Here we go, folks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Maddy and all her poor, confused, messed-up thoughts.

Chapter 10: Moving On

Exhausted, Maddy blindly tossed her keys in the direction of her counter, pleased when she heard them slap against the hard surface since it meant that she hadn't missed. It was dark in her house, the only light being the faint green illumination from the clock on the microwave that proclaimed the time to be 10:47pm. It had been a long day.

Shrugging out of her leather jacket, Maddy let the garment fall to the floor with a heavy slap as she stumbled her way over to the refrigerator, guided by the stark whiteness of the appliance in the dark gloom. Wrapping her fingers around the handle, she wrenched the door open and stood silently as her eyes passed over everything inside, her eyes blinking to adjust to the sudden burst of light. Her stomach clamored for sustenance, but Maddy could not bring herself to eat anything that she saw. Sighing deeply, she instead reached for one of the beers that rested inside the door, holding it up before her face as she contemplated the bottle.

Cocking her head to the side, Maddy's eyes traveled to the cupboard to the left of the refrigerator. Resignedly, she returned the beer to its rightful place in the fridge and nudged the door shut. Reaching up with her hand, she pulled open the cupboard door and slipped her fingers inside, groping around in the dark until they closed around the neck of a glass bottle. She placed the container on the counter and gave the cap a savage twist, breaking the seal, and retrieved a clean glass from the drying rack next to the sink. Returning to the fridge, Maddy reached a hand into the freezer and filled the glass with several ice cubes and then picked up the glass and the bottle and trudged toward her bedroom.

Standing next to her bed, Maddy kicked off her Chucks and struggled out of her socks, her head turned to stare out of the glass double doors toward the lake beyond, glimmering in the light of the moon. She pushed open the door and bounded down the stairs barefoot, the cool grass tickling her ankles as she crossed to the dock.

The night was quiet except for the gentle sound of the waves rocking against the wooden planks, the crickets chirping, the frogs croaking, and the light thud of Maddy's feet as they danced down to the end of the dock. Unable to go any further without getting wet, she dropped heavily onto the wood and crossed her legs, pouring an ample amount of the amber liquid into the small glass that she held.

Maddy didn't drink often. She sometimes had a beer or a small glass of wine with dinner, but she rarely ever allowed herself to drink to the point of intoxication. Tonight however, all Maddy longed to do was drink this bottle of bourbon until she passed out, oblivious to the world.

When she had awoken that morning, Maddy never would have imagined that by the end of the day she would have come face to face with Sasha Belov again. If she had, she would have simply turned off her alarm, raised the blankets over her head, and rolled off to sleep again. Sitting there in the dark on the hard, wooden surface, she tossed back her glass and swore inwardly that she would have paid any price if she had simply done so.

Following the confrontation with Sasha, the ride home from Denver had been endured in silence. Not one of the girls had uttered a sound, each choosing instead to brood silently, and so Maddy had decided to leave them to their thoughts. Incidentally, it also meant that Maddy was alone with hers as well, which was an occurrence that she tried hard to avoid, but she had managed to keep herself from thinking back on the meeting, from thinking about Sasha until she could do so alone.

Well she was alone now and knew that it was time to open the floodgates, but she was too weak to do it without some liquid courage. Pouring another healthy dose into the glass, Maddy drank deeply and rolled her neck on her shoulders, lying back onto the weathered wood and dipping her feet into the lake as she stared up at the stars above. Running a hand through her hair, she delved into the thoughts and feelings that she had tried to barricade from the forefront of her mind since seeing Sasha earlier that night.

She had thought that she would feel anger and inconsolable disappointment if she ever faced Sasha again, but the truth had been shocking. While she had felt both, there had been several other emotions swirling around in her confused brain, making a tough situation even harder for her to handle. She had been prepared for the fury and hatred, but she hadn't been ready for the all-encompassing pity and sorrow that had plagued her from the very first sight of his bruised, battered, blue, beautiful eyes.

She had spent weeks so obsessed with condemning him for his actions that she had never actually stopped to closely examine how he must have felt. Two months ago, when he had bared his heart to her, she had stomped on it, lying to him about her own feelings for him and hurting him in the greatest way that she knew how. She had endured a constant ache all these months, but she had never considered that he might be in just the same amount of pain as she had been. She had never even contemplated how their last exchange might have crippled him.

Rubbing her face roughly, she tried to scour the look of his tortured eyes from her mind. From behind her closed eyelids, his blue orbs burned her skin, making her feel ashamed for all that she had said and done, destroying her with guilt. Unable to take it any longer, Maddy took another deep drink from the glass that she held tightly in her hand.

While driving home from Denver, Maddy had come to one conclusion: she had been fooling herself since Sasha had run away. She had fooled herself into thinking that she could be the coach that these gymnasts needed, but facing Sasha had only reminded her that a coach needed to be whole and confident in order to lead elite teenagers.

She was neither.

Years ago, the worries and hatred of the world had aged her until she felt decades older than she actually was, but the truth was that she was only twenty-four. She was still a baby in the grand scheme of things. There were so many life experiences that she had missed, having first been sheltered by her elite gymnastics career and secondly by her self-imposed ostracism from society. She had never been to a party, been incredibly drunk, gone to college, or been seriously kissed before. Hell, she was probably the only twenty-four year old woman in the world who had never even been in love!

How had she ever believed that she could groom and coach these kids when she was still a child herself?

Laughing almost maniacally, Maddy suddenly realized all the mistakes she had made and how she had almost single-handedly ruined her own life. Six years ago, she had let her fear of a man and the disappointment of a nation keep her from living her own life. She had hidden from the accusations, cowering on account of her own cowardice.

No longer.

Maddy was tired of being pushed around, of trying to be strong and uncaring. She had lived the last six years of her life that way and, looking back, she realized what a waste it had been. What kind of person would she be today if she had simply told the truth? Where would she be now?

Sitting up off the wooden planks of the dock, Maddy was suddenly struck by the cold clarity of truth. She had accompanied the girls tonight because she had thought that they needed to confront their coach, that they had needed to express their feelings to the man who had abandoned them. Maddy had thought that she had needed to as well, but she felt no better after having destroyed Sasha yet again.

But…maybe—just maybe—she had confronted the wrong man.

All of this doubt, this uncertainty—hell, all of this anger—stemmed from her betrayal six years ago by the man whom she had trusted most in the entire world. Perhaps she had been imposing her anger and hurt onto Sasha, transferring those feelings of utter hatred for Timothy Blackwell to Sasha.

Not to say that she wasn't still angry with Sasha. She was, but…would she have reacted so strongly if Coach Tim hadn't betrayed her first?

Her thoughts jumbled from her uncertainty and the alcohol she had consumed, Maddy glanced down at the glass in her hand, realizing immediately that drinking herself into a stupor was not the correct way to solve her problems. She needed to think this through. She needed a clear head because the answers to these questions were important. This guilt—this pain that ate at her from the inside—was of her own making and only she could stop it. But how?

Unable to answer this question, Maddy sighed and dumped the remaining contents of her glass into the lake before she pushed herself to her feet. Whatever the answer was, she would not be able to find it tonight. Not when she was this drained physically and emotionally. Perhaps after a full night's rest the cobwebs that clouded her mind would lessen and she would be able to think clearly again.

Maddy stumbled into the kitchen and placed the glass and bottle of whiskey onto the counter, turning back around to head for the bathroom so that she could brush her teeth and drift off to sleep. As she walked past the phone hanging on the wall, she noticed that the answering machine was blinking, indicating that a new message had been left for her while she had been outside. Turning back toward the kitchen, Maddy saw that the microwave now proclaimed the time to be 1:12am. Had she really been outside that long?

Curious to see who would leave a message this late at night, she raised a shaky finger and pressed play on the machine, immediately wishing that she hadn't.

"Hi," a voice Maddy instantly recognized as Sasha's began hesitantly, so soft that she had almost missed it. Clearing his throat, Sasha continued, "I know that I'm probably the last person—" He broke off suddenly and Maddy could picture him shaking his head as he corrected himself, "—No. I know that I am the last person you want to hear from right now, but I had to call you." He paused and, in his silence, Maddy could hear the echoes of strange noises in the background. After a moment, he continued, "I'm sitting in an airport terminal, waiting for my flight home—" He stopped talking as he chuckled humorlessly, saying, "Who am I kidding? The very sight of the hatred in your eyes tonight, the knowledge that you will never forgive me, has me fleeing the country. Can you believe that?"

He paused again and Maddy found herself clenching her fists so tightly that her fingernails bit into her palms, a part of her wishing that she would stop the message but another part begging him to keep talking. Finally, he did continue, his voice shaking with emotion, "I know that you hate me. I know that you think I'm weak and a coward, but…I can't leave without telling you how I feel one last time. All these months—ever since the night that I left the Rock—my only consolation has been that you had my letter. The only way that I could convince myself to crawl out of bed was telling myself that you had read it, that you knew how deeply I cared for you and how sorry I was that I left you when you needed me. I stayed close all this time, hoping that you would find me, that you would come to me. I even had Marty Walsh take you to the Exhibition so that he could tell you where I was, but you didn't come. You didn't come, but I still couldn't leave, I couldn't stop hoping that you would forgive me." He paused and Maddy heard him sniffle quietly, knowing that he was crying softly as he continued, "And then tonight you did come and all that I had been expecting to feel—the happiness, the elation—I didn't feel any of it. Instead, I felt ashamed more than ever before. Instead, I felt a hatred toward myself greater than any that even you could feel for me."

Sasha cleared his throat and Maddy could picture him in her mind, his blond hair in disarray as he raised a calloused hand to roughly wipe the tears from his stubbled cheeks and red-rimmed, bruised eyes. She felt a pang deep in her chest as she realized the pain he must be feeling and her breathing became labored. She couldn't take any more, she couldn't bear to hear any more of his pain—she had too much of her own to deal with—and all of her—every single part—screamed at him to stop talking, to stop hurting her. But she had done this, she had broken this man, and it was her curse to endure the consequences of what she had wrought.

"I love you, Maddy," Sasha said softly. "I think that maybe I always have, but—" he broke off and Maddy pictured him shifting his weight from foot to foot as he continued, "—But I understand now. I understand why you don't love me. I see now why you can't stand to look at me and so I'm leaving. I'm getting as far away from you as I can. It's the only way I can think of to make amends for the pain and hurt that I've caused you. I love you—and I'm so sorry for that."

He didn't say good-bye or offer any sort of farewell. The last thing that Maddy heard was the roughness of his voice as he began to weep in earnest with heavy, wracking sobs and then a cold, final, distant click as he hung up the phone, severing himself from her.

Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes, but Maddy stared unseeingly at the wall, his words echoing in her head.

Not caring if it was the right thing to do or not, Maddy staggered over to the counter and fumbled for the bottle of whiskey, forgoing the glass as she threw open the French doors and tripped her way down the dock. Throwing herself upon the wooden planks, Maddy pressed the bottle to her lips and drank heavily, closing her eyes as the first tear snuck out from under her eyelids.

Lowering the bottle from her mouth, she let out a scream of pain, anger, hatred, and anguish that echoed loudly back at her from the lake, but even that was not able to block out the unending repetition of Sasha's words in her head.

The following night found Maddy standing outside the door of the conference room in the Rock, debating whether or not to enter. The parent's board was meeting inside and Maddy had a matter to discuss with them, but she needed to collect the strength to follow it through first.

She raised a hand and pushed her bangs out of her eyes, rubbing her forehead gently as she reflected on how grateful she was that her head had finally stopped pounding from the drowning that she had given it the previous night. She didn't know how long she had sat drinking upon the dock, but dawn had awoken her and she had discovered that she had fallen asleep there, the now half-empty bottle of bourbon clutched in her fist. It had taken all her resolve to get herself dressed and to the gym on time and about half a bottle of ibuprofen to get her back to working condition.

Now, standing outside the door, Maddy knew that she should just get it over with and so she pushed the door open confidently and strode into the room, smiling at the several parents who turned to her with quizzical expressions in their eyes.

Steve Tanner rose to his feet at the head of the table, a pained expression on his face. Though he had submitted to the tenuous truce that Maddy had called two months prior, he had never truly come to accept Maddy as a coach…and Maddy had resented coaching Lauren since the young gymnast had still not earned Maddy's respect.

"Maddy," Steve greeted, "we weren't expecting you tonight."

She smiled. "I know and I'm sorry for just barging in, but," she paused as she took a deep breath, finishing, "there is something that I wish to discuss with the parents."

Steve glanced around the table and then gestured with his hand for Maddy to continue, saying, "Please."

As Steve sat down in his chair, Maddy angled her body to face the rest of the room. Fiddling with her hands in front of her, she began, "Last night, I took some of the girls to confront Coach Belov."

There were several shocked expressions around the room so Maddy quickly continued, "He's been staying in Denver all this time and I thought that it would do them some good to try and get some answers."

Kim spoke up from her seat, asking, "And did they?"

"Unfortunately," Maddy answered, "he was in no condition to offer them any sort of closure."

Kim gazed intently at Maddy, able to read her emotions more easily than Maddy liked, and questioned, "And you? Did it help you at all?"

Maddy blew an exasperated breath from her lips and shrugged her shoulders. "No," she answered with a sad smile. "But it did make me come to realize something. Something that we should have discussed a long time ago."

Many of the parents shifted in their seats, so Maddy took a deep breath and launched into her spiel. "When I took over for Sasha, I only did so to protect your children—my gymnasts—from Ellen Beals. I was under the impression that it would only be a temporary thing and that Sasha Belov would soon be restored as head coach, thereby returning me to the position of assistant coach." Maddy sighed and shrugged her shoulders, continuing, "We all know that that didn't happen and so I have continued my duties as head coach of this gym—and I think I've done an admirable job for someone with no experience."

Maddy was pleased to see several of the parents nodding in agreement and so she was heartened as she said, "Seeing Coach Belov last night served as a painful reminder of just how inexperienced I truly am. I sometimes forget because of all that I've been through, but…" Maddy trailed off as she shrugged her shoulders, saying, "But the truth is that I'm only twenty-four. I'm still young. Too young." She paused and then continued, "I took a job here at the Rock as assistant coach and I enjoyed it. I liked being able to focus my attentions on a few gymnasts a day, helping them as best I could. As head coach, I don't have the time that I used to and I miss that close interaction."

Maddy forced herself to stand tall as she said, "I have neither the experience nor the desire to be the leading coach at the Rock. I did my part and kept this gym running smoothly after Coach Belov's dismissal, but…it's time for you to find a new coach. Someone older than me and who is better equipped to lead these gymnasts. I no longer want the responsibility."

Maddy stopped talking and studied the parents as they gave each other worried looks and mumbled unintelligibly to each other. Finally, Steve's voice rose over the din as he cleared his throat, asking, "Just to be clear, if we were to find a new coach, you would still remain in your capacity as assistant coach?"

Frowning, Maddy responded honestly, "Of course. I was hired as an assistant by Coach Belov and that's the position in which I hope to continue."

"Good," Steve responded unexpectedly. "As much as it pains me to admit, you're a good fit here at the Rock and the kids look up to you for your strength and skill."

Shocked, it was all Maddy could do to stammer, "Thank you, Mr. Tanner."

Steve waved his hand in the air, dismissing the gravity of the moment. Leaning back in his chair, he nodded his head, agreeing, "Yes. I believe you're right and that it's time for the board to start looking for a new coach since it's clear that Sasha will not be returning."

Maddy smiled and nodded her head, looking at each of the parents in turn as she said, "I don't know if I can be of any help in your search, but if there's anything that I can do…" Maddy trailed off without finishing the sentence, but the parents understood her offer.

Kim sighed and said, "Well, I for one was extremely pleased with how you were running the Rock, but if this is what you want…"

Maddy smiled gratefully at Kim, answering, "It is."

Kim nodded and as the rest of the parents sat in silent thought, Maddy decided to take the opportunity to leave and slipped silently out the door.

A week had passed since Maddy had urged the board to find a new coach, but as she pulled into her normal parking spot at the Rock, she felt a small surge of exasperation at the sign labeling it as hers. "Parking for Reynolds—Assistant Coach" it proclaimed to the world and she desperately wished that it were true.

Despite her best efforts, Maddy was worried. The Olympics were a mere two years away and the elite girls at the gym needed stability and a firmly entrenched trust in their coach in order to have the power, support, and skill that they needed to shine in the competition. As each day passed without a new coach, Maddy's worry intensified. She was absolutely certain that she could not lead these girls to the Olympics, but she now began to doubt that there was any coach who could. Most of the more talented and sought after coaches already had their own gyms and girls to look after and groom, so whom would the board actually be able to find on such short notice?

Maddy laid her head against the steering wheel and focused on another problem that was increasing in severity each day. Inexplicably, she felt herself pulling away from the gymnasts, returning to her aloof and surly ways. Where before she had been friendly and talkative, she now found herself frowning and terse, snapping commands and orders where she once had given suggestions. She tried not to—truly she did—but her temper and patience was wearing thin and she had no idea what was causing it.

Recently, she began to fear that soon she would follow in Sasha's footsteps, abandoning the gymnasts that depended on and looked up to her. She liked to think that she would be strong enough to stay with them, but lately, she dreaded walking into the gym, hated the cheery way that Payson greeted her in the morning, and, most of all, she loathed sitting at the desk that had once been Sasha's.

Clarity suddenly dawned on her and a chill trickled uncomfortably down her spine. Her thoughts shifted to a memory from months ago, the day that Sasha had been suspended from the Rock and she had taken over as head coach.

They had been sitting at the small table outside of his Airstream and Maddy had tried to comfort him by saying, "You're ten times the coach that I could ever hope to be and, I promise you, I will find a way to get you back. I can't do this without you. I don't know how to."

Could that be it? Could that be the reason? Was she truly unable to coach without Sasha?

Or worse yet, did she just not want to coach without him? Was he the reason that she had enjoyed coaching so much?

Unable to contemplate such a disturbing thought, Maddy frantically pushed open her door and stumbled to the ground, clumsily slinging her duffel bag over her shoulder. She stalked into the Rock with her head down and tromped up the stairs to the office. Acknowledging that both Summer and Kim were already there at their desk, shuffling papers and glancing up at her, she headed for the desk that they had given her once Sasha had left so that Steve could have a place to work at in the office as well.

Heavily, she collapsed into Sasha's chair and shed her jacket, ripping her sunglasses off her face and tossing them onto his desk with a loud slap. Settling back into the chair, Maddy studied the hard surface silently, glossing over the coffee mug that held the pencils and pens and the desktop calendar that was still turned to two months ago. Everything was still as hehad left it.

It was still Sasha's desk. Maddy had done nothing to personalize it or make it her own. She hadn't even changed the damn settings on the chair to make it more comfortable for her to sit in!

Thoughtfully, she turned her head to the small desk in the corner, piled high with stacks of papers, and the chair that had Steve's jacket hung on the back of it. While Maddy had felt uneasy about changing Sasha's personal space, Steve had had no such qualms about taking over hers.

Suddenly furious, Maddy wrenched open the bottom drawer to her right and removed the small black binder that held all of her notes and ideas—the one thing that she had allowed herself to pollute Sasha's space with—and she stood quickly, shoving the chair hard with the backs of her legs so that it smacked off the wall. Clenching her jaw and striding purposefully past Kim and Summer, Maddy marched over to her old desk and slapped her binder down on the surface top, the force of the throw knocking several of Steve's papers to the floor.

Still seeing red, Maddy haphazardly gathered up Steve's remaining papers and jacket and tossed them over onto Sasha's desk, not bothering to watch the papers fly through the air aimlessly and finally settle onto the various surfaces. Instead, she immediately turned and, not satisfied with her purging of Steve from her desk, swiped everything from the surface with her arms, toppling pencils, pens, paperclips, and Steve's empty coffee mug to the floor with a crash. She then laid her hands on the desktop and leaned on them, breathing heavily as she strove to calm her temper that had been so agitated by the thought that Sasha's presence would always haunt her in one way or another.

Her breathing under control, Maddy turned back around to face the destruction that she had wrought with her chin held high, slipping her cold, unfeeling mask back onto her face as she met the wide, startled, frightened eyes of Kim and Summer. Their mouths hung open in astonishment, but no sounds came out since they couldn't think of any words to say.

Clenching her hands into fists at her sides, Maddy turned her head when she heard Steve's approach to the office, watching the look on his face turn from one of curiosity to one of bewilderment.

"Wha—?" he stammered.

"I am not the head coach," Maddy growled. "I do not want his desk. This is my desk," she pointed forcefully at the small one behind her as she continued, "This is where I belong."

Sensing her fury, Steve held out a hand placatingly as he said soothingly, "All right. I understand—"

"No, you don't understand!" Maddy interrupted loudly. "I am not the coach that he was!" she screamed, her face crumpling as she voiced the truth and her fears. "I've tried! But I just can't be him." Taking a deep breath, Maddy forced herself to calm down and lower her voice and then she looked back up at Steve, finishing, "Find a new coach, Steve."

"We're working on it," he promised.

"No," Maddy responded finally. "Find a new coach. Today. I won't be back until you do."

Leaving them to reflect on her ultimatum, Maddy walked over to where she had tossed her bag and jacket on the floor, bent to pick them up, and then pushed her way past a shocked and confused Steve, knowing that she was doing the wrong thing. As she descended the steps, she felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment of her childish temper tantrum, but she was unable to turn herself back around and apologize. She wanted to leave…she needed to leave.

As she slipped behind the wheel of her car and peeled out of the parking lot, Maddy felt the level of her fear increase when she realized sadly that it was way too easy for her to leave her gymnasts behind…just like it had been for Sasha.

Later that night, Maddy raised her keys and used them to silently unlock the front door of the Rock, intending to clean up the mess that she had made earlier. Slipping inside the doors, she didn't bother to flick any of the light switches on, but instead felt her way along in the dark, blindly climbing the stairs to the office.

Even once she entered the room, Maddy chose not to turn on the overhead light, but instead walked the familiar path to her desk in the corner and flicked on the desktop lamp that she kept there. A soft, dim light illuminated the office and the sudden brightness made Maddy narrow her eyes until they adjusted, allowing her to see that someone had already taken care of the mess that she had caused earlier. Once again, Maddy felt her cheeks redden at the thought of her behavior and quickly banished those thoughts.

Pulling out her chair, she gently sat down in it, spinning it around with her legs to face the desk that had first been Marty Walsh's, then Sasha's, and lastly hers. In the last few months, three coaches had occupied that desk, but it was the man who had sat in that chair before her that occupied her thoughts tonight…just like every other night.

When Maddy had been a teenager, she had always looked up to Sasha Belov. His strength, power, and own style of grace was evident in every routine and his personality always added an edge and deeper level of meaning to his performance. He was a loner, preferring to train alone, single-mindedly focusing on his career and ignoring those around him. After retirement, his determination and single-mindedness had been what made him such a great coach. He had the ability to drive his gymnasts to find and break their limits, but also the compassion and understanding to relate to their insecurities and inhibitions. He studied people, learned what made them tick, and he was able to inspire confidence and trust in them. He was able to ease fears and soothe nerves. He was their rock, their anchor.

So why had he let her down when she begged him to be there for her? Why couldn't he be her rock, her anchor?

"Why did you leave?" Maddy whispered, confusion evident in her voice and the slump of her shoulders. "You knew that I couldn't do this without you."

Her words rang in the silence, but he did not answer.

"I warned him, you know," a voice spoke quietly behind her.

Startled, Maddy leapt up from her chair and rotated to study the form standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms folded across her chest.

Summer.

Sinking back down into her seat, Maddy rested her elbows on her knees and leaned forward. "Warned him about what?" she asked tiredly.

"You," Summer responded flatly.

Shocked, Maddy raised her eyebrows. Since Sasha had left, Summer had been cold and distant toward Maddy, speaking to her only when she had to, and Maddy had assumed that it was because Summer blamed her for Sasha's leaving. Maddy couldn't blame her for thinking it. More often than not, she thought it herself.

Chuckling humorlessly, Maddy answered, "Good. I'm glad someone did."

"He broke up with me," Summer volunteered as she walked over to sit on the couch next to Maddy. "He was in love with you, not me."

Maddy squirmed in her chair as a new memory flooded her mind. "Maddy, I love you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Sasha screamed pleadingly at her back.

"Did he tell you?" Summer questioned, bringing Maddy's attention back to the present.

"Did he tell me what?" Maddy responded guardedly.

"That he dumped me for you," Summer answered curtly.

Surprised once again, Maddy studied her clasped hands intently. She had wondered over the past few months what had transpired between Summer and Sasha that had ended in Sasha proclaiming his love for Maddy, but she had never had the nerve to ask. She hadn't wanted anyone to know that she had helped in pushing Sasha away, hiding her guilt and culpability from those looking for someone to blame. Learning now that Summer had known all along only made her guilt and shame increase.

"No," Maddy said quietly. "He didn't tell me that."

"I told him that you weren't right for him," Summer recounted. "That you would break his heart. That you didn't know how to love."

"All of which is true," Maddy responded softly, still feeling a pain in her heart as she acknowledged what she knew to be the truth.

After a long moment of silence, Summer finally admitted, "I'm not proud to say that, for a long time, I hated you."

"I can't blame you," Maddy agreed, "I hate myself." Saying it aloud for the first time, Maddy knew that it also was the truth.

"Until today," Summer interjected. "You were so…indifferent after Sasha left that I was confused as to what he saw in you that he didn't see in me. I would never have let him go if he told me that he loved me."

Maddy couldn't think of a reply so she remained silent.

"But then," Summer continued, "Today I saw you take off that carefully constructed shell. I saw you lose that cool—that illusion of perfection—and I could finally see you. I finally understood how Sasha could fall in love with you."

"I don't," Maddy stated forcefully, shrugging her shoulders. "I honestly don't know why he would choose me when he had someone like you, someone so willing to love him back. I don't understand what he saw in me."

"Look at you," Summer said as she scooted closer, taking Maddy's hands in her own. "You're a beautiful, smart, talented, funny young woman and you're so strong. Anyone can see that."

"I thought you hated me," Maddy said pathetically.

"I was jealous," Summer responded with a shrug. "Today the Lord helped me to see the true you. He helped me to finally forgive both you and Sasha." She looked pointedly into Maddy's eyes, finishing, "And maybe he'll help you forgive Sasha too."

Maddy immediately frowned and growled, "I'll never forgive him. Not after what he did."

"He loved you," Summer said softly. "Is that really such an unforgivable crime?"

Maddy stood from her chair and began to pace in front of Summer. "I can forgive him for leaving me," she finally said. "But I can't forgive him for abandoning his gymnasts. I won't."

"He left because he thought it was the right thing to do," Summer pleaded. "While you and I may not agree with him on that, he thought that it was his only option. He blamed himself for all that had gone wrong with the girls."

"You don't understand," Maddy argued. "I begged him to stay. I told him things that I've never told anyone and he still left. How can I forgive him after that? Why would I forgive him after that?"

A thoughtful expression on her face, Summer stood and walked over to Maddy. "I thought you said you could forgive him for leaving you," she said pointedly. "You think that he abandoned you, but the truth is that you pushed him away. And you know it. That's why you're so angry."

"That's ridiculous," Maddy retorted, but without her usual conviction.

"Maybe," Summer relented with a shrug. "But until you figure it out, you'll never be able to move on. Trust me, I know." Summer gave Maddy one last sad smile and then she slipped past her and disappeared into the dark of the gym, leaving Maddy alone with thoughts that were even more troubling and distracting than before.

Lost in those thoughts, Maddy collapsed onto the black sofa. She had allowed Sasha to get closer to her than anyone else in the past six years and look what it had gotten her. She was right back to where she had started six years ago. She had opened herself up to someone and he had trampled her and betrayed her trust. Could she forgive him for that? She wasn't sure.

Summer had forgiven Sasha. She had been able to look past his betrayal of her and move on, but could Maddy? Did she want to?

Yes. The answer came to her easily. She wanted to move on, she wanted to stop carrying around this guilt and shame. She wanted to be able to be herself, to let the person she only allowed people to see when she was performing be the one that they saw every day. Six years ago, she had locked that part of herself away, but somehow Sasha had picked the lock on the door and fallen in love with her. He had seen her true self, had begun to entice her out of the closet and back into the light of day.

Maddy didn't forgive him yet, but she wanted to. She was ready to move on, to live her life for the first time in six years. She had tried to hurt him worse than he had hurt her, but in the end, it hadn't achieved anything. All it had done was increase her own misery.

She had pushed Sasha away. Twice. And now she was doing it to her gymnasts and friends at the Rock.

She had to stop. She had to let Sasha go.

Determined, Maddy stood and turned the desktop lamp off. Starting right now, she was moving on. Starting right now, she was letting go of the past and embracing the present.

Starting right now, she was going to live.

Yay! A new leaf for Maddy...I'm wicked excited. And I love Summer. She is the definition of selfless, don't you think?