"She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did."
~Markus Zusac

Chapter Ten

From Place to Place

Nanao, for the first time in weeks, was pulling herself back together. It had taken some time, but she was beginning to find the strings that had once held her spirit in place. They were a little tangled and torn, but not unsalvageable. All she needed was a roll of tape and a tube of glue; with some time and a few more wishes, everything would hopefully gain a semblance of normality. Her life was a jumble of childhood crafts, all of which could be cherished in the end. At least, that is what she hoped.

A weary sigh slipped through Nanao's lips. Positivity was something she had lost long ago. All that remained was hope, and currently, that was the only fuel she was running on. After discovering the reality of her condition, she had died, although not in the way one would expect. All signs of life—the glitter in her eyes, the glow of her smile, the flood of warmth in her skin—it had simply vanished. Sadness, a malignant ghost, hung over her head like a stop sign.

It haunted her, just like the objects that were scattered along the hardwood floor. They were all puzzle pieces of a life she had once lived, one that was now lost to the wind. In sadness, she brushed a stray pen. It had been a gift, or rather, a foolish mistake. Years ago, it had fallen out of a pocket within Shunsui's pink haori. After scowling at his stupidity, she had picked it up, suddenly claiming it as her own. She had never questioned its original ownership, as more likely than not, it had come from another division. Oddly enough, Nanao didn't care. She liked the pen; simply because it had came from Shunsui. It had been apart of him, and now was apart of her.

Now, the whole memory seemed irrelevant. She was leaving her Taichou and the Eighth Squad forever. After retiring from the meeting days before, Nanao couldn't stop crying. It had been completely uncharacteristic of her, hence the reason why Isane thought something had gone terribly wrong. Of course she had been correct. Everything was wrong. Her life was gone. She was an emotional wreak. Happiness, an emotion that once seemed tangible, was now unattainable. She had six months—no, four months left before she was left on the streets. That was going to be the result of he transfer. Four months was hardly enough time to get back on her feet, let alone learn how to fight and control her power again.

Nanao flicked the pen across the room. She ignored the pain within her hands, allowing worry to fill her veins. For the first time in her life she felt empty. There was nothing to control or hold back. Before, her spiritual energy always threatened to burst, but now there was nothing, not even a spec of dust. She was devoid of life, which made everything hurt at an increased level.

A noise must have slipped from her throat, as Isane suddenly appeared within the room. She looked at Nanao with pity before quickly walking toward her side. "Are you alright? I told Unohana-Taichou that you weren't ready to pack, but she insisted that there was no time to wait."

Another miserable sigh exploded throughout the air. Nanao glanced at the floorboards, finally remembering what she had been assigned to do. Hours after the meeting, she had been told to prepare for her transfer. That only meant one thing; she had to pack all of her things within the Eighth Division. Normally, she would have been happy to return to her home, but now, that had changed. It was a symbol of change, one she desperately despised. It was far too distracting, attempting to hide all of her belongings within cardboard. Especially in a room that reminded her of Shunsui.

His presence was everywhere—on the scratched floorboards, the empty bottles which lined the walls, and the poems and pens that were scattered about like splatters of paint. The room, the office in which she was stationed, seemed to scream his name. It was difficult to deal with and Nanao didn't know what to do. She was supposed to hate the man, yet missed him more than ever. It made no sense and she was beginning to drown in confusion.

"Nanao?" Isane said again in a worried tone, "are you alright?"

When Isane's fingers came into contact with Nanao's shoulder, she was forced to talk. It was impossible to remain silent forever. Otherwise, she would appear crazy, and she wasn't prepared to accept that. "I'm fine."

"I don't think you are," she said after pausing for several moments, "you haven't touched anything in awhile."

It was true, Nanao hadn't touched anything for several minutes. She was surrounded by random objects, all of which held an incredible amount of importance within her mind. Memories seemed to dance throughout the air, and it was almost unbearable. If she had any other choice, packing would have been her lowest priority. Anything was better than dealing with the wounds within her mind. They still were bleeding, sucking life out of her at an unimaginable speed.

"I'm just tired." Nanao said slowly. She starred at the ground, willing all of the objects to suddenly disappear.

"I told Unohana-Taichou that you weren't ready. How about we return to the Fourth Division? We can clean up this whole mess tomorrow."

"No, I can do this. I just need—"

Isane cut her off. It was annoying, but there was nothing she could possibly do. "Help? That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but I'm not entirely sure that you are ready to do this."

In reality, Nanao didn't have a choice. Time would continue to move with or without her. Doing nothing would only burn away the seconds she had left. It would be best to move forward, as that was the only way she could survive, let alone see another day. "If I finish this now, I won't have to come back later. This is for the best."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Nanao stated with weariness.

Isane sighed and shook her head. "Alright. Let me see what I can do to help. No one will be watching the door, so stay put. I'm sure Kyoraku-Taichou won't come for a visit, but you never know. I don't think he's one for following the rules."

The only thing Nanao could do was nod as Isane slipped out of the door. It was better, far more convenient, remaining alone. That was the only way she could deal with her emotions without feeling like a complete and utter fool. Crying during the meeting only generated weakness, and she had vowed never to make a public display again. She didn't want to be treated like some sort of war veteran or pathetic child. There were people who had been through far worse. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of one.

Instead of mopping around in self pity, Nanao put herself to work. Ignoring the flares of pain that occasionally attacked her body, she moved around and collected an assortment of items scattered throughout the room. She found some books, stray papers, and messages from friends. Most of her belongings were garbage, but she couldn't bare to see them thrown away. She needed something that elicited warmth in her life. If paper managed to generate a few smiles, it was worth more than any treasure that could be found within Soul Society.

Of course, the silence Nanao had grown accustomed to quickly faded. In a matter of minutes she heard whispers and the scuffles of feet. She glanced at the office door, hardly failing to notice the shadows that stretched across the floorboards. Frustration quickly flowed throughout her veins. She didn't need recruits spying on her daily activities. It was enough dealing with the pained glances of every Taichou. She looked pathetic and it was difficult to admit.

Rather than remain incredibly quiet, Nanao chose to speak. She may have lost her position as Lieutenant, but that did not mean she wasn't one to trifle with. "If you want something, I suggest you ask. Otherwise, I will be forced to report each of you to a superior officer. This area is off limits."

The whispering immediately stopped. Nanao prepared herself for a confrontation, but was surprised when nothing occurred. Instead, she was greeted with something much more deadly—a feminine shriek and an enormous hug.

"Nanao, you're alive! Oh, I knew you were alright! I told Hitsugaya-Taichou he was wrong!"

A pained groan slipped through Nanao's lips. She could hardly breathe, let alone think with Rangiku's arms cutting off her circulation. It was, without a doubt, her crazy friend. She was the only person to run screaming into a room without warning. It was foolish, but she should have known who was hovering outside of the door. Isane said that she was retrieving help, although she never thought it would come in the form of a close companion.

"Please," Nanao said weakly, "let go, Rangiku. I can't breathe."

"No! I won't let go! It's been weeks and you nearly died!"

Frustration seeped through Nanao's skin. She wasn't in the mood to deal with her friend's antics, not after what she experienced. "If you don't release me I'll die! Now let go! I have things to do."

"But, Nanao—"

"Now."

Rangiku slapped Nanao in the arm lightly before freeing her body completely. "You haven't changed a bit!"

Of course, she was completely wrong. Nanao had changed; she was no longer a naive girl who believed the world was filled with good. She had seen evil and interpreted the look within its eyes. Darkness was everywhere, even within the people you loved. Before she had fought against the idea, but now, it had become ingrained within her very skin. Rangiku had never seen the face of darkness, and therefore could not see the transformation that had occurred. Nanao truly hoped she never would.

A large breath of oxygen filtered through Nanao's lungs as she glanced toward the door. For a moment, a surprised expression consumed her features. Momo Hinamori stood within the room alongside Isane. A small smile was stretched across her face. She was obviously amused by Rangiku's antics and she could see why. The woman was bouncing around the room, snatching fistfuls of Nanao's belongings as if she owned them herself.

"You might want to calm down, Rangiku. How do you know that's even her stuff?"

A snort exploded throughout the air. "I highly doubt Shunsui would read a book. He's too busy obsessing over Nanao, right? Look—here's some poetry depicting the colour of her hair."

If it was possible to suddenly become ill, Nanao could describe the feeling. Her stomach lurched at the mention of Shunsui and the silly gifts she once received. Getting help was one thing, but unearthing depressing memories was another. It was sickening, realizing how he may have felt. It only enforced his betrayal at another level, one she did not want to think about.

"Hey, why are you so pale? I know you don't get sun, Nanao, but this is a little far for you." Rangiku said in a light and airy tone.

Nanao's heart sunk. One thing abruptly became apparent: her friends didn't know what had happened. Sure, they understood that a mission went horribly wrong, but they did not know the details or implications. If they had, there would be no joking around or laughing foolishly. In fact, she was certain there would be no talking at all. A silence filled with understanding would have taken over the room. A connection would have been forged unlike any other.

"I'm sorry," Momo snatched Nanao's shoulder and was starring deep into her eyes, "she doesn't know what happened. Your case was highly classified until this morning. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen. Seeing you was her top priority."

"I'm in the room you know!" Rangiku yelled, looking completely confused. It wasn't long until Isane pulled her outside and began explaining the entire situation. Nanao was thankful—she couldn't picture describing what had happened again.

"How do you know?" Nanao whispered, glancing at the floorboards.

"I was debriefed after the meeting."

"Why?"

Momo smiled sadly. "You are being transferred to the Fifth Division. I had to know."

"I see." Nanao said softly, surprise once again filtering throughout her veins. She hadn't been told were she was going to live after being removed from the Eighth Division. Unohana-Taichou believed she wasn't ready to deal with the information. Surviving one step at a time was all she had been concerned about. Unfortunately her plan had backfired. Now Nanao knew everything.

"Aizen-Taichou thought you would be a great addition to our division. He knows how talented you are, Nanao. Kido masters are rare, especially in this day and age. Just think about all the good you'll do once your spiritual energy returns! It will be amazing."

Remaining silent was all Nanao could do. In all honesty, she didn't know what to think. The Fifth Squad was fine, but she doubted that it would ever become her home. It was far too different from what she was used to. It was strict and housed those who could fight with great skill. There was nothing she could contribute to anymore, not with a lack of power.

"Please don't worry, Nanao. You are in great hands—Aizen-Taichou said that himself."

"I think you hold far too much faith in my abilities, Momo." Nanao finally stated with difficulty. She suppressed another onslaught of tears.

"How so?"

"I-I'm not good anymore." Nanao stuttered, slipping over her words. She blinked rapidly and forced her emotions to remain in check. She couldn't cry—not in front of her friends. "I'm sick."

"That's not true! You're great!"

"N-No, I'm not."

Nanao had always been the strong one. Ever since becoming a Soul Reaper, she remained standing on two feet, pushing everyone forward. In many ways, she had been a beacon of light. Now, her independence had faded, and she was no longer the woman she used to be. Rangiku couldn't see it, but Momo could. It was terrible to admit, but certainly true.

"Nanao, don't cry," she said, leaning forward for support, "you're strong. You'll be alright."

Those few words were enough to destroy everything. She didn't mean to cry, but couldn't help it. The past few weeks had been torture. It was a miracle that she continued to live. She didn't deserve to be strong, not after everything that had occurred. Weakness dominated her now, and it refused to leave. It was apart of her skin, bones, and DNA. If she fought against it, she would only fall apart again.

A sob slipped through her lips as she sunk to the floor. Momo managed to catch her, but that didn't stop the tears from flowing. "I'm sorry," she whimpered in-between watery gasps, "I'm so sorry."

"No, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

As Nanao cried louder, her friends returned to the room. Isane whispered something to Rangiku before she ran forward, throwing herself onto the floorboards. She wrapped her arms around Nanao's disabled form and whispered words of reassurance. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know! We'll make everything better, okay? In four months you will be perfectly alright. You'll kick ass again, I promise! Just sit down and rest—we'll take care of everything. The packing will be done in no time. Wait and see!"

Despite Rangiku's words of wisdom, she had difficulty becoming calm. For some reason, she had to cry and release tears in an unwarranted mess. For the longest time, she had bottled her emotions inside. She refused to feel because she was afraid of getting hurt. Now, she was wounded and could finally understand why. She had loved Shunsui—not like a simple friend. She had loved him—his smile, his laugh, and the warm look within his eyes. She had loved his hands and the way his cheeks flushed in the afternoon light. She had loved his stupid jokes, quirky explanations, and his foolish pink haori. Everything about the man made her head spin in circles.

When she had seen him in the clearing, he had stolen her heart. Betrayal had ripped through her body like a lightening bolt and she had become unbearably angry. If Nanao had confronted her feelings, she would have never gotten hurt. Her love for that stupid man destroyed her life. Now, she could no longer live with herself. She was truly sorry, and that was why she remained sprawled across the hardwood floor.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone! Exams are scheduled to start next week, so it has been difficult to get a new chapter released. Despite being incredibly busy, my sister and I managed to create this for you guys. It's not filled with action, I'm afraid. This segment builds up tension and creates another dimension to Nanao's character. We truly hope it's alright!

We would like to thank everyone supporting this story! You guys are awesome! Feel free to leave feedback; it's always appreciated.

*Our family is moving in two weeks, so if an update is late, we both apologize! There might not be any internet for a few days.

~IronEclipse
-TeaAndWarmSocks