YOROKOBI – KANASHIMI

Chapter Nine: Countdown

Listening to: Bios Delta (Cover by Amanda Lee)

Hehe, I got yelled at by reviewers to get my ass back on my computer to write XD.

I'm gonna TRY to get back on track with this story so please excuse if Fujimoto sounds a little more different than before. I'm still outta sync. I'm REALLY sorry I haven't updated this in forever! I'm hoping to wrap this up before I end up going on hiatus again! Sorry this is a short one

More notes at the end of the chapter

It feels like it's been a long time since I've stepped inside the Hanato household. Despite that, the halls were freshly swept. The rooms smelt of cherry blossoms and peaches. The lights no longer flickered uncertainly, as if someone fixed the mediocre job at screwing in the lights before. Even without being in the room where it sat, I somehow knew the dust on the piano was non-existent. How?

I got my answer when Touya answered the door. I could see dark bags under his eyes and his hair looked like he had been running a stressed hand through it repeatedly.

He gestured to the couch and walked into the kitchen. "Tea alright for you?"

"Kinomoto, just get over here." I hissed with barely contained irritation. He sighed and did as told. When he hit the cushion his entire body sagged forward in defeat. Touya looked like a lone soldier fighting a losing war. I frowned at the state he put himself in. "You look like hell."

"Thanks. You don't look so pretty yourself," Touya laughed weakly and laced his fingers together in thought. "So. What brings you here? I thought you had work?"

"My secretary kicked me out of the office," I chuckled. "I need to talk to Hanato. It's important," I trailed off since I couldn't find the proper words. I'm sure that even if I did see her, they wouldn't come out properly either. But for some reason I had to go; something in my gut is telling me that if I don't set my feeling straight here and now there won't be a next time.

"Well I hate to break the bad news but," He leaned back and sank into the cushions. "You can't. Some urgent things came up and it's a close family matter. I don't think she'd want you to know."

My fingers twitched. I bit back a harsh reply and opted for calmer one. "Somehow I don't think that keeping it a 'close family matter' is helping." Calm? Yes. Harsh? Maybe.

Touya narrowed his eyes. I could see the fight in him return and a part of me felt relieved despite the hole I can feel myself digging into. When Touya got mad, someone was going to be the brunt of it. And here I'm sitting like the perfect target. Lovely. "Do you think I know any other way? And you! You show up out of nowhere, and somehow you know all the answers?" There was a tense silence between us and I couldn't bring myself to break it. It was true. I had no idea what I was doing. I just came here to talk to her and now this?

What was going on anyway?

"Is it really that bad?" I finally asked. Touya averted his eyes and then nodded slowly. The anguished pain on his face made me worry how serious it was. A part of me just wanted to leave it at that. But if it was really as serious as it seems I might not get another chance. Gods be damned if I let that happen again. "Can't I just see her for a moment—" Immediately his whole body tensed up as if readying itself for a fight or flight response.

"Fujimoto, you need to go."

I grit my teeth in persistence. "Touya—"

"She doesn't want to see you!" he finally shouted and I was taken aback. Touya's eyes widened in shock at what he just shouted as he then held his head in his hands. "She doesn't want you to get hurt…"

I sucked in a breath and felt myself closing my fists over the fabric of my pants. "I'll get more hurt if I don't know what exactly is going on." I replied truthfully much to his surprise. Last time I found out what she was going through it was too late. "Touya… Please."

He sighed as his shoulders slumped forward once more. I recognized the gesture. He was struggling to choose the best scenario where, if he was lucky, no one got hurt—the same thing I've been contemplating for god knows how long.

But we both know that's impossible.

"Tell me first. How do you feel towards Kobato-chan?"

Good question. These…emotions I feel right now. Are they based off how I felt for her four years ago? Most definitely. But am I merely treating Hanato as a replacement? I refuse to admit it aloud, but even I cannot fully explain my attraction. I thought I had sorted out that I cared for them both but...

"I don't…dislike her." I answered lamely and narrowed my eyes at my worthless answer. I'm such a coward. I didn't have to look at Touya. I could feel his disappointment. "But she's important to me." I lifted my eyes to him this time with confidence. "Really, really important." There was a thick silence between us again.

The right words to describe how I felt were not coming to me other than these. There was no question that I came to love Kobato. There was no question that I came to love Hanato. But now that I thought about it, was it right to choose between these two who shared the same soul but acted so different?

Both of us were silently willing the other to give in. He wanted me to back off. I wanted answers.

Anything to help me make my final decision

He lost the eye-contact war and lowered his head again. Where was the proud Touya I once knew? "If you really gotta know," He took a shaky breath and I nodded slowly even though I knew he couldn't see me. "…Her brother died at a pretty young age. He was only twenty six when he passed away." I swallowed hard. That was my age. I shudder to think how old she must have been at the time… "He was born with a weak body and was often admitted into the hospital or at the very least confined to the mansion. We were family friends with them since they frequented the family bakery and we met them during the summer. I taught Kojiro piano while Sakura took to singing with Kobato. Unfortunately, we lost contact with the Hanato's soon after he died. It's almost like they fell off the map." Touya rubbed his chin. "Now that I think about it, it's a little funny how I only remembered them now after seeing her for the first time a few months ago."

So that was why she was so close with the Kinomoto's… But then, how does that explain the gap of time when Kobato was here four years ago? Wouldn't her appearance before she left four years ago trigger some semblance of memory within Touya? Or was this, too, a product of a damned higher order?

Touya sighed deeply. "Kobato loved her brother. Still does actually. I can tell by the way she stares at the piano every day, as if waiting for him to come inside the room and play." He looked at me and sent me a tired smirk. "I still don't understand how she sees Kojiro in you though!"

"Should I be disappointed?" I inserted lightly and he laughed a bit.

"But that's probably what scared her, too." Touya continued and I kept quiet now. "She told me that she cared about you a lot, but she didn't want to hurt your feelings if she realized hers were based off memories of her brother. That girl was never good at sorting out her feelings when things got complicated. To make matters worse…she's getting sick."

"She's just sick for now though. She'll get better won't she?" I asked tentatively. He was silent and I suddenly grabbed him by the collar. The tension I had built up was finally starting to boil over with no hope of turning down the flame without some sort of solace. "Tell me she'll be alright!"

"…Kobato is showing the same symptoms her brother had when his sickness got bad." My grip on his shirt tightened. "The doctors don't have a proper name for it. The body slowly begins to stop functioning correctly. Food gets harder to digest and keep in, leading to malnutrition without intravenous. Eventually that leads to atrophy of the muscles when she can't get out of bed anymore, although it hasn't gotten to that point just yet. Right now she only has a few problems holding things." I was brought back to the time at my apartment and she dropped the cup. How long had this been going on? How long had she known? "Kojiro used to take medicine for it that worked perfectly but," Touya's eyes looked anguished and I finally released him. "The medication just isn't working anymore…"

"How long?" I prayed that the trembling in my hands didn't reach my voice. Touya parted his lips but no sound came out. "Touya, how long does she have?"

"A year, give or take. But then again her body hasn't adapted to the strain unlike Kojiro's, so a year might not even…" he couldn't finish his sentence. Even if he could, I didn't want to hear it.

"She's going to die?" I said just above a whisper. All of a sudden an airy sound escaped my throat followed by more. I was…laughing? "Just like that? Again?" I turned up to the ceiling and grit my teeth. "Do you enjoy doing this? Who the hell do you think you are?"

Touya must have looked at me like I was crazy. Half of me agreed with him. "Are you out of your mind?"

I don't care about Heaven, Hell, the Otherworld or even God for that matter. Where's her happiness? Where is her happy ending?

"Fujimoto-san…?"

Both men turned to the doorway of the room where Hanato peeked her head and held onto the frame with thin fingers. Her face was pale and her amber eyes had lost their usual luster in exchange for a heartbreaking fragility. Touya reacted fist and hurried over to her. "Kobato, you were supposed to stay in bed." Once he drew close and allowed her to lean on him, whatever strength was hanging onto the doorframe left. He felt for her forehead. "You're still feverish."

"Hana—"

He sent me a glare so sharp that I flinched. He started to help her back upstairs. Her eyes searched for mine and her hand reaches feebly but her voice wouldn't come out clearly. The sight was painful and it was hard not to turn away. When he came back down he stopped at the end of the staircase and leaned on the banister.

"…Ten minutes. Then I'll be kicking your ass out of here."

I exhaled slowly and smiled. "Thank you, Touya."

Her room not at all what I was expected. Four years ago in the apartment complex we both lived in her room was barely lived in. There was a futon, her suitcase, and the tiny stuffed doll she always carried around with her. Here, dolls lay scattered lifelessly on the carpet and a dollhouse was carelessly toppled on its side. A desk by the window was littered with crumpled papers that looked suspiciously like the one she wrote her letter to me on. Despite the childlike appearance, the room was oddly cold—almost stagnated in time. On the large bed lay the girl on my mind with pink hair strewn wildly on her white pillow. I went over and sat on the chair by her bedside.

"Mmm…" she mumbled quietly and turned her head to the side. Her brow was coated in a thin sheen of sweat and her breaths came out in uneven pants. At first it looked like she was just having a fever, and I wouldn't doubt she felt horrible right now. Did she get sick before? The other Kobato in that life four years ago? Nothing came particularly to mind. My fingers twitched and I fought the urge to touch her hand, her forehead, or anything else I could to give her some semblance of comfort. At the same time I didn't. What if I touched her and she vanished again, like she did with the cherry blossoms? Could I bear being left behind again? I didn't want to think of it because if I did, surely I would lose my nerve to ever step foot in this cold room again.

"Nii-chan…?" Her long lashes fluttered like frail butterfly wings and tired amber eyes peeked through. She smiled a little and closed her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I'll get better soon, I promise."

"Take it easy," I frowned and finally found the courage to put my hand on hers. It was cold and sweaty. I forced a smile and raised my brow. "You don't need to rush today, but you're going to owe me later." I joked a bit, hoping it would cheer the both of us up. She let out a breathy laugh. I felt her hand turn and it weakly gripped mine.

"I will. Don't worry."

"I'll stop worrying once you get better, idiot…" I said.

She giggled weakly. "Hehe…Nii is scolding me." The pinkette licked her lips and stared down at our overlapping hands. "Nii-chan…Kobato did a bad thing." While I wasn't too fond of playing the brother card, I could tell she needed this. She didn't need Fujimoto Kiyokazu right now. She needed Hanato Kojiro.

"What did you do?"

"I made an unreasonable request to someone really important…"

My eyes softened. "Is that a bad thing?"

She gave the barest of nods. "It's so strange. I feel like…the more I learn about him the more scared I get. I don't want… I don't want to be left alone again." How could I reply to that when I held those exact same fears myself? I closed her small hand in both of mine and pressed my forehead to it. What would Kojiro say? Hell, I never even met the guy (other than at his grave but that was hardly helpful at this point, rest his soul). Although her energy was fading, she managed to continue. If she had the strength, I'm sure she would be crying. Hanato was always quite the cry baby. I thought I hated those types of people. I never knew how to deal with them. Well, I guess I've turned into a sort of masochist… "The closer I get to him, the more I want to run away. I want to tell him something but I'm such a coward."

"No!" I interjected. At the tone her eyes opened to a strange kind of strength that was renewed by my outburst. So I repeated myself. "No. It's not…a bad thing to want to run. Hell, I feel like doing that sometimes, too." I struggled with my words since I, too, was striving to come to terms with my feelings and expressing them. But something still nagged at me at the back of my mind. "But why is it an unreasonable request?"

"Because," she yawned as her eyelids drooped once more. The words that left her lips were barely above a whisper, but I could hear it as clear as the piano I played that day. "The person I care about most…loves someone else."

A/N: THIS TOOK TOO LONG! OH MY GOD! Last time I updated this was two years ago! Shit! I'm sorry guys! Haha. Well, I'm about a year I'm gonna try to get my certification in creative writing. I haven't told mah family yet, hehe. I honestly just need one more intermediate class (which I'm taking this semester), an advanced writing course, and then an independent self study course where I make my final portfolio. Any ideas on what to fill it up with? Hehe. Well, I'm hoping to finish this story by the end of this year, maybe sooner. It depends on school cuz my workload is hard. Not as hard as when I was in the sciences though so I'm getting in the grove of things.

Chapters are getting a bit heavy, damn… I told myself this wouldn't be so depressing. I have two endings planned and they're supposed to be happy, but the road to them is a thorny one.