A/N: Okay, the reason behind this chapter taking so damn long, was first, the intense research I had to do to make all the facts come together, combined with me finishing it the first time, then my computer losing it, and then I had to re-type the whole thing from my memory. It wasn't easy.
I've also decide to dedicate this chapter to "Dana". I did read your comments and loved them. Thanks for sticking around waiting for my slow ass to finish this.
Serene
Ahnger Series
Chapter Ten
My eyes fluttered open and my vision focused so that I was able to see around the room. The black, silk curtains covered the windows, blocking out the maddening sun. I was so glad that the sun's rays couldn't touch my skin. Even though sunlight wouldn't set me on fire and fry me into a marsh mellow, it still bothered me. Hell, it would bother any one in the morning. I didn't know one person that wanted to be woken up by the sunlight. Its called deep sleep and being woken up was not fun. I wanted peace and quiet. I wanted time to think.
The pain in my heart still felt raw. In my mind I saw Jason and when I saw him, my heart felt like it was about to snap in half. It would clench tightly, like a fist trying to squeeze all the juice out of a lemon. Except with this, it felt like all the happiness was being taken away from me.
I didn't understand why Jason hadn't told me that he was a vampire hunter. Then again, how come I couldn't realize it? Did I seriously miss some obvious hints? This was ridiculous! How could I not recognize any of the clues that had come running in my path?
Anger swelled inside my body and tears began to form within my eyes. Sniffling, I brought my arm up and wiped the moister away. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to hate Jason. I had to hate him. Now that he was a hunter of my new species, I couldn't like him. I wasn't supposed to like him. He was evil. He had and would kill more of my people. It wasn't right.
Hate him. Hate him.
I tried to convince myself that I should, but so far it wasn't working as well as I hoped it would. Why couldn't I just hate him like I wanted to? Why couldn't I just tell myself that I hated him? I could, but it wouldn't work. I wanted to believe it but my heart wouldn't let me. Every time the word hate came into my head, my heart began to clench again. Lightening would shoot through my veins and burn my lungs. Air would be foreign. All the hair on the back of my neck would stand up, leaving me breathless and scared shitless.
Shutting my eyes tightly, I opened my mouth and screamed, hoping that I would shatter the windows like some opera singers could do on make-believe television.
When I screamed I felt all of my emotions swirl together and become one huge monster, a monster that could consume me in an instant. Fuck, I wanted the monster to eat me. Then I wouldn't have to feel this way. I wouldn't have to feel anything for Jason.
Why did I feel for him? Why did I feel like I had to be with him? It was all too confusing. My brain wanted him gone but my heart wanted him here. I couldn't let that happen. If Justin or Brandon died because I let Jason into my life, I'd never forgive myself. I would blame myself for everything because it really was my fault. How could I have ever thought that Jason and I could be together? When we saw each other it was just a fantasy, a story. I despised this.
Justin had found me first but did that give him the right to say that he loved me and that we were meant to be together? No, it didn't. It was complete and utter bullshit.
Love shouldn't mean anything. Love shouldn't even exist. It screwed with people's emotions and it capable of ruining someone's entire life. It should be taboo to love. I hated love.
Love. Had I been in love? So what if Jason took my virginity, it shouldn't mean anything.
A soft, gentle rap on the door cut off my thinking. Turning my head towards the door, I watched it open slowly.
Justin walked inside with one hand behind his back. Once he was in the room, his foot closed the door behind him. As soon as the door shut, I sat up and stared at him. He smiled, flashing his pearly white teeth.
"Hello baby, did you get a good night sleep?" He asked tenderly, as he walked over to the bed and sat down next to me.
"Yeah, I suppose." I replied, lying back down on the bed.
The pillows cushioned my head and suddenly my eyes felt heavy. But before I could process another thought, I felt lips against my temple and then forehead.
Cracking my eyes open, I saw Justin poised above me. We made eye contact and I seemed entranced. His eyes were remarkable. They reminded me of polished gems, completely filled with emotion. I couldn't ever imagine a time where they weren't filled with anything. It was like they were dotted with a black inkblot. I could find myself staring into them for hours… days… weeks… months… maybe even years.
They made me wonder, made me curious…
"Justin… have you always had black eyes?" I asked quietly, not wanting to fully interrupt the magnificent serenity that had fallen between us.
His lips lifted into a smirk. He knew something I didn't.
"Charlotte was my blood mother." He stated plainly.
I raised one eyebrow and glared at him. What the fuck was that suppose to mean? Was there something I wasn't catching? Clearly there was.
"Yeah, she was mine as well. What are you getting at?" I asked, as I started to get annoyed with his teasing.
Justin continued to smirk. "So if she is my blood mother, what does that make me?"
I eyed him carefully. Was this some kind of sick joke? Or was I too stupid to understand what was going on.
"You're a fledging." I said, tilting my head a tiny bit to the side.
He chuckled and smiled. "Good. So if I was a fledgling then I would have been born a…" He trailed off and waved his hand in the air, waiting for me to finish the sentence.
"Human?"
He clapped and nodded. "Nice job!"
His sarcasm was such a bitch sometimes. I felt the urge to slap him across his face, but held back, knowing that he'd either get anxious or angry from it. I decided that it'd be in my best interest not to try his patients. Justin wasn't really well known for that.
I stuck my tongue out at him playfully. He grinned and reached out to stroke my lips with his thumb.
"So are humans born with black eyes?" He asked.
His thumb was distracting me and it kept from me answering his question. I felt him finger caress my bottom lip and then move up to the top. It was like I was under his control and he could make me do anything. Parting my lips a wee bit, I waited for him to lean down and capture mine. I was breathless and begging to be kissed. Why couldn't he just close the gap between us and end my misery? It was torture and he was making me suffer. God, how I wished I had mind control so I could force him kiss me. Right now, I'd do anything for a soft kiss. Anything. Even a peck of would be fine. But no, he was tormenting me and it seemed like he was enjoying it.
"Serene, answer the question, are humans born with black eyes." He persisted stubbornly.
I shivered as he said my name. Hot damn… his voice was like a drug. Once I was high on it, it seemed like I could never come down. My eyes fluttered shut and I took a deep breath, to try and steady myself.
"No they aren't. It's not natural." I finally managed to say.
Justin smiled evilly. "So if I was born human, then how did I get black eyes? How indeed."
I narrowed my eyes at him. Fuck this! I didn't know these things, which was why I was asking! Being fooled around with made my blood boil. I simply wanted to know if he'd had black eyes forever and what do I get? This long question for question answer!
Justin burst out laughing as he stared at my frustrated face. I had a feeling he would get a kick out of my aggravation. Moister started to form in the corner of his eyes as he continued to laugh. I didn't think it was that funny. Male pleasure, I'll never understand it.
"Alright," he chuckled, "I'll explain to the best of my ability." Wiping the tears out of his eyes, Justin cleared his throat. "Hopefully you know that vampires are just enhanced humans, more so with the males than females. We are advanced with both hunting and eluding capture. So sneaking up on us would be virtually impossible. Our ears are able to pick up the most sensitive sound waves. Heartbeats can be detected so all you have to do is listen. The more focused you are on finding your prey, the better chance you will be able to hear their heart.
Along with our ears, we have our observant eyes. This is one of our most valuable features and it can be one of our major flaws. When we are changed, blood lust instantly hits us in the gut and our pupil's become hyperdilated, which makes them appear black. The feeling is ten times worse then getting hit in the balls. Through the ages, it has been a tradition that men hunt and protect the family while the women breed and care for the young. History has always been perceived as this, so this isn't my twisted logic as many people think it might be.
Even though we feed, our blood lust never truly disappears. There is always the pulse inside our body, the silent scream dashing through our minds; our canine's elongating without permission, and our defense system roaring to life. There is a never-ending ache uttering the sweet words of the satisfaction reminding us what we'll get if we hunt. Blood is the essential life force, as it is for any vampire, but for a male, the feeling that you experience is only a minor side affect we encounter. It's like a tick embedded deep inside our skin, the ones you aren't able to fish out.
Yes, it true that we can go out in sun light, it won't harm us internally, but our eyes acquire the worst punishments. Its common knowledge that when we are outside during the daylight hours, our pupils contract so that only a small amount of light can penetrate our eyes. Common logic also says that when it's nighttime, our eyes expand to let more light in so we can see in the dark. It's like looking into a flashlight; you undergo a horrendous strain right behind your eye socket. This renders us effectively blind in daylight.
If you've heard of mind over matter though, then you'll know it's simple to overcome the excruciating agony.
Going along with all of our heightened senses, our smell is extremely acute, as we have double the receptor cells in our noses. In fact, we can usually smell a human long before we see one."
I raised an eyebrow as Justin came to a finish. In return, I was returned the same gesture. "Does that make any sense?"
I nodded lightly. "I'm just confused on a couple things."
"Oh?" Justin spoke in an interested tone.
"Yes, that whole eye thing. Why do the pupils dilate?"
"Okay, in short, the pupils dilate because of the blood lust that is caused by the vampiric gene which is infused with our human blood when we are turned, or when we're born. The blood lust is always there, though it is mostly at very low levels, if we keep ourselves fed."
I sighed. "Thanks but you're a better author then a power point presentation." A girlish smile crept across my face as I tried to tease him.
Justin winced at the flirt and I saw his eyes grazing up and down my body. I couldn't help but flush with embarrassment. When his head jerked back slightly, it looked like he was giving himself a mental slap. His body swayed forward at mine and it didn't seem like he was conscious of what he was doing. Then blinking abruptly, he became aware that he was leaning slightly in my direction. His eyes zipped and we made contact. Inside my body, I felt shy.
The look he gave me created butterflies within my stomach. The heated glimmer nearly melted my insides. My stomach started to cramp up and my lungs stopped pumping. Not even the finest chocolate had this affect on me. It reminded me of any young teenage girl fantasying over the smoldering hot Brad Pitt. Air around me seemed to freeze so I could no longer breathe. Justin made me feel wanted and this was all new to me.
Jason, should I forget about him? What we shared? What had we shared, an obsession? Maybe, I'd never know.
I didn't want to think about Jason, I couldn't. Just his name alone made droplets of moister bead in the corners of my eyes. Crying was for the weak and if you were frail, the world would snap you in half like a toothpick. I wasn't a toothpick. They were puny and tiny. I wasn't. I wasn't ever going to be feeble and pathetic. Jason had been a crush. Yes, that was it, a high school crush, and those were meant to be forgotten.
Shoving my high school crush out of my head, I gazed at Justin. The intentions in his eyes were clear. He wanted something. Craved something other the blood, but just too proud to specify it.
Closing the distance between us, I leaned my head up and pressed my lips against his. At first, Justin didn't kiss me back. Had I surprised him?
Then without warning, his firm hand was pressed on the back of my neck, pulling my closer. The soft, seductive kiss soon turned into a heated passionate one. His lips were demanding and forceful. I felt myself go limp in his grasp and I let him take complete control. My lips were swollen and tender from his rough kiss, but I didn't want him to stop. If he stopped, the world would shatter into a trillion pieces. Inside me, the butterflies had disappeared and my shame dissolved like vapor. It was possessive and gentle, as if he was confused between what to feel.
Wrapping my arms around my neck, I jumped into his arms, adding to the confusion and helping him decide what he wanted.
The blazing red numbers on the alarm clock burning my eyes. Since when did those things get so damn bright? It was five in the morning and I didn't want to be awake. It was too early. Even the birds haven't started bitching and waking people up. If the birds weren't awake, then I wasn't suppose to be either. Shutting my eyes, I tried to find my place of calmness. Only after a minute did that moment of peace disappear. My stomach gurgled in an odd fashion. It wasn't something I was use to, so it took me by complete surprise.
Sitting up, I tilted my head down, looking at my stomach as though something was about to burst from it, spilling my blood on the bed sheets. I anticipated this. For a while, I gazed down at my belly, but to my disappointment, nothing pierced through my skin. It did continue to rend me helpless with the disturbing noises it was creating. Could this be a stomachache? Had I eaten something upset it? No, I would have remembered if something I ate had tasted something expired. So it couldn't be that.
I sat for moments on end, pondering all the possibilities. I kept glancing at the alarm clock, waiting for it to get up and start dancing. Smiling at that thought, I laid back down and put a hand over my tummy. Applying the necessary pressure, I tried to see if I could feel anything abnormal. Nada. As far as I was concerned, this was just a normal upset stomach. Not to say that it was easy to deal with, it kept me from falling asleep.
Closing my eyes, I tried to distract myself. When I was younger, my mother would have been at my side within a heartbeat, soothing my pain. Her hand would have been caressing my forehead softly, her fingertips stroking away stray strands of hair away from my eyes. Her thumb would brush across my temple and massage the right one generously till I felt myself becoming so relaxed that the stick inside me would dissolve instantly, as if it had never been there.
Distraction was the key. If I could manage to take my mind off of the horrendous, irregular, almost demonic noises that my abdomen was streaming out. It just creeped me out entirely. I have never gotten abrupt stomach pains before.
The feeling of a butterfly drifting up my esophagus made me sit up within a second. Closing my mouth, I felt scared. My diaphragm felt like it was pushing up my stomach and all the fluids were rising up, begging to be free from my bowels. Oh shit.
Rushing to the bathroom like a pro-athlete running the 100 mete dash, I flipped off the toilet seat faster then an alcoholic could take a cap off of an ice cold beer. The second-rate white plastic cover creaked in protest. The poor thing had nearly been torn off by my antics, but like I gave a good goddamn.
If I hadn't gotten that toilet seat up and out of the way it would have been drenched in fowl smelling bile. I wasn't able to contain it. My stomach pushed up again and my throat burned as the acidic horror sloshed into the poisoned, yellow, chunky water below. I felt my eyes tear up from the fumes of the puke. The immediate effect of unions came to mind. Those beastly things could even make the terminator tear up!
I whimpered. Puking my guts up was never the light of my life but seeing as I had no control whatsoever over it, my guts were screwed.
Breathing deeply, I inhaled as much air as my lungs could muster to hold. The atmosphere was damp and heavy, grasping the scent of vomit. It lingered in the oxygen, depriving me of the very thing I needed at the moment. But this wasn't even the worst, no; it had yet to come.
Barfing was practically the simplest part. That was the point where you were able to upchuck digested food, water, acid, and grime. Once all those necessities were gone, you were at the mercy of dry heaving. Now this was the worst part. After everything you've accomplished already, after all of your energy had dispersed, your body still felt like there was something inside disagreeing with your stomach, something that was foreign and didn't belong there. But the fact was that there was nothing left to hoist up and out of your mouth. There was nothing. Zip. Zero.
I waited for the moment that my tummy would become deceived. For a mere second, I thought that maybe this time, the hell of dry heaving wouldn't happen. But as soon as that thought crossed my mind, a burped and gagged. I tried to force out whatever was left. All I got was spit.
Sinking down further on the cold floor, I groaned. "Why me?" I asked out loud, not fully expecting someone to answer me.
"I have a theory."
I took me what seemed like centuries to just turn my head back to look over my shoulder. I hadn't even heard footsteps of the rustle of carpet vs feet. Justin had once again proved to be silent. Maybe I wasn't able to hear him because the sound of bile against toilet water had drowned it out.
"Ugh." I moaned painfully. The feeling of talking didn't seem to keen with me.
Justin bent down beside me and placed a hand on my lower back, showing comfort. The soft pallet of his palm warmed a small patch of my skin. The warmth spread out and ignited my skin so I was no longer cold. "I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I'm going to tell you anyway."
I protested by groaning, shutting my eyes, and turned my head away. He hit the nail on the head. Listening was the last thing I wanted to concentrate on. "Fucking get it over with." I snarled.
Justin rubbed his thumb up and down my back, caressing me, trying to ease some of the pain away. "Have you ever heard the theory that unexplained and unexpected morning sickness could very well mean that a fetus is growing inside a women?"
I eyes bolted open. They were wide with tension and fear. "Are you trying to say that I'm pregnant?" I didn't need his nod or his curt reply. Holy shit. Pregnancy.