some sort of sexually suggestive love story that young girls like you seem to devour?"

He saw her cheeks turn pink, and in that instant he heard her heart quicken. A soft, flowery smell began to waft toward him in the breeze, and it reminded him of the honeysuckles his mother used to plant outside his bedroom window. There was something else he smelled on her as well, though he couldn't quite place it.

He took a step towards her and she took a step back, but for the first time he saw alarm in her eyes, though her heart had slowed down, as though she were trying to calm herself. He felt his throat getting dryer and for a moment he weighed the consequences of drinking the girl's blood versus the consequences of not doing so. But something flashed in his mind, a memory of the girl standing up for him as all the other day class students yelled that he was a monster. Memories of her and Yuuki together even after discovering her true nature. He felt his heartbeat soften and his aching jaw relaxed just a little.

He took three steps back from her and she visibly relaxed in front of him. Reaching back, she pushed a strand of honey-brown hair from her eyes, and then raised her gaze to his.

"Were you going to bite me?" she whispered.

Aidou had no idea how to respond. This girl had once again caught him off guard, and he realized that it was the second-most thing he disliked being. He clenched and unclenched his jaw, debating his answer as she waited.

"I was considering it." he finally said, and the second the words were out of his mouth he wished he hadn't said them. "But I am bound by my role as protector here and I do not wish to destroy my image."

She was quiet for a moment, and he watched her as she appeared to be debating something. She had a cute heart-shaped face, like a pixie, and he saw how her lips puffed out as she thought.

"I don't think that's why you didn't." she finally said. "But regardless of that, I still thank you."

This time Aidou didn't hide his surprise. Who exactly was this girl? Not only didn't she run from him, but she held her ground and boldly accused him of lying to her face. How irritating!

His angry thoughts were interrupted by a soft giggle, so quiet he thought he had imagined it, but when he looked up she was smiling. It was a gentle smile, the kind you would give to a friend, and the young vampire felt confused. He felt himself return the favor, and her smile disappeared. She instead regarded him with a strange look, and though he couldn't read it, it made him uncomfortable.

"Do you know if Yuuki is awake?" he asked her, wanting to break from the moment. "There is something I need to ask her."

Her face changed again, though this time it was a look he recognized far too well. A look of secrets, a look of knowing, she knew something about Yuuki. Another piece to the puzzle.

"She's went out." Yori said. " She's not in her room."

Aidou was about to go into full-fledged panic, and she must have sensed it, for she said,

"I watched her go, she went through the south clearing and across the stream. She must've went to see Zero. "

Aidou's body exploded with relief, but then he remembered something.

"I thought you said you were writing."

"I was..." she said slowly, but the look on her face suggested it wasn't the whole truth. "It's a very nice night." And with that, she smiled at him once more and ran back towards the school, making Aidou wonder what was really in that little blue notebook of hers.

...-...

Author's Comments

I apologize for taking so long to update. Life happens, but I will try to finish this story in a timely manner. I also apologize that there was so much reminiscing in this chapter, I just needed to establish Yuuki's feelings for Kaname before I could continue. Any true VK fan knows that Yuuki loves Kaname as well ( but we just love Zero better ;) So please review. Thank you!