CHAPTER X

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I startled awake, feeling as if I was being choked to death. I immediately gasped for air and looked around, my hands clutching my blades and holding them in front of me, ready for someone to attack. It was utterly dark and I had no idea where I was, and I scrambled back, but gasped again as my back hit something hard. It was cold and I turned around, facing a stone wall.

A stone wall.

The cave.

The Hunger Games.

I sighed and closed my eyes, shaking my head at myself. The last time I woke up this disorientated was the night that Eridan was reaped. A shiver went down my spine as I realized that my Reaping was only a few days ago.

As I sat up, I thought about his Games. How he had killed the other remaining tribute. Now I understood why he was so shocked. No, shocked wasn't the right word. Petrified of himself. Horrified.

Because of the adrenaline of yesterday, I hadn't had that much time to think about what I had done. The fact that I had taken someone's life. Someone's son. Someone's brother, friend, maybe boyfriend. Now all I could see when I closed my eyes was his face. The blood spluttering out of his mouth on my face. The look on his face once he realized he wasn't going to live. That he wasn't going home.

I thought about Eridan's last advice when he came to say goodbye the day I got reaped. Don't let them change you into a monster.

Well, that certainly hadn't gone well.

I gathered my stuff, my eyes more adjusted to the dark, and went to stand up. It was time to move. I didn't want to stay at one place for too long, keeping in mind that the Game Makers would find that boring and perhaps do something about it to spice things up. I didn't want them to make the cave collapse with me in it.

Out of my backpack I grabbed the night-vision glasses and put them on. I walked outside, slowly and cautiously, looking around me for any sign of danger. A tribute? A mutt?

Nothing. I stood still, wondering where to go. I had enough water and food, so I didn't have to hunt. I pursed my lips. I knew the Careers were still on their own tribute hunt; not one cannon has gone off since the Bloodbath. So would it be safe to go out there now?

No, it wouldn't be safe, but I had to get moving anyways. Eventually, I decided to go to the Cornucopia. Once the Careers were back, I'd be able to observe them.

I went to walk into the forest, always being on my guard. It was still dark and every once in a while I heard the hoot of an owl.

The walk towards the Cornucopia would take me approximately two hours and it started as rather uneventful. The only things I stumbled upon were rabbits, squirrels and once I even caught a glimpse of a doe between the bushes.

The pack on my back was heavy but it gave me the feeling I was well-armed, should a tribute surprise and attack me. As I walked in the forest, I practiced grabbing my twin blades from my back, twirling them and immediately standing in fighting stance twice, to make sure it'd be my first instinct when I was in danger.

And I wasn't in any danger for an hour, walking warily through the forest, scanning my surroundings continuously. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a faint, warm light several meters away from me. I quickly hid behind a broad tree and turned my head around it to look.

Somewhere, I expected it to be torches of the Careers, but no one was talking loudly like they would; I could only hear the crisping of fire. I rolled my eyes. This tribute had just done the most stupid thing he or she could do in the Games.

I didn't know why, but I walked closer, trying to think of what I could do now. As I came closer, I saw it was the female tribute from District 8, trying to warm herself up. She didn't seem to notice that she was in serious danger now with the fire on, but she did look around frantically when a twig snapped under my feet.

Her eyes caught mine and they widened in fear. She immediately raised her hands as a peace sign. "Please don't kill me!" she said in panic, a little too loud, making me put a hand over her mouth in a reflex.

She gasped and winced and I immediately stepped away, realizing how terrified she had to be. I didn't know what to do. Should I kill her? She didn't do anything wrong, not like the boy from District 7. He had tried to kill me too, but this girl, whose name I also didn't know, was just trying to survive like me.

As I studied her face, I saw the confusion and cautious hope falling over her face when she realized I was hesitating. I shook my head. "Be quiet," I whispered a little annoyed, "I'm not gonna kill you."

She sighed in relief, then still eyed me warily. "Why?" she whispered back. "Where are your friends?"

I huffed. "They are not my friends," I replied, then pointed to the fire which was probably still catching the attention of what might be- according to the girl from 8, my 'friends'. "And for God's sake, put out that fire. You're drawing attention to yourself."

Before she could respond, I quickly walked away and left her. I heard the sound of a foot stomping down the fire, but didn't hear her move away. I mentally shook my head, but kept on walking.

Suddenly, a scream rang through the air and I froze. I turned around to where I was coming from- to where the girl was. "Please don't kill me, please don't kill me!" I heard her begging just like she did with me, but this time it was only met with laughter.

The Careers.

I panicked, had no idea what to do. I wanted to help her- she didn't deserve to die! I knew I couldn't beat them all with simply two blades. Clove probably had knives that could take me out from a distance.

I was still panicking and standing there, feeling tied to the ground when I heard the girl scream again in agony.

"Marina!" she shouted. "Marina! Please, help me!"

My breath got stuck in my throat and I froze.

She had called my name.

Fuck! I still couldn't bring myself to move. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Suddenly, I heard a low and dangerous voice booming through the air, saying "Find her!", and fight or flight instinct finally took over. I turned around and ran away, hearing the enthusiastic and anticipating shouts of them coming closer and closer.

I turned my head and was relieved to see that they weren't in my sight yet, but pushed myself to pick up my pace nonetheless.

I tripped over a tree's roots and fell face first into the ground. Of course it had to happen, I managed to think to myself. I grunted and went to stand up quickly, knowing they were gaining on me. I ran further and further, but my backpack was constantly sliding down my arms after the fall.

Suddenly I heard and felt a whoosh of air just by my ear and I ducked, then looked back with my head to see Glimmer standing still and aiming with her bow and arrow. Bitch! I dodged the next arrow and went to run in a lesser straight line to make it harder to aim for her, and it seemed to work because no other arrows were fired.

My sides were beginning to ache and my breathing became short and shallow. With a pang of fear I realized Cato had been right: I couldn't run forever. I was beginning to feel tired, while they were still gaining on me.

I started to look around while running and saw I was close to the forest's edge. I saw, I heard and I smelled water and turned sharply to my right to run straight towards it. Only a few more meters, just a few more, I told myself as I came closer and closer.

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my arm and I screamed in agony. I stumbled, but forced myself not to lose my balance and kept running. It hurt like hell and I looked at my upper right arm to see a knife embedded in it. I kept on running but tears started to well up in my eyes at the hellish pain it was causing. With my last strength, I ran out of the forest onto the rock ground, then dove into the river's water.

The water was cold as ice but I didn't notice it, the only thought in my mind was swimming away to the shore on the other side and the pain of the knife in my arm.

"Come on, aim Glimmer", I heard someone shout, but another voice shouted "stop it! let her go!". I think it was Hadrian. I hoped it was Hadrian.

An arrow flew over my head and landed in the water before me and I turned around to the Careers, relieved I was somewhat safe. The water didn't feel comfortable at all; it was that cold, even to the point I momentarily forgot the knife that had dug its way into my arm and was still there.

They couldn't do anything now to kill me and I saw them on the shore, disappointed. I actually managed to grin.

"Wanna come in for a swim?" I croaked out and saw Cato furrow his eyebrows into a deep frown. His whole body seemed tensed as he watched me silently. I wondered what was going on in his mind- he probably wondered the same about me too.

Clove twirled a knife in her hand and I realized the knife in my arm was hers.

My attention turned to Glimmer, who threw a death-glare at me. "You're dead, Four!" she called threateningly over the water, pointing at me. "We're gonna kill your treacherous ass and you'll wish you were never born."

I wanted to stick my middle finger out to her or to glare daggers, but suddenly I felt exhausted. Black spots disturbed my vision and I knew I had to get out the water quickly. I turned back to the empty shore on the other side and started to swim in a fast pace, though it was hard with my heavy pack on my back and the knife that was still stuck in my arm.

My arm screamed in protest as I tried to use it to swim, so I swam with only my left arm. After what felt like swimming for hours I finally reached the riverbank and climbed onto the rock surface with much difficulty. Never before had I hated swimming more than that moment.

I crept a little further on the land, but then my arms gave in and I fell face down on the ground. I groaned in pain and turned on my back, then tried to sit up. Finally I had the time to look properly at the wound the knife caused and saw how it had ripped my jacket where it was embedded.

From across the shore I could faintly hear Glimmer's voice and how she wanted to go after me, but someone else told her not to. When I looked up, they were slowly beginning to walk away- only Cato lingered.

Not being able to think something of the fact he was watching me struggle, I brought my hand to the hilt of the knife. As soon as I touched it I whimpered, already feeling the pain becoming worse. I gritted my teeth. This knife had to get out my arm.

I placed my hand around the hilt, biting on the fabric of the neck of my jacket to suppress a scream. Do it, Marina. Do it! Better quick and sharp than slow and agonizing.

I gripped the hilt more firmly and pulled the knife out of my arm, screaming at the tormenting pain. I looked at the knife, the blade covered with dark red blood, and dropped it to the ground. Tears were streaming down my eyes and I sobbed, the pain still tormenting but less sharp than before.

Carefully, I took off my jacket and winced as the fabric grated the wound. Once it was off, I braced myself to look at the wound and I froze as I caught sight of my arm. The wound was deep and even though the water might've cleansed it, fresh blood was already streaming down my arm.

I would bleed to death if I didn't stop the bleeding.

Doing what first came to mind, I grabbed the bloody knife to cut a piece of fabric off my shirt and wrapped the piece around the wound, trying my best to ignore the pain as I did so. Wrapping it around my arm with only one arm was annoyingly difficult, but eventually it worked when I held one strap between my teeth, knotting it tightly around my the wound to stop the bleeding.

I sighed loudly after succeeding and went to stand up and look for my pack, but immediately fell down to the ground and saw how the light of the rising sun faded more and more, until all was black.

Something that sounded like a bell made me wake up, and I groggily brought my knuckles of my fist to my eyes. I squinted against the light and firstly I became aware of the pain in my arm. I sat up and placed my hand over it, wincing slightly as I did so.

I looked around to see what the sound was, but gasped in relief as I saw a parachute a few feet away from me. A sponsor!

I crept on my left arm and knees towards the parachute and eagerly opened the case. Inside was a small can and a note:

'Apply thickly, anti-infection. Hold on, hun – Finnick'

I smiled and opened the can, which revealed a white cream, then unknotted the piece of fabric around my arm. The fabric was drenched with blood, but it at least helped to lessen the bleeding. I stood up and walked over to the water and lowered my arm all the way down into the water, cleansing it carefully with my other hand.

It still hurt as hell and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from groaning in pain. I went back to the sponsor gift and started applying the cream thickly onto the wound, like Finnick advised me to. The groan I tried to suppress escaped nevertheless as I touched the deep cut, but I determinedly kept spreading it.

After I washed the piece of fabric in the water and putting it around my arm again I went to search through my pack; everything was soaked. The food I had stolen from the Cornucopia was wet and almost inedible and the t-shirt I was planning on wearing was drenched with water.

I stood up and looked at the sky to find out what time it could be. I knew I hadn't been unconscious for very long, perhaps only a few hours, because I was still wet. Seeing the sun's location in the sky I realized it had to be late morning, maybe around 11 o'clock?

The rest of the day and the next one I spent on this side of the river, mostly wandering through the small forest and catching fish by the river.

It was on the fourth morning of the Games that I suddenly caught sight of flames and smoke on the other side of the river, making me part my mouth in horror. It appeared the Gamemakers finally let the tributes know they were still there, and making us realize that with only one move they could kill you on the spot.

That night I crossed the river again, then started walking to the Cornucopia, where Dara and I would meet in a few hours.

Luckily, this time the whole walk was uneventful and Dara was already there when I arrived. I nodded in greeting, but she only gave me a thoughtful look.

"They haven't returned to the Cornucopia since the fire", she said as she looked back at the empty field. I did a second take and realized it wasn't entirely empty; a boy was sleeping on the ground underneath the canopy. I couldn't see who it was because ot was dark, but it was definitely not someone of the pack.

"Who's that?" I asked, nodding to the boy.

"You haven't been observing, have you?" she asked in return, eyes narrowing. Then she eyed the fabric around my arm and eyed me again, slightly concerned. "What happened?"

"The Careers happened."

"How?"

"Stumbled upon the girl from 8 with a fire," I began and Dara rolled her eyes at the girl's stupidity. "Told her to put it out before leaving and a minute later they came, and she called my name for help."

"Darn", she said, pulling a face.

"Yeah," I nodded and went back to look at the pyramid. "So no stealing tonight?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid not," she replied. "The boy's from 3. He's been busy setting booby-traps around the pyramid. I don't know if they're activated or not."

"What?" I gasped with eyes wide. "Shit!"

She nodded and narrowed her eyes. "Give me your goggles," she almost ordered and when I sent her a questioning look, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "The night-vision glasses."

"Oh," I said and grabbed my pack from my back, handing the glasses over to her, "here."

She eyed the wet state of my backpack but said nothing and put on the glasses. "These are good", she said and I nodded, but we both focused on the pyramid.

"What do you see?" I asked curiously.

She tilted her head a bit, obviously thinking hard. "They aren't activated yet," she replied, sounding somewhat relieved. "They are only placed, but none of the mines are activated. Tonight might be a good time to see where the mines are exactly." She put off the glasses and handed it to me as she continued. "The Careers might be smart, but we're smarter. Come on."

And like that she tip-toed out of the forest, me following close behind. The boy from District 3 was still asleep, not noticing us at all. As we came closer we saw the spots where the mines were buried clearer and tried to avoid them by hopping over them, so that the next time when the mines were activated, we would already be ready for it.

Once we arrived at the pyramid we grabbed the same things as the previous time: food, medicine, water and an extra t-shirt. We left the Cornucopia for what it was and I followed Dara as she sprinted not to the forest, but down the hill to the lake.

"What are you doing?" I asked as we slowed down near the water. "Why aren't we going back to the forest?"

"Because the Careers are somewhere out there," she replied quietly. "I want to know why they haven't been back since the fire."

I shrugged and went to sit down on the grass. We both watched how the Panem symbol appeared in the sky and listened to the anthem, but there were no deaths. Since the girl from District 8 with the fire, no one died. I wondered if the Gamemakers were going to do something about that, seeing their fire this morning had been pretty much a fail.

There were thirteen left of us, the main threats being the Careers. I had been right about them: they were furious with me. Numerous of times back in the Capitol they'd warned they would kill me if I didn't join their pack, and I had ignored them and ran off.

I frowned as I thought about the knife Clove had thrown at me, my hand resting on the wound carefully – the dull ache of the cut was still ever present. Cato once said she liked me, so why throw that knife? My frown deepened. Clove could throw better than that: for all I knew she could've hit my back, making me die instantly. How could she have missed me... or did she do it on purpose? Probably not.

Slowly, the darkness was fading away and behind us the sun started to appear. Dara sat next to me in silence, probably also occupied by her thoughts, her brows furrowed and her lips pursed. I wondered what was going through her mind, but jolted up when the sound of a loud cannon boomed through the air.

Twelve tributes left.

I turned to look at Dara. "Wonder who that was", she just said and I nodded in agreement. I thought about praying that it wasn't Hadrian, Peeta or Rue, but I shook my head at myself; I didn't believe in a god. A god could do nothing in this Arena.

We sat there for ten more minutes when suddenly four people burst through the tree line onto the field. Dara and I immediately ducked and scrambled back a little down the hill, but kept on watching them with interest.

I could make them out pretty quickly and watched how Hadrian, Clove, Marvel and Cato all fell to the ground and groaned in what I assumed pain. I frowned and exchanged glances with Dara, who seemed just as surprised as I did. What on earth had happened? And where were Peeta and Glimmer? Which one of them had just died?

We were pretty close to them, and when I squinted my eyes I realized what might've happened. Ten years ago, I was only 7 years old back then, the Arena of that year's Games was full with insects. Poisonous spiders, ranging from so small you could barely see them to as big as a hand, numerous dangerous bugs and stingers.

"They've been stung", I said when I saw a stinger in Hadrian's hand.

Dara looked at me. "By what?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I'm not the expert here", I said, giving her a knowing look. Dara was the one who knew at least something about everything after all.

She just grinned and we both turned back to the Careers. They were still on the ground, grunting and groaning. I saw Hadrian trying to sit up and pull the stinger out of his hand. Then he brought his hand to his neck and pulled one out there as well.

I felt Dara nudge me in the side and I sent her a questioning look but she was already looking at something in front of her. I followed her gaze and saw Cato stumble away from the group.

"I'm gonna… get some water", he croaked out, and too late I realized he was walking – a little bit slower than usual – towards the lake, right where I was hiding. I looked around but saw no sign of Dara anymore; she had probably already taken off, thinking I was close behind.

I half walked half crawled away to stay low, but froze when I heard his voice.

"Marina?" I heard him behind me and was awfully surprised by the way he said my name: cautious, confused and… soft. I swallowed thickly and turned around slowly, my hands raising as a sign of peace just like the girl from District 8 had, but I saw he wasn't holding a sword.

I studied his face and came to one conclusion: he looked like shit. In his right cheek was a stinger, the skin around it a bright red and starting to swell. As I studied him further I saw he was stung multiple times all over his body, but when my eyes found his face again I saw that undeniable smirk on his face, the softness all gone.

"Well, look who we have here…" he said and I stepped back when he stepped forward. Even though he was stung by what seemed to be a poisonous bug, he still managed to look threatening. I swallowed again when he took another step closer, but suddenly his eyes rolled to the back of his head and before I knew it, he fell to the ground, eyes closed.

He laid disturbingly still.

My eyes widened and I didn't know what to do. I looked around to see if the others had seen Cato fall down, or worse: if they'd seen me, but they were too busy with removing the stingers, their backs turned to us.

I turned to Cato again. He was no doubt unconscious and that only confirmed that the bugs were indeed poisonous.

Cato is unconscious, I mused. This was the perfect opportunity to kill him; he wouldn't even feel it. If I killed him, the biggest threat in the Arena would be gone. Eliminated.

I walked to his body, still lying in the grass almost lifeless. As I walked closer, I grabbed one blade from behind my backpack and crouched beside him. I was this close.

If I killed him, there'd only be eleven left, the Careers being lost without him. Right now, the odds were in my favor. Right now, I had the power to change everything in the Games. Just one move and I would cut his throat with my blade.

I raised my arm holding the blade and bit my lip. I was this close. You can do this, Marina, a voice said in the back of my head. You did it with the boy from 7, so why not now, huh?

I bit my lip harder and shut my eyes for a second, then opened them again. But he is just like the girl from 8, another voice reasoned. He didn't make any move to attack you.

He's a murderer, the devilish voice retorted harshly. Just like you. So don't back out now.

I shook my head. No, I wasn't a murderer. I didn't want to be a murderer. Now that I looked at his face… he looked so different when unconscious: no smirk, no cocked eyebrow, no arrogant face, but soft yet still strong looking.

Don't let them change you into a monster like they did with me', Eridan's voice rang again through my head.

And that made me drop my blade. I just couldn't do it.

I just couldn't kill Cato.