Note: Julie suggested I put a hanky warning on this one.

Going Home - Chapter 10

Jack drove Joe to the hospital, practically kissing the back of the ambulance without regard to possible speeding violations. For that, Joe was grateful. He only lost sight of the ambulance when they arrived at the base gate and had to stop.

A few minutes later, Jack let Joe out at the Emergency Entrance and then went to scout out a parking place. The retired colonel raced through the door in time to see the gurney being rushed down the hall. He got a brief glimpse of his son, face obscured by an oxygen mask, as they wheeled him into one of the trauma rooms. When Joe tried to follow, a nurse blocked his way.

"Sir, you'll have to return the waiting room."

"That's my son," he argued, leaning around to watch the myriad of personnel working over John through the small window. All he could see was machines and the backs of the medical staff, all of which seemed to be in frantic motion.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you still can't go in." Her tone and expression had softened some in response to his obvious distress. "It's better for your son this way. The doctors need to concentrate on helping him and worried relatives just tend to distract them."

Joe let his gaze fall to the young nurse in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he admitted to himself that she was right and gave her a small nod. "I'm sorry . . . I'm just . . ."

"I know." She nodded not unsympathetically. "They're very good at what they do. Just give them a chance."

Joe nodded and turned around, slowly making his way down the corridor.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

He turned toward the voice to see Dr. Shoemaker walking toward him. "I thought that was you. Is everything all right?"

Joe felt a wash of relief flow over him. Even though he'd only met the man once, he felt comfortable with him. "Did someone call you about John?"

Frowning, the doctor shook his head. "No, I was just checking on a patient. Has something happened?"

"Some men broke into my house while John was there alone and attacked him. The paramedics checked him out earlier, but he didn't want to come to the hospital. We thought he was okay and then . . . he collapsed a few minutes ago. He's in there." Joe pointed to the treatment room he'd just left.

Shoemaker's expression tightened. "I'll go see if I can help since I'm familiar with his recent injuries. Don't worry," he said, lightly gripping Joe's arm for a moment before rushing off.

"Easier said than done," Joe said quietly to himself. He returned to the waiting room to find Jack looking for him. "They won't let me in," he said simply as he let himself drop into an empty chair.

Jack looked at him a moment and then sat down beside him. "Then we'll wait."

A short time later, Joe looked up to see Dr. Shoemaker coming toward him. He stood and took the steps needed to meet the man. "John?"

"They've taken him to surgery and I'm going to scrub in and join them. Three of his healing ribs were broken and he's been bleeding internally. One of them punctured a lung, probably when he collapsed, so we had to stabilize his breathing before we could take him up. We'll be moving him to ICU after the surgery, so you can wait in the ICU waiting room. I'll come talk to you there when we're done."

Joe nodded, feeling numb and disconnected. "What . . . will he be all right?"

Dr. Shoemaker paused, the muscles around his jaw momentarily tensing. "We'll do the best we can." He gave a slight nod to the two men as he started to turn. "I have to go. ICU is on the third floor, just follow the signs to the waiting room."

Momentarily frozen, Joe stood and watched the physician disappear through a set of doors. A firm but gentle grip on his arm brought him back and Jack said, "I need to call Mary and tell her where we'll be. She was coming up as soon as she got finished at your place."

"My place?" Joe said, feeling somewhat disconnected. His mind felt sluggish and he couldn't make sense of what Jack was saying. "What's she doing there?"

Hesitating a moment, Jack grimaced and let out a sigh. "She wanted to clean up all the litter . . . you know, from the paramedics. She didn't want you to go home and have to deal with that."

Joe gave a slight nod, thinking that sounded like the Mary he knew. "Rodney . . . I need to call John's friend. He'll want to know, in case . . . in case John doesn't make it." He felt the grip on his arm tighten.

"He'll make it, Joe, you have to believe that. But you're right. If he's John's friend, he'll want to know. Do you know how to reach him?"

"John's phone . . . it'll be on John's phone. I think it's on his nightstand."

Nodding, Jack led Joe toward the elevator. "Okay, I'll have Mary bring it when she comes."

They were seated in the ICU waiting room thirty minutes later when Mary arrived, looking rushed and worried. As the men stood to meet her, she wrapped her arms around Joe and gave him a tight hug. "How're you holding up?"

"Keeping my fingers crossed," he answered quietly. He couldn't tell her that he was terrified. The only other time he'd felt like this was sitting beside his wife, waiting for her to die after months of chemotherapy and pain and dashed hopes. He hadn't deserved a second chance with John, but he'd gotten one anyway. And now he was on the verge of losing him.

Mary pulled away so she could look at him, keeping her hands on his upper arms. "Don't you stop believing in him. If he's half as stubborn as his father, then he'll be fine." She let go and reached in her purse to pull out John's cell phone. "Jack said you needed this."

Joe nodded, taking it from her. "Yes, thank you. I need to call his friend, let him know what's happened. Then I guess I need to try to call General O'Neill, so they'll know John isn't going to make his plane this weekend." He popped open the phone and went to the address book. Rodney McKay was at the top of the list. Looking up at Mary, he sighed. "I'd better do this." He hit the dial key and walked over to stand beside the window.

"Colonel, about time you called. Hey, I hate to admit it, but that whole 'go to the store for Jeannie' thing worked like a charm."

Joe closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Dr. McKay, this is Joe Sheppard, John's father." The line went silent to the point Joe wondered if the connection had been dropped. "Dr. McKay?"

"How bad is it?"

Joe was taken aback at the question, surprised that Dr. McKay already knew John was injured. "He . . . He was attacked by some men earlier today and collapsed just a short while ago. They've taken him to surgery. All I know is internal bleeding and a punctured lung. They didn't elaborate on his chances . . . but I'm worried. How did you know?"

A deep sigh could be heard on the other end of the line. "Because it's him and why else would his father be calling me? This is so typical. I can't believe I wasn't expecting it. Just . . . tell me exactly where you are and I'll catch the next available flight. I'll need to contact the SGC so they can get hold of Atlantis. Uh, you did get security clearance, right?"

"What . . . oh, yes, I know all about that."

"That's good, now I won't have to make up some stupid lie to cover for my big mouth. So tell me, where exactly am I trying to get a flight to?"

oOo

By the time Dr. Shoemaker appeared in the doorway to the waiting room, Joe was almost to the point of storming the operating room. He'd driven the nurses crazy asking if they'd heard anything and they'd remained remarkable patient with his inquiries. Morgan had joined them shortly after Mary came and had stayed to make sure John made it through the surgery, periodically calling to update the others.

The four of them rushed the doctor before he made it two steps into the room. "Dr., how's John?" Joe was a little surprised at the detectable quiver in his voice. He noticed how tired and worn the doctor looked and suddenly realized how late it had gotten.

"He's stable. We were able to stop the bleeding, but it took a while. We've inserted a chest tube and his lung is reinflated. I didn't tell you before, but he stopped breathing downstairs and we had to intubate him in the ER. We have him on a respirator right now and it'll probably stay for a few days until he's strong enough to breathe on his own. He has a bruised kidney, but the damage appears to be peripheral and the little bleeding there was seems to have stopped. Still, we'll need to keep an eye on it in case it develops into something more severe."

Joe nodded, the lump in his throat making it almost impossible to speak. "Thank you. What . . . what are his chances?"

The doctor sighed and rubbed the sweaty hair on his forehead. "I'm not going to lie to you. He's already in a weakened state because of his prior injuries and the trauma was severe. I don't like to give odds, because it would just be a guess. I can tell you that he's hanging in there and seems to be fighting. But he's certainly not out of the woods yet. There's still a lot that can go wrong, including his body just not being able to handle any more right now. All we can do at this point is monitor him and try to treat things as they arise and . . . just hope for the best. I know that probably isn't exactly what you wanted to hear, but it's the best I can do."

Joe nodded. "Thank you, for being honest. I want to know where we stand."

"I understand. I would want to know the truth myself, so I try to be honest with family members. Oh, I'm afraid any healing his shoulder had done has pretty much been undone, so when he's stronger, he's probably looking at more surgery. Our priority right now is keeping him alive, so we can worry about that later."

"When can I see him?" asked Joe.

"It'll be a while longer. I think they're bringing him directly to ICU, but they'll have to get him settled and check things out. The nurse will let you know." The doctor grinned. "I understand they are already well aware you're out here and concerned."

Joe shrugged his shoulders, not ashamed of being concerned for his son. "I hope they aren't too angry with me, but I was just so worried."

"It's okay, they understand. They're used to dealing with distraught family members and all in all, they're a pretty patient bunch. I've already spoken to Debbie and she's going to make sure you're kept up to date."

Joe let out a deep breath, trying to make his heart slow down to the point it didn't feel like it was going to explode from his chest. "Thank you, Dr. Shoemaker, for everything you've done."

"No problem," he said, extending his hand. "I'll be heading home as soon as I know he's settled, but I'll check back with you tomorrow. He's in good hands, Colonel, so try not to worry." With a nod, he turned and left them alone.

Morgan gave him a nod and flipped open his cell phone to call the others. Jack and Mary hugged one another, followed by Mary giving Joe a big hug. "He'll be okay," she whispered in his ear. He silently prayed she was right.

oOo

It was another hour before the nurse came to get Joe. Debbie was relatively short, the top of her head barely coming above Joe's shoulder. She had shoulder length brown hair and kind, green eyes. She walked over to sit beside him as he sat mulling over how he'd let things get so wrong.

"Colonel Sheppard, I'm Debbie. Dr. Shoemaker said you'd be waiting on me."

Joe looked up, the events of the day beginning to catch up with him. "Can I see John now?"

Offering a patient smile, Debbie patted the top of his hand. "In a few minutes. I just need to go over a few things with you first. We've recently made some changes in our ICU visitors' policy. We still have specific visiting hours and a limited number of people allowed in the room at one time, but we now allow one family member to stay with the patient at all times. The doctor may ask you to step out during certain procedures or if there are any problems and we'll need you to cooperate with us on that."

Joe nodded. "That's fine, I can do that."

Debbie looked up at Jack, Mary, and Morgan. "Are you friends?"

Jack nodded. "Yes, Mary and I live across the street and Morgan's been a friend of the family for many years. Would it be possible for us to go in with Joe, just for a minute?"

Debbie nodded. "Certainly, but you can't stay long. Our numbers are unusually low right now, so Dr. Shoemaker arranged for you to go in with Colonel Sheppard for a few minutes. After this, you'll need to abide by the regular hours."

The three nodded; obviously pleased they were going to be allowed to accompany Joe to John's room. They stood and followed Debbie through some doors and down a hall to John's room. When Debbie moved to one side of the bed and Joe got his first look at John, he felt like his heart dropped all the way to his feet. He would never have guessed the limp, pale form in the bed was his son.

John's face was partially obstructed by the tube coming from his mouth and attached to the respirator. Bruises colored most of the right side of his face, with swelling apparent around his eye and cheek. Several bags of fluid and one of blood hung from the pole near the head of the bed, with tubes leading to his arm. Bandages covering his abdomen and lower chest peeked out from under the sheet pulled up to his waist and others surrounded his left shoulder. Another tube emerged from his side to snake down to the floor and disappear. Monitors abounded with beeping, and flashing numbers and lights.

Joe didn't realize he'd stopped in the middle of the room until Mary took his arm and guided him over to stand beside the bed. He was terrified beyond words. He wanted to look away, to not look at his son as he clung to life by a thread, and yet he couldn't take his eyes off John. He was afraid if he looked away, when he looked back John would be dead. "I'm so sorry, son," he whispered. "I should have made you go to the hospital."

Jack placed a strong arm around Joe's shoulders. "Don't go there, Joe. It probably wouldn't have made any difference. Besides, you would have had to physically drag him down here."

Joe let his head drop forward. "They would have caught it earlier . . . they could have treated him earlier."

"Maybe, maybe not. No use dwelling on something we'll never know. The important thing is that he's here now and he's alive. Hey, he's a Sheppard. That's gotta count for something, right?"

Joe lifted his head to look at his friend. "Right. Thank you."

Debbie finished checking the monitors and looked across the bed. "I'm afraid everyone but the Colonel will have to leave now. Visiting hours begin at ten a.m."

"I'll be back at ten," said Jack, letting go of Joe. Mary came up to lean her head against Joe's upper arm.

"I have to work the early shift, but I'll be in tomorrow evening. I might slide down here during my break to check on the two of you. I'll be on five in the orthopedic section if you need me."

Debbie widened her eyes. "Mary. I knew you looked familiar."

Mary nodded. "Yes, Mary Cravens. If I leave our extension and my hours, can someone give me a call if there's any change in John's condition?"

Debbie smiled and nodded. "Of course, just leave it with me on the way out and I'll be sure to post it. You'd better get home if you plan on getting any sleep at all."

Mary looked at Joe. "You call us if you need anything or there's any change. I don't care what time it is. Understand?"

Joe nodded and wrapped his arm around Mary, giving her a squeeze. "I have no idea how I would have survived this without you two."

Mary smiled at him and patted his arm. "You'd have done just fine. Take care of yourself, Joe. I'll check with you before I go on shift."

At Joe's nod, Jack and Mary quietly left with Debbie. Morgan, who had been standing silently at the foot of the bed, walked over to Joe, placing a firm hand on the man's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I think I'll just hang around in the waiting room for a while. Let me know if you need me."

"Thank you, Morgan." Joe looked back at his son. "I just . . . I never thought I'd see him like this. I just found him again . . . "

"I know. It's not fair, no matter how you look at it. Don't give up on him just yet. He always was a tough kid."

Joe just nodded and watched as Morgan left him alone in the room with his son. The only sounds were the quiet whoosh of the ventilator and the soft beeping of the monitor. Joe watched his son's chest rise and fall until his legs were so tired they threatened to dump him in the floor. Looking around, he spotted an easy chair near the wall. Lowering himself into it while his knees creaked in protest, he decided it had been a lot of years since he'd been this tired. Once he was seated, he didn't think he was capable of getting up again.

A sense of impending doom overwhelmed him as he watched his son struggle for each breath; , like he was sitting there waiting for him to die. It didn't help that John looked more dead than alive. The only outward sign his son still lived were the monitors confirming that John's heart was still beating. Joe rubbed his forehead against the ache that had set up residence. It was going to be a long night, even though it was already half over.

oOo

When Mary came by on the way to start her shift the next morning, Joe reported that there had been no change. Morgan slipped in with her to bring coffee and Joe told him to go home and get some sleep. Every time the nursing staff came in to change an IV or check John over, he asked about his son's condition. The nurses never seemed irritated; instead, they talked in soothing tones as they explained his condition was the same. Joe didn't know if that was good or bad. As much as he wanted to hear John was improving, he couldn't help but be grateful he hadn't gotten any worse.

Jack came at ten, as promised, assuring Joe that he was between projects and had time to kill. Morgan, Dave, and Harry all dropped in around eleven, offering encouragement and support. Jack tried to talk him into stepping out for a few minutes to get something to eat or go home and shower, but Joe refused. He had barely taken his eyes from John's form. He was afraid if he did, he'd lose him and he couldn't take that chance.

At noon, the nurse ran everyone else out and brought Joe a lunch tray. He thanked her and picked at it while watching the machine breathe for his son. He was so tired he could barely think. A deep abiding sadness kept creeping up and threatening to overwhelm him. He just had this nagging feeling that he was going to lose this one. He'd seen several men underneath him leave looking like John did now and it seemed like he usually got word a day or two later that they hadn't made it.

Jack was back at two, bearing a change of clothes and some snack foods for Joe. It took some convincing, but he finally talked the exhausted man into going to bathroom to freshen up and change clothes. "If your smell alienates the nurses, you won't get much cooperation from them," Jack had argued. It worked. Joe trembled with fear and weariness the whole time he was away from his son.

Jack was run out at four, once again leaving him alone with John. He stood by his son, gripping his arm in the one patch of exposed skin that wasn't injured or supporting tubes or wires. Memories of times with his wife and young son ran through his thoughts, leaving his mind in a fog. A loud beeping brought him out of his reverie.

Confused, he stood looking dumbly at the equipment, unsure of which one was producing the scary noise. He spotted a number that seemed to be dropping on one about the time two nurses ran in. He recognized the one with braided brown hair, as she'd been in several times before. Danielle. He automatically stepped back to allow them access to John. "I didn't touch anything, it just started doing that."

"We know, Colonel," said Danielle as she silenced the alarm. "His oxygen levels are dropping."

The other nurse, who had taken Joe's place at John's side, was watching as the blood pressure cuff around his arm inflated. "Pressure's starting to drop as well."

The same alarm as before went off again, making Joe jump. "What's happening?"

Danielle hit the call button, not waiting on anyone to answer. "We have a problem in here and we need a doctor."

The other nurse turned to Joe. "Sir, you need to step out of the room please."

Not wanting to leave, Joe backed slowly toward the door. He desperately wanted to grab John's hand and beg him to hang on, to fight with everything he had. The door flew open and two men rushed in, further surrounding the bed so that he could see very little of his son. Another alarm blared and this time he saw the line on the heart monitor look like it was a scribble drawn by a child.

"He's crashing," someone yelled.

"I can't get a pressure."

Joe felt his legs get weak as his vision began to gray. He was losing his son and there was nothing he could do about it. It was just like when he'd lost his wife all those years ago. Frantic motion and people shouting reports and orders all merged together as white noise for a moment before one voice prompted everyone to lean back.

"Clear." A brief jerking motion from the bed accompanied a strange thumping sound.

"Colonel, you need to come with me." A nurse he hadn't seen before took him by the arm and guided him out the door. He vaguely wondered where she had come from as he let her pull him out of the room The last sound he heard before the door closed was the doctor telling them to charge the machine again.

The next thing he knew, the nurse was easing him into one of the empty chairs in the ICU waiting room. There were several other people in the room, all of them casting sympathetic looks his direction.

"Will you be all right?" asked the young nurse. Joe looked at her for the first time. She looked like she was about fifteen to him, but he knew she had to be older. Maybe a student nurse?

"Would you like me to call someone?" she asked almost hopefully.

Joe looked at her dumbly. "Uh . . . no . . . not yet."

The young girl nodded and patted his shoulder. "Someone will be out shortly to . . . um . . . to let you know what happened." She suddenly looked uncomfortable and a little sad. "Do you need anything?"

Joe sighed and looked down at the floor. "Just my son," he said quietly. He wasn't sure when she left. He just looked up a few minutes later and she was gone. Joe tried to stay positive, but he kept remembering how bad John had looked and how frantic the doctors and nurses had seemed. Suddenly he let himself actually think about what would happen if John hadn't made it and it almost made him sick. At least he and John had made peace, he reminded himself. That was worth something.

Leaning forward, Joe put his face in his hands and did something he hadn't done in over twenty years, since losing John's mother. He wept.

TBC