Poisoned Apples Chapter 10

Disclaimer: NOPE.

A/N: OMG I fail. So, I promise to finish this story. I can't promise that I will update frequently, but I 100% promise not to abandon this story. For anyone who is still reading, I hope you enjoy!

Previously:

Hours later, when Kate finally fell asleep, Castle slid quietly out of bed with a soft kiss to her forehead.

"I love you too." He whispered as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

Sunlight streamed through the richly colored curtains to fall gently on the bare back of the sleeping woman in Richard Castle's bed. She stretched languidly, not quite bringing herself into the land of the living. In the peaceful silence of the early morning, Kate Beckett found bliss. Her body relaxed further into the thousand-thread-count sheets, a small smile graced her face, and she relished in the comfort of her boyfriend's smell coming from his vacant pillow.

Wait, vacant?

Kate shot up to sitting, the sheets falling from her body as she frantically took in the room. Peaceful to the eye, but she knew something was wrong. The events of the past 48 hours came rocketing back into her mind. The case, the fight, the hospital, last night…

"Castle, no!" She whispered to herself.

Kate jumped out of bed, half-heartedly holding the sheet up to cover her body even though her modesty was not high on her priorities at the moment.

"Rick!" She shouted, hoping he was just in the bathroom or brooding again in his office. The responding silence of the house stung Kate and she hastily threw on her clothes from yesterday, tripping over her lover's discarded sweats in the process.

"Dammit." Kate swore under her breath as she caught herself on the dresser.

She rushed into the living room, slipping slightly on the cold hardwood in her early-morning disorientation.

"Castle!" Her eyes darted around the empty room, searching for any clue as to where he went. "Castle, come on."

The loft taunted her, soft creaking from neighboring apartments, early morning traffic, all conspiring to send her launching herself across the room towards the faintest sound. But no. She couldn't think like that. Even after the other day, she needed to keep her hopes up that he wouldn't run off into the oblivion of stupidity because the alternative was too terrifying, it hurt too much. No, she would find him somewhere in the loft. Passed out from alcohol in the guest bedroom, sleepwalked into the kitchen, or staring off into space on the roof, she was going to find him.

"Castle!" She tried again, her feet taking her upstairs. "Castle, answer me!"

Rounding the corner, she noticed Alexis' door was cracked open and sighed as relief flooded her body. Alexis always slept with her door completely closed and the only person who ever left it open was her father. Kate stepped quietly, avoiding the habitually creaky spots on the floor and gently pushed the door open to peer inside. Her heart broke at the sight that greeted her.

Almost statuesque, Castle sat in the shadows, his gaze fixed, unwavering on Alexis' softly sleeping form. The air was still between the two, Castle's only movement in the small, rhythmic twitching of his fingers every Alexis took a breath. As her ribs expanded and collapsed, her father held his breath, releasing as she did, taking comfort in the basic knowledge that his child was alive.

Kate sighed as she fully took him in. The deep bags under his eyes told her he'd never really fallen asleep with her last night, and he hadn't bothered to put on a shirt with his sweatpants – a subconscious move of modesty he always performed when entering his daughter's room. He looked like he simply zombie-walked his way to her room; drawn by what Kate prayed was a desire to see a pure and beautiful result of his bloodline.

"Rick." She whispered with a gentle hand on his shoulder. To her surprise, he didn't jump at all. When he didn't turn to acknowledge her approaching, she assumed he was too lost in thought to notice, but of course he had. He would always notice her presence.

"I used to do this all the time." He murmured. "When she was little, Meredith had just left us, and I would try to go to bed, but I needed to know she was okay. So I'd come and sit and just watch her sleep."

"Well it's nice to know the staring issue is chronic." Beckett quipped lovingly. She beamed when the ghost of a smile graced his face. Her hand slid down to his and she gently tugged on his arm, urging him out of the chair so they could talk and not wake the sleeping teen.

"She caught me doing it again once when she was older and said it was creepy." He remembered as they walked down stairs and settled on the couch.

"She was right." Kate replied.

A calmer silence set over the room and Kate kept her hand resting in Castle's. Usually, if she needed to talk, the best way was to sit while she thought about a million things and hope that a couple spilled out. Castle was a master of doing it to her; perhaps it would work on him as well.

"Do you think it matters?" He finally whispered.

"Does what matter?" She asked, somewhat knowingly.

"Who he was." Castle said. "What he did?"

"No." Kate responded earnestly. "I told you last night, Rick, you're not him. You will never be defined by him and I will never love you any less for his actions." She paused. "But I think the more important question is, does it matter to you?"

"How could it not, Kate?" He sighed dejectedly.

"That's not what I meant, Castle." She quickly amended. "I know it does, of course it matters, I just…I don't want you to think that this changes who you are."

"I'm scared, Kate." He admitted. "I'm scared that there's a part of him inside me that I won't be able to control…I hurt you…I know it was an accident, but I did it and I can't stop being terrified I'll do it again…or worse."

"Castle, it was an accident." She insisted. "I'm not going to lie, I was scared too, and you might make more mistakes, scratch that, you definitely will, but you are not a cold-blooded killer. You know that right?"

His lack of response chilled her to the core.

"I think about it all the time, Kate." She blanched. "Every murder I write, every time I put myself inside the killer's head, a part of it gets easier and easier and it scares me. I…I can't." He moved to stand, but Kate pulled him back to the couch. Instead of fighting her like she expected though, her efforts sent him over the edge and he fell into her shoulder, trying in vain to hide the fresh flood of tears.

"I can't, Kate." He cried. "I can't do this."

She felt her own eyes brimming as she held him, her fingers clutching into his back, trying so hard to reassure him that she wasn't going to run this time.

"He's targeting." He heaved. "He's going after anyone related to him and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to my mother, to Alexis…I can't protect them from someone I don't know, Kate."

"We'll, find him, Castle, I promise." She insisted into his rumpled hair. "We'll find him before he hurts anyone else."

"You can't promise that."

"Yes," She replied determinedly, "I can."

Yay! We'll be getting back to the case in the next chapter and there are both lovey and super dramatic turns ahead for our OTP! Reviews make happy feelz. Thank for reading, guys!