Ambivalence

----------

Dear Mum,

To be completely honest mother, I was perplexed by your letter. Everything is alright? Well, that seems absolutely contrary to what you said just three months ago, when I left for Hogwarts. Where did you meet Jack and what makes him so endearing? I love you mom, but I'm worried for you. Please write back because I would like an explanation. Until then, I will try and keep up on my studies and do not do anything irrational...like marriage.

Love,

Your Worried Daughter Susan

Folding the piece of parchment, Susan slipped the letter into a cream colored envelope and sealed it with sticking spell. Susan was ambivalent. She could not tell if she was happy about her and Remus, or worried about her mother and Jack. But she would have to set aside her emotions as best she could until after the N.E.W.T.S.

"Now, Romulus. You know what to do love," Susan said kindly to her owl, whilst attaching the letter to his leg.

The bird cooed and flapped it's wings in response.

"Good. Come back as soon as possible," Susan shouted after Romulus, as he flew off into the setting sun.

It was Monday afternoon and Susan had double Defense Against the Dark Arts class. She stood anxiously outside of the classroom door, as her fellow students filed happily into the class room. Susan had not seen Remus since their kiss on Saturday and she felt guilty about it, but she had been preoccupied. Clicking the heel of her black, saddle shoes against the hard, stone floor she felt a strong hand grab her shoulder.

"Please, Miss Thoits, stop your clicking," Professor McGonagall demanded from Susan, whilst giving her a suspicious look.

Susan suddenly froze and nodded her head in compliance.

"Yes, of course professor," Susan said respectfully, smiling at her.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow, and pulled an envelope out of her pocket.

"Take this," she said handing the red and gold letter to Susan.

"It's important," she said and hastily turned to walk down the corridor opposite to Remus's room.

Susan stared after her, but reverted her attention to the envelope she was handed. It's appearance was elegant and it was small. Carefully, Susan opened the gold, wax seal and pulled out the white piece of parchment inside of it.

"Miss Thoits,"the letter read.

"I am quite honored to be writing this letter to you. You are such a responsible, reliable, and respect young lady and I know that you will be perfect for this job. This job, which surly you may be wondering about, is an utmost secret and I cannot speak of it with you until I see you in person. So, please meet me in my office on Wednesday night, to discuss this special job I have for you. Keep up your studies!"

Sincerely,

Professor Dumbledore

Sighing deeply, Susan folded the letter and placed it carefully into the envelope. She tucked the envelope securely into her satchel and walked into Remus's class room. Her mind was swimming in thoughts of her, her mother, Remus, Jack and now this 'job' she was to be offered. Not to mention her studies, Lisa, and her Head Girl duties.

Nervously, Susan looked at to the head of the dark class room and saw Remus sitting at his desk looking through some papers. Muttering a curse word, Susan searched frantically for a seat at the back of the room, but they were all full.

"Lisa!" Susan exclaimed and Lisa turned to look at her friend.

"Hello, love. Sorry I couldn't save you a spot this kid took it," Lisa said pointing to a Ravenclaw boy, who grimaced at Susan.

"Could you please move?" Susan asked the boy, who not only took her usual spot, but was being rude to Susan.

"No," the boy said plainly.

Susan furrowed her eyebrow and made a frustrated squeak.

"But this is my spot," she said with emphasis.

The boy merely looked at her, "Well, clearly it is mine now."

Stomping her foot Susan became angry, "Just move you lousy git!"

The boy shrugged his shoulder and opened up his book, reading a section on Dementors.

"Merlin's beard! If you don't move, then I'm going to-"

"What? What will you do?" The boy inquired, his tone lofty.

Susan stared at him loathsomely and pulled out her wand.

"This is what I'll do," she said raising her wand, but Lisa cut in.

"Susan no!" Lisa yelled and quickly grabbed the wand out of Susan's hand.

Susan sighed and snatched her wand back.

People started to stare and Susan nervously looked around.

"I wasn't going to do anything," she muttered under her breath.

"Excuse me, but is there a problem over here?" Professor Lupin asked, inquiring the quarreling trio in the corner.

"No, everything is quite alright," Susan said grimly and walked to an empty seat in the front of the room.

Lisa and Remus looked at each other, then at Susan.

"I'm worried about her," Lisa commented.

Remus looked at Lisa and nodded in compliance.

"Well, I will be starting class now," he said and walked briskly to his desk.

----------

"Miss Thoits could I please speak to you for a moment?" Remus asked Susan as she stood to leave. Class was over and she had been rather non-responsive throughout the class.

Looking at Remus she nodded slowly.

"Sure," she said picking up her books and walking to his desk.

Looking concerned her took her hand, "Susan what's the matter?"

Shrugging her shoulder, she answered, "I've been really stressed lately."

"I'm sorry," Remus said gripping her hand tighter.

"It's alright," she said sheepishly as she blushed.

Susan looked around the room quickly and pulled her hand away form Remus.

"There are people around," she muttered and gestured to a group of boys in the back of the room.

Remus smiled.

"I'm sorry, I just was hoping you were okay," he said sweetly.

Susan looked at him with admirably, her face was soft with emotion.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Why don't you come see me tonight. We can talk then," he offered, as she moved to pick some papers off of his desk.

Susan smiled and helped him, "That would be amazing."

"Good. We can drink some peppermint tea then," he said lightly.

Susan sighed happily, "Yes, I think that's what I need."

"So, see you at nine?" Remus asked.

"Yes, at nine," Susan affirmed and walked out of the Remus's classroom, a little happier.

----------

"You seem nervous," Remus commented, as he and Susan sat on his couch, her cup of warm peppermint tea in hand.

It was Monday evening, and Susan had not come back to see Remus on Saturday after their kiss.

She looked at him sheepishly and nodded her head.

"Is it because of me?" He asked worriedly, he too seemed nervous.

Susan sighed and put her head on his shoulder.

"Remus," she said nuzzling his neck, "you're the least of my problems."

Smiling to himself he wrapped his arm around Susan's waist and pulled her closer to him. He had become worried Saturday night, when Susan did not come back to see him.

"What's bothering?" He asked her, his voice soft, as he caressed the soft skin on her waist that we exposed

Lifting her head she pulled away from Remus and sat up. She nervously bit her lip and grabbed hold of Remus's lingering hand.

"Well," she said looking down at her small hand that was engulfed in his large hand. "I got a letter from my mother."

Remus raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue.

"And I'm worried," she whispered softly.

"What did she say?" Remus inquired, tilting her chin up with his hand.

"That everything is fine and that she had met a new man, who's name is Jack," Susan said shortly.

Remus smiled. "Well that doesn't sound like something to worry about."

Susan let go of his hand and nervously fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.

"Let me explain," she said looking at Remus warningly.

"I sent my mother a letter about the nightmare I had. You know the I had when I was here? And I asked her about it and if she knew anything about this one person," Susan said, vaguely.

"Who?" Remus asked, confused.

"Oh, um the man who bit my father."

Remus pursed his lips. "You had a nightmare about Greyback?"

"Yes, I've had many," she admitted.

"Really?" Remus asked concerned.

"Really. Ever since I was nine I've had nightmare's about him," Susan said solemnly.

"What are they like?" Remus inquired, greatly interested.

Susan looked at him apprehensively.

"I can trust you, right?" She asked, her voice more serious than he had ever heard it.

"Susan, yes you can trust me," he said earnestly.

"Alright," she said pausing, "Well, I don't think I ever told you the full story of what happened the night my father was bitten."

Remus said nothing and looked at her intently.

"The party was outside, it was in the summer and it was beautiful out. The people who's house we were at had an unbelievable garden and their yard was lined with tall pine trees. They had a various patios, though the party was concentrated on the main deck near the house. But my father and I, we were taking a walk along the forest edge. We were on an adventure. It happened quickly, you know one minute we were walking and the next my father was being attacked. Being far away from the party it took awhile for people to hear my screams and once someone got there it was too late. My father had already been bitten and um..." Susan said pausing again.

She looked at Remus, who was still listening, and continued.

"Well, he was savage and showed truly no mercy to my father, but once he bit him he looked at me. Then he stood and approached me. I tried to run, but he got me too, though he did not bite me. Instead he grabbed me and threatened me. He said 'I won't touch you now, but don't worry. I'll come back for you,' then ran off," Susan said plainly.

Remus touched her arm lightly and Susan blushed at his touch.

"So," Susan continued as Remus caressed her skin.

"When I had the nightmare last week I wrote my mother. She wrote me back yesterday and said that I had nothing to worry about. I laughed, as I read it. My mother is the most sheepish, insecure women I know. She has gotten worse since my father died, she has been extremely vulnerable, always crying and grieving. But now she has met someone new, Jack. It doesn't make sense, how she has suddenly gotten over my father. That's why I'm worried," Susan said, leaning into Remus's touch.

Remus held her for awhile and they sat in a peaceful silence. Nuzzling her face in the crevice of Remus's neck, Susan sighed.

"I'm Sorry I did not come back to visit you on Saturday," Susan said, as she slowly inhaled Remus's relaxing scent.

"It's fine," Remus said, kissing the side of her head.

Susan smiled into his neck and lightly kissed his scared skin. She was hesitant to see his reaction to her kiss, but he seemed to like it. Remus relaxed and loosened his grip on Susan's waist. Lifting her head, Susan looked at Remus and softly kissed his lips. Moving his hands to sides of Susan's face, Remus kissed her back. It was as soft and gently as their first, but Susan felt something different. She ran her hands along his arms and shoulders, as she settled herself onto his lap. She wanted to touch him and feel him, but she was uncertain. She did not want to move too fast. So, she put her hands around his neck and continued to kiss him, becoming more fervent.

"Susan," Remus said, pulling away from her.

"Yes?" She asked, looking at him, softly messaging his neck.

"I think we should...slow down," Remus said looking her in the eyes.

Susan nodded and kissed his check. "I agree," she softly, "but I just really like you."

Remus sighed and pulled her into a hug.

"I guess I just don't know what a beautiful young women, like you, would want anything to do with a mangy old werewolf like me," Remus said lightly, as he looked at Susan, who laid her head on his chest.

"Remus, that's not funny," Susan said seriously.

"It's true though," Remus said, stroking her hair.

Susan rolled her eyes and looked up at Remus. "You know I could go on about why I like you, but I won't," she said plainly, poking his chest, "just accept it."

Remus chortled. "Okay. I think I can do that."

"Good," Susan said and sat up, "I have to go though."

"So soon?" Remus asked, taking hold of her hand.

Susan nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Yes. It's late and I have class tomorrow," she said retracting her hand from his.

"Goodnight, love," Remus said leaning to kiss her cheek.

Smiling she touched his cheek lightly and stood to leave.

Hello! Thank you all so much for reading! I know it's been over a week since I've updated...that's a record high I think. But I've been uber busy lately and I had writer's block, yikes!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter (again it's just some more plot building) and would greatly and I am greatly appreciate if any of you lovely readers could give me some feedback on where I should go with this story. I have a general idea, but different scenarios are kind of hard to come up with.

Again thank you for reading and I look forward to your thoughts!

Love, Teawithme

P.s. Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews!

*** and I wonder if anyone can guess what 'job' Dumbledore has for Susan. Guess it right and I'll come up with a little prize for you :)

Have a great week!