Thank you all once again for the reviews and positive way this story has been received. Thanks to all the guest reviewers as well. Your words and thoughts are appreciated. I will be away on vacation for the next week, so I am posting two chapters this week. Enjoy and thank you all again.
He needed to escape the stench of betrayal that the confines of the mansion held. He needed air. He needed to breathe. He needed to sort the chaos that was now his life out. Overnight, his once staid, well-structured life was now transformed into this chaotic mess. The pain was eating him alive. How was he to begin coping with something that was foreign to him? He found himself sitting on the bank of the lake on the mansion's premises. Charles' "no leaving the mansion's premises alone" rule was still in effect and for a moment he had toyed with the idea of doing something he had never done before, disobey Charles' authority. But even in his anger-induced haze, he had squelched the thought. He had never disobeyed the Professor and he wasn't about to start. So, he had opted for the lake and the tranquility he hope the scenery would bring. But his anger and frustration wouldn't allow him to appreciate the serenity nor beauty around him.
Nothing no longer made sense, had any meaning or held any appeal to him. His desire to turn his back on everything here was so great. The freedom that leaving everything and everyone behind would bring was so tantalizing. He just didn't give a damn about anything or anyone right now and he sure as hell didn't want to feel any of the multitude of emotions churning inside of him right now. He just wanted to numb the pain with the bottle of Jack Daniels he had swiped from Logan's not so secret stash in the garage. He was already halfway through the brand new bottle, but still he felt. The sun was on the horizon, about to make its ascent, but still he felt. He knew he was going to have a mean hangover later, but at this point in time, he didn't give a damn because he still felt. Would his pain ever go away?
Jean. His damned tramp of a wife. The woman he loved more than life itself. It caused him great pain and grief to actually see her carrying out such deceitful actions. He struggled to come to terms with her duplicity, but he was drowning in the scenes from the night before that engulfed his drunken mind. God! Could he have been any more of a sucker? The worse part of it all was that deep down, he knew that something like this was bound to happen. He was indeed a sucker. A sucker for casting her as the innocent party in the entire sordid affair. A sucker for giving her the benefit of the doubt. A sucker for not dealing with the problems head on.
He took another gulp of the liquid fire and grimaced as it oozed down his throat. Like a good man, a good husband, he had trusted her and had faith in their bond and the love they held for each other. He sure as hell wasn't blind anymore. And all but confirming that last night wasn't her first attempt at getting Logan to screw her was more salt in his wounds.
Logan. He couldn't think about the former assassin without wanting to holler. Yes, Logan was responsible for sowing discord between him and Jean, but didn't both he and Jean had a responsibility to let the feral man know that he needed to back off their relationship? That his advances were unwelcomed? As far as he knew, they were both failures at that duty.
Scott could also begrudgingly admit that Logan was right, he wasn't to blame for Jean's perpetuating behavior. Jean had chosen her own path when she decided to continue with the game, but like with everything else, it was easier to throw blame at Logan. For a long time now, he had noticed that the feral no longer showed any interest in Jean. His relentless pursuit of her had ended and it was clear that Logan had moved on from Jean to be with Ororo. The depth of feelings between the Wolverine and the wind rider was obvious to him. No matter how low key they attempted to keep it, it always seemed to burst free whenever they were in each other's presence.
Scott could now readily admit that quite a bit of the fault belonged squarely on his shoulders. He should have called Jean out on her nonsense instead of trying to protect their little utopia. If only he had the guts to confront her about her errant behavior, then maybe his life wouldn't be such a broken mess right now. Heartache was a given and divorce was more than likely certain. He was even sure if he wanted to continue serving as the X-Men's first in command, seeing that his heart just wasn't in it at this time. He felt like everything inside of him was broken and he had no idea how to begin going about fixing it.
Cursing in frustration, he put the bottle to his lips and greedily sucked the remaining liquid out in one guzzle. God! It even hurt to think.
There was no one to hold her as she wept. She was laying on the chaise, ironically, her last gift from Scott, situated just under the bow window in the bedroom she shared with him. The room seemed dark, cold and empty without her husband. Husband. She wasn't sure she had one anymore. Scott had proclaimed in no uncertain terms that he was done with her. God! But she was pathetic. She had everything, everything and in the blink of an eye, she had thrown it away, all because she was lashing out from years of irrational jealousy of Ororo. Jean hated herself. But more than that, she was angry at herself. Angry for realizing too late that what she had with Scott was the real deal. Angry for driving him away and angry for making him feel like he wasn't enough for her. The prospect of not having Scott in her life was daunting and the misery of that possibility was too much for her too bear.
Alfred Lord Tennyson was wrong. It wasn't better to have loved than lost. And she did love Scott, contrary to what he and others may believe. He was and remains the love of her life. Their link to each other and this world was unique. She simply couldn't wrap her mind around how she had brought them both to a place where there more than like will be no coming back from. How had she gotten to this point where she had become capable of destroying Scott that way? He was the last person she should have harm or thought about harming. The bleak expression on his face and his dejected demeanor were forever seared in her brain. Her own selfish desires had caused irreparable harm to the man she had vowed everlasting love too and she had become someone she no longer recognized. Her conscience had failed her completely.
Jean was living a lie and no one suspected all because she hid it well. But now, that lie was laid bare for all to see. She wasn't as self assured as she had led everyone to believe. She never had the confidence, grace and security in herself that Ororo owned and she wanted that at all costs. Overtime, it became wanting not just the self confidence the weather Goddess possessed, but everything else. She wanted the respect and love of the students, the closeness Ororo had with the Professor, the serenity and peace she exuded. But those things eluded her no matter how hard she had tried to get them. The love and admiration they all had for Ororo was not to be hers. When Logan stopped pursuing her and began a relationship with Ororo, it was the straw that broke the camel's back for Jean. She just couldn't take Ororo being the recipient of everything she had ever wanted. Something inside of her had snapped and she needed to hurt Ororo as much as she was hurting. In her mind, it was only fair that the weather witch feel the pain she was feeling.
So, she had concocted the scheme to refocus Logan's attentions on her and get Ororo out of the way. She was so sure that she had a foolproof plan, was so smug that everything would fall into place. Boy, was she wrong. She was now able to assess the fatal flaws in her plan. Getting Forge to come back to the mansion was easy enough. He was practically salivating for a second chance with Ororo. However, she never stopped to think or believe that Logan was capable of the feelings he had for Ororo. She had sensed the incredible love he had for the white-haired beauty during the showdown in the recreational room last night when he had let his guard down for a few short moments. She never thought that someone like Logan would have the depth and intensity of feelings he had.
Jean firmly believed that he would have reacted the way she wanted to her taunting, because she had made sure of it. It never registered with her that Logan would instead choose his relationship with Ororo above all. Her fatal flaw when it came to the Wolverine was that she didn't know the Wolverine as well as she thought she did. If she knew him at all, she would have known that Logan expressed love with the same intensity that he expressed anger. She would have known that once the Wolverine chose a mate, he will go above and beyond to protect her and to be with her.
Jean now saw how her ignorance to the many layers that made up Logan and her spiteful feelings towards Ororo was her undoing. Her misdeeds were now exposed and she was now the villain. God! How was she ever going to fix this mess and redeem herself? How was she ever going to begin to make amends? How was she ever going to get Scott to love her again? Sinking even lower into the chaise, she did the only thing she had been doing since being exposed, she cried hot, bitter tears.
"Ya got a minute ta see me, Chuck?"
Charles looked up from this computer screen to see the feral mutant standing warily by his office door. Charles gave him a reassuring smile. "Good evening Logan. Yes, I can spare a few minutes. Please come in and take a seat." Charles gestured to one of the two brown leather chairs in front of his antique oak desk.
Logan sat down and squirmed in the seat. His thoughts as usual were heavily shielded, so Charles had to wait for the cagey man to open the floodgates of conversation. Something was definitely going on with him if his restlessness was any indication.
There was tense silence as Logan gathered his thoughts. "I need yer help," Logan began. He stood abruptly and began pacing. "I haven't been feelin' well fer a while now."
Charles frowned. The man's healing factor made him immune to any kind of ailment, so he was a bit curious as to Logan's statement. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I've been feelin' unstable, like I'm fallin' apart. I don't feel right up here," Logan replied, tapping the side of his head.
Charles knew Logan was one of the few in the mansion who knew himself inside out. So, if he said he wasn't feeling right in the head, then Charles believed him. "Can you describe the feeling for me, Logan?"
Logan's brows furrowed, before he rushed out, "When my beast is actin' up, I feel like I'm caged and like I'm being smothered. This feelin' I have ain't like that. I feel like I'm goin' nuts, like I'm strugglin' ta keep from goin' crazy."
Charles nodded in understanding. He knew how to help his friend, but first he needed his permission. "I can help you," he began slowly. His eyes never wavered from the Wolverine as he continued, "But you will have to let me into your mind."
Logan immediately reclaimed his seat. He had known that this was a possibility, but he still hated to hear it. After all the mind-screwing he had endured most of his life, he was hard-pressed to let anyone venture into his head. He sighed. Reluctantly, he said, "Okay, Chuck. But make it quick."
Charles wheeled his chair around to Logan. "Alright then. Would you please lie down on the sofa that is behind you? You must be comfortable for this."
Logan unenthusiastically stood and did Charles' bidding. Charles then positioned himself behind the top of Logan's head. "Try to relax, Logan," he murmured as he placed his hands on both sides of the feral's head.
After an intense session that lasted at least a half an hour, Charles released his hold on Logan's head and wheeled his chair so he was in front of his friend. He was puzzled, but not surprised as to what he had found. On the rare occasions that the Wolverine had bade him permission to enter his mind, it would usually take Charles quite a bit of time to sift through the complexities just on the surface of the Canadian's mind. But, the person who was responsible for the latest damage done to Logan was careless. It was evident that the person responsible wasn't prepared for the intricacies of Logan's mind, hence their sloppiness. And Charles knew just who the guilty party was. He sighed inwardly, hoping that the feral Canadian would be forgiving once he found out what was done to him. He sent Ororo a mental summons to come to his office quickly. The ire of the Wolverine was bound to be raised and if anyone can calm an enraged Wolverine, it would be Ororo.
Logan slowly raised his body, feeling pretty light. "Ya didn't do anythin' ya shouldn't have, did ya?" He asked Charles suspiciously.
"Absolutely not, Logan. I would never do that to you," Xavier replied emphatically.
"Did ya find anythin'?"
Charles' imperceptible squirm was enough to let Logan know something was definitely wrong. "Chuck? I know ya found somethin'. Ya got three seconds ta tell me."
There was a knock on the door. Charles' relief was evident.
Into the room, stepped Ororo. "You sent for me Charles?"
"Yes, my dear. Would you mind having a seat next to your boyfriend?"
Ororo blushed. She sat next to Logan and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.
At any other time, Logan would have enjoyed the intimate moment, but not now. Ororo being here was proof that the bald headed man had found something and he more than likely feared him going off the handle. Logan cocked a brow at Charles. His patience was wearing thin. "Okay, Chuck. Enough of ya games."
Charles took a deep breath, knowing he couldn't keep something of this magnitude from Logan. "I found something troubling. I found a fairly new cerebral signature that was hidden behind other cerebral signatures that were implanted and have been dormant for years."
Logan had a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he wanted to hear the telepath say the words. "What are ya sayin', Chuck?"
Charles continued cautiously. "This new one has been used a few times, albeit inconspicuously."
Logan exploded. "Yer tellin' me that someone's been screwin' wid my head?!"
Ororo eyes darted between a quiet Charles and a furious Logan. "Someone has been inside his head, without his permission?"
"I cannot deny it. Yes, all signs point to it. However, I took the liberty of removing the signature."
"Only one person besides ya is capable of that," Logan said deathly soft.
Two pairs of eyes impaled Charles, who hanged his head. He was ashamed of and saddened by Jean's actions.
Logan's breath was now coming out in strangled puffs. Ororo heard this and knew the Wolverine would be coming for a visit at any moment. "Logan, love? Please calm down."
"No, 'Ro. I ain't gonna calm down. This bitch has been in my head, toyin wid me and ya want me to calm down?!" He thundered. He shot up from the sofa and began pacing. His beast was roaring to be set free, to hurt the guilty party.
"Logan, I know that…"
"Know what, Chuck?" He demanded harshly. "Know that the bitch willfully tampered wid my mind ta get what she wanted? And has been doin' it fer God knows how long?" His claws sprang out. The severe sound in the stillness of the room was eerie.
Ororo stood immediately and went up behind him, wrapping her arms around him, effectively stopping his pacing and holding him tightly to her. "Please, do not give her the satisfaction of becoming the animal that she wants. You are better than that. Please, my love."
Her calming voice and her pleas cut through him like the biting wind in the coldest of winters. His blades retracted and he turned in her arms, snaking his around her to hold onto her as if she was his last and only lifeline to humanity.
Charles saw the emotional feral's struggles through his wild eyes and felt unmitigated compassion and pride. Ororo too, felt the sheer violence quaking his body as she cradled him to her. She knew the constraint it took for him to deny his nature. She too was proud of him at that very moment.
'Ro led him back to the sofa and urged him to sit. She sat next to him and immediately snuggled up to him, instinctively knowing that the Wolverine needed to feel her near. Charles smiled inwardly at their interactions. He had always known that these two were a proper match, as their emotions always fed off of each other.
Logan groaned. "Fer all the shit she knows I've been through and ta turn 'round and do this ta me? Ain't no mercy fer that, Chuck."
"Logan, I realize that Jean's behavior is completely unacceptable. But we need to tread lightly here." Charles reasoned.
"Hell no, Chuck!" He grated. "We've been treadin' lightly 'round her too damn much that's why she thinks she can get away with anythin'!"
"Logan, Charles is right. We have to let cooler heads prevail here," Ororo interjected. "You are justified in your anger towards her, but you cannot allow things to escalate more than they already have. If you do, it can cause irreparable damage."
He looked at the woman he loved, the woman who his beast had chosen as its mate. He knew what she was asking of him, begging him even. She was asking him to walk on the side of humanity this once and deny his true nature. He had come a long way with her in his corner and by his side and she would hate to see him revert back to who he was. He would do anything for her, but could he really deny who he truly was deep inside? He cradled his head with both hands. They were both asking him to do the impossible.
"Ya know, I vowed a long time ago, that nobody was ever gonna get the chance ta screw 'round with my head again. I vowed that if a person tried or so much as think 'bout tryin', then it would be their last action in this life." He raised wounded eyes to the two people he trusted most in this whole damn circus. His soul was laid bare for them to see. "Ta know that she deliberately tampered wid my mind is unforgivable. I…I…don't know…if I can do as ya ask and let bygones be bygones."
"Logan! Please! I know that I have no right to ask you not to feel the way you do about what Jean has done. All I ask is that you give her an opportunity to redeem herself. The same way that you were given that opportunity when you first arrived here," Charles implored frantically. "We all deserve a second chance and that includes Jean."
"The both 'o ya don't know what ya're askin' me ta do. Ya know the crap fest that was my life, what I've been through fer people ta control me and make me their puppet." He replied vehemently. "Jean knows, as she had a glimpse of all the shit that's up here," he continued, tapping his head. "And fer her ta do this ta me, so she can lead me 'round like her play thing? Don't know if I can forgive that."
With that Logan stood and purposefully headed for the door. He refused to look at Ororo, knowing that if he did, then he would have no choice but to give into her.
"Logan!" Ororo cried.
He paused at the door, his hand on the knob. Her cry washed over him and it took everything in him to not turn to her. With a sigh, he exited.
Charles and Ororo sat staring at the closed door, before their eyes skidded to stare at each other. She didn't wait for Charles to tell her to go after him. She knew he needed her more than ever right now. She sprang into action. She refused to let him fall over the cliff. And if he was going to fall, she was going to fall with him.