The Worse Dare with the Cullen's 10
Jaspers pov:
"Okay, everyone meet back here at noon. Then we will go get some lunch for the human. Then we can continue till 8:30. Got it? Get ready set, go!"
I had no clue what I was gonna do, but I just ran into this little café that was attached to a huge mall. I looked around to find everyone just sitting and taking. Once I entered the room, all their heads looked up at me. I had to do something quick.
"CHEESE!" and with that I ran out of there at human speed as fast as I could. So I ran into the Mall and looked around to see what I had to work with.
There was (as far as I could see) this one old lady, a group of teenagers, about three couples and a lot of single men and women. As I thought this, it brought back memories of this one time all us Cullen's did a prank at the mall with this old lady and some others…
Flashback
((This flashback it originally teamjacobe's story called Pranking Mike. If you don't want to read 16 pages of it, (but I recommend you do) read the highlighted parts.))
Edward scowled for a moment before he said, "Pretend the inter com is the voice of God." Alice stood up without another word.
She knew when the intercom would come on, so she was ready. She wandered the store until she was in the grocery department when the intercom came on.
"Cleanup in aisle 12, Cleanup in aisle 12."
Alice fell to her knees, her hands thrown up into the air.
"God has spoken!" She yelled, completely playing the part. The customers began staring at her, fearing for her sanity. Alice jumped up and ran over to an old woman.
"Did you hear that? God spoke to me!"
Then Alice skipped off as if nothing happened. "Jasper, you're next."
Jasper sat up straighter in the chair. "What do I have to do?" He asked in a formal voice.
Alice smirked at him, and he seemed to shrink back under her gaze. I giggled for a little bit.
"Your task is to get into a huge panic over the intercom voices."
He stood up, grateful that there wasn't any more. He brushed his honey blonde hair out of his face before Alice said, "There is also a second part. I won't tell you what it is until you do this one first."
Finally, Jasper slowly walked over to the music section and
began browsing through the CDs. I saw no point at him doing this; the Cullens had them all anyway.
Once again, the intercom came on. "Alexi, you're needed in the shoe department; Alexi, you're need in the shoe
department." An employee from the music department left the scene, so Jasper wouldn't get in trouble later.
Jasper fell to the ground.
"THE VOICES! OH GOD, THE VOICES! WHY WON'T THEY STOP?" He screamed.
The old woman Alice talked to earlier came up to him.
"Don't panic, lad! It's the voice of God!"
"I think that woman is senile!" Emmett whispered loudly,
and we all laughed.
"What's the second part?" Jasper asked in the same formal tone after he came back over to us.
"You have to go up to customer service…"
I didn't hear the last part, because Alice whispered it to him.
Rosalie and Edward were fighting back smiles, while
Emmett was shaking with laughter.
"What's going on?" I asked Edward, confused.
"Just listen," He told me soothingly as Jasper strode away.
"You'll see."
After about two minutes silence, a voice came over the intercom. "Anita Hoare, Mike Rotch, and Hugh Jass, your friend is looking for you."
There was another moment of stunned silence before we were all roaring with laughter.
"Sweet Jesus," Emmett gasped. "That was the funniest thing yet!"
Apparently, Jasper had to make up rude names to announce over the intercom.
Jasper came around the corner, smirking as he did. "Like the names?" he asked as he sat down again.
"Of course!"Rosalie nearly squealed.
Just as we thought we were finished laughing, three kids came around the corner.
"Mike, who was it that called us?" A girl asked.
"I don't know, Anita!" a boy snapped.
"Shut up, Hugh!" Mike snapped to the other boy.
We all stared at each other before the laughter began again; this time it was louder than ever.
"Rosalie," Jasper gasped. "Your turn."
As Rosalie started grinning, I stood up. "Where are you going?" Edward asked as they all looked at me.
"The bathroom," I replied. "You can do the task without me if you want."
Emmett grinned back at me. "With pleasure."
As I strode off, I began to think. People here in Port
Angeles are very strange. There's an old woman who really does believe the intercom voice is the voice of God, there is a guy whose name is actually Hugh Jass, and a girl who's obsessed with Emmett. I'm glad she doesn't live in Forks.
I'm also very surprised that we haven't been kicked out by now. Perhaps people here frequently do things like this. Creepy. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.
After I left the bathroom, I abruptly ran into a large crowd that was convened near the toy department. I could hear some people laughing and others whispering darkly.
I pushed my way through the crowd to see Alice standing there with a giant water gun that was almost as tall as she was.
"Just put her down, and no one will get hurt." She said to someone in the aisle.
I leaned around a large man to see Rosalie sitting on the floor of the aisle. She had a Barbie swimming pool on the ground in front of her with several beta fish swimming inside.
She was holding a Barbie doll that was duct taped and tied to a string above the water. This Barbie was an exact replica of Rosalie, but it was nowhere near as beautiful.
Rosalie was also holding a match next to the string.
"No one is allowed to be as gorgeous as me! And if anyone is going to marry Ken, it's going to be ME!" she screamed, looking quite deranged.
Emmett and Jasper were several aisles over, barely containing their laughter as they watched the entire charade.
For a moment I wondered where Edward was, but then he came running into the aisle yelling.
"NOO!" He skidded to a stop in front of Rosalie, a scared look in his eyes.
"I'll do anything, Rose!" He begged."Anything for you to let her go!"
Rose laughed manically. "Never!" She struck the match, which burned straight through the string and sent Malibu Barbie tumbling straight into the pool of "sharks".
"NOOOOO!" Edward screamed again, anguished.
Rosalie leapt up, and darted out of the aisle screaming,
"REVENGE! SWEET REVENGE!"
Edward threw himself to the ground in front of the tiny pool, sobbing into his hands. A hand rested on his shoulder, and he looked up to see the voice of God woman.
"Relax, dear child," She told him in a reedy voice. "God will send you a message telling you it will be okay." She motioned toward the speaker that was directly above them and she shuffled off.
As Emmett and the other approached us as the crowd dissipated, the voice of the employee Bella came over the intercom.
"Get over it."
She must have seen the whole charade, I thought.
"I told you God would give you a message!" The old woman called.
BPOV:
"Emmett, it's your turn." Rosalie grinned at him. He grinned back at her.
"There is nothing I can't handle."
Edward raised his eyebrows.
"Ok, except for that psycho stalker girl." Emmett relented. "And the God voice lady."
Edward chuckled.
"Her name is Esther, by the way." Jasper and Alice laughed. "Good to know she finally has a name!"
Alice giggled in her tinkling voice.
"What do I have to do?" Emmett asked impatiently.
"You have to go up to random people and yell curse words at them." Rosalie told him smugly.
Edward groaned slightly. "How would that make us look Rose? What if someone from Forks is here? That would be bad on Carlisle's part."
"Don't be such a wimp, Edward!" Alice laughed.
I smiled at Edward. "Just relax, okay? It'll be ok."
Edward smiled back at me. "Fine, Emmett," he said. "Go ahead."
Emmett jumped up and began running down the aisle.
Before anyone of us could get up, Emmett had already screamed, "HOLY SHIT!"
We could hear a young boy laughing at him as Emmett ran past him.
"ASS!" He roared again. "DAMN IT!"
By now, all of us were in stitches as Emmett swore like a sailor to everybody he passed.
"BITCH!" He yelled at poor
Esther.
She looked totally horrified when Emmett ran by. For a moment, I thought she was going to have a heart attack.
Then she just shrugged and continued with her business.
Weird lady.
When Emmett came back over to us, his already huge grin was even bigger. "Look who it is." He said, and pointed over my shoulder.
I turned around to see Mike Newton himself stroll into the store with Jessica standing next him, his arm around her waist.
"This is too good to pass up!" Jasper grinned evilly. "What should we do?"
They all shrugged. I can't believe they had no ideas for pranks! "I have one!" I told them.
Every head turned toward me. "Here's what you have to do….." I whispered as Emmett began laughing.
Within a few minutes we had all of the props set up.
"Are you ready?" I whispered to Emmett several aisles over. I knew he could hear me, so I didn't have to reveal myself to Mike, who was just coming around the corner.
"I'm going to go get some hygiene products," Jessica told him as they approached the aisle. "I'll be right back."
Perfect. Mike would be alone.
Mike grunted with a slightly disgusted look on his face; he had no interest in Jessica's monthly problems.
We had set up a large doll on the shelf in front of Mike. We had purposely styled the doll's long black hair to where it was hanging down her face with only one eye showing.
We had also placed a high-tech walkie-talkie behind it so we can speak to Mike and he wouldn't know it.
Emmett once again had the video camera ready so he could put it up on YouTube when it was finished.
Mike strode down the aisle, and once he was in front of the doll, Alice spoke into the walker-talkie in a childish voice.
"Hi, Mike." Mike froze, his eyes darting around until they rested on the doll. His eyes widened. Alice spoke again, barely containing her laughter.
"I'm the little girl from the well, and I'm coming for you."
Mike staggered backward, trying hard not to scream again and embarrass himself.
Then Jasper crept up behind him and did his trademark raspy whisper, "Seven days…." As Mike whirled around, he was hit in the face with a handful of skittles.
He didn't even see who it was before Jasper dashed away.
We were roaring with laughter at the sight of Mike Newton dashing past Jessica on his way to the doors.
Esther was at his heels yelling, "It was the voice of God!"
"How did she get over here?" Edward asked, still laughing.
I'm not sure I even want to know.
Now that we had once again succeeded in pranking Mike, we needed new ideas on things to do.
Alice had left a few minutes ago. She had said, "We've been at Wal-Mart for hours and I haven't bought a single thing! I'll be back later!" Rosalie had followed her, so it was just Emmett, Edward, Jasper, and I.
We were once again sitting in the recliners in the furniture section, pondering new ideas.
"We can put bags of candy in random people carts."
Emmett suggested.
"Boo." Jasper replied and blew Emmett a raspberry with his thumbs down. Jasper was becoming increasingly bored with each lame suggestion Emmett came up with.
"What am I supposed to do then?" Emmett snapped. "Dress and drag and hit on men?"
Edward and Jasper froze. "That's brilliant!" Edward grinned.
"Luckily I saw this coming then!" Alice danced over with plastic bags full of women's dresses.
"That's why you and Rose went shopping?" I guessed.
"Of course!" Alice grinned. "There was no way that I would pass this up."
Emmett groaned. "There's no getting out of this, is there?"
He asked Rosalie.
"Nope." She replied, popping the last syllable. She grinned at him, as he sadly shuffled toward the dressing rooms.
"What's taking him so long?" Rosalie asked impatiently.
"This is ridiculous."
I grinned. I had a feeling Emmett was taking as long as he could, so everyone would grow tired of the challenge.
"Just wait." Edward told everyone. Suddenly, Emmett groaned loudly. I threw my hand over my mouth to stifle the giggles that were threatening to explode out any second.
Several women that were either waiting for dressing rooms or just passing by stopped and stared at the dressing room with puzzled expressions on their faces.
Then Emmett spoke in a high girly voice, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
That did it. I leaned over, my hands pressed firmly against my sides, as we all were howling with laughter, even though Emmett was several aisles over.
Some of the women sighed and groaned with disgust as they left the area. Employee Bella came over and pounded on the door.
"Sir or Ma'am, you need to leave. Your business needs to be done in the can, not in the dressing rooms."
Emmett threw open the door, which bounced off of Bella's forehead. She staggered away as Emmett appeared in a flowered dress with a blond wig on and bright red lipstick.
The Cullens all shuddered as he approached us. "I'm scarred for life." Edward whispered. "I have bad mental images in my head now."
Alice, on the other hand stood up. "Now you have to go hit on every male customer with corny pick-up lines until we tell you to stop."
Emmett groaned and pranced down the aisle. A huge buff guy then crossed into Emmett's path and Emmett said to him, "If I told you your body was beautiful, would you hold it against me?"
Jasper and the others were in hysterics, but I was nearly rolling in the aisle. Before the man could reply, (or punch him), Emmett darted off to harass another man.
He came up to another one and said, "Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine."
"Uh….no." The man replied. He quickly ran in the other direction.
Then I called, "Emmett!" He turned around, and I pointed to Jacob, the poor man I harassed earlier. Emmett grinned evilly and darted over to him. So far, his girlfriend Bella was nowhere in sight. Emmett pressed his huge body up against Jacob and said, "If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous."
By now, I was screaming with laughter. Jacob seemed to freeze.
"Er, can I help you, Ma'am? Or sir?" Emmett then breathed into his ear,
"That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?" Jacob shivered when Emmett's cold breath hit his neck. However, his girlfriend Bella, who has just come around the corner, didn't see it that way.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" She screamed.
"WHY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH A TRANSVESTITE? ARE YOU A SEX ADDICT?"
Jacob seemed to cower under her gaze as Emmett darted away, shaking with laughter.
When Emmett tried to approach another man, Esther, the
Voice of God woman, came up to him and pressed her seventy-something year old body against him.
He froze.
"You look gorgeous as a woman." Esther told him. "For the record, I bat for both teams."
Edward and Jasper were roaring with laughter as Izzy,
Emmett's stalker came running around the corner with face paint covering her face and holding a plastic sword.
"AI-EE-AI-EE-AI!" She bellowed a high-pitched battle cry. "Keep your hands off of my man, you old hag!"
Emmett ripped off the dress as he ran toward us. "Help me!"
When Emmett finally managed to get away from Izzy and Esther, and he was literally shaking where he stood. "I don't ever want to see her again!" He exclaimed as Rose rubbed his back in comfort, fighting back a laugh.
However, Jasper and Alice were howling at the look on Emmett's face. He then looked up and said,
"Edward, your turn."
Edward shrugged and removed his arm from my waist.
"Bring it on."
"What does he have to do?" I asked Emmett eagerly.
"He has to go up to a guy and pretend he hasn't seen him in years." Emmett said smugly.
Edward immediately stood up. "No problem."
As he strode around the store, I turned to Alice.
"Who is he going to pick?"
"You'll see," She sang excitedly. "This is going to be good!" Her pixie frame bounced up and down in the recliner she was sitting in.
We followed Edward discreetly around the store as he looked at prospective victims.
He then grinned evilly and approached our friend Jacob, who had managed to reconcile with his girlfriend Bella.
It wasn't going to last long. Alice was right; this was going to be good!
As he approached Jacob, Jacob grew weary and Bella's eyes narrowed.
Edward gasped. "Oh my God, is it you?"
"What?" Jacob said, confused. Bella was now getting angry.
"It is you!" Edward exclaimed. "I haven't seen you in so long! Why haven't you called?"
Jacob's face melted into an expression of horror before-
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?" Bella screamed.
"HOW COME YOU SEEM TO KNOW ALL OF THESE MEN?"
"Bella please-"Jacob tried to explain.
"DON'T YOU "BELLA" ME!" She roared. "ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT GAY?"
Edward turned around and strode back to us without looking back. Emmett tried to say something, but Edward held up a hand.
"Wait."
"YOU ARE STILL A MANWHORE!"
We all began laughing at Jacob's misfortune. I am surprised they hadn't broken up by now.
As we began rounding the store to look for new victims, the intercom came on. It was an announcement about a cleanup in the canned foods. Esther just happened to be standing right next to us at the time.
She threw herself on the ground, and I'm sure you all know what happened next.
"It's the voice of God!"
Alice played along with the charade too. She also threw herself to the floor, keeping up the appearance she created hours ago.
"Oh God! He's speaking to us!"
I zoned out of my flashback and looked at that old lady. She had the same hair, gray/white with a few darker gray streaks. She was wearing this ugly maroon sweatshirt with jeans and a big bulky pocketbook.
That made me think… it's the same lady! I should do the same thing and see if she remembers me.
So I casually started walking towards the lady. She was currently just looking at these shirts in the window of JC penny.
I was about 8 feet away, sitting on a bench when she went into the store. I followed her in and went quickly to my right. There I hid behind clothes racks, anticipating my next move. She was starting to move forward, so I went to the next rack and actually went in it.
I was just squatting there, watching her, stalking her like a lion and it's pray when I heard a screech too low for human hearing.
I turned my head to find this little girl looking through clothes. She had brown hair with green-ish/blue-ish eyes. She looked to be about 8 years old, and she was approaching me. Then I got an idea.
I squatted down even further and made sure I was hidden well with this bright neon shirt, a sparkly shirt, and a golden one with some pants next to it for a decoy. I looked back to the old lady to see if she was still there, she was. I turned my attention back to the little girl who was now approaching me.
She was looking at the rack right next to me when she turned her head and spotted the 'decoy' clothes. She turned her body and walked a foot over to this rack. She reached out for the sparkly shirt, when I jumped out screaming,
"Leave my clothes alone!"
"Ahhh!" she said jumping back. But it only took her a second to regain what just happened. She then took a step forward and slapped me… with quite force. She screamed and ran out of the store… fReAcK!
I turned my attention back to the Esther, who apparently hadn't noticed anything that just went on.
*Ding Ding Ding*
"Attention all JC Penny costumers, let me please remind you that we have a sale on all winter jackets. And to the person who is screaming, could you please stop. Other costumers are starting to complain, thank you and thanks for shopping at your local JC Penny's." now as the time to make my move.
I stepped into the middle of that little walkway, just so the lady could see me.
"THE VOICES! OH GOD, THE VOICES! WHY WON'T THEY STOP?" I screamed.
At that moment, the lady turned around and her mouth gaped open. That put a smile on my face.
"It's god! He's had us meet together again!" she said while moving closer to me. "Looks like god has some un-finished business for us. You and that other wacko pixie left me all alone… then the poo-poo sent me to a mental hospital for five years…FIVE YEARS!"
The smile on my face faded.
"Uhhh." This was not the reaction I planned for. I expected the lady to continue with the god thing…but… what happened?
She stepped up again so she was only a foot away she then put one hand on the strap of her bag and swung at me. It hit me with as much force as if a kid threw a book bag from the fourth floor and landed on my head.
About two seconds after she swung, she was getting ready to swing again. At that moment I turned around and started running at human speed.
I ran out of the store and once I got past the bench, I looked behind me. It was that lady! She was still following me! :O
"Just leave me alone, okay?" I said
"Never!" She said like a maniac.
Ugh, I had to lose her…but how? Hmmm… OH! I'm a vampire DUHHH!
I kept running at human speed through the mall. I looked back for the fourth time now, and guess what! She was still there! Stupid CrAzY gOd LadY…
I saw it… right in front of me, about 20 feet away… THE BALL PIT!
That gave me the BEST idea EvEr! I was now about 15 feet away…10…5….2…JUMP!
I put my feet together, bent down, and pushed forward, springing like a sling shot. While air-borne, I looked back
WHAT THE FLYING FISH IS SHE DOING?
She wasn't following me anymore, but she started moving…fast…to the piercing store. She grabbed an earring on display and started running toward the bounce house.
That's when I hit the balls. They felt… big and hard. (Sorry, I can't resist but… That's what she said…If you get it… )
I didn't have enough time to react. She was already there, extending her arm.
PPPOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPP!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! I screamed. At that exact moment, the net collapsed… I was now trapped.
The lady ran back to the store and put the earring back. Once she was back, she grabbed the net, which just happened to be right next to the opening. She managed to fight her 110 pound body through the hole. She studdered a moment, then regained her balance.
At this moment, she was about 20 feet away. I saw this look on her face, she was thinking about something. OH NO! She had decided.
She started, a medium running pace, toward my swaying from side to side like a wrestler. I ran close to the edge and got about half the way there, 10 feet, before she was about 2 feet away. I took a chance and dove. With my super hearing, I heard more balls move that weren't mine. (That's what she said… te he he) she had also dove but now, to my disadvantage, I can't see anything.
I was, I think, about 5 feet away from the exit. I was thinking about going back up when… OH GOD! I THINK I JUST PEED MYSELF… I felt something grab my ankle. I began to squirm. I arose with a big breathe which was not needed.
I turned my head, but could not see anything. I turned back and…YEP…I JUST PEED MYSELF. Esther was right there… 1 inch away from my face. With quick thinking, I turned and grabbed the net. In my haste I ripped the net apart and being my stupid self jumped.
When I jumped, I didn't jump high enough, so my feet got caught in the rubber tube. I fell flat on my face… with Esther about a foot away. I quickly recovered and headed for the opening doors which were in my view, maybe 30 feet away.
It was a full on sprint between the two of us. I looked back, defiantly a sprint with her 1 foot behind.
23 feet away, 1 foot between.
19 feet, still 1 foot.
Now 16, again, 1 foot.
Ugh 13 feet, STILL 1 foot between them.
10 feet… OMFG, 1 FOOT
7… I guess u already know… UGH
3… what do you need me for? 1 foot.
1.5 feet… 1.5 feet between them… thought I was gonna say 1?
.5 cm away… esther gained back her .5… u know what that means?
I JUST LOVE MAKING U WAIT!
I was out, home free, out like a light… I was… Jasper Hale… a vampire… WoW…
I looked at my watch… I had five minutes… just enough time to lose Esther.
I picked up speed and ran down the straight street ahead. I looked forward and saw a forest… Hmmm…
I curved and ran into the woods. I looked back, she wasn't there… yet. I used that to my advantage and sped off in vampire speed. I ran through the woods and saw this opening. I followed it out and saw this fountain? I looked around the land, benches, fountain, trees, mulch, plants… A PARK!
I went to the side walk and started walking down it toward the spot we were supposed to meet. I rounded a curve and spotted my sweet Alice and abominable Emmet… but no Bella? HUH… this can't be good.
I walked up to them and both they yelled…
"Where is Bella!"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She's not with you?" Alice questioned
"No, I thought she was here already."
"Well, she obviously is not, so we have to go and find her." Alice said irritated.
"Ya plus imagine all the trouble she could get into in this huge city." Emmet stated.
"Yeah, we better hurry!" we all shouted, and with that, we all left to find Bella's sent.
OMFG! I FINALLYY FINISHED! YAYAYAYAYYAYAY
I'M SORRRRYYYY I GOT GROUNDED FOR A FEW WEEKS SO THAT PUT ME BACK ON SOME THINGS… BUT IN THAT TIME I WROTE MY STORY ON PAPER… I THINK THIS IS MY BEST… WHAT DO YOU THINK? TELLL MEEEEE PLEASSEEEEEE!
I AMMMMMMMMM !
I haven't started the next one… and I will… but not right now bc I'm working on these other pieces… in the mean time… ADMIRE SOMETHING ELSE! AND DONT BE HARASING ME TO UPLOAD SOMETHING ELSE... CAUSE I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN THIS...not really but... YA!