Dear diary,
She hates me, or so she says. A part of me can't stop thinking about what Enzo had to say though. Could she really hate me because she doesn't hate me al all? I don't know how I missed it. No, that's a lie. I know how I missed it, after all the signes were there and even Lexi (who was on the other side) saw it. I was just too stupid and blind to see what was happening right in front of me.
To her I was worth it, but to myself I was nothing. Elena had picked my brother, and after the same situation with Katherine all those years ago I guess a part of me was afraid. Falling in love has never worked out in my favor. If I let myself have those feelings for her, for my best friend, and things didn't end well it have killed me. Maybe that's why I didn't let myself see it, but I should have.
She thinks if I felt anything for her that I wouldn't have left. What she doesn't know is that she was the only one that could have brought me back. Leaving was best for me, wasn't it? And if I had answered any of her calls or listened to any voicemail she left, I would have dropped everything and went back. Maybe leaving wasn't the best choice, but I felt alone and I needed to see what was out there. Maybe I should have came back when I gave up, but I wasn't taking straight. I should have know Caroline would have been there for me though it all, and I should have been smart enough to let her.
If I would have just seem it. If I would have let myself open up to her more. Everything might be different. She might not hate me. I might not be alone in a small apartment wishing for her to forgive me and be by my side. I have a lot of making up to do, but I know one thing I won't let our friendship be over. She is right it is my fault that it is ruined, but I won't lose her. I can't.