The Misadventures of Yukari Yakumo- Episode One
Chapter Nine
Fight scenes are, much to my chagrin- a word which here means 'frustration that they are long, drawn out, and hard to write'- frustratingly long, drawn out, and hard to write. And although I can certainly recount to you that the fight between the plagiarizer- a word which here means 'person who mimics things that he sees in visual mediums'- and the Prima Donna of Gensokyo- 'Prima Donna' being an term used in Opera for 'the Border Youkai of Gensokyo'- was a glorious one, it is hard to recount forth such glory by merely saying as such. For example, if I were to tell you that my Beef Stroganoff was tasty, you would have a hard time believing me, but if I were to say that the first bite of my Beef Stroganoff was a heavenly, succulent piece of rump steak topped with a creamy mushroom sauce; I added pepper and salt to the mixture to my taste after the decidedly mediocre first bite, and from that point onwards it was a filling and delicious meal, then you would certainly believe that I had eaten the delicious dish myself, and was not merely concocting an absurd story about Beef Stroganoff from the bowels of my misanthropic mind.
So, as unfortunate as it may be for me, should I continue my story, I cannot simply say, 'The fight between the plagiarizer and the Prima Donna of Gensokyo was a glorious one', and instead have to give you an entire chapter's worth of descriptive battle in order for you to take my word as more than mere fictitious gossip- a phrase which here means 'whatever the Bunbunmaru Spirit News publishes'.
Yukari had just called out 'Shikigami: Ran Yakumo', an attack which involved Yukari sitting around doing next to nothing while her kitsune lackey did all the dirty work. She began to rotate at a speed quite unsettling for a Satori, although it was normal for the mammal youkai to do such a thing, while firing bullets shaped like Lepidoptera- a word which means 'what lepidopterists collect'- all the time while Dawitsu and Yutaka dodged somewhat expertly.
Yutaka, although a strong, resolute person of great intelligence, was having particular trouble with dodging this attack. Dawitsu, however, seemed to have acquired some kind of stopwatch to stop time, as shortly after he held up the clock, he disappeared, and reappeared on the other side of the room, holding his Shikigami gently while knives seemingly appeared from nowhere. This didn't seem to faze Yukari, who simply sidestepped when appropriate in a nonchalant manner- 'nonchalant' meaning 'without much, if any effort whatsoever'.
"Come on, you two! Show me something interesting!" Yukari requested in a sarcastic manner, prompting Dawitsu to fulfil her request.
"Fine! Combination Sign: Lunar Madness!" Dawitsu called, and soon the room began to sway back and forth, almost as if the madness was contagious for everyone watching. It was changing colour, and Dawitsu had formed a set of white orbs in a line, which fired several bullets shaped like suppositories- a word which here means 'things you will learn about when you grow up'- at the Border Youkai. Dawitsu's eyes flickered a strange red colour, and it caused the crayon-shaped bullets to disappear, before reappearing in a slightly different location. Shortly afterwards, he began to spin like a spinning top while laughing in a manner best described as 'demented'- such a word that means 'not of sound mind'.
As he did so, he sprayed various shapes of bullets, all coloured purple, and continued his assault until the next time he had to stop and alter the bullet configuration. It was quite the impressive display, and admittedly, should I have been faced with the task of dodging it, I would have failed.
Fortunately for Yukari, her dodging skills were far beyond my own, and she even covered up her face with her fan to give herself a challenge as she easily weaved between what little spaces between the bullets there were. It was as if her mind was busy playing chess with itself on seven different chessboards, and she was winning every single game, all while her physical body was dodging and attacking the somewhat harder-working mimicker.
Seemingly determined to do no work herself, Yukari ordered Ran to perform 'Protection of Zenki and Goki', a strange manoeuvre that involved Ran forming several large balls of danmaku, and an accompanying clump of smaller bullets to go with it, and throw them in pairs straight at her two targets. It was easy to dodge, mainly due to the nature of the bullets being aimed straight at the intended target.
This may seem counter-intuitive. However, when one is shot at directly, one always knows the best way to dodge it; keep moving. This process is known by the people who fight in Danmaku battles regularly as 'streaming'.
Yutaka 'streamed' the bullets with ease, and suddenly, almost... without warning, she actually attacked. She called out, "Environmental Sign: Mayan Calendar Expiration!"
This spell-card did a small-scale replication of what many interpret to be the way the world would end. She lifted her arms, and ground began to crack, large pieces of rock stabbing from the ground. However, Yukari was quite prepared for the one which lunged at her, and grabbed her unwitting Shikigami by her clothes. The result was about three wounds in total, Yukari's wounds totalling zero and Ran's totalling three. The shikigami became flexuous- a word which here means 'about as flexible as a plush doll'- and was thrown to the side by her apathetic- 'apathetic' meaning 'languid'- Mistress like a cloth after it has been used to wipe the windows.
Although Yutaka could have continued attacking, her pacifistic conscience- a word which here means 'What Tokage Reiketsu doesn't have'- forced her to stop attacking and instead check if the debilitated- a word which here means 'injured'- Kitsune was injured.
"Ran! Are you okay?" Yutaka asked concernedly, a word which here means 'how Yukari should have felt'.
However, like if one were talking to the used cloth after it has been used to wipe the windows, Yutaka was not given a response from the kitsune, merely silence. Dawitsu, despite the fact I was admiring Yutaka more for the fact she was willing to stop fighting for the safety of her supposed enemy, was admiring Yutaka before that, while she was attacking, and, unfortunately for myself, encouraged more fighting and less caring.
"You can help her out later! For now, just finish off showing me just how awesome a girl you can be!" Dawitsu called out, moving and dodging a set of lasers and Lepidoptera-based bullets which Yukari fired from the point he was formerly at.
Although she could have been a pacifist, the fact was that in this situation, there was not much of a choice beyond 'help the man who has been your friend and giver of home for years', and assisted Dawitsu by altering the wavelength of Yukari's lasers and the refractive index- a phrase that means 'the tendency of a transparent medium to bend light'- of the air close to the aforementioned lasers to deflect the concentrated light right back at the Border Youkai.
Due to it being her own attack, Yukari seemed genuinely hurt as the laser pierced her, or at least, she put up a convincing act of pain compared to her usual attitude- a phrase which here means 'shrugging off knives, energy balls, and death rays aimed at or hitting you'- and said, "Ouch! Is that how you treat your future mistress?"
Dawitsu, despite his usual idiocy, picked up on the implication in this sentence- a phrase meaning 'the fact that Yukari was going to win, take his beloved shikigami, and leave him in the Netherworld to be pestered by her absent-minded, ingenious, ghostly friend.'- and took insult to it, saying, "You're not her future mistress... say goodbye!"
He proceeded to perform an attack named 'Duplex Spark'. This name is what literary scholars call a 'Portmanteau', or a fusion of two names, in this case, Marisa Kirisame's Master Spark and Reimu Hakurei's Duplex Barrier. The result was a grid of shrine maiden amulets forming itself around the Border Youkai, followed by a large, kaleidoscopic laser- 'kaleidoscopic' meaning 'of so many beautiful and iridescent- a word which here means 'reflective and shiny'- coloured that it rendered me unable to use any other word than kaleidoscopic to describe it' that would have hit the Border Youkai, however, she formed a set of Borders around herself with her 'bomb' attack, Quadruple Barrier.
Once again hoping to rely on her Shikigami, she called out to Ran, "Hey, stop sleeping and help me!"
However, she had been hoist by her own petard- a phrase that means 'put in an awkward position due to using her own shikigami as a shield'- as Ran was still lying on the floor, unable to answer beyond an unintelligible babble. Knowing this was not an attack, Yukari finally started to take the fight seriously, and performed 'Yukari's Arcanum: Danmaku Bounded Field'. This attack consisted of two familiars forming a static, spherical layer of bullets as they moved, and then, when the time came, causing them to move again, forming a trapping system few could escape from. However, the regularity of the move seemed to be its weakness, as both Dawitsu and Yutaka were dodging it fairly well, albeit barely. Due to the attack's nature, it forced Dawitsu and Yutaka to close in on the Border Youkai.
Yukari used this opportunity to gloat the mimicker, and she slowly whispered, "You're going to be all alone. You're going to be so lonely that you'll wish you were dead..."
As many of you may know, men are, despite superficially similar to their female equivalents, very different creatures to women. A woman would either burst into tears, remain quiet, or come up with a witty retort should they be told of their impending loneliness. But a man is a creature of pride, a phrase meaning 'something not likely to burst into tears, remain silent, or come up with a witty retort', and will instead resort to barbarian methods of response, which in this case means 'punching Yukari in the face'.
Dawitsu resorted to a barbarian method of response, and punched Yukari in the face, causing her to lose concentration despite it affecting her as much as a feather affects a regular person's face, and this rendered the attack she was performing unpredictable enough to throw Yutaka off, and cause her to be hit. Not being all that used to either dishing out or receiving damage, she promptly fell unconscious. Dawitsu stared at his Shikigami in concern, but before he could somewhat predictably call out her name, Yukari delivered her response to his punch- a clubbing on the head with her parasol.
The fight soon degraded to one of colourful bullets to a raw fist fight, with Dawitsu using machetes, cleavers, and other unspeakably vicious-looking weapons, while Yukari fended him off easily with her Parasol alone. Yukari became self-assured- a word which here means 'knowing of the fact she had won'- and said, "Your Shikigami is going to be fifty percent more efficient than both Ran and Chen combined. It's such a shame she's wearing such stupid clothes... I'll rectify that when I take her home..."
This remark was the straw that broke the camel's back- a phrase which means 'the tiny insult that ultimately drives a person into an anger-filled frenzy'- and Dawitsu got out a large rainbow-coloured sword, and performed one last spell-card; Copycat Sign: Omnislash.
He began slashing relentlessly- a word which here means 'in futility'- at Yukari, but every slash missed. Finally, after what seemed like the twenty-five-and-a-halfth slash, Yukari grabbed the mimicker's arm, and threw him into rings of bullets that surrounded the pair, causing him to be hit until he lost consciousness, and so, by definition, also lost the battle.
At this point, I was fortunate enough to see Yukari laugh ever so slightly, before picking up the unconscious body of Yutaka Hadekawa and walking out of the now destroyed beyond recognition house, seemingly unwilling to open up a gap for herself. I followed her briefly, but decided it would actually be better to see what Ran, who had been left there for dead, would do next...
Author's Note: It seems strange, but I can't see... Yutaka, fighting at all. She isn't the type, she's just not aggressive in any way. Although, she does take Chess Matches very seriously, as does her boss. I must say, recently, it's been nice, the Dawitsu household seem to be very accepting of me...
For some reason, Yutaka deliberately spilled tea on my shirt the other day. She claims it was an accident, but I could tell by the way she walked that it was deliberate. She kept insisting that Dawitsu should give me his shirt or something... I mean, he did, but I don't understand why she would do that... huh? Why are you laughing, Jean? Do you know something I don't?
Typist's Notes: Ah, l'amor! I may not have been born in Paris, but I have certainly lived there for a while, and I think it is obvious what is happening here... ah, Yutaka, you are the Cupid Angel, are you not? Do not think you can fool me! Ah, I imagine that the Youkai Man is... how do you say? Not seeing the point? Yes, I imagine that is the case. But, ah ha... it was actually because of a friend's meddling that me and Patricia got together... ah, all in the past days, of course...
Reviews for Chapter Nine:
Tokage Reiketsu: Michel! How could you! It's not like that at all! How could you infer that... that someone would try to get... that... ugly... stupid creep Hebiko with that stud Dawitsu! It's not true, I tell you! It's not! It's all lies!
Yutaka Hadekawa: Um... er... yes! I don't consider Hebiko unattractive or stupid, but it is a logical fallacy that I would be trying to bring those two together... if they do, it's simply because they love each other... I didn't meddle at all, it's all lies...
Mateyuu Dawitsu: Hold on, hold on... what? That was on purpose... to try and ship me and Hebiko together? I just thought Yutaka was trying to be all... you know, cute and stuff, and accidentally hit Hebiko in the process. Yutaka, why would you want to ship us two together. I mean sure, we have similar interests, intellect, self-esteem and habits, but I'm not so sure that we're compatible as a couple, that's all...
Sakuya Izayoi: Story of my life. Dawitsu's so wishy-washy.
Alice Margatroid: I agree with Sakuya. Too wishy-washy.
Ran Yakumo: I DON'T WANT HIM TO GET WITH HEBIKO!
Rinnosuke Morichika: Hold on, this guy's always complaining that he has no luck with the ladies and that he's jealous of me... he seems to have quite the following right here... I mean, come on, one of them is MY FREAKIN' GIRLFRIEND!
Yukari Yakumo: Don't worry, Rinnosuke, he doesn't stand a chance with anyone. Oh, the story? I thought this was a typed-up chat room, I must be in the wrong place...