Instead of a trashed bedroom that she was expecting to have to clean before Bella got home, she found everything back in it's place. As if nothing had even happened. The most startling thing she saw though was the person sitting on her bed.
Rosalie sat there, watching her carefully while sitting completely immobile like a blonde's eyes were cautious and calculating, blonde hair cascading down her shoulders and gently blowing in the light breeze coming from the window she hadn't even noticed had shattered.
Ember quickly cast her eyes to her feet, a flash of fear shooting through her. Was Rosalie there to reprimand her? Or worse? Had she done something to give them away? She didn't think she had. Were they upset that Edward had to save her that night?
Shame and frustration followed after the panic. Shame because she had once again fallen into thinking the worst of someone and frustration because of the conflict within her. One side of her was trying to do what she'd been taught was right and good, stay out of the way of others and never assume that you're equal or superior to them. The other half was frustrated because she didn't want to be that way.
She no longer wanted to be the girl who only acted like any other normal girl at school, simply because she was given permission and ordered to do so, that way she could keep appearances and not draw unnecessary attention. The past few months she'd been living in Forks, she'd just started to begin feeling at home. Just started to feel that she could trust someone. Multiple someones, in fact, which in itself was surprising to her. However, after the events of the night, she wasn't sure anymore what to think and she couldn't help but to shy away from anything she wasn't sure about.
She didn't know how to deal with this. Mark was still here and he was just as she remembered him. Cold, heartless, terrifying, and completely able to have her at his mercy while she could do nothing but hope that she would wake up the next morning. That was familiar.
The men that night had in a manner of speaking been unusual, but it was sickeningly ordinary to her for Mark to bring such people home. But those men hadn't been brought in by Mark nor were they being paid to act the way that they did. They were doing it because they enjoyed it. Because she happened to lose her way. That had been her only crime against them.
She didn't even have a base of comparison for what happened in Port Angeles. Not really. It was too much of a foreign event to her. Yes, the act had been similar, but the environment, the reasons and the way it had been carried out were too unfamiliar to her. She didn't know where to begin dealing with that. It was too unfamiliar.
Despite the negative connotations and feelings she had about how she'd been raised, it was familiar. Familiar was usually painful and miserable for her, but she knew how to deal with it. Usually, she would be dealing with one of three situations after such an incident with Mark were to occur.
One, she would be begging on her hands and knees at his command. He enjoyed seeing that she remembered her place in the world and felt she needed a reminder. Two, she would be cleaning the house spotless until the early hours of the morning to get back in his good graces. She often did that anyways, though after an incident as severe as that night, she would generally only do this if he left her in the house, which wasn't often. The third situation was the most common one. She would find herself locked in the basement or her room, gasping for air and trying to figure out how she could be better the next time.
This time though was too different. She wasn't at her house, she was at Charlie's house and he'd arrested Mark. All things considered, she was fairly certain that she wouldn't be seeing him again any time soon so she didn't need to play her part for him. She didn't need to remind herself of the rules. This time, she was just left with a newly cleaned bedroom, a cop outside the house, and a vampire sitting on her bed.
"Rosalie?" Ember hesitantly asked, frowning a little as she risked a quick glance up at the blonde.
"I heard about what happened to you tonight." The vampire said in answer, her voice soft though no less musical.
"Oh." Ember replied, biting her lip and holding her cup tighter. "Um, Charlie arrested him. What happened wasn't really anything new. It's just...been awhile."
"I was referring to the incident before that," The blonde responded, her voice cautious.
"You mean Port Angeles?" Ember muttered, trying to ignore the sudden shaking in her limbs and the return of the memory of their hands on her that she'd tried to wash off. "Edward told you guys about that?"
"He thought that I might be able to help." Rosalie responded, standing and slowly walking over to her. "Carlisle is waiting outside with him. Just in case you wanted him to look you over."
The thought had her eyes widening while confusing her to no end. Carlisle had come back? To make sure she was okay? People truly were far more different here than she was used to. She decided to ignore the last statement as she crossed the room and set her cup down on the window sill, turning to watch the blonde vampire.
"Why did Edward think that you would be able to help me?" She asked, clasping her hands behind her and leaning back against the windowsill, hoping the cool breeze would help her focus on the conversation rather than straying down darker paths. "I don't understand."
For a moment, she wasn't sure the blonde would answer, but after a beat of silence Rosalie sighed and turned to her. "I went through the same thing on the night I became a vampire."
Ember could only gape at Rosalie at her admittance, horror, sympathy, understanding, and sorrow crashing over her. She knew what it was like afterward. It was violating, painful, and it made everyone and everything into a villain. She hadn't been able to get away from it while sleeping, while at school. And she hadn't been able to tell anyone. To hear about anyone else going through what she did, especially someone like Rosalie was heartbreaking.
"Why did they...?" Ember trailed off, biting her lip. Did it matter why it happened? Who it was? "I'm so sorry."
Rosalie smiled at her, but it was tight and there was a deep sadness behind it. "I got my revenge."
"Did it make it better?" Ember asked, her words coming out before she had a chance to register what she was asking.
Of course, she'd thought of it before. What it would be like to get back at the ones who had made her suffer that way. How could she not? She would feel safer, she'd imagine, knowing that those men would never hurt her again. There'd been one point in her life where she'd considered what it would be like to remove her father from the picture. He was the root of her pain just as much as she was or as much as she'd thought she was. The longer she was in Forks, the more she began to realize how much he was a part of her suffering. That was why she'd been able to bring herself to call out earlier and while she'd paid for it, she'd also survived and was still in the place she felt safe. With the people who made her feel safe, despite her own deeply embedded mistrust.
"For a little while, but in the end...I just filled one hole and made another." Rosalie answered, her eyes sharp on Ember. "I don't regret it, but I'm not better for it either."
Ember couldn't help but frown at that. Would she be able to say the same if she got her revenge? Would she even be capable of ending someone's life? She wasn't sure. Honestly, she didn't think anyone could be sure until they were in the moment, when they were about to pull the trigger. "So, if you could go back, if you could do it over...would you change it?"
"Probably not." Rosalie replied, turning away. "Do you want revenge, Ember?"
"What if I told you I'd thought about it before?" Ember wondered, breath held at the response she might get. Would that be the moment that Rosalie saw her for what she was? When the blonde knew that Ember had no good in her? Certainly, people who considered murder couldn't be good. Could they?
"I would think you were sane and human. That it doesn't make you a bad person."
There was no trace of doubt or uncertainty or pause in the blonde's answer. Could she truly have that much faith in her? At the thought, Ember couldn't hold the tears back anymore and soon she was choking on her sobs while being held in a pair of cold arms.
~10~
Ember moaned softly as she rolled over, slowly opening her eyes and trying to ignore the aches and pains reverberating through her entire being. After letting her body adjust, she frowned. She didn't remember falling asleep. The last thing she remembered was Rosalie comforting her as she cried. The blonde must have tucked her into bed, she realized, flustered by the idea. The Cullens truly were too nice to her.
Rolling her head over to see Bella's clock, she sighed when she saw that it was already seven thirty in the morning, meaning she was going to be late to school. Her aches and pains grew as she pulled herself from the land of unconsciousness, the pain making her mind sharp and yet sluggish at the same time as it drew all of her attention.
Her chest burned where Mark had pinned her with his foot and she was sure it would be a giant bruise, her throat was sore, her eyes hurt from all the crying along with her head, her limbs were sore from struggling against the men in Port Angeles - she was sure she had several bruises and a couple of bite marks from them - and her right shoulder was a throbbing flame.
Deciding that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep, she dragged herself out from under the covers, for once too exhausted and hurt to really think much on the fact that it was Bella's bed. She headed over to her suitcase that she had yet to unpack and rummaged around for a pair of white leggings and a nice black sweater that fell down to her knees and was a size too big for her.
Ember sucked in a sharp breath as she pushed up off the floor, stumbling a little as she righted her balance and waiting for the aches to subside a little before moving to the bathroom to change into her new outfit. She forgo taking a shower that morning and simply washed her face and brushed her hair, leaving it to fall down her back.
Sighing, she set the brush down and tried to ignore the emotions that were starting to hit her now that she was actually awake. Terror, anxiety and worry all rolled up into a ball to make her feel as though she were going to throw up.
Mark was there. In Forks and not New York. She'd thought she'd managed to escape him. Not only that, but the men from last night were still out there. They could still hurt someone, probably had if she were honest with herself. Those kinds of people didn't suffer defeat well nor did they stay down for long. Swallowing back her nausea, she pushed all of those thoughts from her mind, went back into Bella's room and snatched her bag off of the ground.
She paused on her way out, noticing the jacket Edward had let her use the night before. Part of her wanted to keep, though she wasn't entirely sure why, but the more reasonable side of her knew she should probably return it. Things didn't usually go too well, when she forgot such things for too long. So with a bit of reluctance, Ember went and collected up Edward's jacket, throwing it on for convenience - yes, that was the only reason - before hurrying down the stairs.
There was no sign of Charlie and for a moment Ember lingered by the kitchen door, debating on just staying home. In his note last night, Charlie had sort of made it clear that he wanted her to go to school, but she wasn't sure how she was going to deal with everything. And what would Edward think? Surely, he'd heard her conversation with Rosalie the night before. How would he react?
Her throat closed as the panic began to set in and she stumbled back to lean against the counter, letting her bag fall to the ground. She couldn't get enough air. This was something she'd expected, but no matter how much she expected a panic attack, she was never able to handle it better. After Mark had invited the men who had defiled her for the first time, she'd had her first panic attack. That time she'd expected the numbness to come and that had been the first time she'd longed for it. Panic attacks made her feel like she was trapped between living and dying. It was terrifying, like her body was working against her. Like it wasn't her own anymore and the entire world was against her. Those were the times that she felt the most lonely as if nothing would ever be alright.
A loud knock cut through the panic enough for her to pull in a gasping breath which was soon followed by a wave of calm. Taking a few more deep breaths, she slowly pushed away from the counter, registering that the knock had come from the front door. Grabbing her bag from the floor, she crept to the front hallway, biting her lip. Who would be knocking at the door right now? Was it the officer Charlie had left to watch her last night?
Frowning, she quietly moved forward and pushed herself onto the balls of her feet to peer through the peephole. She found herself blinking at Alice who stood beside Jasper. What were they doing here? Alice waved, grinning a little though it wasn't as bright as Ember was used to seeing.
Confused, Ember dropped back down, unlocked the door and pulled it open. She didn't even get a chance to speak before Alice's arms were around her. "I am so sorry."
"For what?" Ember wondered, trying to relax as she adjusted to Alice's arms around her though not able to bring herself to return the embrace. "Why are you here?"
"I saw what happened last night, but it was too late." Alice continued, pulling back and holding her out at arms length. "If Edward hadn't gotten there…Are you sure you don't want Carlisle to look you over?"
Realization hit Ember like a smack in the face. All of the Cullens knew now, enough so that she had Alice showing up on her doorstep. What if it spread further? What if people at school found out? Surely, Bella would've heard from Charlie or she'd at least wonder about the officer outside. And the arrests were put in the papers, weren't they? She could feel Jasper trying to calm her, but as the world tilted around her, the calm he sent her way just seemed to get further and further away. Everyone was going to know about Mark. Maybe not the specifics but they'd know enough. And the Cullens all also knew what those men had done to her.
Absently, Ember registered that Alice was beginning to get frantic and the two vampires had moved further into the house, pushing her to sit on the couch. She was spiraling again as she sat there. Fear and dread and panic making a nauseating concoction of emotions that made her stomach twist violently.
A hand landed on her shoulder and the calm was able to reach her enough for her to realize that Alice had pulled out her phone and was now speaking rapidly into it, too fast for her to catch what was said, meaning it had to be one of the Cullens she was calling. Jasper had laid a hand on her shoulder to help calm her. The world was still tilting and her stomach was still twisting.
"I'm going to be sick."
And with that, she lurched off of the couch and just barely managed to make it to the kitchen where she promptly threw up in the sink, bile and stomach acid forcing itself up her throat. Cool hands were suddenly there, pulling her hair away from her face and holding it back as she emptied out whatever had been in her stomach, which had been very little if anything.
When she was finished, she turned the water on and cupped her hands to catch water and rinse her mouth out.
"Thanks," she murmured, turning to see who had helped her and hoping they didn't notice her embarrassment. But after what they knew, what could really be worse? Did she really think that them seeing her throw up was the worst thing happening in her situation?
Alice watched her, her eyebrows pinched and a frown tilting her lips downwards. "Of course. Are you sure you want to go to school today?"
"I have to." She answered, hesitantly. "If I stay here, I'll likely just be panicking all day. Plus, I think Charlie wants me to go."
"We can stay with you if you want," Alice offered, biting her lip and fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Ember frowned at the pixie like vampire. Was she nervous? It was strange to see as the girl had always seemed quite confident to her in the past.
"That's fine," she answered, glancing over as Jasper leaned against the arch between the kitchen and living room, his abilities finally able to reach her and calm her chaotic feelings. She sighed as she relaxed, the tension rolling off of her. "Thanks, Jasper. For all the other times as well." He nodded and offered her a small smile, offering Alice her phone which she took. She turned back to Alice. "Who did you call?"
"Carlisle," she answered, looking guilty. "I was worried."
"He heard what happened through the phone. If you feel you need to go see him, we can give you a ride." Jasper spoke up, watching her carefully.
"No, that's okay. I'm fine now." She answered, the idea of going to see Carlisle nearly overriding Jasper's influence. If she went to see a doctor about what happened last night, then there would be no chance of ignoring it all. "I just want to go to school."
And part of her wanted to see Edward, though she wouldn't admit it out loud. Before Alice or Jasper could say anything else, she snatched up her bag, grabbed a mint and hurried out the front door, waving at the officer across the street who nodded back in return before starting his car and heading home to get some sleep after staying up all night to keep an eye on her. Charlie had probably told him that he could leave when she left to go to school, which was just another reason that she could feel good about actually going. If she hadn't he probably would've wound up staying until Charlie got back or having to actually come check on her.
The day was cold and foggy. Overcast. Meaning it was likely to rain. She'd already figured that the Cullens would be in school as Alice and Jasper were out and about. The thought alone was strangely calming. She supposed it was because they were the ones she could trust the most. Out of everyone else, they'd been there the most, every time she needed them. And not just Edward - the thought of which had a small thrill racing through her - but the others as well. Esme had helped her when she got lost, Jasper had constantly helped her calm down when she needed it, Emmett had already played bodyguard with Jasper once, Carlisle had patched her up, and Rosalie had comforted her last night when she had really needed it.
She continued forward, Jasper and Alice easily having caught up and walking beside her, only to hesitantly stop when she noticed the silver car in the driveway. Though, she supposed it made sense. They had to have gotten there somehow and they'd mentioned giving her a ride.
Her heart skipped a beat as Edward suddenly materialized in front of her, pulling the passenger door open. "Do you want to ride with me today?"
His eyes sparkled with amusement and wariness as she watched him. His voice was uncertain. It was her choice, she realized. He was actually leaving the decision up to her. It was such an unusual offer for her that she had to take a moment more to process it. She wanted to ride with him, of course she did and it would admittedly keep her from being late to school, but she didn't want to cause him or the two vampires beside her to be uncomfortable. She also wasn't sure how she would react, sitting so close to him. But the night before, he'd kept her sane and together after the fact.
"Sure, thanks," She murmured, offering a cautious smile before stepping into the warm car. The door shut behind her and then Edward was suddenly sitting beside her and starting the car up.
Alice moved to lean into the passenger's side, still seeming nervous. "We'll see you at school, Ember."
"You aren't riding with us?" She wondered, instantly feeling guilty. She didn't want them to think that they had to split every time she was near. Or maybe they just didn't want to be around her too long. She was sure the emotional stress was hard on Jasper, not to mention the bloodlust.
"We just wanted to check on you. We still have a few things to get from the house, but we'll see you at school." Alice answered, grinning before linking arms with Jasper and then just simply disappearing with him. Ember couldn't help but frown, slowly buckling up as Edward pulled out of the driveway.
"I brought your jacket back," she started, moving to shrug out of it.
"It's fine." He answered, glancing over. "You don't have a jacket this morning, so keep it."
"Won't you need it?" Ember wondered and glanced over at him, taking in the fact that he himself wore no jacket, just a light grey V-necked shirt with long sleeves. Then again, he wouldn't need it for anything but appearances, though she herself knew how important those were.
"I thought you already knew about vampires," he responded, smirking over at her though she could see that there was a hesitancy to it.
"Well, I do, sort of, but you still need to appear that you get cold. Just like anyone else would." She murmured, pulling the jacket back on over her sweater. "I know what it's like to keep up appearances."
"I should be fine for one day." He answered, his voice tight and the enthusiasm in his eyes a little more forced than it had been. She nodded, wishing she hadn't mentioned it.
"Thank you," she suddenly said, not wanting the silence to drag on too long. "For sending Rosalie last night." He looked over at her and she quickly glanced down to stare at her hands in her lap. "For everything."
"It was no problem, Ember." He answered, his voice soft. His face was unreadable as they entered the lot and she suddenly remembered that his car was usually full with others besides just the two that had shown up at her - Charlie's house. .
"Where are the others? Besides Alice and Jasper?" She wondered, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Rosalie drove her car," he answered, sliding into the spot next to a glossy red convertible. "Ostentatious, isn't it?"
Ember didn't respond, bile rising in her as she recognized the car to be almost the exact same as Mark's had been. The one that he thought she'd ruined the day before she woke up in Forks, the one he'd nearly killed her over. The reminder had all of her emotions from earlier rushing back and it took her a moment to realize that Edward was watching her with concern.
"I'm fine." She murmured to ease his concern, shaking herself from those thoughts and looking forward through the windshield. "Just...I'm fine."
She grabbed her bag and climbed out of the car. She wasn't late anymore, Edward's speed preferences having gotten her there in plenty of time. Edward met her in the front of the car a moment later, his brows furrowed in concern as he glanced back over at Rosalie's car. He stayed close to her side as they walked onto campus and she was surprised at the urge to reach over and touch him, closing the distance between them.
She couldn't say it was something she had with many people or any really. Usually touching involved pain and she avoided that as much as possible. Especially after what happened the night before, it didn't make much sense to her.
Wanting to distract herself before she went too far down that road of thought, she turned to Edward. "Why did they take her car at all? They didn't have to leave just because of me. I don't mind sharing."
"Hadn't you noticed?" He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, though she wasn't sure if his lightness was still forced or not. "I'm breaking ALL the rules now."
"Still," Ember murmured, turning away to cast her eyes around the parking lot.
Bella stood by Jessica under the protection of the cafeteria's overhang and as Ember approached, Edward by her side, Jessica's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. Ember was nervous as she walked over to Bella, not sure what Charlie may have said to her or not.
"Hey, Em." Bella greeted, forcing a smile, probably for Jessica's benefit, and not noticing Ember's wince at the nickname. She didn't think she'd ever be comfortable with the nickname, but so far she wasn't comfortable correcting the brunette yet. "Charlie called me about last night." She glanced over at Jessica. "He was worried you might not be able to get the truck started. I honestly wasn't sure if you were going to come to school today."
Translation: Charlie told me about what happened with Mark and I'm checking in on you. Whether or not the brunette was checking on her to make sure she was okay or make sure no details were leaked, she wasn't sure. Regardless, the idea of someone else knowing even the slightest bit of what she'd been through was enough to get her heart pounding in her chest again and cause the world to start tilting.
Bella's eyes kept shooting between Ember and Edward, not seeming to notice the inner turmoil she was having, though Ember was sure Edward could hear her heart. Jessica seemed to have turned into a statue at this point. The title to the sculpture would probably be 'deer in the headlights'.
"Thanks," Ember answered, her voice a little strained as she tried to focus on the conversation. "I hope I didn't disrupt your time with Angela."
"It's all good." Bella answered, waving her off with a hand before she glanced at Edward again. "I'm glad to see you managed to find a ride."
Ember glanced over at Edward before turning back to Bella, her heart picking up even more. She hadn't thought that was possible. Was Bella upset with her? Was she not supposed to have ridden with Edward? Was she going to be jealous as all the other girls in school seemed to be?
"Good morning, Jessica," Edward greeted, nodding towards the girl in question. "Bella. Ember asked me for a ride last night as she knew you were going to be at a friend's house. I hope it's alright."
Ember looked over at him with wide eyes. She hadn't done that, had she? Well, she supposed technically she had, so he wasn't lying exactly. The random tangent of thought helped her to calm herself again and she was able to focus on the conversation as Bella spoke.
"Oh." Bella responded, seeming surprised but turning to Ember with a conspiratorial smile. "I see. Well, I'll leave you to it then. See you in class, Em."
"Sure." Ember answered, sounding uncertain even to her own ears. "See you then."
And with that, Bella grabbed Jessica's hand and dragged her off, Ember watching after them."What are you gonna tell her?" Edward murmured.
"What do you mean?" Ember wondered, turning to the vampire beside her. "Tell who? About what?"
He tilted his head with a frown. "Bella's waiting to ambush you after class. She's curious. About us."
At that information, Ember blinked in surprise. Edward could hear Bella? Wow, she really had changed events. And why would Bella want to ambush her in class? She hadn't done anything wrong lately. Did the brunette maybe find out about Ember sleeping in her bed and have an issue with it? The thought had her looking after Bella with worry, her heart speeding up in her chest. But then why did she let her sleep there all those other times?
A wave of calm cascaded over her almost as fast as the panic had set in and she glanced back to see the other Cullens approaching. She shot Jasper a thankful smile before turning to Edward, nodding towards where Bella and Jessica had gone. "So what does she want from me? Did I do something wrong?"
"She just has a couple of questions," He answered, his eyes narrowing on her. "Are you afraid of her?"
She sighed, not sure how to answer the question. Well, she supposed at this point, there weren't really any secrets between them anymore. Apart from one.
"Not exactly," she answered, biting her lip and looking down at her feet, fidgeting with the sleeves of her jacket. "...She makes me nervous. I never know what to expect. One minute she's being nice and the next it seems like she's upset with me. In my experience, when people get upset, I either get out of the way or get hurt. Usually the latter." She glanced up to see his mood had now completely dropped. Sorrow filled her as she realized it was her fault. "But, anyway, what do she want to know?"
"That's cheating, but I'll humor you." he answered, letting the other subject drop for now, though she was sure he wasn't going to ignore it forever. Or maybe he would. There was just no way for her to tell for sure.
She just stared at him, waiting and curious. He seemed to deliberate for a moment as they walked. They stopped outside the door of her first class and she briefly wondered how he knew her schedule.
"She wants to know if we're secretly dating." He said slowly. "And how you feel about me. She's happy to see what she observes as progress."
She stared at him, wide-eyed. That was it, huh? Talk about being nosy while applying a lot of pressure. "So, what should I say?"
WERE they dating? Was that what they had? The thought had her strangely happy inside. People passed by, going into the classroom and staring, but she did her best to ignore them.
"Hmm." He paused to catch a strand of her hair and tuck it behind her ear. She immediately tensed as her heart spluttered and a shiver ran down her spine. "I suppose you could say yes to the first...if you don't mind-it's easier than any other explanation. If you're okay with it, of course."
Ember felt her heart skip a beat at his words. Did that mean he wanted to date her? That he wasn't entirely abhorred by the idea? Did she like that idea for herself? Was she ready for something like that? And what did he mean it was easier than any other explanation? Was that the only reason he would be okay with it?
"Alright," she murmured, biting her lip and still puzzling over his words. "I don't mind that."
"As for the other question," One side of his mouth pulled up into a crooked grin that did interesting things to her stomach. It felt like her insides were on a roller coaster. Was she sick? Or was her nausea from earlier coming back? "...well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself."
And before she could respond, he'd turned and hurried off. Meanwhile, she was still puzzling over his earlier response.
"See you at lunch," he called over his shoulder and she nodded absently, ignoring the three people frozen in the doorway staring at her. Frowning to herself, she slowly walked into the class, settling down into her seat and setting her bag down. Bella sat beside her, Mike striking up a conversation with her, but Ember couldn't find it in herself to pay much mind to the two of them, especially if Bella truly did want to question her later about Edward and her.
Her lips tugged up into a small smile at that thought. Edward and her. It was something she'd dreamed about before as a fantasy and something she'd thought she would be forced to watch happen with someone else when she realized she was actually in Twilight, but now...He'd said she could tell people that they were dating. Though she'd have to build up the courage later to get him to explain it more, for now it was enough to keep her afloat.
Whenever thoughts of the night before tried to overwhelm her, she'd just focus on how she felt about what Edward had said. Yes, she did want to be able to say they were dating. Or most of her did anyway. But she couldn't help but be nervous. What would that entail? Would people treat her even worse? Though, she supposed that didn't exactly matter, since so far she'd already lived through worse. Last night was a testament to that.
She quickly shrunk away from those thoughts, turning them instead to the strange flutter that her stomach did every time she thought of Edward. Was that normal? She didn't think it was her being sick since it only happened when she thought of Edward. He'd startled her earlier when he brushed her hair back, no one had ever done that and certainly not as gently as he had. And he'd been there for her. More than anyone else ever had been. She supposed if it was him, it couldn't be too bad. Right?
Mr. Mason called the class to order then, asking them to turn their papers in. Ember froze, her heart dropping and her blood freezing. She'd forgotten to do the paper! She'd started it, but she didn't think that would qualify for a good score. But it would be better than a zero. What would Charlie say? Would it be like when she got a bad grade at Mark's? The thought almost had another panic attack coming on and struggling to ignore the symptoms, Ember quickly searched through her bag for the assignment. What she found was so startling that she just stopped for a moment, eyes skating over the paper in front of her.
It was her assignment. Sort of.
The only difference was it was a finished assignment, but she was fairly certain that she hadn't finished it. So who did? Her eyes snapped towards the classroom door. Had Edward finished her assignment for her? When had he had the chance? How would he even know she hadn't done it? Frowning, she moved to put it back in her bag, only to have the teacher take it from her hand as she passed. Frantic, Ember turned back to the teacher as he passed. She couldn't submit and assignment she didn't finish herself! But, alas, it was too late.
What if she were caught? She was certain Charlie wouldn't be okay if he thought she was having someone else do her homework and it would only feed Bella's ideas that Ember was only playing the part of the victim. Frustrated and deciding she already had plenty on her mind, Ember just shook her head. Whatever. It was one paper. She could easily play that off as a mistake if necessary, right? She hoped so.
English and then Government passed in a blur as she worried about the paper and what might happen when she spoke with Bella. Luckily, it kept her mind off other things that she didn't really want to think about. It wasn't until she walked into Trig that it fully dawned on her that Edward had said he was going to listen in. Why would he do that? What if she did things wrong? What if he was unhappy with her responses?
Biting her lip, Ember went to sit beside Bella, who moved her backpack from the chair beside her, having obviously saved it for her. She absently noted that they had a substitute that day. Now what? Did she just wait for Bella to drill her with questions? How did things like this usually work? She knew how gossip worked, having had to put on that false face several times, but she'd never done the whole boy talk thing, let alone about a guy she might actually be interested in.
"So, Edward drove you to school," Bella started, saving Ember from her spiraling thoughts.
"Yes," Ember murmured, frowning. That was fairly obvious and she'd always taken Bella to be more intelligent than that. "What about it?"
"What happened last night to warrant that?" She wondered, nudging her shoulder. Ember had to work not to flinch away.
Sifting through her memory, Ember struggled to remember what she'd told Bella about Edward driving her home. Oh, right. "He helped me with my essay and drove me to Charlie's house."
"Our house," Bella corrected and Ember turned to look at her, shocked. Did that mean that she was allowed to refer to it as such? Was Bella actually telling her that it was her home as well or just correcting her on the correct terms to use in public? She really hoped it was the former. "And how did you get home so fast? Charlie said you got there super early."
"There wasn't much traffic. I honestly didn't notice we got back so early. I got distracted." Ember answered, turning to copy the board and hoping it would stop her from dwelling on thoughts about the previous night.
"How long was he there last night?" Bella wondered, her expression softening. "Does he know about…?"
Ember bit her lip. How much should she share? "He left with his parents before things…escalated."
Seeming to sense that Ember didn't want to talk about that subject anymore, Bella continued. "So, was last night a date? Did you tell Edward to meet with you? I thought it was strange you didn't want to go see the water with how excited you were down at La Push."
"No. I wasn't expecting to see him there." Ember responded, frowning to herself. Was that how dates worked? Or would that have been an exception?
"Are you going to see him again?" Bella wondered as Ember continued to scribble out mathematical equations, not entirely paying attention to what she was writing. She would proof read it later. "Is this like a thing now? Are you seeing each other?"
At that, Ember turned to frown at Bella, trying to figure out just what the brunette was asking. Well, she would start with the easiest question first. "He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday. It didn't sound like he was talking about a date. He just said your truck wouldn't make it and he didn't want me walking. Does that count?"
Bella frowned, nodding a little. "Sort of."
"Okay, then I guess I'm sort of going to see him again outside of school." Ember answered, still a little confused on the complexities of dating.
"Has he kissed you?" A voice piped up from behind them. Ember whirled around to see Jessica sitting behind her. She was practically falling out of her seat to listen, her expression carefully arranged to display only excited curiosity.
"No." Ember answered, turning back to her work. "I don't think it's like that."
She knew that kissing was eventually an aspect of dating, but she still wasn't sure if that's what she was even doing with Edward. All she knew was that he said it was the easiest explanation. Besides, she wasn't even sure if she wanted him to kiss her. Or how she'd react if he did. Though, the thought made her stomach flutter again and she was definitely curious what it would be like to kiss him.
"Do you think Saturday….?" Bella wondered and Ember closed her eyes for a moment. She was beginning to get frustrated and she wasn't even sure why.
"I seriously doubt it." Ember answered.
"What did you talk about?" Jessica pushed in a whisper. The substitute wasn't paying close attention as he wrote equations on the board. They weren't the only ones still talking either.
"Lots of stuff," Ember responded, pressing a little too hard into the paper with her pencil. Did she have to keep answering the girl behind her? Jessica was Bella's friend and she still wasn't sure what her relationship with Bella was. Ember cared about the girl, but her experience with family was that they were always above her and they got to decide what she did, who she did it with and everything else under the sun.
Was that why Bella wanted to speak with her? Was she not supposed to be hanging out with Edward or the Cullens? Did Bella want her to stop? It hurt to think about. She didn't want to stop seeing the Cullens. So far they were the only people she'd ever felt completely safe with.
"Please, Ember, give me some details!" Jessica begged.
"I don't know what you want to know," Ember answered, nearly snapping at the girl as she turned around to face her. "He helped me with my essay and drove me home."
"I want to know why you're holding back," She answered, leaning forward. "He's unbelievably gorgeous. There is no way that is all that happened with him last night!"
"Jess…" Bella hesitantly murmured, frowning at Ember who at this point was slightly shaking. "Maybe back off a little."
"Don't tell me you're not curious, Bella." Jessica continued, scoffing a little. "I mean, there is a million things I would do to that boy if I could just get an hour alone with him. You seriously believe there wasn't even a kiss?"
"It doesn't matter what I believe." Bella answered, glancing at Ember. Ember frowned at that. Did that mean she didn't believe her? It wasn't exactly a yes or a no.
"You do." Jessica continued, her lips turning up into a smirk. "You believe nothing happened because there's no way he could be that into her."
"I didn't say that." Bella protested, but Ember didn't miss the flash of guilt on the brunette's face.
"It's fine, Bella," Ember cut in, shocking Jessica quiet. It seemed the girl had actually forgotten that Ember was there. "It's probably true anyways."
Bella looked like she was going to say something else but was called up to solve an equation on the board. She shot Jessica a look that Ember wasn't entirely able to decipher before heading up.
"So you don't think he likes you?" Jessica continued, no longer even trying to sound nice about it. "As in, he's still available?"
Ember couldn't for sure say that he liked her and she couldn't for sure say he didn't. "Just stop."
"If he doesn't like you, then why is he hanging out with you so much?" Jessica demanded.
"I don't know." Ember muttered, trying desperately to focus on her work, but failing. She wanted Edward to like her even if she wasn't sure she was ready to date, she wanted to feel like any other girl. She wanted to have someone she was sure would care for her no matter what. Someone she wouldn't have to walk on eggshells around or constantly fear punishment from, someone she could trust enough to just be herself with. And that was why she was getting so frustrated with Jessica and Bella's questioning, she realized. Because she knew it was something she couldn't possibly ever have. She was beyond repair.
"Obviously, you like him." Jessica continued, oblivious to the damage her words were doing. Or maybe she wasn't. Ember wasn't entirely sure when it came to her. "What girl doesn't? But you're seriously saying he hasn't kissed you or anything? The one girl he's paid any attention to in all the time he's been here?"
"Yes, that's what I'm telling you," Ember answered, fighting tears as she again tried to focus on the equations in front of her. "Because it's the truth."
"So, are you a virgin then?" Jessica continued to prod, leaning forward more and continuously glancing up at Bella who seemed to be a little stuck on her problem.
The question hit Ember hard. It was something she'd tried very hard not to think about after Mark had brought those men to the apartment. It seemed small, until it wasn't. No, she wasn't a virgin. Because it'd been taken from her. One minute she'd had it and the next it was just gone. And it hadn't just been one person, it'd been several. She'd never wanted to speculate on the connotations of it.
Jessica seemed to get more excited as Ember didn't respond. "You aren't, are you? Give me the details. Who was it? Was it Edward? No, it couldn't be. You'd be bragging about it by now, I'm sure." Jessica paused before a mean grin split her face. "That means it was someone else. That's why you don't want to say anything, isn't it? Because you know that he probably won't want anything to do with you. You're damaged goods. He seems like the type to wait for marriage. Why else wouldn't he want to date?"
"Jessica, just stop it. Please." Ember practically pleaded, managing to get the words out without her voice breaking, though she felt like she was breaking on the inside.
Those were all points she'd tried very hard not to think about. Especially now that she almost had the one thing she'd truly wanted within reach and yet she knew it would never be hers. The thought was almost enough to break her control over herself and she quickly wiped away the stray tear that fell down her cheek.
"He definitely won't want anything to do with you when he realizes that you're just another slut. No matter what face you put on." Jessica continued mercilessly, grinning even wider.
And there it was. Out in the open. She was a slut. It was one of the things she'd never wanted to admit to herself, but it was true. And now that Jessica knew, Ember was sure the rest of the class would know soon as well. What would the Cullens think? They'd abandon her for sure. And Edward…he was listening right now. If he hadn't put it together before, he certainly had now. And Jessica was right, he would want nothing to do with her in the regards of dating or being anything more than whatever it was they were at the moment. The thought had the tears falling, though she kept her mouth clenched tight to hold in the sobs that wanted to escape.
"So even if you are dating, it won't be for long." Jessica continued, glancing at the board as Bella finally began to make her way back to them. "Not after he finds out."
Bella sat down and immediately took notice of Ember's state. "Em, what happened?"
"Don't call me that!" Ember snapped out before she could reign herself in. Bella looked shocked and turned to Jessica who merely shrugged. The anger instantly fizzled out as she realized what she'd just done. "I'm sorry."
And she was. She was sorry for everything. She was sorry that she was no good to anyone, that she couldn't control herself the way she should, that just her presence hurt people. And she was sorry that she didn't know how to fix it and still be happy herself.
"It's okay, Em…ber." Bella answered after a moment. "I didn't know that it bothered you."
"No, it's fine." Ember corrected herself, her voice breaking at the end. "Call me whatever you want to."
She tried in vain to pull herself together for the rest of the period, but every time she was close to managing it, Jessica's words swam through her head and started the tears all anew. For the most part, she just kept her head down, letting her hair shield her face from view. By the end of the period, she was sure she would have to redo all of her trig work as her tears had made the graphite smudge and most of it was unreadable. By the end of Fourth period she'd cried all of her tears and her headache had grown with a vengeance.
Ember slowly filed out of the classroom behind everyone, surprised to find Edward leaning against the wall and waiting for, presumably, her. Was he there to tell her to leave him and his family alone? Did he even care about what Jessica had to say? She shook her head at that. Of course he cared! How could he not? That was almost enough to bring the tears back, though thankfully Edward spoke and drew her attention away from her thoughts.
"Hello," His voice was careful and gentle. He'd definitely been listening, though it still wasn't clear if he was just going to let her down gently or tell her to take a hike.
"Hey," She answered, her voice breaking a little. She wasn't sure what else to say. It wasn't normal for her to have such conversations with people. Generally, they decided she was horrible, told her so, and left her or decided to torture her for it.
Edward didn't say anything either, so the walk to the cafeteria was silent. When they entered, it felt like the entire cafeteria turned to stare at them at the same time. Ember sighed and glanced down, fighting back tears again. She was sure they all knew by now. How could they not?
A wave of calm rolled over her and her head snapped up to find the Cullens table. She was a little shocked to find that they were all watching her as well, their expressions full of what she thought was concern. So they didn't know then? They must have heard everyone else talking about it.
Ember followed Edward into the line, not really paying much attention to anything but him. Or trying not to anyway. She could still feel the stares burning into her back, still hear the voices she was sure were damning her in some way. Edward kept shooting quick glances at her, his expression speculative and something else. She thought it might be uncertainty.
Patiently, she waited for him to pay for the food he'd piled onto his tray, dreading the conversation she was sure they would have. Was that the last time she was going to see him? She was thankful for Jasper. He kept sending her enough calm that she didn't have a meltdown right there and then. He was probably the only reason.
Edward led her to the table they'd sat at before, ignoring or oblivious to the table next to them blatantly staring. Ember, however was not and quickly dropped her head as she sat down in the chair, holding her bag in her lap and fiddling with the sleeves of Edward's jacket. She absently wondered if he would notice it missing if she decided to keep it. If it was the last time she'd see him, she wanted something to remind her later.
"Take whatever you want," he said, pushing his tray towards her.
She startled, looking up at him, wide-eyed with surprise. He'd gotten it for her? So did that mean that he wasn't telling her goodbye? That he didn't care about what Jessica had said?
"I'm not that hungry," she said quietly. Well, she was, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep any of it down. It wasn't going to help her at school if she threw up all over the table and Edward Cullen in the middle of lunch.
"You're eating habits are atrocious, you know." He said, his tone carefully neutral.
She just glanced down at her lap, not sure what to say. When she looked back up, he was glaring at something over her shoulder. The fury in his gaze froze her for a moment, her heart skipping a beat before she was able to turn to see what had him so upset. Jessica was sitting at a table a ways behind them, giggling with Lauren and a few other girls. Ember quickly turned away as they pointed over at her, tears pricking behind her eyes. She could probably guess what they were talking about.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," she murmured, moving to grab her bag and leave.
"Don't leave." Edward pleaded, his eyes concerned when she turned to him. "Please, don't leave. Not until you hear what I have to say."
Ember was still very tempted to leave. It might be easier on her. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he was going to say to her, not if it was going to hurt more than her deciding to leave on her own. But then again, she would always be wondering then wouldn't she.
She nodded and settled back in her chair, looking down at her hands in her lap. "If you're going to tell me to leave you and your family alone, then just tell me. Please."
Edward was silent for a moment, but Ember refused to meet his eyes. "What makes you think I would ask that of you?"
"You heard what Jessica said." It wasn't a question.
"Yes, I did." Edward answered, frowning in puzzlement.
"That's why." Ember responded, hoping he would understand. That she wasn't going to have to explain it all and actually admit it out loud.
"I don't understand." He admitted, seeming guilty that he didn't. "Why would I want you to leave because of that?"
Ember was quiet for a moment, having to take a deep breath to steel herself. "What she said is true, Edward. Technically, as my parent and legal guardian, Mark was able to give consent for me. Meaning, technically, everything that those men did, they did with consent. So what Jessica said is true. I'm a slut."
Just saying it out loud was almost enough to have her break again. For a moment Ember felt bad for Jasper who must have been working double time to try and help her keep herself standing instead of collapsing to the ground in a ball of misery.
A loud crack echoed throughout the cafeteria and Ember was sure she wasn't the only one who startled. The entire room fell silent as everyone tried to figure out what had made the sound. They didn't have to wonder for long as Rosalie stood from her table across the room and swiftly began to cross the cafeteria. Ember couldn't help the flash of fear as Rosalie stormed towards her, her face contorted with fury. What had she done wrong?
But the blonde continued past Ember and Edward, stopping and planting her hands on Jessica's table. "You need to stop it."
"Rosalie, h-hi." Jessica stuttered, offering a nervous grin as she suddenly had the attention of everyone in the cafeteria. "Stop what?"
"You're being shallow and mean and you need to back off. Everything you're saying and spreading around about Ember is false. Just rumors and gossip." Rosalie spat, glaring furiously. Jessica actually shrunk away from her. "If you don't stop, than you'll find out how much of a bitch I can be when you threaten my friends. Do we understand each other?" Jessica simply nodded as the blonde pushed away from the table. "That goes for everyone else too."
Ember could only stare wide-eyed as Rosalie turned and made her way over to her, the cafeteria slowly getting loud again as everyone began discussing what had just happened. Why had the blonde done that? And she classified Ember as her friend? Was that what she meant? It didn't seem like it could possibly be true. Ember had never had any true friends before. This town was truly turning out to be a completely new experience for her.
"I won't stay long," Rosalie told Edward, sitting in a chair beside Ember and turning to the brunette. "But you need to hear something and you need to hear it now. What happened wasn't okay, it isn't your fault, and you most certainly didn't consent to it. You were raped." Ember tried to drop her head down, but Rosalie quickly caught her chin. "No. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you need to accept that fact if you're ever going to move on."
"Rosalie," Edward growled in warning.
"No, Edward. You asked me to help her and this is the first step." Rosalie cut him off, looking over at Ember, her gaze softening a little. "It's hard, but you need to accept it. You can't change what happened and you can't blame yourself. It will consume you until there's nothing left. You are most certainly not a slut, no matter what anyone might tell you."
"You're wrong." Ember knew she was about to break so before Rosalie could say anything else, she pushed away from the table and hurried out of the room into an empty hallway, not bothering to grab her bag.
She didn't get far before a cool hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her to a stop. Edward gently pulled her around to face him, though she refused to look at him.
"Ember," he murmured, voice velvet soft. "Please look at me."
She shook her head, tears spilling over and down her cheeks for the umpteenth time that day. "No."
"Why not?" She didn't answer, just continued to shake her head. When he spoke next, his voice was almost inaudible. "Do you truly believe that I don't care for you?"
"How could you?" She whispered brokenly, her voice breaking. "I'm nothing. Just some inconvenient little girl who is never going to matter. I'm never going to be like all the other girls. Even if I could be the girl who wants you more than anything. Even if I could trust myself enough to show you everything, it still would never be the way it should be. How could it be?" She felt as though she were going to shatter as soon as he left her there, which was inevitably what was going to happen. He deserved better than someone like her. "Just being near me causes you more problems. You'd always have to pick me up time and time again and I'd still be more broken each time. I get scared every time I make a mistake, no matter how small. And yet I still want to feel like I matter. More than anything. But I don't matter." He was silent as she cried, his eyes troubled. "I'm damaged and I can't promise that I could ever not be. How could someone like you ever want anything to do with someone like me? How could you ever want to touch me in any way at all? It should disgust you to even look at me."
She continued to look down, sobbing quietly and knowing the pain she felt than would be nothing compared to how she would feel in a moment. The silence dragged on, but she refused to break it and refused to look up. If he wanted to leave, she wasn't going to stop him.
Finally he spoke, his tone gentle. "You're wrong."
"How could you possibly know that?" She demanded, finally looking up. His golden eyes were piercing as he watched he. She was scared to believe it, but her heart stuttered painfully and she desperately wanted him to be telling the truth.
"You don't see yourself very clearly," he murmured, raising his hand hesitantly, conflict raging in his eyes before he very carefully and very slowly trailed his fingertips down the length of her cheekbone. Ember startled, but Edward didn't remove his hand, his eyes intent on hers as he continued his path down until his hand gently cupped her jaw. Ember couldn't for the life of her guess at what he would do, but found that she was suddenly nervous and a little terrified, her heart racing in her chest.
He slowly leaned forward until his face was inches from hers, his eyes never straying from hers, seeming to gauge her reaction. Ember for her part found she was having difficulty breathing with him so close, but wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Part of her trembled at the idea of being so close to someone as she was one to usually keep her distance, but the other part was strangely excited though confused.
Just when she thought he was going to close the distance between them, the bell shrilled from behind her, startling her. Edward closed his eyes, his brow furrowing in frustration before he gently placed his forehead against hers, his skin cool against hers.
"Later then," he murmured almost to himself, his breath washing gently over her and her heart still pounding in her ribcage. "Bella wants to speak with you."
Ember was still scrambling to fully grasp what had just happened when his cold, marble lips suddenly pressed very softly to the skin of her right cheek. All thoughts flew out of her head as she tensed beneath his touch, his fingers gently caressing her left cheekbone as he pulled away, watching her with gentle eyes as he wiped the last of her tears away. Her breath left her in a soft exhale, not sure how to feel about everything yet and overwhelmed, she struggled to find the words to say.
"I'll see you in biology," Edward said instead, brushing his fingers across her cheekbone one last time before turning and walking away just as students began to exit the cafeteria.
Ember wasn't entirely sure how to feel about what just happened as she watched Bella walk over to her. But as the brunette walked over to her one thing coalesced to make sense in her mind. Edward cared about her, to some degree anyway. And she cared about him. More than she'd ever cared about anyone before, more than she'd thought was possible. Her affection for him was no longer just a crush, but more. So much more.
There you go! A new chapter! :) Yay! Let me know what all of you think. Also, just letting you all know, I know that Ember's thoughts on her father being able to give consent for people to do that for her is not right at all and is not legal. But she doesn't believe that. Just a heads up. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter.