A/N: (updated) There is in fact slight differences in here. If you'd like to reread, then go for it! The plot remains basically the same, however.

Also, please note, that this is an "alpha" chapter. The families are more broken up; Jake/Jade aren't related to Jane/John like they are in the "beta" chapters, and Rose/Roxy aren't related to Dave/Dirk. Also, shitloads of Humanstuck.

Warnings: cursing, John/Dave, one-sided Eridan/Everyone, one-sided Caliborn/Dirk, Meenah/Aranea, implied Calliope/Jake, Dirk/Jake. So much shipping, when in reality it's not even that much.

(NOW EDITTED TO BE CANON!)

10
ANGR ISSS (Part 1)

[+]

Dirk glared at the pair of sunglasses in his hands. AR had contracted a virus, and Dirk had been working on fixing AR, ever since he had gotten home from school. And it was dark out by now.

What he couldn't understand was how the hell the damned thing had gotten through his usually impeccable anti-virus program. Even AR, from the garbled mush he continued to spew each time Dirk turned him on, seemed to not know what had went wrong.

He set down AR as gently as he could before kicking the wall under his desk and growling in frustration. It took all his effort combined to keep from simply flipping the damn desk over—that would be a serious mistake. For one, AR was on it, and if anything got damaged, Dirk might lose vital data, important to restoring the artificial intellect to his former self. For another, his laptop and various wired in hard-drives were sitting precariously close to the open window.

Dirk was frustrated, frustrated with himself for somehow fucking up his programming and leaving a hole in AR's defenses; frustrated with Bro for buying them a penthouse apartment and making it impossible to throw things out the window without having to go down flights of stairs to retrieve them again; frustrated with whoever the fuck had infected AR.

He had his head in his hands, fingers switching between pulling his hair, and digging his nails into his scalp, when he heard the tap on his door.

Dirk groaned and leaned back in his chair, head tilted backwards to just barely see his door, his neck already beginning to ache from the awkward angle. He had forgotten Bro was having some stupid meeting with his lawyer and his agent about some movie deal.

And his older brother didn't knock.

Seconds later, the door swung open. Dirk could barely hear Dave and Ericardo speaking, meaning the meeting had been moved from the living room to the kitchen at some point.

One hotshot lawyer, Miss Teresa Pyrone, stood in his doorway, leaning on her cane. Her clipped, sleek brown hair was still at it's usual messy shoulder cut. She wore a simple, black sweater dress and teal tights. Dirk couldn't see her shoes. She was leaning on her dragon cane, the lighting hitting her red shades at an angle that hid her eyes from him, a trick she had probably learned to intimidate those in court.

Not that she had gotten much court action recently. As of late, it had been months since anyone had attempted to sue Mister Big-Man Director Strider for copyright infringement, making references to trademarked items or using songs in his movies without paying royalties. Even Betty Crocker Corp. hadn't been on his tail lately.

Maybe everyone was finally learning that when the offender's lawyer can smell guilt from a mile away, she can and will dig up every single thing you've done wrong until you back down.

Teresa was cool like that.

"Dirk." She sounded stern. He bet she used this tone in court, probably when she asked a question she had untouchable evidence to back up. "Did you just punch the wall?"

"Nope." He continued to stare at her shades defiantly. He crossed his arms on his stomach, boredly watching as she began to roll her fingers atop her cane's dragon head. It seemed to be staring him down as well.

"Then I suppose a bear made that hole in the wall?"

Does broken plaster have a smell?

"No bears here."

"Did a rat colony learn how to create explosives?"

"That'd be pretty bitchin'."

She sighed. He grinned. It'd been a while since he had held out longer than Teresa in one of their little games of endurance. In record time, too. That meeting must be pretty serious.

"What made the hole in the wall, then, Dirk?"

"I kicked it."

He watched as her eyebrows dropped down and her eyes narrowed. Dirk was happy she was blind. He didn't really want to go showing just anyone that he didn't have his shades on.

"Dirk, Cool Kid has told me about some of your little outbreaks, and I can understand that! My roommate in college had Kleptomania and any time she got caught, she'd throw a temper tantrum." Thanks for comparing me to a thief. "But you have to understand that not everything is going to go your way in life. Despite what people in my profession work all day doing, the world is not fair."

"Yeah, but-" She switched her cane to her other hand.

Her left hand.

Her I-Have-A-Trump-Card-That-Will-Kick-Your-Ass-So-I-Would-Suggest-You-Stop-Digging-Your-Hole-Deeper-And-Shut-Up-Now hand.

"As you know, Dirk," she grinned as she continued, "your brother hired me for one reason: to tell him what is fair, what is legal, what is frowned upon, and how to do those things in a way that doesn't get him thrown in jail or makes him lose money. But I am also a consultant. Not in stupid Amporan's way, to figure out which actresses are hottest and cheapest or whatever; no, I'm not an agent. I listen to him when he talks about an issue he has, and try to find him a solution that works out for everybody."

Dirk was pretty sure his heart was taking a tour of his organs, sinking further and further into his stomach, like a boulder dropping into a pond of jello. He didn't like this trump card. He never liked Teresa's trump cards. Especially when they were directed at him.

"And," she went on, "he gave me three options when it came to your anger issues. Continue ignoring you. Send you to some camp or school designed for delinquents. Or get you counseling." She kept that innocent grin on her face, as if she were discussing a recent vacation from Hawaii.

"And?"

"And I told him to let you pick."

Dirk narrowed his eyes, finally swiveling his chair around and facing her. He noticed she was wearing red converse. He wondered if it was another attempt to get in Bro's pants. Even though I'm blind, I totally accidentally happened to end up wearing shoes in your favorite color, a pair you happen to also own. What a co-inky-dink.

"Bullshit."

"Oh, but it's true. He doesn't know I'm telling you this; he sent me in here to ask you what's wrong and try to comfort you. But Dirk, we're alike, and you know that." He did have to admit that. She was incredibly smart for a blind lawyer who licked all the evidence and picked cases based on instinct. It was intriguing to play mind games with someone who understood them as much as he did. And they both could be snarky, although her's was more heavy-handed. "And I know that you don't want me to tell you 'there there, it'll be alright, we'll get you a pony and some ice cream for dinner.' You want me to give you something to distract you from your current situation.

"Well there you go. I just gave you a brand new puzzle. Enjoy it, Dirk. I can't wait to hear which answer you think is best."

She gave him a genuine smile then, with all of her teeth showing, her cheeks reaching her eyes and pushing her glasses up a little. Dirk figured he could've been friends with her, if she were his age and less frightening. If she were less skilled with words and had less experience dealing with liars, thieves, and other lawyers, she probably would've been a pretty cool chick. And it was obvious that through Dave, she at least cared for Dirk a little.

"Yeah. Thanks, then."

She turned to leave, her hand grabbing the door knob to pull it shut behind her, before she paused. "Oh, and Dirk, leave the shades off more often. Orange crème soda tastes much better than black licorice. I keep trying to get Dave to do the same, but you Striders are more stubborn than Lavinia when it comes to her ridiculous clothes."

With that, she shut the door.

He narrowed his eyes. She may be one of his friends' mom, but he disagreed with Teresa. Lavinia had some pretty bitching digs.

[+]

During the weekend, Bro confronted Dirk. He even took off his aviators, probably playing fair since AR was still out of it. And it just felt wrong wearing AR when he wasn't online. It was like taking your comatose best friend onto a roller coaster. He was there in form, but he wasn't actually there to enjoy it.

His red eyes bore into Dirk's orange ones, and yet again he wondered how crazy their dad's genetics must've been if his, mixed with your brown-eyed mom's, made orange and red. "So, Dirk, I've noticed that you've been a bit...exasperated, recently."

Dirk smiled slightly, leaning back. "Furious?"

Dave's lips quirked at that. "Enraged."

"Aggravated."

"Ferocious."

"Violent."

"Props to that one. Perfect definition right there." But the tension was gone. Dirk felt like discussing this would be a lot easier than if his Bro didn't act like he did when he fired an actor. "Anyway, what I'm saying is, you've been losing your cool. And it has got me concerned. I mean, my lil bro turns into a dragon every time something even slightly pisses him off. He burns down villages, eats children, and demands virgin sacrifices."

Dirk rolled his eyes.

"And I mean, what am I supposed to do? The only virgin I got left is Ericardo, and I am pretty sure you don't want him."

"Too far, Bro, too far."

He smirked, but it immediately disappeared as he returned to Serious Business. "Dirk, whether or not I'm around much to say so, I care about you. You're mini-me after all, and we're all we got left. But it's hard to want to stick around when any time the power goes out, you start breathing fire."

Dirk kept his lips sealed. He wasn't about to try to defend himself. Even he didn't really understand why he blew up so easily.

"Now, I've come up with three solutions. Each one involves you embarking on a magic, personal journey that will be riddled with epiphanies and swooning damsels and angry trolls. Quest one is just you. Naturally, I'll be on your side, ready to dish out any power-ups or armor upgrades you need. Kind of like that one hot chick from the Thieve's Guild who always runs out of gold before you can sell her all of your potions and weapons, but still always manages to ha-"

"Bro, do I have to give your nerd-ass a swirly or are you going to cut the monolog short any time soon?"

Dave rolled his eyes. "Basically, quest one, I'm here to get you anything you need. But you're going to be working out this problem on your own. Quest numero dos, you get to trade me out for a sweet, bitchin' wizard. He's gonna be able to read past all your bull shit-" funny, since this is all bull-shit, "-and be able to pull out exactly what's the issue. He'll kind of be like a Seer. Except without the girly title. I can't hear Seer without thinking of those frou-frou Twilight wizard novels the Lalonde chick writes. The guy in that was a seer, right?"

Dirk snorted. One of his best friends happened to be the daughter of said 'Lalonde chick.' And from how often she babbled about it, no, the guy was not a seer.

"Anyway, quest two means you get a sweet wizard who will be able to ignore the crap and use his magic powers to stir up some answers. Quest three, you get kidnapped by bandits except not really kidnapped because you secretly set yourself up for it. They give you to a queen, who demands ransom from your Bro here to help take care of you. The evil queen tells you what to do, whips you into shape, and the only way to leave is if you find the calm within you and be quiet and peaceful enough to sneak out."

Dirk was pretty good at reading through Dave's crap. He recognized his brother's style, the way he lied or spoke to get what he wanted. And from what he could tell, it seemed like Dave didn't really want to send him away.

Dirk was positive he could solve any problem thrown at him; especially one inside of him. Whatever was broken in his brain, whatever rusty gear started kicking up a racket every time Dirk got a little pissed, he could fix it.

He opened his mouth to say as much, but he looked Dave in the eye.

Such a thing was a rare occurrence, for the two Striders to look each other in the eyes, discussing something serious. Because Dirk usually had his shades. But he didn't. Because he had fucked up, and hadn't been able to fix AR.

It actually kind of hurt, how incredibly bitter the irony of it was. AR, the copy of Dirk's brain, was broken. And now something in Dirk's mind was glitching out as well. Except instead of random strings of gibberish and static and the ominous BSOD, Dirk was spewing expletives and throwing fists.

It seemed like Dirk wasn't capable of fixing anything having to do with his mind, nowadays.

"Let's see what fabulous prizes lay behind door two, then." His voice sounded weak, even to himself. Dave simply nodded, pokerface in place, as he stood up. But Dirk knew why Dave wore shades, even if his reasons were different. His eyes were incredibly emotive. And in that moment, Dave looked sad. Like he knew how much it hurt Dirk to not be able to fix something for once, something that he should've known—and always prided himself in knowing—like the back of his hand.

[+]

On Monday, Dave went into the school with Dirk. Although Dirk was used to having a bit of a popularity bubble in the hallways, with his fancy status as the kid brother of one of the most famous of directors, it was a bit unnerving to have everyone move over to the sides of the hall and stare at you, as if you were an ambulance rushing someone dying to the nearest safe place.

Dave completely ignored them, although Dirk supposed he was used to the stares. He took his time, although Dirk supposed they had all morning to get this over with. Dave made his own path around the halls, following his instincts rather than signs or Dirk telling him which way the counselor's office was.

As Dave checked out the trophies beside the gym, Dirk noticed someone coming into the doors a little ways down. Normally, he would've easily ignored them, but it was hard to do so when they were dressed in bright reds and greens and was followed by the sounds of high fives and loud shouts of the word "radical!"

He slipped away from Bro while he was distracted, walking over to Lavinia with his hands in his pockets. Following behind her was Carmine Vasquez and Marlene Leijuan. Although the two of them were more normally dressed in comparison to their flashy counterpart, the two combined made for a very loud duo. Lavinia was wearing a bright green dress and candy-apple red jeans underneath, clunky red sneakers on her feet and several elastic and homemade bracelets with phrases like "I 3 BOOBIES", "Carmine for prez!", "Vasquez Peixes" decorating her arms.

Marlene was more simply dressed, with an green sweater vest and a simple white collared shirt on top of olive green bell bottoms, dark black slip-ons peeking out from underneath the billowing hems. Her hair was as messy as it always was, but it always was messy in that kind of curly chaos type of manner, rather than looking like she rolled out of bed without brushing.

Carmine, dressed in his usual dark grey skinny jeans hiked-up Urkel style and tucked in baggy t-shirt that was far too large for his small stature, added with his pale skin, bright red hair, and crazy splatter of freckles, made Carmine look extremely out of place. While Carmine's white irises remained focused on Marlene, or 'Mary' as he kept calling her, as he babbled on about the social structure of the school, Lavinia's face lit up upon seeing Dirk. "Oh hey, Dirk! Did I ever tell you about-"

"CANNY!" Carmine immediately shut his mouth, a sneer forming on his face as he turned heel and immediately headed off away, Portia and Marlene following after, the former scuttling behind clutching a red turtleneck, the latter giggling to herself about shipping, her fingers excitedly flexing and twitching as she half-formed sentences before moving onto a different thought. However, Dirk's eyes remained mostly on Lavinia, who was watching the scene with a soft smile on her face and an amused spark in her eyes.

Even with his guard up, it was kind of hard to not ogle her. He studied the subtle shifts in her facial expressions as her ears and eyes picked up the changes in the environment around her. "Yeah, I think you might of texted me about it last night. You probably did it in your sleep," he retorted, rolling his eyes. "Congrats." He hoped he was giving the right reaction for whatever she wanted to tell him.

Her eyes lit up behind her glasses and she smiled at him. "So I heard through the rumor mill, aka my mom, that your dad is here because you-"

"Hey, Lavinia," he interrupted, not wanting her to go on, pretending he hadn't heard her start speaking. "You know what I found? This sweet pair of anime shades like mine, only red. Obviously I avoid the red pairs because they're based off of Kamina, but hey they were like, ten cents on eBay. So I decided you might want a new pair of rad shades, only these are hella more ironic since. You haven't seen the anime."

It was a bit tiring having to carry around materials to prevent rants about defeating two dragons in Skyrim at once, or kick flips, or the sexual tension between her and Carmine that neither of them seemed aware of. She immediately grinned, the same toothy grin as her mother, before holding her palm out. Just as the shades passed hands, Lavinia trying on the new pair with wide eyes and an awe-filled smile, Dave sidled up to them.

"Hey, Lavinia. Sup?" Dave asked, giving Dirk a look that clearly asked if there was something he needed to tell him, while holding up his hand for a high-five. Dirk simply shook his head as Lavinia grinned and slapped her palm against the elder Strider's.

"Hey, Dave! I heard you have a new movie deal coming out."

"Oh, through the rumor mill?" Dirk wondered if it was an inside joke he was missing out on. He looked away from them in hopes of containing the anger he felt for being left out of something.

"Who else?" She grinned. "Anyway, I better go chase Carmine down before he pees his pants in offense of someone using a 'racial slur.' "

Dave nodded, grinning, before looking back at Dirk once they were out of Lavinia's hearing range. "So, for the twentieth time, there's nothing between you two?"

Dirk glared up at Dave, and it felt weird to openly show how angry he was, without shades to hide behind. Even Dave looked a bit startled. "For the twentieth time, will you stop projecting your own issues with Teresa onto my friendship with Lavinia?"

Dirk turned away as Dave's eyebrows furrowed together. He didn't want to know if it was from confusion or disappointment.

"Counselor's office is this way. I want to be able to finish this up before first period starts."

[+]

While Dirk knew the way there, he had never stepped inside the counseling center. Never even met the counselor for his name group, L-Z.

What he found, startled him. Somewhere, it had slipped his mind that Carmine's dad worked for the school. He had never laid eyes on the man.

With his wild jet black hair, piercing red gaze, and near-white skin, he looked like a kid had tried to color him in, only to discover they didn't have any skintone or eye colors. The dark bags under his eyes didn't match how tense and energetic the man seemed, if how loud and obnoxious he spoke was anything to go by.

"Oh, god," he moaned as soon as he saw Dave, "not your sorry ass again. Dammit, what's it this time, fuckass? Seduced some fucking broad in Sweden, need me to work my calming magic to save your stupid Strider ass again?" While it pissed Dirk off to listen to someone talk about his brother like that, Dirk couldn't help but be a little amused by how animatedly the counselor talked, his hands gesturing wildly with every word. "Please, tell me. I will slit my wrists right now and bleed from every possible fucking orifice just to never have to see your disgusting face again." Dave sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, smirking.

"Nice to see you too, KK. I see you're still jealous Teresa came to work for me instead of you. If it's any condolence, I don't think you would've made much of a producer."

"We both fucking know that you are the most sorry damn excuse of a director, and human being, to walk this earth. If I had been the doctor to deliver you, I would've tossed you out immedifuckingly, because if there is any piece of shit compiled of bones, organs, and blood more revolting than you, than by all means, fucking show me." By this point, the counselor was baring his teeth at Dave, gripping this edge of the desk so hard that his knuckles seemed to be almost blue.

"No way to speak to the man who's about to pay you, Carson."

"This is the guy who is supposed to be teaching me to manage my anger?" Dirk asked finally, eyes studying Carson out of the corner of his eye as he faced Bro.

"Oh, no, Dirk, I don't think you realize that literally all Carson is, is anger. He manages his; he just abuses it to the point where other emotions don't work with him. If anyone knows anger best, it'd be Vasquez over here."

Carson glared at them both, narrowing his eyes. "Underneath all that bullshit, I think I detected a compliment."

"Give the man a prize." Dave turned to face Carson as he spoke the sarcastic jab. "Listen here, Karkles. While I'm not going to apologize for hiring Teresa when I knew you wanted her on your case—innuendo intended—I will give you kudos for the damned good job you do at making everyone's ears not only bleed, but also somehow using that power to turn the angriest of teenagers into kids like Carmine."

"Oh, low blow, Strider. You don't seem to realize how fucking often I deal with report cards. I could write odes about how dammed pathetic your kid is., if we're bringing our children into this."

Dirk clenched his jaw, but Dave shook his head. Not worth the trouble.

"Friendly banter aside, my lil bro and I need your help and I know you're the only man for the job."

Carson narrowed his eyes, but he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back. "Go on."

"It seems that, during the past few months, Dirk's started to lose control of his anger. He's punched or torn holes in the walls countless times, broken several dishes, flipped a table at least four times, and we've gotten the police called on us twice for disturbance of the peace from his cursing."

It was really starting to make Dirk want to leave, being spoken like that, but he knew if he let his frustration show, it would just prove Bro's point. Carson moved his eyes to Dirk, studying him.

It felt like hours before Carson finally nodded. "Tuesdays and Thursdays, seventh period. Sound manageable?"

Dirk fought back every twitch, every expression his face wanted to make. "Sure."

[+]

A/N: Hey there FF. I think it's pretty obvious why I pulled this down, correct? It was a bit out of canon, really, and I was extremely frustrated that I had to go back to edit so much. I felt like I was under a lot of pressure to get everything canonized, but unfortunately that just added more onto my stress, and the stress aggravated my ADD, and the ADD made it hard to focus on work, and soon it just looped all around right back to the start. Thankfully, I got a review asking for an update, and I decided it was more important to provide something for my readers and that once I got it over with, it'd be a lot easier to get back into the habit of writing.

So thank you to those who haven't ditched me! I'll admit the chapter before this one, was in fact prewritten from way back when. But I can assure you, I'll continue writing, and maybe even stockpile some just so I won't have to be too concerned over updating.

Mwah mwah I love you all, my lovelies! Have a wonderful day because you all are perfect and deserve it xoxo