"Mrs Malfoy, if you would step into the kitchen, I will interview you each separately, Mr Malfoy first."
The Ministry official had already inspected the apartment from top to bottom, walking around looking very displeased as her quill scribbled notes on a parchment floating behind her.
Hermione and Draco had stood in silent horror as she conducted her inspection, both making effort to stand close and act like a couple. It was so foreign feeling, and when she was dismissed Hermione felt like her limbs were made of lead, her walk to the kitchen unbearably long as she felt the Ministry officials eyes on her every step of the way.
Draco's throat felt as though it was filled with saw dust as he sat down opposite the ominous woman in his leather armchair.
Neither of them were prepared for a test on each other, and Hermione especially hated the idea of failing a test.
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"Mr Malfoy, I will ask you questions and you will answer honestly." The woman informed Draco as she cast a spell around them that ensured Hermione wouldn't be able to hear them.
She also pulled out a small cube and set it on her arm rest. "This cube flashes blue when the truth is told, and flashes red for lies."
Draco swallowed hard as the cube flashed blue.
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"Mrs Malfoy, I will ask you questions and you will answer honestly." The woman informed Hermione as she sat down opposite her, the seat warm from Draco's prior use. Hermione nodded dully as the woman cast a spell around them that ensured Draco wouldn't be able to hear them. They had passed each other on as they swapped positions and the dead look in Draco's eyes had given her nothing but despair.
The ministry official gestured to a small cube on her arm rest. "This cube flashes blue when the truth is told, and flashes red for lies."
"Okay." Came Hermione's meek answer as the cube flashed blue.
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"Please state your wife's birth date."
"Ahem, September 19th, 1979." Draco's face was unreadable as the cube flashed blue.
"State your husband's birthday."
"June. June, 1980." Hermione bit her lip, trying to remember what his birth date had been on their marriage certificate.
"The day Mrs Malfoy."
"Uh, the 15th?" Hermione tried, her heart sinking as the red flash proved she wasn't right.
"What is your wife's middle name?"
"Jane, er, no its Jean!" Draco leaned back in his chair, already breaking into a nervous sweat.
"Your husband's middle name?"
"Uh, Silverio, Septimus, Julius, Octavian?" Hermione reeled off anything she thought was a possibility, but the cube flashed red for every suggestion.
"What are your wife's parents' names?"
"I have no idea." Draco's voice sounded hollow, the tension in the room getting ever thicker.
"What are your husband's parents' names?"
"Luscius." Hermione was confident of his father's names, he had visited Hogwarts enough during her school years. But his mother was so elusive. "And uh, Naomi?"
"Who does your wife cite as her biggest magical influence?"
"Dumbledore probably." Draco said dismissively, he could tell he had already failed.
"Who does your husband cite as his biggest magical influence?"
"Um," Don't say a deatheater Hermione, don't say a deatheater, "Uh, his father?" She was panicking now.
"How often do you attend social functions or run errands with your wife?"
"Never." Draco's blood ran cold as the magical quill paused.
"How often do you attend social functions or run errands with your husband?"
"Um, we haven't really done those things yet." Hermione fumbled in her mind for anything to impress this woman but she had nothing.
"Have you fully moved in together and co-exist with both of your belongings set up around the house?"
"No." Draco was sullen. She had to know the answer already, she had done an inspection, and she couldn't have missed the boxes of Hermione's things everywhere.
"Have you fully moved in together and co-exist with both of your belongings set up around the house?"
"No, not yet, but we're working on it." Hermione cringed as the box flashed red. "We are planning on working on it." She amended, relieved as the box flashed blue.
"Have you made preparations for the arrival of a baby and adjusted your diets and physical regimes for optimum results?"
"Wha?" Draco looked at the woman like she was speaking a foreign language. She repeated the question. "Uh. No."
"Have you made preparations for the arrival of a baby and adjusted your diets and physical regimes for optimum results?"
"Have we what? There isn't even a baby yet." Hermione protested, nonplussed.
"How many times have you performed sexual acts with your wife?"
"Uh…once." Draco admitted reluctantly, his chest tightening uncomfortably as the woman actually stopped to look at him incredulously.
"How many times has your husband performed sexual acts with you?"
"Once." Hermione's felt like she was going to be sick. It shouldn't surprise her that they asked such inappropriate and prying questions, it was a marriage forced by law after all, but she still felt violated.
"And finally, would you say you have attempted to satisfy the Ministry's orders to the best of your ability?"
"No." Draco's blood ran cold as the woman's quill stopped and signed a large red X at the bottom of the page.
"And finally, would you say you have attempted to satisfy the Ministry's orders to the best of your ability?"
"No." Hermione whispered, her failure imminent.
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Once they had both completed their test the ministry official addressed them together in front of the fireplace.
"The results of your test have been conclusive. I have found you both guilty of living in an unlawful manner under the Necessary Marriages Act. Your transgressions are not grievous enough to give up your wands, but they must be remedied immediately.
I am placing you both under house arrest for 90 days. You may leave the house once a day, however neither of you can exit without the other, and if once outside you are ever more than 5 metres apart you will be automatically apparated to the Ministry for a more severe consequence.
I will give you each a list of changes that must be made to yourselves and this house, these orders must be put into action and you will receive weekly inspections for the duration of your house arrest.
If by the end of the ninety day period there is no child in utero, and there is insufficient evidence to prove you have done everything in your power to conceive, then you will be sent to the Ministry to hand in your wands and be stripped of your magic. Do you understand everything I have told you?"
Hermione and Draco were both silent, their mutual horror at her words rendering them speechless. In unison they nodded dumbly, both internally aching to fight these inhuman laws, to protest, but neither doing so.
"Good." The ministry official handed them each a stack of papers, Hermione's considerably thicker than Draco's, and bade them farewell.
The walked her to the door, Draco closing it after her, then leaning his head against it as he processed.
Hermione stood behind him, unable to move as she tried to comprehend the next 90 days of her life.
She started to speak but was cut off as Draco suddenly balled his hand into a fist and banged it against the door angrily, before turning around and throwing his list on the ground.
"This is bullshit! It's only been a few weeks. What do they expect?" He shouted, his eyes flashing dangerously as he raked a hand through his blonde hair.
"Shouting isn't going to fix anything." Hermione shouted at him, aware of the hypocrisy but to upset to care. It did seem far too soon for the ministry to pressing down on them like this.
"Nothing's going to fix anything!" Draco exclaimed, walking past her. "Our lives are ruined, they're fucking over."
"This is hard for me too you know!" Hermione followed, setting her papers down in the living room and grabbed his arm. "It's not just you suffering!"
Draco whirled around on her, wrenching his arm from her grip. "Believe me I know, god's sakes, I fucking know it's hard for you. But have you stopped to think maybe it's hard for me to? And not for some stupid reason like because I was raised with blood prejudice against you, but because I'm a human being who has been forced to marry someone they don't love and who doesn't love them? Hell we barley even like each other!" Draco ranted, throwing his hands up in exasperated anguish.
Hermione swallowed hard, she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She really hadn't taken into account that Draco was a person. Always just judged him for his past. Even though they had been children.
"Hey." She began, trying to make amends for her selfishness, surprised to realize as she said them that her words were actually true. "I kinda like you a teeny bit."
Draco's temper seemed to deflate all at once, his eyes crinkling as he smirked briefly. "I kinda like you teeny bit too."
"But only really tiny." Hermione added quickly, her conscious more than horrified that her hatred for Draco Malfoy had lessened in intensity.
"Of course." Draco agreed, nodding furiously. "The tiniest."
"Shall we attempt to start on those lists?" Hermione suggested, desperate to change the subject.
"I guess we have to." Draco conceded, and set about retrieving his papers from the floor by the door. Once he had collected them all up and Draco had poured them a drink, they settled into their armchairs to study their lists.
"Here's to 90 days of being stuck together." Draco held his glass out to his wife.
"To 90 days of being stuck together." Hermione clinked her glass to his, silently adding that it was more of a lifetime stuck together.