Chapter 9

Even before Ana opened her eyes she was rewarded for waking with a dull headache, her dream vanishing like mist in the sun, the island and the dark sea and the quiet, insistent call—no, not quite a call…a need to find whatever was hiding on the island—fading in favour of what felt suspiciously like a hangover. Especially considering the acrid, bitter, even faintly sulphuric taste coating her mouth and nose. Fighting back a groan, she shifted to press the heel of her hand against her temple; she hadn't drunk enough for this.

Thankfully, the massaging pressure seemed to ease the throbbing sensation, leading Ana to hope she wasn't condemned to face a full-bore hangover after all. Nope, just the usual, token morning headache and deep, itching pricks that shivered dully across her skin in that brief, surreal moment as her mind shifted from sleep to wakefulness that came along with that damned dream.

At least it all usually disappeared by the time she pulled herself out of bed, fading the way dreams typically do. It was probably the only reason she'd been able to cope with the uncomfortable things for so many years.

She froze as her movement caused the warm, comforting weight currently resting across her hip to shift. A gentle, sleepy exhale brushed across the back of her neck as the fingers twined with hers tightened ever so slightly. Her eyes snapped open as memory of the previous evening returned with vivid clarity, easily erasing the memory of the recurring dream that had woken her. Ana forced herself to breathe slowly, careful not to wake Poe, who was still sleeping deeply, as she shifted again so that she could see him. She restrained the urge to brush back the wayward curls that had fallen across his forehead, but ultimately failed, the soft strands twining around her fingers as she brushed them back, her touch trailing along his jaw as she drew them back. He looked so peaceful when he slept, especially as compared to the day before, when the events on Jakku had weighed so heavily on him. Though part of her knew she shouldn't, Ana allowed herself a few moments to just watch over him, her eyes tracing his strong features as she knew she shouldn't have permitted her fingers to.

Then, steeling her nerve and pushing aside her reluctance, she forced herself to slip from beneath the arm he had curled around her, gently easing her fingers from his before escaping to the 'fresher attached to his quarters, suddenly desperate for the solitude it afforded to try and sort out her thoughts.

As she stepped beneath the relaxing spray, she couldn't help but replay the events of the night before, culminating in the situation she now found herself in.

It had been different last night. Any time they'd been together before, it had never been anything serious; a chance to unwind; an indulgence in the undeniable physical attraction between them; a bit of excitement and fun; a casual dalliance and nothing more.

But last night had been more than that; it had been about comfort and not feeling alone; about just the two of them. It had been about feeling alive.

It had never been like that before. Before they had just been friends who were occasionally also lovers; though she had to admit, it was something that had been happening more frequently as time went on, leading her to wonder if the dynamic of their relationship had been changing even before last night.

But despite periodically sleeping together, they had never crossed the line from lovers to lovers. This time?

It was different. The way she'd looked at him before she'd pulled herself from his side just now had been different. She hadn't used to look at him like that. She used to be able to keep her view of him as a friend separate from their more intimate activities, almost as though the two sides were two separate people. She'd give him the odd appreciative look, of course, and the flirting was almost more a part of their friendship than anything else—it had definitely always been simply fun rather than an indicator of anything more, she firmly told herself—but she'd always been able to keep from looking at him that way even when they were…alone.

She'd always been careful to never let herself get that close to him on that kind of emotional level. To never cross that line. It was also a facet of their relationship that had so far remained completely and utterly private, even secret.

But it seemed that line was beginning to blur.

Or maybe it had a long time ago, and she just hadn't noticed.

Now, though…it definitely felt like something had changed.

The tangible proof still lay on the bunk just outside the 'fresher door. That had certainly never happened before. No matter where they ended up when they were together, they always parted ways to sleep in their own quarters afterward.

But that didn't erase the fact that Ana had woken up with Poe's fingers laced with hers, so deeply asleep that he hadn't even stirred as she left the bed. Ana's heart thrummed the more she tried to puzzle it all out. She'd been trying to ignore the way she'd been coming to feel about the Commander, constantly reminding herself that what they had in private was nothing truly serious, that it was exciting because it was secret, and that they were friends only. But she wasn't entirely sure she could ignore it any more.

Maybe it was time to put an end to it.

An ache went through her chest as she considered that possibility.

Having long since finished washing up, even lost to her thoughts as she'd been, there was little excuse to standing beneath the spray any longer. Ana shut off the water, silently scolding herself for allowing herself to overthink things. Surely nothing had actually changed, right? It had to be a simple, reasonable explanation why she hadn't returned to her own quarters; he'd had to endure an incredible amount of physical and emotional trauma since first setting out for his mission, and had needed the comfort another person's presence provided. She supposed that she could also admit that she'd been too worried to leave him alone. But she refused to admit she'd needed the comfort just as much as he had. She knew how to cope, she reminded herself, and had been doing so for years. The fact that her means of coping had been faltering over the last day or so was undoubtedly a fluke. It had to be. She refused to think otherwise.

But as Ana stepped back into Poe's quarters from the 'fresher, somewhat prepared for the day ahead short of the fresh clothes she would need to retrieve from her own quarters, she knew it was futile to try and convince herself that nothing had changed. He hadn't stirred in the slightest, his arm still outstretched as though reaching for her. She had to fight back the overwhelming urge to slip back into his embrace or even to place a kiss across his temple, brushing her fingers through his frustratingly perfect curls. Instead, she forced herself to turn, intending to leave him to sleep in peace even knowing he was likely going to be upset with her that she didn't wake him.

Besides, she found she didn't quite have the heart to disturb him.

"You showered without me," came a sleep-slurred but teasing tone from the bed. Ana's hand paused just short of the door control, suddenly biting back the grin that threatened. Just like her attempt to leave quietly, it didn't work.

"You were still asleep, Hotshot," she countered softly as she turned back to him, not even thinking to hide the fondness in her voice. He hadn't even moved.

"M'mm, not anymore," he said, not sounding at all convincing. Her grin widened. Had he even opened his eyes yet? Actually, she wasn't even entirely sure he really was awake.

"Sure about that?" she teased lightly, crossing her arms even as part of her wanted to edge back to the bed. She ignored the impulse. That would not be a good idea.

Poe huffed out a small chuckle, reaching out with a nearly limp hand to beckon her sleepily back. "You don't have to leave," he mumbled.

"You know I do," she disagreed softly, trying not to sound as reluctant as she felt. "It wouldn't do to get caught leaving your quarters. Otherwise we'd have started sleeping over a long time ago, I bet," she added wryly. It was then that his eyes finally opened, fixing somewhat blearily on her as a chuckle huffed out of his chest.

"I suppose you're right," he sighed, only for the shadow of his usual cocky grin to return. "It wouldn't do to make everyone else jealous. So you should probably hide out here for a bit." Ana scoffed, though the sound was awfully close to a laugh as he patted her spot on the mattress half-heartedly. "The bed's a good place," he mumbled with a smirk, his eyes already sliding shut again, his head slumping back into his pillow.

"You're still asleep, Dameron," she chided gently, shaking the way part of her was considering the tempting offer away, "and I do need to go."

"No I'm not," came his pillow muffled reply.

She shot him a skeptical look. "Oh?"

"Nope. Or you'd still be over here." He patted the mattress groggily again. She shook her head at the declaration, ignoring the way her cheeks suddenly felt warm. He was incorrigible.

"Nice try, Hotshot," she responded dryly despite the wide smile tugging at her lips. This felt much more normal. "I'll see you later." The only response she got was a drowsy groan that sounded almost like agreement.

It was hours before she saw him again. Hours of filling out reports on her impromptu mission to Jakku, looking over supply manifests for the fighter pad and looking over reports submitted by the pilots under her command among other tedious administrative responsibilities. It was the one aspect of being a squadron commander that she despised. She loved flying, and she even enjoyed the leadership responsibilities that came with her position as Red Leader, but she hated the administrative stuff. It was almost enough to make her miss being a mechanic or even a lowly Lieutenant…although, she had still had to fill out reports then too…just not quite so many. And she hadn't had to oversee a few dozen other people's reports too.

It was times like this when she questioned why she'd agreed to join the Resistance in the first place; certainly enough to make her wish she'd gone along with Poe's drowsy request…

Having finally gotten her Squadron's most recent batch of mission reports in order and submitted, Ana snatched up the datapad containing her Jakku report and set off to find her Aunt. When she'd run into the General earlier that morning, Leia had requested Ana hand in her report on Poe's retrieval to her directly. It wasn't exactly protocol, but Ana wasn't terribly concerned. It had been a secret mission Poe was on, so Ana thought it made perfect sense to hand in the report to Leia directly.

She nearly hesitated, though, when upon finally tracking down her Aunt, she came up on Leia locked in an intent debate with Poe. The current uncertainty of their relationship had been weighing on Ana all morning, and she was desperately hoping they could avoid blowing the secret of it as a result, especially given her apparent new habit of letting loose things she shouldn't the last day or so. Encountering Poe now, in her Aunt's presence, was going to be a severe test of Ana's resolve not to let the previous night or this morning affect their outward relationship. Forcing a steadying breath into her lungs, Ana approached the General and the Commander, burying her sudden nervousness deep down where she hoped her Aunt wouldn't pick up on it.

Her apology for interrupting proved to be virtually ignored, Leia and Poe both nearly too caught in their discussion to pay her much mind. However, Poe's gaze fixed on her for a brief moment, the expression in his eyes unreadable as he studied her before turning his attention back to Leia. Ana felt her cheeks warm, but she forced herself to act like nothing had happened lest her Aunt take notice.

"General, please," Poe was saying, "I have to go back for him. We need that data unit, and I promised BB-8 I'd come back for him. I'll search the entire planet myself, inch by inch, if I have to." Leia gave him a wan smile, laying a cautioning hand on his shoulder.

"Poe, I think I know better than anyone why we need that unit," the General said, "but the intelligence we've received suggests that BB-8 is no longer on Jakku." Ana immediately got the impression that she was missing something, and not just because she walked in partway through the conversation. Absently, Leia took the datapad that Ana held out to her, glancing over it quickly without really seeing it. She was too intent on her conversation with the Commander to pay Ana much attention. Poe's response froze in his mouth as he stared at the General in confusion.

"Not on Jakku? Where could he have gone?"

"Intelligence says that he and the Stormtrooper who helped you managed to escape the raid on Niima Outpost on a stolen freighter. Unfortunately that's all we've heard. We have no idea where they are now; they could be anywhere; they could be on their way here, for all we know." Poe leveled General Organa with a determined look.

"First word we get on their location, I'm gone," he declared, "I've got to get him back."

Leia sighed, nearly throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Commander—"

"No, General," Poe interrupted, earning a few stunned glances from those within earshot. "I will complete my mission; I said I'd get you that map to Skywalker and that's what I'm gonna do." Ana felt her face go pale, suddenly feeling cold.

"Skywalker!" She couldn't help but blurt it out. Leia and Poe's eyes both shot to her, as though they'd forgotten she was still there. Ana was shocked nearly beyond words. She had to fist her fingers to keep them from shaking, something that didn't escape her Aunt's notice. "That's what this is all about? Finding Luke Skywalker?"

"Commander Adyé—" Leia started, her tone meant to be placating and even warning. But it was as though Ana didn't even hear her, her pulse roaring in her ears, one thought and one thought alone taking over.

"Why did no one tell me?"

"Well, it was a secret mission, Adyé," Poe said, a trace of a grin on his face. Ana's gut twisted, feeling suddenly cold as realization broke through along with her reason; she was abruptly reminded that he didn't know. Her eyes flicked back to her Aunt.

"Why didn't you send me?" she asked softly, painfully aware of the hurt that threaded through her voice. A faint draft wafted against her hair, tugging at the loose strands, but Ana barely noticed. Her attention was fixed solely on her Aunt. It was even as though Poe wasn't even there, anymore. Leia sighed.

"You know why," her Aunt said firmly, though her tone was nevertheless gentle. But Ana could all but hear why in that tone: you're too close to this; it needed someone who could stay focused solely on the mission. There was a ghost of apology in her brown eyes, but otherwise the General looked entirely unrepentant. Something small, sharp and painful flickered in Ana's chest. It was then that Ana noticed the frown of confusion on Poe's face. She turned on him, barely able to contain the frustration coursing through her at this sudden turn of events, letting it drown out the sudden sensation of heartache.

"So that's why you were sent off to nearly get yourself killed? You really think he's going to help?" she challenged scathingly. The draft returned, cooler this time, causing a faint shiver to run through her.

"Commander!" Leia broke in, shocked. Poe looked equally taken aback.

"You do know who we're talking about, right?" he asked, utterly bewildered, "Luke Skywalker; the Hero of the Rebel Alliance? Adyé, he could be the key to getting a leg up on the First Order. He blew up the Death Star his first time in an X-wing. He's a legend. I mean, he went face to face with the Emperor and won!"

"More like went face to face with the Emperor and survived, you mean," Ana muttered. He leveled her with a look of utter disbelief. Out of the corner of her eye Ana could see from the look on her Aunt's face that Leia looked equally astonished, if not more so. As if on cue to break up the quickly escalating argument, C-3P0 chose that moment to approach.

"Pardon me, General, but there appears to be some urgent intelligence out of Takodana. BB-8 appears to have turned up in Maz Kanata's establishment along with two humans who match the descriptions of those who assisted him in escaping from Jakku." Instantly distracted from Ana's baffling behavior, Poe's hand slammed down on the edge of the station's console.

"General, permission—" Leia held up a hand, still looking at Threepio.

"Hold on, Commander."

"But General, the First Order may alrea—"

"What else, Threepio," Leia prompted, ignoring Poe's protests. Ana's belly churned. She still could barely get past what Poe's original mission had been. A map to Luke Skywalker—her father—after all this time?

"It also appears BB-8 and his companions are in the company of Captain Solo," the golden droid said, sounding almost hesitant. That caught Ana's attention. Leia nodded in understanding, acting as though it was just another piece of intelligence, but Ana saw the sudden reserve and the apprehension in her Aunt's eyes. The General finally turned to Poe.

"Commander Dameron, you'll take Blue Squadron and secure BB-8 and the map immediately. While Maz might be more personally sympathetic to the Resistance, her place will have its share of First Order spies right beside our own. They may already know he's there." Poe nodded sharply before faltering.

"Half of Blue Squadron is out on missions of their own, including Blue Leader. If the First Order knows BB-8's on Takodana, half a squad may not be enough, especially since they'll have air support." Leia nodded thoughtfully before turning to Ana.

"Commander Adyé, pick some of Red Squadron to join up with whoever of Blue is available. You'll fly as Poe's second on this one." Nodding herself in deference to the General, Ana was almost immediately off to notify the selection of pilots she already had in mind.

"Hey." It was Poe tugging gently on her arm to stop her for a moment, having followed after her almost as soon as she turned. Part of her was hesitant to meet his eye. "What was that all about? I mean—damn, Ana, I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

Already she regretted her outburst, embarrassed that she let herself get so worked up over the slim chance that a way to find Skywalker had magically appeared after all these years. She was also rather ashamed of the way she'd spoken to Poe, especially since she recognized he had no idea what lay at the heart of it; she knew she got irrational when it came to mention of her father.

Now on top of that, her uncertainty regarding their relationship was suddenly resurfacing now that she no longer had the distraction of his and Leia's conversation to push it from her mind, throwing her thoughts further still into turmoil…it appeared her headache was back. Her jaw clenched, and suddenly—bewilderingly—the urge to spill everything was poised on the tip of her tongue. But she forced it back with a monumental effort. Finally she sighed.

"I don't even know, Poe," she admitted wearily, a hand rising to massage against her forehead. "Something I should be long over." His frown deepened as she finally risked looking up at him, but his dark eyes held only concern. She could tell he almost desperately wanted to press, but thought better of it, taking in the set of her features before almost visibly pushing the rest of his questions aside.

"You got this?" he asked quietly instead. The concern from his gaze was there in his voice, but as he continued to study her she got the distinct feeling he wasn't exactly asking as her commanding officer. Taking a deep breath she forced a wry smile to her face, nodding.

After a tense heartbeat more of considering her, he nodded himself, shooting her a faint grin indicating all was well and clapping a hand on her shoulder.

Ana barely restrained her exhale of relief, feeling the tension between them melting away with his easy grin, as though their relationship stabilized with that single silent exchange. She gave him a similar pat on the shoulder before they parted ways.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed!

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Thanks for reading!

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