When he woke, Jess discovered that his hands had been released. It was late at night. He curled his arms around his pillow, resting his chin on it. Now he had blown it. Michaela surely wouldn't come see him ever again, as per his wishes, but now he wished differently. He waited up into the morning, tired, but not ready to sleep. He couldn't sleep until he had seen Michaela.
Pastor Swinton came to see him that afternoon. "Jess," he said, "Michaela was extremely upset when Matt dropped her off at home yesterday. She hasn't said a word to anyone since. What happened?"
"I was a jerk." Jess closed his eyes, which welled with tears. "I yelled at her. I said that she was lording Matt over me and that I knew she and I could never be anything. I was so stupid."
"Michaela didn't bring Matt to see you in order to show him off." Pastor Swinton said.
"I know. I was just so angry…I told her that I never wanted to see her again." Jess sighed, and rested his forehead on his folded arms on the table.
"Ultimatums like that hurt, Jess."
"I said it to hurt her." Jess admitted. "Then I ran back to my cell, and tripped. She tried to help me, but I wouldn't let her."
"Jess," Pastor Swinton said, "Michaela is in the car outside. I made her come, but I will only make her see you if you apologize."
"That's all I want to do." Jess assured Pastor Swinton.
"Okay." Pastor Swinton left, and returned shortly with Michaela. She pointedly looked behind Jess instead of at him.
"Michaela, I am so sorry." Jess apologized. Michaela still didn't look at him. "I am so very sorry." No response. Jess sighed dejectedly and returned once more to his cell. If she did not want to talk, fine. He wouldn't talk to her, either.
Soon, Jess was transferred to the adult prison. Pastor Swinton continued to visit him, but no Michaela. Jess caught a cold, and grew more ill by the day. Soon after, he was hospitalized with pneumonia. Normally, an eighteen year old guy would rally quickly, but he had no reason to. He was dying of a broken heart. Luke and Lorelai came to see him a lot, but it didn't help. He wouldn't say a word, and refused food until he was forced to use a feeding tube. He relented and took the food given to him, but still made no progress.
A few weeks after his admittance to the hospital, a fever consumed Jess, and he lost consciousness. The hospital staff tried everything they could think of to break his fever, but it raged on. On the second day of Jess's fever, Michaela came. She had gone to see Jess at the prison, but was told he had been hospitalized.
Michaela's heart twisted and her breath caught when she saw Jess. His forehead was soaked in sweat, and he tossed and turned. She grasped his hand as she sat on the side of the bed. "Oh, Jess." Michaela sighed. "What happened? Why did you fall for me?" No reply, of course. "Father God," Michaela prayed, "Please, take this fever away from Jess. Reveal Yourself further to him, and please, mend his heart. I broke it, Lord. You take broken hearts and bind them up. You are Jess's only hope, Lord, and I'm begging for him!" Tears streamed down Michaela's downturned face.
Suddenly, she felt Jess's hand pull away from hers. She looked quickly to Jess's face. His eyes were open; he was awake! "Oh, thank you, Jesus!" she gasped. "Jess!" He looked confused for a moment. "I'm really here, Jess." she assured him, in case he thought he was dreaming or something.
"I know you are." Jess stated flatly. "What I don't know is why you are here."
"I heard that you were sick." Michaela responded.
"And you decided to waltz in here and risk getting sick, not to mention seeing me, the guy who told you he never wanted to see you again?" Jess had wanted to apologize, but couldn't resist slamming Michaela once.
"Jess, I—" Michaela tried, but Jess cut her off.
"Michaela—"
"No!" she interrupted him. "You are going to listen to me. Yes, I knowingly risked getting sick. Yes, I really came to see you. I prayed for you, and you woke up. I didn't bring Matt to see you to parade him around. You were dying, Jess. Dying! I couldn't let you die. And another thing—"
"Michaela, I am so sorry." Jess interjected. The next words out of Michaela's mouth died on her lips. "I am so sorry that I said those things. I'm sorry I accused you of lording Matt over me. I'm asking forgiveness for all of those things. One thing I can't apologize for is falling in love with you. I don't know when, or how, or why. I have no idea. I will be in prison for another five years. I don't know what I'll do upon my release. I just don't know, but I do know that I can't apologize for loving you." Michaela stared at Jess, speechless. "I love you, Michaela. I love you, and I know that I always will."
All at once, a doctor and two nurses came into the room. They had heard talking, and were delighted to see that Jess was awake. They hurried Michaela out of Jess's room, located Luke and Lorelai, and the police officer on duty to watch Jess. Jess was tended to, and was released a few days later.
Now, back in his cell at the prison, Jess fell into a routine. He would wake, pray, and meditate on the Lord all day. He ate the food given to him, and exercised daily. He lived this way in peace for a few months. He saw Pastor Swinton occasionally, but they never spoke of Michaela.
Spring shifted into summer, and with it, the end of Michaela's junior year of high school. She came to see Jess one day in late June. They sat on opposite sides of a glass barrier, one Michaela wished could disappear. He didn't say anything. Michaela took the initiative and spoke. "How are you?" Jess shrugged. He hadn't seen Michaela in months. Why was she coming to see him now? "I came to see how you were doing and to ask how I can pray for you." Michaela explained.
"Michaela," Jess said, the sound of her name from his lips putting a knife through his heart, "I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see you. I'm not ready to talk to you. It hurts too much." he said honestly. He couldn't bear seeing her.
"But, Jess, I don't understand—" Michaela began to say that she didn't understand why he felt that way, but he silenced her with a knowing look. "Fine, I admit it." she conceded. "I do understand. But, Jess—"
"Have you ever read the short story The Man Without A Country?" he asked abruptly. She shook her head. "Well," Jess said, "it is about a man named Phillip Nolan, who couldn't go home to America. He wasn't allowed to have anything to do with it, for the last fifty years of his life. To me, you are what home was to Phillip Nolan. Unattainable. He couldn't speak the word. I can't take it when you come here. You are basically presenting home to Phillip Nolan and then snatching it away the moment he sets foot on American soil."
"Jess, I'm so sorry." The hopelessness Jess was engulfed in finally hit Michaela like a tidal wave. She understood, fully, how he felt and what seeing her did to him. "I am so very sorry. I hope that you can forgive me." Then she stood and left. Her quick exit made Jess's breath catch. If seeing her was stabbing his heart, not seeing her was shredding it. He instantly regretted forcing her to leave. The empty silence, moments ago filled with her voice, haunted Jess as he returned to his cell.