Chapter 10

Sharon woke and instantly sat up, she was trembling and breathless her body damp in a glistening sweat. It happened again, the nightmare, the same one that woke her every night. It had been three weeks since she had left the hospital and she had not slept properly since; every night she would be woken by the same nightmare that was so vivid that it jolted her from the deepest sleep. Her physical injuries were almost healed but it seemed the psychological wounds would take longer to repair. Looking at the clock she sighed knowing that despite the early hour she would not be able to go back to sleep, she pulled back the covers and quietly got out of bed deciding that a mug of tea would help her unwind.

As Andy turned over he became aware that he was alone, he felt her side of the bed, it was cool meaning that she had been up for a while .His heart sank. He knew why she wasn't in bed; it was the same nightmare, persistent and unforgiving and he could do nothing to stop it. He found her curled up on the sofa clutching a mug and staring blankly, she looked exhausted and all Andy could think was how much he wanted to make everything better; erase the memory and stop the nightmare that so cruelly plagued her.

"Couldn't sleep?" asked Andy softly, she simply shook her head in response. He sat beside her on the couch and put his arm around her shoulders drawing her to him, she snuggled in resting her head on his chest.

"It will get easier" said Andy and placed a kiss on the top of her head and slowly stroked her back.

"Will it? Right now it doesn't feel like it will get easier" Sharon admitted. She couldn't imagine a night where she wouldn't be woken by the same vivid flashback over and over, the feeling of those hands around her throat squeezing the life from her as she gasped her last breath…she shuddered at the thought.

"Trust me sweetheart it will. You just have to be patient. "Soothed Andy, he didn't know when the nightmares would stop but he wanted to reassure her. Sharon moved and sat up placing her now cold tea on the coffee table and let out a frustrated breath.

"Patient? Asked Sharon and turned so she was facing him "Andy I have been nothing but patient. I don't want to be patient anymore. I want to be able to go to bed and sleep without waking up so frightened that I spend the rest of the night replaying the whole horrible situation over in my head thinking of what I could have done differently. Maybe if I had been paying attention I would realised someone was behind me sooner? Could I have fought harder in the parking garage? Could I have tried to harder to escape? She dropped her head and looked at her hands.

"Sharon there is no point in beating yourself up about it now" he put a finger under her chin and lifted her head so he could look her in the eye and know she was listening." You were amazing, you fought for your life and look you're still sitting here. You won"

"But did I Andy?" replied Sharon , her eyes full of emotion " Sure Perez may have not killed me but Andy you read Jenkins file you know that he liked his victims to live so they would spend the rest of their lives reliving what happened to them. Here I am doing exactly that. I can't move on, can't sleep, and can't do my job all because of him. He won Andy not me"

"Well if you keep that attitude then of course he has won. The Sharon I know would never let some scumbag win" Andy got up and walked to the kitchen and filled the kettle. Sharon digested the words he said. He was right, she was letting Jenkins win but she didn't know how to fight back.

"I don't know how to win this one Andy" admitted Sharon folding her arms feeling self conscious at her admission, this all felt alien to her. Andy placed his hands on the counter and dropped his head, he hated seeing her like this, so defeated, he was mad at Jenkins, mad at Perez, hell mad at the world for letting this happen to her she didn't deserve it. He so badly wanted to go back and stop it all from happening but he couldn't, right now all he could do was be there for her. He continued with the tea before he replied,

"I'm no expert Sharon but would you not be better talking to someone about it? Like a professional I mean. It helped me, it helped Rusty maybe it will help you? He suggested as he poured tea in to two mugs.

Sharon thought over his words as she watched the steam rise from the mugs engrossed at following the patterns it made before getting up and walking toward him. She wrapped her arms firmly around his waist and put her face to his neck breathing in his scent; this was one of her favourite places. She knew he was right, she had thought about seeing a therapist but she was scared, scared that if she talked about it she would have to relive it all over again and she didn't want to. But wasn't that was she was doing every night she thought. Wasn't this why she was standing here at 5am after only a few hours sleep, she had to stop allowing Jenkins to slowly destroy her life. She had forgotten him once before and she would do it again. She pulled back and looked in to Andy eyes, those eyes she loved so much. She leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss on his lips showing him just how much she loved him ; he responded quickly and pulled her closer, seconds later they pulled apart slightly breathless.

"Your right Andy, I will see someone about this and get my life back to some sort of normality" she said before placing another kiss on his lips.

"I know you will sweetheart" replied Andy with a loving smile.

"Thank you Andy, you don't realise it but you being here makes this so much easier, I love you"

"There is nowhere else I would rather be. I love you to" smiled Andy and placed his forehead on hers and held her happy that he was at least doing something to help but wishing he could do more. Sharon stood with a new found strength determined to put an end to the relentless nightmare she had let control her for too long.