I don't own the TMNT

A/N: Had a huge allergic reaction to a farm chemical that zapped my eyes, but with any luck that's over and there won't be too many more delays like that! And...did you see my summary? This fic won SECOND place for best comedy! Thanks to everyone who voted for it and participated in the fanfic competition! My zombie fic also won best multichapter and my Single Father fic won third in best Splinter. Be sure to congratulate all the other winners out there!

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The Camaro shuddered slightly as it made its way towards the highway once more. Leo picked a piece of bark out of the seat and sighed. What he wouldn't give for a door right now. Giving Don a sidelong glance, he gestured weakly at the battered vehicle. "Is this thing even legal anymore? Do we have to worry about getting pulled over or something?"

Grinning from ear to ear, Don did an uncharacteristic shrug, his eyes darting to the rear view mirror. After all, he didn't want to miss the view.

Raph sat in the back, dark skin slightly mottled with a fierce blush as he looked at the bright red suit on his lap. "It's the right size." Don quipped, grin inching up higher. "And nice fabric! The sequened samurai sure does have good taste, right?"

His burly brother shot him a death glare.

Beside him Mike giggled as he stroked the tiny spotted kitten in his lap in the same manner of a clichéd villain. "The Crimson Turtle, did you think of that name yourself? Pretty great, really." Looking at the glaring red outfit, he playfully elbowed his brother. "I can't wait to see you in it!"

Getting it from both sides he growled at his two brothers. "What makes you so sure that I'm getting in this stupid thing?" He snapped back.

Leo cocked an eye ridge. "Not to take sides, Raph, but you should probably put it on." He put his hands up defensively as he saw the look on his brother's face through the mirror. "I mean, maybe Rudolph-"

"Randy."

"Whatever. Maybe he saw you in it, and besides that, how much longer can we play this whole 'furry' thing?"

Mike giggled again. "Besides, you probably look awesome in it!"

Snarling, he raised a fist threateningly at his brother, who didn't seem to notice. Surely you can't side with fearless over there?!" At this point he was desperate for any ally.

Lips curling in a smile, Mike patted his head. "I am serious! And don't call me Shirley."

"Why you little-"

"C'mon, Raph!" Leo hissed as they entered the highway. Wincing at the wind buffeting him through the gaping hole, he turned to look at the two in the backseat. "Just put it on, okay? This is for Splinter!" Then he turned his gaze to Mike. "Give him a break already, okay?"

Smiling, the orange banded turtle turned the tiny kitten so that it faced Leo on its haunches. Playing with her tiny paws like puppets he made her wave. "I'm sorry!" He said in an ultra-squeaky voice. "We were just messing with him, but he's so sensitive! Silly wittle turtle!" The kitten licked his finger.

Raph winced at the high pitch of his baby brother's voice. Then, making a face, he awkwardly started to pull on the red leotard, somehow managing to do it in the cramped space. Getting it over his shell and plastron was the hardest part, but once he got it over the lip it started to get easier.

Leo tried to hide a smile as he surveyed his brothers in the back seat. Mike was still playing with the kitten, making little cooing sounds as he stroked him all over. The kitten was purring like a little electric razor, rolling in his hand and licking his fingers while making tiny mewling sounds. He meant it earlier when he thought that the kitten meeting Splinter would be interesting. Who knows, though, maybe the whole cute factor would warm his father over.

His eyes flicked to Raph. He had managed to work the outfit over his torso for the most part, but was having trouble trying to get his head completely through the opening of the leotard. From that angle, with only the top of his green head poking out amidst all the red, he looked disturbingly like a green pimple.

Pursing his lips, mind working, Don thought out loud. "Why are we even going over there when we don't have the belt?" He sidled his eyes over to Leo. "He's a pro wrestler, right? Won't he, uh, want it back?"

They had searched the entire trunk, but there was no belt, which according to their cross dressing-source, was what Raph had gone there to steal. Giving a tremulous smile, Leo shrugged a shoulder. "Who knows? Maybe Raph didn't get it." He sighed. "Either way, he's our next clue to where we went next."

"What makes you so sure that this Rudolph will tell us anything? From how Raph talked about him in the past, he's a real ass."

Making an exasperated sound, Raph smacked the seats in front of him, having succeeded in freeing his head from the leotard. "Seriously, guys? His name is Randy. R-and-eee."

"Why do you even care?"

"Hey, I don't like the guy, but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't at least be given the respect of decent pronunciation."

"Wow. That's a bit word for you. Did it hurt coming out?"

"Don I swear that I'll-"

"Geesh, really? Will you two cut it out? I feel like your father." Leo snapped, running a hand over his head in exasperation.

Mike giggled. "Don't make me turn this car around!" He said in a comically lowered voice.

Elbowing his brother in the plastron, Raph grumbled. "At least make him quit it with the Rudolph shit."

Don smiled at the sight from the rear view mirror. By now Raph was busy adjusting the leotard. Comically enough, it had snaps at the bottom to fit over his crotch, like a baby. It fit tight over his shell which put a nice shine to the material. It didn't look to bad, even if he did look slightly like a tree ornament. Especially with the color contrasting sharply with his dark skin. On his chest was two forest green felt letters, a C with a T in the middle. Branding! Who could ask for more! The outlines of green flames curled around the letters and some green slanted lines criss-crossed around his torso. The color combinations had Don thinking of something more festive. He grinned more. "Sorry, Raph. I guess all the red against your green skin had me thinking of Christmas."

"You son-of-a-"

At that moment the car jerked hard enough to snap them all to the present situation. Don frowned at it, but then smiled and patted the cracked dashboard. Leo and Raph couldn't help but notice the slight quiver to his hand. "Don't worry guys, purely a structural problem. The engine's too tough to quit." Don's eyes surveyed the others. They all stared at him. Inwardly the brainy turtle winced. Did they know that he was bullshitting them? He swallowed his reservations about the vehicles safety. Not like they could do anything about it anyway. But there was the glaring fact that he had a Camaro instead of their own vehicle, and of course the fact that he seemed to be the one responsible. Obviously his turmoil wasn't quite done with tonight. After all, the real owners probably wouldn't be thrilled at the vehicle's condition.

Time to switch subjects.

Squinting he tapped the GPS. The exterior box was partly crushed, but other than freezing every once in a while, the device seemed to be fine. "We'll be at his hotel in another 10 miles. According to the announcement in the paper," he said, indicating the screen of his phone where it was displayed off the internet, "Randy and about half the other wrestlers are going to be there along with some other staff to do a kind of meet with fans."

Yes. That all important meeting with his least favorite wrestler. Grumbling, Raph started to work on the boots. For some reason the stiff fabric of the top of it brushing his thigh made him blush. Weren't these the types of boots that the hookers wore? What a ridiculous picture he must make! To make it worse were the sinewy green tribal-like designs around the sole and the top of the boot. Plainly aware of three pairs of eyes glued on him taking way too much enjoyment in this he cleared his throat to steer the attention elsewhere. "So what do I do then, just waltz in there and say 'hey! Jerk-face! Do you know where our mutated rat father is?'"

"I don't think that would be the best choice of words." Leo mumbled under his breath, covering his eyes with his hand. Between his brother's attitude, the lack of car door and the whole stupid situation…ugh.

Don snickered. "Don't say that, Leo, who knows? It might end up with him getting his ass handed to him! We're all aware of his lackluster wrestling skills."

Stomping one booted foot on the floorboard, Raph snarled at him. "Get off my case, Don!"

"You get off mine!"

"I haven't done a single thing to you!"

"Are you kidding? All that stuff with April, and then with my driving? How often do I get a chance to get back at you?"

"C'mon. One, you're still carrying the damned bra, and two, you nearly got us killed, and three, you nearly blow up the Lair all the time!"

Face immediately darkening he abruptly turned to face his brother, causing the car to swerve due to lack of attention.

"BOTH of you!" Leo snapped, shoving Don back on his bottom and giving Raph a glare, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Get dressed! NOW!" He turned to Don. "Lay off! I mean it!" In the back seat Mike snickered.

Rolling his shoulders, Don picked his chin up. "You're right, Leo." He gave a sigh, not able to completely suppress the slight smile. "One of us has to be the better turtle."

This time Leo turned to intercept Raph, though he was hampered by the boots, which were huge to accommodate his feet. Don smiled but said nothing. Leo glared daggers at them both.

Pulling on the gloves, they came up to the middle of Raph's arm. Surprisingly, they were already sewn in a way where the four fingers were cut and sewn into two. His handiwork? He didn't want to think about it. If he did do it, then his brothers would never let him live down the fact that he used a needle to sew. Unfortunately, the gloves didn't cover up the dreaded roach tattoos. Then it hit him that he would likely have to live with these things for the rest of his life. Unlike his brothers, his main issue couldn't be gotten rid of like Mike's kittens or Leo's light sabers. His temper flared higher and he glared at all the other occupants in the room. The injustice of it all irritated him to no end. And now they were all secretly smiling at how he was likely about to humiliate himself. The fact that Leo and Don had already experienced such a thing, that he had taken innumerable pleasure from both scenes didn't matter. "So, Leo, what's with that tuxedo collar, hmm?"

Leo blinked as all attention turned to him. He looked down at the center console where the stiff, pristine white collar decorated with the shiny black bow was, protected from the wind. It disturbed him more than he'd like to admit. Obviously there was more to their little trip than he thought. He blushed when he thought of the drag show. Didn't he already go through enough? What the shell did this mean? Putting on a brave face he tried to look speculative. "I honestly don't know, guys." He turned and looked at them. "Anyone else remember?"

Raph snarled at him as he worked on the other glove. "Seriously, Leo? How many times do we have to do the whole 'we don't remember last night' thing?"

Before Leo could respond the Camaro shuddered once more as Don shifted gears. "Guys, we're here!"

The hotel itself was a huge, multiple story thing that was more common on the nice side of New York. It was obvious that it was a very nice, plush hotel. Not something that the average person could afford to stay in. Just the kind of venue that you might expect to see a bunch of pro wrestlers stay. The parking garage across the street from it was packed, just as you would think would happen when a hotel would hold such an event. A few high end guests pulled right up to the entrance of the hotel, their vehicles taken by high class valets. The regular folks, though, were resigned to hunting through the parking garage that the hotel owned.

After pursing his lips slightly, Don turned down the alley towards the rear entrance that was reserved for staff and deliveries, figuring that it would be more secluded. Allowing the Camaro to come to a shuddering stop, they quickly surveyed the scene. Waiting for a few members of the hotel staff to exit the area, Leo hopped out, pulling the lever to bring the seat up so his brother could get out.

Raph looked at the others, his eyes wide. "You guys aren't coming with me?"

The other turtles looked at each other, none really moving. They could hear the people inside the hotel from where they were, and this would definetly be a very different crowd from the sub-culture convention. None wanted to face it. Leo was the first to answer, avoiding his gaze. "Well, Raph, you were the one that wanted to take the belt in the first place…"

"And you know more about this guy…"

"And, of course, and I can't stress this enough…you're the only one with a disguise."

"Not sure if the whole furry thing would fly here."

"Or be welcome at a place like this."

His eyes darted to all of them in disbelief before his face scrunched in anger. His own strong nervousness surged it higher. "You know what? Screw you guys!" In a huff, he scrambled out of the car. Standing defiantly on the pavement, he glared at his brothers. He wobbled slightly, realizing for the first time that the boots had at least an inch of heel to them. Once again the mental image of what he must look like shot through his head. His face deflated slightly, showing a touch of vulnerability. "You really aren't going to go in with me, are you?"

Don's face softened. For the first time he tried to picture himself in the same situation and his stomach flipped in a queasy way. Quickly he sought a way to comfort him. "Look, Raph, I checked out the security footage. It looks like some major chunks of time are missing in it, but what is obvious is that you went in there on your own. There were lots of people in there, but no one really stopped you. You aren't the only masked wrestler in there, either. It's kind of like a wrestler convention. So I'm not really sure that we'd really be allowed, you know? The most extreme thing that they have in there are the masked wrestlers, and even then there's only a couple. Mostly it's dedicated to other types of wrestlers and fighters."

For a moment Raph just stood there. "A convention? Another one?" Blinking he looked up at the starless New York sky. "What's with all the damn conventions today? What kind of night is this?"

Mike grinned. "A New York Saturday night, dude!"

Pursing his lips, Don rubbed his chin as his mind worked. "You know what?" His thoughts turned inward as he stared off into space. "I think that I have an earbug in my pack. But what about monitoring?" With an abrupt shake of his head, he turned his back on his brothers, fumbling through his bag. Then, picking up his phone, he started pressing buttons, utterly silent as he concentrated on his task.

A long moment of silence stretched between them. Leaning over towards Leo, Mike whispered "What is he doing? Is he playing a video game? If he is, dibbs for next turn."

"No, he's not playing a video game, he's…" Leo thougth for a second, then shook his head. "Don, what are you doing?"

Holding up a finger to indicate silence, Don pressed some more buttons, then leaned back and grinned triumphantly. "Raph, put on the mask."

Looking at his other brothers for support, they just shrugged their shoulders. Neither had any idea of what was going through Don's head right now. So, picking up the spandex red mask, he took off his own and slipped the new one on. It was cut like a ski mask. Once the bottom of the eye holes had reached his own eyes, he stopped and looked at his brothers.

The mask was more intricate than they thought, now that it wasn't inside out. The outlines of green flames, starting at his chin, arched up the cheeks to meet above the nose and curl around the eyes. A more basic, symmetrical lining was done on the sides and the top of the head that was reminiscent of tribal. The turtles looked at each other.

Don blanched at the extra fabric that was left on the top of his head. It looked suspiciously like the reservoir on a condom. Since neither Mike nor Leo seemed to notice, Don stood up to adjust it, taking the time to clip it in the right spot.

Behind him Mike gasped. "DUDE! Is that Bluetooth?"

Smiling, Don nodded. "Yeah, I just perfected it. Raph will be the first to try it out. Harder to make than you might think. Especially from the parts that I have to work with, you know? You have to calculate the configuration to fit the size as well as the fact that our ears don't stick out like humans do so I had to design a system that-"

"Yeah. Alright. You're a genius. Can we continue?" Raph grumbled, reaching up and adjusting it while Don grabbed his phone and plugged it into the GPS with a small cord.

Immediately the picture on the GPS screen changed to show the front lobby of the hotel. It was filled with people. All were wearing some sort of wrestling parephenalia, from WWE, UFC, MMA, and others. Sure enough, there were even a couple of fans with traditional masks, including some of the more stylized masks of the masked wrestlers at WWE.

"I hacked into the hotel security." Don explained. "Wherever you go, we'll see you. And with this earpiece, we'll be able to talk to you. I can see anything that's coming with the security feed, and hear whatever the security guards are saying so we will be able to warn you. I've already hacked into the server and put you on the guest list, so getting in should be no problem."

Looking miserable, Raph looked at them. The only parts of his true body that was showing was a six inch strip at each upper thigh and arm. The turtles inspected their brother. Mike clapped his hands together. "You look adorable!"

"I look stupid." Raph grumbled. At least he had a mask on, not like anyone knew him anyway but still…it was the principle of the thing. Turning around he adjusted the neck on his mask.

The brother's eyes widened at the back of the outfit. More green flames decorated it, entwining with each other in a way to resemble the scutes and ridges of a turtle shell. Leo clapped a hand over Mike's mouth to keep him from blurting out what he saw. Raph was nervous enough as it was.

With a slight smile, Don put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll be fine."

"Remember." Leonardo stressed. "We need to know where else we've been. So try to get the information out of him. For Splinter!"

"If anything goes hairy, I can always knock out the power and we'll go in there."

Raph tried to give him a smile but failed. Oh, well, who ever heard of a smiling wrestler anyway? "Damn. I don't want to talk to this jerk. There was a reason why I stole, er, tried to steal that belt. He doesn't deserve it." He shook his head then looked at Don with pleading eyes. "Can't you just look to see if he even saw me? Or if I even got the damned belt? Please?"

Taken slightly aback by his demeanor, Don's expression softened. "Sorry. Someone removed some huge chunks of last night's footage before it could be uploaded where I could reach it. This is the only way."

Raph looked at his brothers then stomped away in a huff before he did anything he regretted. Like beg.

His heart pounded as he made his way out of the alley towards the main street where the opening was. "Just get the information." He said in a mocking voice. "Like I can just march right up to a professional wrestler, probably surrounded by security, like he'd want to talk anyway…" Then he heard a hiss of static in his ear that nearly made him jump out of his shell.

"Can you hear us, Raph?" Don's voice was loud and clear.

He blinked and looked around for him before remembering the earpiece. "Yeah, I hear you."

Mike giggled. "It's like we're all in your heads!" then he made a spooky sound. "Oooooooh!"

Someone smacked him.

"Just remember. While you're in there, you're the Crimson Turtle!"

smack!

"OW!"

Something inside twisted and Raph made a face as he saw the opening to the hotel where the odd mix of people in nice clothes and wrestling parephanelia were streaming in. He was about to go there, a mutant turtle amidst a sea of humans, to search out a professional wrestler with a bad attitude that he didn't like, to get information out of him when he might've potentially stolen his championship belt all the while dressed in a bright red suit.

"Aw, shit."

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'I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.' Airplane!

'Don't make me turn this car around!' Every father in the country

A/N: One thing about this fic that makes me happy is that, literally, NONE of the dialogue is planned! Even the quotes aren't normally planned out. I just realized that while I was writing this chapter, as normally I don't really like to write a lot of dialogue. Ah, well. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Reviews are always such an awesome inspiration!

PS: Don't forget that the naughty fanfic competition is still going on (for XXX rated fics) Sleepingseeker and I are running it and we still have another week of voting time!