Hello, remember me? I apologize that it has taken me so very long to update this story but I take my beta job very seriously oh and I have this little thing called a real job that pays my bills and buys me food so I have to do things from time to time to keep it and that keeps me from doing as much writing as I'd like. So here is the latest installment of the story. This will be a two part chapter and I am nearly finished with part two and I should have that up in a couple of weeks. As always I appreciate any and all feedback and the fact that you take the time to read this, but most importantly I have to thank luvjordan for well…just being her and if you like the story you should thank her too because she is the magic that makes it happen.

And now……….

Chapter 10 – A Light In The Dark On The Search For A Resolution Part 1:

Jordan had spent the night hovering somewhere between anger and misery, chain smoking cigarettes, and turning over the options in his mind. Honestly there was some small part of him that was actually thankful for the turn of events yesterday. That part of him had been feeling somewhat suffocated by the realization of just how deep his feelings for Angela actually went and the level of responsibility that those emotions implied. That was the part of him that was angry too, angry at her for making such demands of him. Of course that part of him had been looking for a way out for a while now and was ready to jump on the one she'd hand delivered yesterday. And just when he'd be ready to give into that anger and use the situation as his escape route that's when the misery would kick in, and the idea of actually walking away from the first good thing he could ever remember having in his life would cause a hole to open up in his chest and it would feel like his heart was being ripped out. When the pain would overwhelm him he would start to ask himself why he'd ever let it get this far and the whole cycle would start over again.

He had decided as the sun was coming up and mocking him through the slats of the blinds on his window that he had no choice but to avoid her today as she would surely be anticipating some kind of decision from him. It would be difficult to say the least, she already new all of his favorite hiding places at school. So that left only one other alternative, ditching. He wasn't exactly thrilled with that either. He was sort of proud of the new leaf he'd turned over academically and this was the first time this semester that he would miss an entire day. Sure he'd skipped plenty of classes to make out with Angela or have a few extra smokes with Shane, but he'd been putting forth real effort to turn his life around lately. This situation was just too much to face on no sleep and with no real decision having been made. It's always been easier to run, and now is no exception.

I can't exactly say that I was surprised when Jordan didn't pick me up for school this morning. Although there was a part of me that had held out hope throughout the night that he might show up on my doorstep to pledge his undying love for me, and there was still a tiny flicker of that hope left this morning which is how I managed to get myself out of bed at all. But as the clock ticked past the time that Jordan usually came to pick me up, that flicker was snuffed out and I resigned myself to the bus. There's something terribly pathetic about a public school bus at seven a.m. on a Monday morning, but today that couldn't be more appropriate because pathetic is exactly how I feel. Why did I listen to Sharon's stupid ultimatum idea? Why did I have to put this giant wedge between me and Jordan when I really need him right now? The most important question is why did I have to let my anger over my parents divorce destroy my relationship? As the bus pulls into the school I scan the parking lot for the familiar red convertible, but there is no sign of it anywhere. Great, looks like I won't be getting any answers today.

Just as Jordan's body had finally succumbed to exhaustion and he had fallen into a deep but restless sleep he was jarred back into reality by someone knocking on the front door? He got up out of bed letting out a long sigh and wondering why it was again that he was friends with Shane.

"Hey man, you look like shit," Shane said as Jordan opened the door Shane blew past him and made his way to the kitchen. When Jordan caught up to him Shane had his head buried in the fridge rummaging for something to eat.

"I asked Angela where you were this morning and she looked at me like I killed her dog. You two get into a fight or somethin'?" Shane asked turning his head from the fridge to look at Jordan.

Jordan made no attempt at a response and instead slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs and avoided making eye contact with his friend.

"I'll take that as a yes. So, what'd ya do this time?" Shane asked turning himself toward his friend lunchmeat in hand.

This caught Jordan's attention and he lifted his head to meet Shane's eyes. "What makes you think it was me?"

"Whatever man, look, I don't know what happened but what I do know is that you wouldn't be hiding out if you thought you had no blame in what went down."

Jordan's eyes dropped away from Shane's and he let out another long sigh. Shane knew that it was time to change the subject.

"So listen man, I came over here to talk to you about somethin' else anyway."

Jordan gave no response or any indication that he was even listening to Shane at all, but Shane decided to proceed anyway.

"So, you and Angela, I mean you're going through it right now but you guys, you'll get back together right?"

"I dunno man," Jordan says quietly with a far away look in his eyes.

"Sure you will," Shane says confidently. "Listen, I was thinking about what we were talking about yesterday, about those girls…y'know the ones you were like with before. Now that you're with Angela and you guys are…y'know whatever, you wouldn't care if say one of those girls like started hanging out with someone else. Say, like maybe a friend of yours or somethin' right?"

Jordan was too caught up thinking about what Shane had first said, about him and Angela and how they were just in a tough spot now but they'd get back together. How could Shane sound so sure when Jordan felt so full of doubt? He didn't really hear anything that Shane had said after that. So when he snapped back into reality and realized that Shane was looking at him waiting for some kind of response to whatever he had said Jordan just answered with the most neutral thing he could think of.

"Sure man, whatever."

"Cool," Shane said smiling at Jordan and closing the refrigerator door. "Well listen man, I'll get outta here 'cause I know you got some stuff to work out."

Shane walked to the kitchen door and stopped and turned back to Jordan.

"Look bro," Shane says shifting his weight from one foot to the other slightly uncomfortable with the subject he was bringing up. "Whatever you gotta do to fix things with Angela…it'll be worth it. She's y'know different and she makes you happy and you deserve that man, for real."

Jordan gave his friend a small smile and nodded his head in agreement and with that Shane left leaving Jordan to decide his next course of action.

Jordan spent the rest of the day trying to come up with the right words to explain himself to Angela. He paced the kitchen alternately rubbing his forehead and scribbling something in a notebook only to walk back over and scratch out the words seconds after the ink has dried. He cursed himself for not being better at these kinds of things. For a moment he considered just doing what he does best and writing her a song, but he quickly realizes that what he has to say would be best without the rhyming and musical accompaniment.

Frustrated with himself and the situation he rips the paper into a bunch of little pieces and tosses them in the air. Once the anger subsides he realizes that some of the stuff he had down wasn't half bad so he tries desperately to piece the page back together while hoping that the delivery of this little speech goes better that the writing of it has.

I'd spent the entire day at school going over and over what had happened and so far I'd only succeeded at making myself feel worse. This whole thing is my fault. But what did I really expect? That I could just give him an ultimatum and he'd fall right in line? Is that the kind of boyfriend I even wanted? I mean, I throw a fit and he just does whatever I say. If that was what I really wanted then I should have just dated Krakow.

The point is he came over right? That was like his attempt at being supportive. And what do I do? I yell at him, stomp my foot and pout like a child, and basically tell him it's not good enough. No wonder he's avoiding me today, I wouldn't want to talk to me right now either. This is what I get for listening to Sharon! She doesn't even know from one day to the next if she wants to be with Kyle, oh but she knows exactly what I need to do about Jordan…right!

Why can't I just accept him for who he is? I used to get so mad at my mother for nit-picking at everything my father did, and now here I am doing the exact same thing. I really can't stand my parents right now for a lot of things but mostly for the fact that all of their crap is ruining my relationship.

I'm really not being fair to him. He's been so patient with me about the whole sex thing. He doesn't expect me to like, change overnight even though he would really like me to and here I am making all these demands and expecting him to be the perfect boyfriend when he has told me repeatedly that he has no idea how to do that! That's it, I'm just going to apologize and hopefully everything will be okay.

But what if he doesn't even want to speak to me? What if he's totally over this whole thing and doesn't want to deal with it at all? Oh my God! What did I do?

I am completely shocked to see his car in the parking lot as I come down the steps already prepared to walk to his house and apologize until I'm blue in the face if that's what it takes to get him to forget this whole stupid thing.

"Hey," I say hesitantly as I open the door and lean my head in. Testing the waters to make sure he really is here to talk to me.

"Hey," he says back sparing me only a quick glance that doesn't help me to gauge his mood at all.

"Get in,"

The air in the car is thick with tension and I look at Jordan waiting for any kind of sign that the conversation we're about to have will be a good one. He takes a few deep breaths like he might be ready to say something, but he doesn't. The silence starts to weigh on me and I feel like I need to say something, anything to find some kind of relief from it.

"Listen, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. This whole thing with my parents has just been…and that's like no excuse for me to be angry with you. It's just that when I didn't really hear from you and you weren't coming by it felt like maybe our relationship was falling apart just like my parents, not that we're like married or God anywhere close or anything! I just mean that I was obviously overreacting. I just sort of couldn't help it you know, but I want you to know that I am sorry. So, let's just forget about it okay."

Jordan is floored; he has no idea how to respond to what she just said. He had put so much effort into preparing just the right words to tell her how he really feels, and had even gone as far as rehearsing them on the drive over. But looking at her now she seemed so relieved at the idea of putting the whole thing behind them, and really that was all he had wanted to accomplish anyway. He figured it couldn't hurt to just leave well enough alone if she was happy to do the same.

"Yeah sure," he says giving her a small smile and a slight but semi-reassuring nod.

I can tell that he's holding something back by the look in his eyes. I have to stop this, I have got to stop dissecting everything he does or doesn't do and making it mean something when it probably doesn't mean anything at all. I will not turn into my mother!

"So, where were you today," I ask trying to move the conversation forward.

"Oh, I uh…I wasn't feelin' so good earlier," he says seemingly picking up on her idea to push the conversation in a more neutral direction.

"You're okay now though right?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm much better now," he says and lets a slightly bigger smile show on his face.

It's like we were speaking in some kind of code. Like we'd just made some kind of pact to forget this whole stupid thing ever happened and even though there was a part of me that wondered what it was that Jordan had come here to really say today, most of me was just happy that it was over.

Jordan is working on replacing the brake pads on a shiny black Lexus when Shane comes up behind him.

"What's up dude?"

Jordan is startled out of his thoughts by the sound of Shane's voice and whirls around to face him.

"Jesus dude, you scared the shit outta me! What the hell you doin' here?"

"Besides thinkin' about playin' the lotto tonight so maybe I can get me one of these babies?" Shane says as he pats the side of the car as it sits up on the lift.

Jordan rolls his eyes and begins to wipe the grease from his hands with a rag he pulled from the back pocket of his coveralls and waits for Shane to tell him the real reason for his visit to the shop.

"Well you know how I told you this mornin' about that girl I been talkin' to?"

Jordan draws a blank and although he doesn't want Shane to know he wasn't really listening he's no liar so he decides to play it non-committal.

"What about it?"

"I was thinkin' maybe since you seemed so cool with it that maybe if things between you and Angela were back to normal we could all go out and do somethin', maybe a movie…tomorrow night?"

Jordan couldn't for the life of him figure out what Shane was talking about. He'd been so preoccupied with this thing with Angela he hadn't really given Shane his full attention. But he could tell by the look on Shane's face that this was important. Plus he figured that if that was the case he should probably just go with it. What's the worst that could happen right?

"Yeah, I guess, lemme talk to her about it. I'll let you know."

"Cool," Shane says looking relieved as a smile spreads over his face.

This is so weird. I don't even know why I agreed to go on this like double date with Shane and some mystery girl. I guess it's because Jordan and I haven't really spent a lot of time together since we made up. He had to work last night and then I made him go to all his classes today to make up for skipping out on Monday. Plus he said it was really important to Shane and the last thing I want to do right now is start another unnecessary argument with him. I should just try to think positive, maybe I'll really like this girl and I'll finally have someone to hang out with at rehearsals.

As they drove to Shane's house Jordan could tell that there was still some awkwardness between he and Angela. It wasn't so much that he'd really wanted to go out with Shane and whoever this chick was he was talkin' to, but Shane just seemed like it was something really important and Jordan felt guilty for not really having as much time for his friend these days. Truthfully he owed Shane big time for kickin' his ass in gear these last couple of days. He figured even if things between him and Angela were sort of strange at least they were together and if it weren't for Shane who knows if that would even be the case.

We pull into Shane's driveway and Jordan honks the horn. Shane comes out the door a few seconds later and I think my eyes must be playing a trick on me because I could swear that it's Cynthia Hargrove following him to the car.

I immediately turn my head to Jordan, to try and get some answers to the one million questions running through my head. The only response I get from him is a shrug of his shoulders and a shake of his head. He really expects me to believe that he had no idea who Shane's date for the evening was. Like Shane wouldn't have cleared this with him first! I cannot believe this is happening!

"Hey guys," Shane says grinning from ear to ear clearly excited about the night as he and Cynthia climb into the backseat of the car.

"It's so great that you guys were cool with this," Cynthia begins to nervously chatter trying to kill the awkward tension in the car. "I kind of didn't believe Shane when he said that you guys had agreed to go out. It's stupid when you think about it. I mean there's no reason we can't all be friends right?"

Jordan and I exchange a look and I try to remember that the whole point of this night is to try and put that stupid argument from the other day behind us and so I decide to just try to get through the night.

"Right," I say with enough false assurance to let the entire world know that I was in fact Patty Chase's daughter.

"Right," Jordan says rather flatly and almost sarcastically.

We head to the movie theater in near silence that is only interrupted by Cynthia re-iterating how much fun she is sure we are going to have.

TO BE CONTINUED…