Chapter X.

''WHERE IS SHE?'' shouted Robert, barging into the hospital, Cora following right behind. ''Is she all right? How about the baby?''

John was sitting in the hall and stood up when he saw them. ''She's OK and the baby is fine. Her ankle is a bit messed up, so she'll need to rest for a couple of weeks, but other than that, they're fine.''

''Are you sure the baby is OK?'' Cora asked.

''I'm sure,'' he smiled. ''But you can check with Mary's doctor, if you want. He's in her room.'' John nodded toward the door.

Cora left to check on Mary, leaving John and Robert in the hall. John looked at Robert, and was surprised to see that he was crying. ''Hey, hey - what's the matter? Mary is OK, the baby is OK. Come sit down.'' John helped him sit down; Robert was shaking.

''Yeah, yeah, I know...it's just when Anna said that there might be a problem with the baby, I kind of lost it.'' Robert wiped the tears from his cheeks. ''It brought all the bad memories back - of Cora, of our own baby boy.''

A few years ago, Cora had found out that she was pregnant again. It was a big shock, especially for Robert - he had thought he was done with babies. But after a long talk with Cora, he was absolutely glowing. He had thought life couldn't get any better, and then they had found that the baby was a boy. Robert couldn't believe his luck...but then it all went wrong. Cora had been feeling sick for a week and, as she was leaving the house to go to the doctor, she suddenly passed out, falling down the front stairs. When the postman had found her, she was unconscious and bleeding. He had called the ambulance but it had been too late; the doctor had been unable to save their little boy. Cora had been devastated, and she had blamed herself. But Robert couldn't let her do that - it hadn't been her fault, it hadn't been anybody's fault. If army life had taught him anything, it was that things happen - bad and good things - and most of the time the good guys get hurt. He had tried to be there for her, trying to help them both move on in the best way they knew. It had been hard, but in the end the love they shared was stronger than their grief. They had moved on with their lives, but would never forget about their little boy.

John looked at Robert, who was still crying. ''Ohh, Robert...''

Robert looked up. ''I'm sorry. I don't mean to embarrass you.''

''I'm not embarrassed. I just wish you'd been spared that, both of you.''

''I know you do, thank you.'' Robert said, and smiled at him.

''Robert, are you coming?'' Cora was standing by the door to Mary's room, but then came and sat down next to him. ''Are you OK, love?''

''I'm all right. What did the doctor say?'' He dried his tears and look at her.

''The same as John. They are both all right. Come and see.'' She stood up and offered him her hand, which he gladly took. ''John, are you coming, too?''

''No, no, it's OK. Go be with your family. I'll just go back to the camp and help the rest of them clean up,'' John said, starting to get up. He didn't want to see Mary. He couldn't look her in the eyes, not after what she had said. He knew she hadn't meant it, but it had still hurt, hearing her talk to him like that.

''OK. Could you tell everybody that we're fine?" Cora asked. "I think Robert and I will stay here a little bit longer and then just head home. I don't think I could spend the night by the lake, wondering how Mary is.''

''Yeah, don't worry. I'll tell them.'' John started to walk away.

''And John…'' He turned around. ''Thank you,'' Cora smiled.

It was already evening when John finally arrived back at the lake. Before he could open the car door, Edith and Sybil were already bombarding him with questions. ''Is she all right? How's the baby?!''

''They are fine. Everything is going to be all right,'' John answered. Both smiled and hugged him.

''Thank god - we were so worried!" Edith exclaimed. "Michael and I didn't see anything, then all of a sudden we heard her scream, and the next minute Matthew was in the water, swimming toward shore. When we got back to camp, you had already left.''

''And then Mama and Papa left. The phone reception isn't very strong here, so we couldn't reach you or them, so we decided to wait,'' Sybil added. ''But you're sure they're fine?''

''They are all fine - Mary, Matthew, Robert, Cora, and the little one," John smiled. "They are all OK.''

''Well, Michael and I have already packed our things. We are leaving for the city; he has an early morning meeting, I'm afraid. Michael! Let's go!" Edith called, waving to him. She kissed John goodbye and left.

John and Sybil walked toward the middle of the camp where Tom and Anna were waiting for them, anxious to hear the news. Sybil let go of John's arm and ran into Tom's embrace. She held him and started to cry; she was so relieved that Mary and the baby were all right.

When Anna saw Sybil crying, she thought the worst. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at John, and she could feel the tears in her eyes. ''John?''

''They are both OK,'' John reassured her. She was in his arms in a second, weeping. ''Oh, my god - I thought...''

''Yeah, I know, but they are fine.'' He hugged her back, leaning his head on top of hers. He was tired, and her tiny, warm body felt so good against his. She was still sobbing when he slowly backed away, not letting go of her hand.

''Why are you crying?'' John looked into her eyes.

''It's just...I'm happy that they are OK.'' She smiled back, through her tears.

They were still holding hands when Tom and Sybil approached them. ''We are going to get some sleep,'' Sybil said. ''It's been a long day and we're leaving for Ireland tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to meet Tom's parents.''

''Well, good luck with that, pumpkin.'' John let go of Anna and gave Sybil a hug. ''And Tom, take care of her, or Robert won't be the only one hunting you down.'' He smiled and offered him his hand, which Tom gladly took. ''I will, don't worry.''

''Bye, Anna! It was good to see you again,'' Sybil said, hugging her. ''And good luck with John,'' she whispered into her ear. Anna blushed and added, ''Sybil, thanks...and have fun in Ireland. Bye, Tom!''

Then they left, leaving Anna and John alone.

''Hungry? I've put away some sandwiches for you.''

''Starving,'' he smiled.

He was sitting on the end of the pier, his legs dangling over the edge, when Anna brought him the plate.

''Here you go.'' She offered him a plate, smiling and sitting down next to him.

''Thank you.'' He started to eat, quietly staring into the water. She sat silently, waiting for him to speak.

''Anna?'' he finally said.

''What?'' she smiled.

''Can you hold me?'' The words came quietly. John looked up slowly and she could see the tears in his eyes. ''Come here...'' was the only thing she could say, and she opened her arms to him.

He slowly put his head on her lap and lay down, as she started to caress his hair. She was warm and her touch felt heavenly. He could smell her light lavender scent; she smelled so good. She was still running her hand through his hair, when she asked him, ''Do you want talk about it?''

''About what?''

''I don't know…Patrick, maybe?'' she quietly replied. She had known Patrick; she had even introduced him to Mary when they were teenagers. They had fallen in love and there had even been some talk about a wedding, but he had decided to join the army first. He had been so happy when he had found out that he would be serving under his future father-in-law, but then that bomb had gone off, and he had died. Mary had almost had a breakdown when they had told her. She didn't sleep or talk for weeks; at one point, she didn't even eat. She had been angry at her dad, who she felt hadn't looked after Patrick as he had promised, and when she found out that John was the doctor in the field, she had been even angrier. She had felt betrayed by her own family. After weeks of silence, she had finally started to talk. The only thing she had wanted was to talk to John. She had to know what had gone wrong. He had told her whole truth - how the bomb had gone off and how he had tried to help Patrick, but he had frozen. The only thing he had heard was the sound of bombs falling all around and Patrick's cries for help. When John had finally snapped out of it, it was already too late. Another bomb had gone off and, when he had regained his consciousness, he had found himself lying in a hospital bed. John and Mary had cried together.

''I thought she'd forgiven me.''

''Forgiven you for what?''

He told her what had happened, and she just listened. She had already known a bit, but not all, about John's part in the whole story. ''I killed him,'' he said at the end of his story.

Anna looked down at him and let go of his hair. ''Sit up!'' she demanded.

John sat up and looked at her, and she could see traces of tears on his cheeks.

''Don't you ever say that again, you hear me? Never! You were a doctor - you still are - and at times like this you have to remember the lives you were able to save and not focus on the lives you couldn't. I know how it is when those bombs go off - it's scary, and we all get scared. You saw so many terrible things happen to the people who entrusted you with their lives. You fixed some of them, but you can't expect to save them all, you just can't. Do you hear me?! I knew Patrick - he was a great kid and he would hate it if he knew you were being so hard on yourself. He wouldn't want that. I wasn't there, but I know the feeling of not being able to help others. Sometimes it's too much and you freeze; your mind wants you to move but you can't. So stop blaming yourself! You are a fine man and you deserve better. Do you understand me?!'' She was so upset with him.

''But...'' He tried to argue back.

''No buts! I blamed myself, too, for all the lives I wasn't able to save, but you can't save all of them. And I know this is hard to understand, but you can't continue to blame yourself - it could kill you. The important thing is that you did your best!''

''But that's the thing - I didn't do my best. I could have saved him, but I froze. Don't you understand - I froze! I couldn't move, my mind went black!'' John whispered.

''John, you are only human. You can't blame yourself!''

''But I do. And Mary does, too - you heard her.''

''She was scared, John. She said the first thing she could think of. You have to talk to her.''

''No, I can't. I can't look her in the eyes.''

''You have to! If you don't, it will haunt you till the day you die. Trust me, I know.''

''Anna...''

''John, just talk to her. I know she's sorry for saying it. She is just so scared of getting hurt. You know her - if anything goes wrong, she starts to push people away with her misbehavior. Promise me you'll talk to her! Please!''

He looked at her face and he could see the fire in her eyes. She was a stubborn little thing. ''I promise,'' he finally said.

''Good,'' she smiled at him. ''So, what do you think - should we open the swimming season?'' she added after a few minutes of silence.

''What are you talking about?'' He looked at her, confused.

She only nodded toward the lake.

''Anna, it's only May. We'll freeze!''

''Oh, come on! What are you - afraid or something?'' She stood up and started to unzip her shorts. ''Come on, hurry up.'' John watched her with his mouth open. Was she for real? ''What are you looking at? Come on, take them off!'' She took her shorts off, then started to undo the buttons on her blouse.

''You're not bluffing, are you!'' He was shocked and excited when it finally sank in that she was really taking her clothes off in front of him.

''Uh uh. Come on.'' She was now standing on front of him in just her black bra and knickers. ''Should I help you or something?'' she asked, when she saw he was still fully dressed.

''Ummm, no! No, I can do it myself.'' The thought of her taking his clothes off was too much for John. The atmosphere between them changed instantly. Five minutes ago he had been crying on her lap like a baby, and now she was standing before him, looking beautiful. She was petite, but her legs seemed to go on and on. He started to check her out. He started at her feet, his eyes slowly making the path further up - her legs, hips, waist, breasts, shoulders, neck, and finally her face. She was smiling, and she looked absolutely stunning. She was standing in her underwear, only half a meter away from him, and he could feel the itch in his hands - he wanted to touch her so badly, but he couldn't. He slowly took his clothes off. All of a sudden, he became shy, unsure of his body. It wasn't that he wasn't fit - he was - but two years of living on his mum's cooking had made him a little bit softer around his belly, and then his knee didn't look very good. He was standing in front of her, wearing nothing but his red boxers. And she was perfect.

Maybe he was unsure of his body, but Anna couldn't take her eyes from him. She was mesmerised by his body, the same way he was by hers. His broad shoulders, his perfect, strong arms, and his chest all covered in soft black hair - she could only imagine what lay hidden under the thick, red material of his boxers. She was staring at him the same way he had stared at her a few minutes ago. And they both felt it - that there was something between them, something strong. But neither of them said a word...both were too scared.

''Shall we?'' she finally said, offering him her hand.

He took it and said, ''On the count of three - one, two...three!''

And they jumped. The water was cold as ice. When their heads came out of the water, they were smiling like fools.

''Fuck, it's cold! Oh, my god. I think I lost my balls!'' he said, grinning at her.

She laughed. ''Oh, come on - don't be such a baby. It's not bad…for May!''

''Oh, really? Come here!'' he called, and started to swim to her.

''No, no, John, no! Don't you dare!'' she cried, and started to swim away from him, but he was too fast. He reached her before she could get away, then grabbed her head and pushed her under the water. When she came back for air, he was laughing, ''Come here you!'' She tried to push him under water, too, but he was too strong. He grabbed her by her waist and once again she was under water.

''John! Not fair!'' she shouted, swimming toward him. She put her hand on his shoulder and tried to push him down, but he was too strong. The more he laughed at her, the more she tried and tried, but he didn't move an inch. Finally she gave up, and when she was about to swim away from him, John grabbed her by the hips and pulled her close to him. She stopped smiling for a second and looked at him. His lips were all blue from the cold, and his hair was all messy from the water. Water was dripping from the lock of hair on his forehead, and he looked so, so handsome. She slowly moved her hand around to the back of his neck and started to caress the hair she found there.

John could feel her fingers on his neck, slowly making little movements. The water was freezing, but his body was on fire. He slowly pulled her closer and closer, until she was so close that he could feel her small breasts against his chest. They were staring at each other, not saying a word. His hand was drifting from her hips onto her back, when he felt her legs wrap around him. He was in heaven! She was smiling...but there was something missing in her eyes. She looked scared. And she was - she hadn't touched a man for many years...no kisses, no touching, no nothing. She had been too scared for any of that. Not that she hadn't tried in the past, but every time she had forced herself to do anything like this, she had seen that man's filthy face in her mind. But this time was different. Sure, she was still afraid, but for some reason John made her feel safe.

''Anna,'' he whispered, looking into her eyes. He was worried and scared. She made him feel so many things - feelings he thought had died a long time ago.

''What?'' she asked.

''Umm, I just…I mean...'' He couldn't speak. She was beautiful, her soft lips just pleading to be kissed, her soft body wrapped against his.

''Mr. Bates, are you all right?'' she asked him playfully.

That was it. When John heard her use his name, he lost it - he couldn't deny himself the taste of her any longer. He just had to taste her sweet lips, and his lips were on hers in second. She tasted so good, of strawberry lip gloss and herself. He could feel her responding and their mouths started the dance of their lifetime. After a while, he became bolder. He slowly started to caress her lower lip with his tongue, and was thrilled when she eagerly parted her lips for him. John literally thought he was going to die; she felt so good, and tasted even better. Anna was feeling the same as John. When he first began kissing her, her mind had started to panic, yelling at her to push him away and run. But for some reason, she didn't - she kissed him back. Even more, she let herself feel, taste, and open herself to him. And oh my god, he felt and tasted so good. It had been such a long time, far too long.

When they ran out of breath, they finally pulled away from each other. John opened his eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were still closed and he could see her lips were red from the kissing.

All he could say was ''Anna..."

She slowly opened her eyes and gazed at him. ''Shhhhh, don't say a word," she said, and he could see tears in her eyes. He panicked, ''Oh my god - Anna, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me, please can you…'' he started to let go of her, when he felt her legs tighten around his waist. ''John, shut up and kiss me!'' was the only thing she said.

Immediately his hands were all over her, her hips, back, neck, their lips once again moving in perfect symphony. When his tongue tenderly asked for permission, he could hear her moan into his mouth. Anna's head was spinning. She couldn't believe it; he made her feel so good. She could feel his arms all over her and she found herself slowly grinding on him, but when his hands started to unclasp her bra, she panicked, and her painful memories surfaced. She let go of John and ended their kiss, and when he looked at her, confused, he could see fear in her eyes. She was trembling, but not just because of the icy water - she was terrified.

''Anna? Did I do something wrong?''

She didn't answer. She turned around and started to swim to the shore, leaving him still standing there in the water. When she reached shore, she quickly gathered her clothes and ran to the tent. The only thing she could hear was John calling her name.

John was confused. He didn't understand what had gone wrong. And at the same time he was angry with himself. What the hell was he doing? He was still married, and he hadn't even told her about Vera. He was not proud of himself. He, too, slowly swam to the shore, picking up his clothes and making his way to their tent. After 10 minutes of standing in front of the tent, he said, ''Anna, are you OK?'' She didn't answer. He could hear her moving around inside, so he tried again. ''Anna, just tell me are you OK. Did I offend you? I'm so sorry, but…'' Before he could finish his sentence, she opened the tent and popped her head out, her eyes red from crying. ''Don't say you're sorry! Please don't say that. I'm the only one who should be apologizing.''

''Can I come in?''

She nodded and left him to squeeze through the door. He covered himself with a blanket and looked at her. She looked so small and frightened, and he was so sorry. ''Why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one who kissed you. I know I shouldn't have, but when you kissed me back, I just thought…''

''You thought right. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. It's just…'' Her voice was so small, and she started to cry again.

''Hey, hey, it's all right. Can I hold you?'' he asked her. She just nodded and threw herself into his arms. He didn't have a clue what was happening, but he could feel she needed him to hold her. He slowly lay down, taking her with them. He started to caress her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear, until her crying stopped and he could feel her steady breathing against his chest. She had fallen asleep. He slowly covered them with another blanket and held her close to him. ''What happened to you?'' was the last thing he said, before he fell asleep himself.

the best beta in the world: annambates ;) HVALA

thanks for R&F&F and please review ;))