Eli's POV

Laying here with a rope around my neck and some sad ass Lana Del Ray music playing, you'd think "what a sad guy." I wasn't a sad guy though, I was a lost guy. There wasn't a single part of me that didn't want to do it, didn't want to end my life. Today I didn't care about Clare, Alex, or my new baby. Today I was going to be selfish, because I had been too strong for too long. I was going to cry, and wallow in my self pity. My daughter was dead. It's the kind of bull shit you really cant say, that you really don't want to believe. The kind of bull shit you read in a book, get pissed off at but then you think "hey its just a book" and you pick it up and keep reading. This was real though. I couldn't turn the page, and skip this. I sat with Julia for about two hours before she died. I held her and we talked about all the things we got to do while she was here, all the things we'd never get to do.

"You know you're my best friend, right papa?"

"I do. And you're mine." I was holding her tiny body so tight, I wanted to savor every last moment.

"I don't want you to be sad, and I don't want you to quit. Don't quit on life. We have had so many amazing memories, almost 16 years of them. I want you to remember our family vacations, and the times we'd dance in the living room when I was little. I'd always stand on your toes because I couldn't dance, you have always been my super hero. I don't know where I'll go, or where I'll end up. I do know that where ever it is, I'm still going to love you and mom. She's going to take this very hard, don't break down on her. Stay strong for her, and for me. This is going to hurt Alex very much, he may not say a lot these days but that's just because he's hurting. We are twins, one in the same. I know if this were him, id feel like half of me were dying. You need to show him you love him, and when he says he cant do it anymore, make him." She was curled up in a ball in my lap with her head on my chest and her arms wrapped around my neck, she looked so tiny and breakable, but she sounded so strong. The confidence radiated off her voice, it was unbelievable.

"How can you say any of this, how can you make it seem so easy. Julia without you, I am nothing and I will never be anything again. I have tried so hard to keep everything and everyone together but I cant, I cant if you are gone." I was sobbing so hard I began to make embarrassing noises and no matter how hard I tried to control it I couldn't. "Ill never get to walk you down the isle, and I'll never be able to see you graduate. My baby, my baby! Kid's are supposed to burry their parents, not the other way around!"

"It isn't easy. I'm scared, so scared. I'm counting on you to not be, because you're the strongest man I know. If you cant handle this, how can I? I could finally feel her tears drip on my chest. I realized that I had to be strong one more time for her, I had to make her feel safe one last time. I had to still be her daddy while I could. When she was gone I could be weak, but not right now. Daddy's girl, needed me.

"You are way stronger than me, always have been Julia Goldsworthy. No matter where you go, you'll be ok. I know I will be to, because I will always have you with me. There is nothing that could erase you from my heart, from my soul. We will always be connected, distance and time cant change that. Don't worry about your mom or brother, ok baby. I'm sorry I broke down on you." She tighten her arms around my neck, was this really it?

"I wish I could have met my new brother or sister." Another knife to my heart, how could I take anymore.

"Sister. It's a girl, Julia." I cried. Her face dropped a little, and I knew what was on her mind. It made my heart ache. I couldn't let her think that.

"No one will ever take your place, you will always be my number one little lady. I loved you first, and ill love you longest. Forever." She smiled a little, and we lay in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke again.

"Daddy, I hope we've been wrong this whole time. I hope there's a heaven, and I hope I get to watch you and mom raise your baby. I hope I get to watch Alex graduate. And If we are wrong, do you think God could forgive me for doubting him? Do you think maybe I could be an Angel?" Her eyes were looking up at me wide, with tears threatening to fall.

"Yes. The most beautiful Angel there ever was Julia." She let a tear fall, smiled, and closed her eyes.

"I'm gonna go now dad. Tell momma, Alex, Blake, and my new baby sister I love them. Forever." My heart sank, and I literally threw up in my mouth. I was dying too.

"Thank you for choosing me to be the last one in here with you Julia Goldsworthy. It's been a pleasure to be your daddy baby. I'll tell them. I'll see you soon. I love you Forever." And just like that, my Angel flew away.

"Memories seep from my veins. They may be empty and weightless, and maybe I'll find some peace tonight in the arm's of an Angel. Fly away from here." Sarah McLachlan In The Arms of an Angel

Sorry If it's a bit short, I thought this was the right time to stop the chapter. Don't hate me. There is so much more the come. Thanks for the support, if you guys every want to add to the story it's just as much yours as it is mine. I'd truly take it in to consideration. Thanks so much. Love always, Rie. xoxo