CHAPTER 10.– WE'RE ALL LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO BE

-BASH -

I was right. Penelope, in her stubborn ways, arrested the man she'd been given to and quietly escorted him out of the house and down the block to where a patrol car was waiting. Mary and I stood out on the front lawn and saw the van we knew the guys were in. Moments later, we saw Lola leaving with her scumbag but they were going to a different location.

Mary and I stuck around for a couple more hours. As we were getting ready to leave, we got an urgent call from the Bureau. I answered my phone and put it on speaker. "This is Poitiers," I said as we were walking out of the house. No one was around so I was alright answering with my real name.

"Bash," Westbrook said. "Where the hell are you?"

"Leaving the Valois house, why?" I didn't like Westbrook's tone. It was… off.

"We have a situation. Agent Hale was rushed to the hospital."

Both Mary and I stopped dead in our tracks. I was in shock, but Mary's was amplified by ten. "Wh-what?" she asked.

"She was in the middle of arresting the man she took off with when he pulled a knife on her. She managed to shoot him and brought him down, but she was gravely injured with several stab wounds to the abdomen."

Within seconds, Mary and I were in the car on our way up to the hospital where the other members of our team were gathered in the waiting room. I felt like I was having déjà vu… wasn't I just in this scenario a few weeks ago? Standing in a waiting room with my fellow agents while our colleague was on an operating table after being injured by a criminal? I wanted to throw up… my ears were ringing, my head was pounding… I was in the middle of having a panic attack. All I could think about was Jewels. Aylee's life was in the balance just like my old partner. It was up to God now whether she lived or died.

I didn't even hear my name in full, but I could hear the faintness of people's voices while I started to get dizzy. Suddenly… it was black.

.

It was five in the morning when I woke up. Penelope and Leith were by my side in the hospital room I was now in, dressed in a gown and hooked up to IVs. I was confused. What had happened? I didn't remember anything past arriving at the hospital. But Penelope saw me waking up first and got Leith's attention. "Bash?" she asked, standing up and coming to my side, bending down. "Bash, can you hear me?"

I moaned in slight pain and confusion. "Wha—what happened?"

"You had a panic attack," Leith said, now standing by Penelope's side. "…so bad that you passed out. They admitted you to monitor you."

Some of it came back to me but not all of it. But I didn't care about myself right now. I looked at both of them, from one to the other, and asked, "Where's Aylee?"

They both looked down. I could tell by their facial expressions that she was dead. No.

Leith said, "Westbrook and Delacroix are on their way down. It's time to nail Valois and everyone who works for him or is associated with him in any sense of the word. We've already lost two agents to this family… we will not lose a third."

Penelope helped me sit up and held a cup of water close to me, telling me to drink slowly through the straw. I was discharged around eight in the morning after getting some more sleep. Penelope and Leith led me out of the hospital and, even though the doctor told me to take it easy and get some rest at the hotel, I demanded my team members take me to the field office.

The first person I saw in the conference room was Mary. She'd been crying. Her face was stained with tears but she wasn't crying any more. Lola, Greer, Kenna, and Philip looked distraught too. They'd known her better than myself, Penelope, Leith, Julien, or Alec. But we knew what they were going through. We'd just lost a member of our own team.

Westbrook and Agent Richard Delacroix were already there. With OC and the BAU coming together, we needed to take a drastic step forward. "We've suffered too much loss," Westbrook said. "Two of our agents have been taken from us. It's not right. We can't let these lowlife's get away with this. We have all of the evidence we need. Bash and Mary have seen the illegal substances in person. We need to run a diversion."

Leith pulled out a chair for me and I sat down. After doing so, I asked, "And how do you suggest we do that?"

Crossing his arms and looking at me, Westbrook said, "Exigent circumstances."

Julien said, "Wait a minute. How can we manage to do that? We'd have to be pursuing a criminal on the premises of his estate or the warehouse, or he'd have to invite us in."

Agent Delacroix said, "He already did." Then he gestured to Mary and I.

My eyes widened. "Wait a second, you want us to blow our covers?"

"You won't be doing it alone," Westbrook said. "You're going to bring all of the ladies with you. We'll have a SWAT team on standby and we will personally oversee this operation. No more commands from Quantico. The Director is getting restless and he wants this family gone."

I looked at Mary, but she didn't look back at me. I knew she was hurting. I'd been in her shoes. Aylee had been one of her team members;… her best friends. It was impossible to think she was dead, but she was. Accepting it was the hard reality. Being in four of the five stages of grief myself?...I understood.

.

When we got back to the hotel, planning on taking Francis and his men down tomorrow afternoon, I went to my room and laid down on the bed. It was too silent in my room. I laid there and looked at the clock for a good half hour before there was a knock on my door. Slowly, I got up to answer it and was shocked to find Mary standing there. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Tell me about Jewels," she said.

I wasn't about to object. So I stood aside and let her in, closing the door once she was. Going over to the bed, we both sat down. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Jewels… was my best friend. We met when I was first assigned to Organized Crime. Her father was an agent and she learned everything she knew from him. In many ways… she was my mentor. She didn't have children to pass her knowledge to so she passed it to me… her partner." I fought to keep it together, knowing I couldn't get emotional any more. "We… bonded right away. It was one of the fastest relationships I'd ever formed with someone. Soon after we were more than just a set of partners. Leith joined in the group. And quite frequently Alec, Julien, and Penelope were working with us so they were unofficial, honorary members of our squad. Jewels and I… we were the glue that kept everyone together. But she did most of the work. She was the most intelligent, skilled woman I ever met. She was one hell of an agent. I wouldn't be the agent I was if not for her."

It was quiet after that. I didn't know what else to say. I knew Mary was hurting right now over the death of Aylee, but I didn't know how to comfort her. Three weeks had passed, almost four, and I still hadn't accepted Jewels' death. How could I comfort someone when I wasn't even past the point of needing comforting for myself?

Finally… Mary spoke. "Aylee was a class behind me at Quantico. She was a genius. I'd never seen someone so enthusiastic about working for the Bureau. It… it almost made me wonder… 'How did such a bubbly person get into the FBI?'" I laughed with her, and I saw the first smile on her face since Aylee had died. "But then I got to see her brain in action. It was incredible. She wasn't the kind of agent you expected, but the lady knew how to do the job."

I hadn't gotten to know Aylee very well. I don't think any of us did. She worked mostly behind the scenes on the case until just last night after Westbrook and Delacroix threw her to the front lines, which ultimately resulted in her death. I could see the tears running down Mary's face, one by one, almost in perfect crooked symmetry with one another. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I… I can't imagine what you must be going through."

Mary looked at me. "Of course you do. You're the only one who does."

Yeah… she was right. I was the only one. And I wasn't going to let her become me… holed up in an apartment for two weeks, doing nothing but sleeping and sulking. We had a job to do. We were in the middle of this case. Every person involved with the Valois family would pay for this. We'd lost two amazing agents to them. It was time they lost everything they had but the air in their lungs.

Mary touched my face gently and I put a hand over hers. We looked into each other's eyes and drifted closer until we were kissing. It started out soft, which was fine, but… then it started to get a little heavy. I pulled away and said, "Mary, we… we shouldn't be doing this. You're not okay."

"Neither are you," she rebutted.

Again, she was right. She was always right. Goddamn it, I hated that. Why was I so stupid? I had little moments of being rational, only to have them thrown back in my face. Had I always been like this?

No matter what I thought… I wasn't going to stop. Not if Mary didn't want to.

So I kissed her again and didn't hold back.

.

-MARY -

Three a.m. I woke in Bash's arms in the pitch black hotel room where my only course of light was the slight sliver of moonlight shinning through the drapes. My eyes and the skin of my face were tender from crying. Bash was sound asleep. It was absolutely silent in the room except for the sound of our breathing. His skin was so warm against mine, I didn't want to move. I didn't want to wake him up by moving even a millimeter.

I thought about Aylee. It hurt, but I couldn't stop thinking about her. The only relief I had from the pain was making love to Bash just a few hours ago before I fell asleep. I didn't know so much could happen in just a couple of days. It felt so selfish of me… here I was, damn near falling in love with my new partner while one of my team members had her life taken from her. What would have happened if Bash and I had left the Valois house and got ready at the hotel or the field office? Could we have stopped Westbrook and Delacroix from sending the others out into the field? Could we have saved Aylee's life? Could I have?

I would never know… because I was too busy pushing Bash to his limits and forcing him to reveal his true feelings for me, all because of something Penelope said.

I hated myself. This was all my fault.

.

I didn't remember falling asleep again but when I woke up it was bright… too bright. It took me a moment to register what was going on. But Bash was sitting up, holding me in his arms. I could smell coffee in the room, but I didn't know where it was coming from. I looked up and saw him looking at me. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I said. "How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour," he answered quietly. "Leith brought us coffee. Westbrook and Delacroix told him that you're taking the day off and that's an order."

"But… what about the operation?"

"Penelope had a nice long bitch-fest with them. Convinced them that we could handle it on our own."

I sat up and said, "No… Bash, I can do this."

"No," he said, sliding his arm under my legs and pulling me onto his lap. "You can't. You're grieving."

"So are you," I told him. "You've been grieving for weeks and you're in the field working!"

Bash put a hand on my cheek. "Mary, stop. Your wounds are fresh. Mine aren't. I have to agree with them. You and the girls take the day off. Philip's going to come with us and we're going to take Francis down on our own."

I shook my head. "No. I won't let you. This is our fight. Every single one of ours."

"And you're in no condition to fight," he told me gently, but firmly. "I'm going to fight for you… for all of you. And I won't let you defy an order."

Tears filled my eyes. I didn't want to be sidelined like this. I wanted to fight for Aylee. I wasn't going to stand for this. "No… no," I said, shaking my head. "I'm going. You can't stop me. I'll deal with the SACs later. I'm going to fight for my friend. If you really care about me… you'll let me do this."

He was silent. It was too quiet for a few moments as he rested his forehead against mine. Then… he whispered, "I can't let you. Because… I love you."

...

A/N: I know you all REEEEEEEEEEEALLY needed this after that new promo was released. (Kennash sex? -gags- All the Frary? -stabs self in the stomach-) Chapter 11 will be on its way soon. I didn't get to 10 for the last chapter, so do you guys think you can get me there for this one? -heart-