Sorry for the long wait. I was dealing with a bunch of issues (mainly anxiety) and I also lost all of my confidence in my writing due to a very bad experience in college. I will keep this story up here, however, I will be mainly focusing on it on Archive of Our Own. It is under the same title, "Is It Love?" and my pen-name is still Riverspirit86. I highly suggest that you guys read it there. I personally like the formatting better and I find the whole website just so much easier to navigate. I will put a link to this story on Archive of Our Own on my profile after I update.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy chapter 10!

LAST TIME

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, trying to clear my mind of any negative thoughts. I pictured Marco and me, lying on my bed watching a movie. I mentally wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. I sighed, getting my breathing back to normal. Keeping my eyes closed, I took another sip of coffee, feeling the hot drink melt the fears away. Marco would be okay. He needed to. He had to survive.

Jean's POV

I must have dozed off in the waiting room despite the shitty coffee because the next thing I remembered was Levi shaking me awake. I stared up at him with blurry eyes, slowly blinking the sleep away. I kept my gaze focused on Levi as I tried to figure out where I was. This wasn't Marco's room, nor was it mine. All of a sudden, the memories of what had happened slapped me right in the face. I curled in on myself in the chair, a rough sob forcing its way from my throat. I whimpered as I remembered finding Marco and the ambulance ride over. I felt a few tears slide down my face when I remembered being shoved out of the room so the doctors could save Marco's life. I looked up at Levi through tear-filled eyes, silently begging him for good news.

"They're done flushing Marco's stomach; even though visiting hours are over, the doctors are still going to allow us to see Marco. So let's go." Levi said quietly before slowly walking down the hallway that led to Marco's room. I hurriedly stood up and followed Levi, anxious to see Marco. When we entered Marco's room, I immediately ran to his side, clutching his hand desperately, with tears streaming down my face.

"He's stable now but in a coma. We don't know when, or if, he'll wake up. I'm sorry." The doctor murmured, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I choked when I heard the doctor's words. 'I can't lose Marco. I can't! He needs to wake up! I can't imagine my life without him! Oh God. Please, don't let me lose him!' My thoughts were racing as my mouth began babbling random nonsense. "Marco . . . Please. Wake up. I'm begging you, sweetie. Please, open your eyes. You need to wake up. You have to finish senior year. You have to graduate with me. Please Marco. I'll do anything for you just as long as you wake up. Please! Please . . ." I held Marco's hand tightly in mine, my head on the bed, shoulders shaking with sobs.

"Jean. Calm down. I have faith that Marco will survive; he's a fighter. Don't you have faith that your boyfriend will come back to you?" Levi leaned over me and brushed a stray hair out of Marco's closed eyes. "If you're worried, pray. I don't know if you're religious, but just pray to whatever you believe in that Marco will wake up, okay?"

With Levi's words, I felt my tears slowly stop falling as I took a deep breath in. Marco would survive; I know he would. 'He's strong and he wouldn't leave me. I know he wouldn't.' I took another breath and looked up at Levi. "Thank you, Sir. It means a lot for you to say those things to me." I gave him a half-smile, still scared that Marco wouldn't wake up.

"You're welcome, Jean. If you want to stay here tonight, I'll talk with the doctors to make sure you can. Would you like that?" Levi questioned, gazing sadly down at his comatose son before straightening up and walking to the door. "That would be nice. Thank you." I nodded, turning back to Marco. I kissed his hand gently and held it against my cheek, hearing Levi mutter a soft "okay" before leaving the room.

"Marco, sweetie. If you can hear me, please move your hand. Please make a sign that you're still here; that you're still fighting. Please, Marco. Please." A single tear fell from my eye and onto Marco's limp hand that I was clutching to my cheek. I waited with bated breath for any signs of life from my boyfriend, but got nothing. I sighed, laying my head down on his bed and resting his hand on top of my head.

"I'll be here for you, Marco. Whether you want me to or not, I'll always be here. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I would do anything to go back in time and protect you from those assholes. I'm so sorry." My last words came out as a whisper as I gazed up Marco's body to his relaxed face, thoughts racing through my head about how I wasn't able to protect him. This was the first time I had seen him completely relaxed. I winced when I remembered why he appeared so lax, sighing as I gently ran a hand across his bruised cheek.

"The doctors say you can spend the night. If you want to give me your car keys, I can bring it to the hospital tomorrow when my wife and I visit." Levi's soft voice came from behind me, causing me to jump slightly in surprise.

"Oh. Okay." I reached my hand that wasn't occupied with Marco's face into my pocket, pulling out my keys before handing them to Levi. "Thank you, Sir."

"I'll take good care of your car," was Levi's response, to which I simply nodded, not taking my eyes off of Marco.

"My wife is here to pick me up, so I'm leaving now. I will see you tomorrow. Please watch over my son for me." Levi said quietly, gently squeezing my shoulder before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

I sighed, shifting around and sitting up straight, grabbing the hand that had been on my head and gently placing it on the bed beside Marco. 'There's no way I'm going to get any sleep in this chair . . .' I thought to myself before making a sudden decision. I hopped up onto the bed by Marco's side, making sure that I wasn't on the side with the I.V. stuck in his arm, before shifting the sheets aside and curling up under them. I lay my head on Marco's chest, hearing his faint heartbeat, and wrapped his limp arm around my shoulders. I moved once or twice before settling down next to my boyfriend, letting out a large sigh, already feeling my eyes closing from exhaustion.

"I'll always be here, Marco. Always."

August 26th, 2012

I woke up to a doctor changing out Marco's I.V. bag. I grumbled slightly, rubbing my eyes gently before glancing at the clock next to the door.

"12:30 . . .?" I looked up at the doctor, my unasked question in my eyes and hanging in the air around us.

"A.M." was her only reply as she tucked the used bag under her arm. She straightened up and left the room, stopping for a moment in the doorway to speak. "We'll be coming in about every two or three hours to change his I.V. and to check his vitals, so you might wake up at those times. So go back to sleep while you can."

I nodded sleepily, my head finding its place on Marco chest once more as she left the room.

"Please wake up soon, Marco." I murmured as I slipped into sleep once more.

I woke up to someone changing Marcos I.V bag again. I glanced over at the clock on the wall and found it showing 9:30 a.m. I figured that I had been just too tired to wake up for the two in between the first and this one, hence me waking up now. I yawned, sitting up and stretching, Marco's arm falling off of my shoulder. I winced when it hit the mattress with a small thud, feeling awful that I could have just injured Marco further. I looked up at the nurse, worry and fear in my eyes. But she just smiled and spoke quietly while she finished with his I.V.

"Normal visiting hours start at ten, so you might want to make yourself presentable. I'll bring in a disposable toothbrush and some toothpaste in a moment. The bathroom is through that door in the corner. Is there anything else you need?"

I stared at her in shock for a moment, not understanding why someone was being so kind to an obviously gay teen. I mean, our families accepted us and that was great. I just didn't expect anyone else to be so kind to us. And of course, me being the ever-so-eloquent-Jean-Kirschtein, I questioned her motives.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" I looked at her warily, confused. But she just smiled at me moving closer to the bed and to Marco. When she brushed a few strands of his hair out of his closed eyes, I just stared, utterly lost, waiting for an explanation.

"The Bodt's and I go way back; I went to high school with both Hanji and Levi. So did your parents, Jean." She laughed slightly, smiling down at my boyfriend. "I was with Hanji when Marco was born; your mom was there with the both of us as well. Both Hanji and I were with Rose when she had you, too. All of us girls in our friend group from high school ended up having our first kids around the same time. Me with Lily, Hanji with Marco, and Rose with you. You wouldn't remember, but you and Marco were inseparable as very little ones. It helped that you guys were only two months apart and that all of us girls were being first time moms together." She stopped looking at Marco and instead turned her gaze towards me.

"I'm not sure when your parents drifted a bit from everyone else, but I'm sure that with you dating Marco, everyone will be together again. Boy, you've grown so much since I last saw you. Granted, you were five at the time, but still." She laughed slightly, holding out her hand to me. "I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Petra. I'm married to Auruo Bossard, one of Levi's friends."

I took her hand carefully, still slightly wary of everything she said. 'I was friends with Marco when we were little? And my mom was there when Marco was born?' God, this was just too confusing.

Petra must have noticed my look of confusion when we shook hands, and she just chuckled lightly in response.

"I've given you a lot to think about. It will take time to figure out; in the meantime I'll go get some toiletries for you now. I hope mint toothpaste is okay." She smiled at both Marco and me before leaving the room.

I just stared at Marco in silence, trying to understand everything that had been said. After my brain had gone in several circles and was in potential danger of crashing, I shook my head to clear it, focusing back on Marco. I realized that I was still under the covers with him, so I quickly slipped out from under them and back into the chair where I had begun my night yesterday. Yawning and stretching again, I heard my back crack and wince at the sound. I turned to the door when I heard a knock, motioning Petra inside with one hand, the other already holding onto one of Marco's.

"Here's a temporary toothbrush and some toothpaste. I'm assuming that you won't be spending the night tonight because of school tomorrow? So you shouldn't need another for tonight, right?" Petra questioned me, setting down the navy blue toothbrush and small tube of mint toothpaste next to Marco's and my joined hands. I shook my head no, not feeling up to responding verbally. I honestly didn't feel like leaving Marco for school tomorrow, and debated if my parent's would allow me to skip. I sighed, looking down at our hands and then back up at Petra, waiting for her to say something.

"Okay. I should be back around 12:30 to change his I.V. again, so I'll see you then. Stay strong, Jean. Marco will get through this." And with that, Petra left the room after patting my back, off to check on more patients.

I looked at the toothbrush and toothpaste next to my hand and I groaned mentally. I didn't want to get up, but I knew I had to look at least a little proper if I was to see Marco's family. Or you know, at least not have morning breath. I knelt over Marco and kissed his forehead gently, before grabbing the toiletries and heading to the small bathroom in the corner of the room.

I quickly brushed my teeth and rinsed, making my way back to Marco's side before long. When I was seated next to Marco again, I slowly interlaced our fingers, laying my head down next to our joined hands. I glanced up at the clock on the wall, noting that visiting hours started in five minutes. I groaned, knowing that I couldn't be seen holding hands with Marco when his family came in. Just because Levi accepted us, or at least I thought he did, didn't mean that the rest of Marco's family would. So I kissed Marco's forehead gently before pulling back and arranging his I.V.-free arm at his side. 'I wish I could keep holding his hand.' I thought asI let go of his hand, just in time too, because there was a small, tentative knock on the door. Walking to the door, I straightened my back and squared my shoulders, wanting to appear brave and strong for Marco's family.

When the door opened, Hanji rushed past me immediately going to Marco's side. I got a quick look at her tear-streaked cheeks before she buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Everyone else was silent, letting Hanji have her moment with her son. Suddenly, Hanji bounded out of the chair I had previously occupied and ran over to me, wrapping me in her arms tightly.

"Jean." She choked out through her sobs, her arms tightening slightly, "Thank you for coming after Marco last night. If you hadn't, he would be –" A loud, hiccupping sob made its way out her throat as Hanji buried her face in my neck, her tears hot against my skin.

I didn't know how to react, so I just patted her back gently and murmured a few comforting words before she spoke up.

"Levi told me about you and Marco. That you guys are dating." Hanji pulled back to give a tear-stained smile. "I won't tell anyone until you guys are ready. Just know that you have our approval." She tightened the hug for a moment before letting go and walking to the door, whispering about getting the kids ready to see Marco. As she left, Levi came over to me and gently laid his hand on my shoulder, staring at me for a moment, before going over to Marco. I retreated to the corner of the room, trying not to hear the private words Levi was speaking to his son. I caught a few though, and they made me smile.

"You've got a good boyfriend waiting for you, Marco. You should come back to him. He misses you. We all do."

I felt a small tear slip down my cheek when Levi's voice cracked on his last words. I wanted to go over and provide what little comfort I could, but I didn't want to interrupt his time with his son. So I just watched silently as Levi smiled sadly down at Marco, brushing his hair out of his eyes gently.

"Jean. Come here." Levi's voice was faint and filled with unshed tears as he turned to me and motioned for me to join him at Marco's side. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears as I walked over to him, standing silently at his side as I waited for Levi to speak. I didn't expect Levi to grab one of my hands and join it with one of Marco's limp ones. He held our joined hands and spoke softly.

"I trust you with Marco. I trust you with his life. I know he's going through some tough stuff right now, but please, just do your best to make him happy. That's all I ask." Levi let go of both of our hands and retreated to the corner I previously occupied as the door opened again, Hanji ushering her three other children in. I quickly moved away from the bed to allow them the space to see Marco.

Christa took one look at Marco and burst into tears, hugging Hanji for dear life, her face buried in her mom's side. The scene just made my heart hurt worse, knowing that I indirectly caused all of this family's pain. Bertholdt just stood in the doorway, eyes wide, staring at Marco. I wanted to go over and comfort him, but I didn't know how. So I watched him shake himself from the shock just enough so he could stumble his way over to Marco and curl up next to him on the bed, trying to hide his tears and nearly silent sobs. Both Christa's and Bertholdt's pain hurt me to the core, but it was Mikasa's reaction that hurt the most.

"Mommy? Why is Polo sleeping? He should be up. He needs to be up." Mikasa left her mom's side to go to Marco's, shaking his arm gently.

"Polo? You need to get up. You said you'd take me to the park today. Polo, you need to get up. Wake up! Wake up Polo! Wake up!" Mikasa's eyes were filling with tears as she shook Marco's arm harder. But when he didn't wake up, Mikasa ran to her mother, her tears finally falling.

"Mommy. Why isn't Polo waking up? He has to wake up! Make him wake up!" Hanji picked up her youngest child and held her close to her chest, her own tears falling softly as she clutched her crying child for dear life.

"Mikasa. Polo might not wake up. And if he does wake up, it might take a while. Polo just needs a long sleep now, okay?" Hanji's voice was cracking and threatening to break on every word she spoke, yet she still walked over to Marco's side, holding Mikasa above Marco.

"Maybe if you talk to him, Polo will hear you. Maybe give him a kiss on the cheek?" Hanji gently set Mikasa down next to Marco's head, her hand touching her back gently to make sure she didn't fall. Mikasa kissed Marco's cheek gently before whispering to him.

"Polo. Sleep as long as you want. Be sure to wake up though, 'kay?" She kissed his cheek one more time before crawling back into her mother's arms, her tears falling quietly.

I couldn't take it anymore. The guilt and pain was overwhelming me and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I ran from the room, wanting to be anywhere but there. 'Oh god what have I done?' I thought as I ran and ran, trying to find somewhere I could break down privately. But I couldn't find anything but other families crying over their loved ones or heavily populated rooms. I eventually reached the end of a hallway and saw a small closet on my left. I tried the handle, and I was surprised when the door swung open. I stepped inside, leaving only a sliver of the door open before I lost it. I knelt on the floor, tears streaming down my face as I openly wept. I sobbed and sobbed, my fists beating an uneven tempo on the concrete floor, my heart beating so fast I thought it would beat straight out of my chest.

'This is all my fault. If only I had been stronger. If only I had been there for him. If only I wasn't such a goddamn failure! I caused all of this pain. There's no one but me to blame. His siblings might grow up without an older brother. His parent's might not have a child anymore. Oh God why am I such a fucking failure!?'

I cried and begged, screamed and whispered, prayed and cursed. I did anything that would help get the pain out. But nothing would ever truly end the pain I was feeling. Eventually I calmed down enough to wipe my eyes and stand up, stumbling a little as I opened the closet door. Looking both to my left and right, I made sure no one would see me leaving a closest I probably wasn't supposed to get into in the first place.

I walked back down the hallway, trying not to imagine what would happen if Marco didn't wake up. I stopped in horror when the very thing I was attempting to avoid came to the front of my mind. 'Oh god no, please, anything but that.' My mind conjured up fake images of Marco in a casket, everyone crying around his still body. Images of the closed casket being buried, a small grave above freshly turned dirt flew around and around in my head. I visibly flinched and brought my hands up to press into my eyes, doing anything to get the living nightmare to stop. I didn't notice I was shaking and whimpering until someone gripped my arm tightly, speaking my name gently.

"Jean. It's okay."

I was surprised to hear my mom's voice and I took my hands away from my eyes to look at her in shock. But one look at her tear-filled eyes just brought the pain to the surface all over again. I nearly collapsed in her open arms, my tears burning hot trails down my face yet again. I wept like a small child, freely and without care, in my mother's arms. I don't know how long we stood there in that deserted hallway, but my mom held me until I completely cried myself out. 'Thank you.' I thought asI pulled back to look at her, noticing her own tears silently falling before hugging her tightly then pulling away for good. She smiled sadly through her tears quickly before leading me back to Marco's room. I stumbled after her; all of my crying had completely exhausted me. We walked in silence for a moment before I voiced the questions rattling around in my head.

"How did you know I was here? How did you find me?"

My mom just kept walking, talking over her shoulder as she replied to me. "I called Hanji this morning. I asked her if you were with Marco at her house, since nothing was cleaned up from the party and you weren't home when we came back. She was sobbing too hard for me to make out what she was saying, so I had her give the phone to Levi. He told me that Marco was in the hospital and that you spent the night with him. He also told us the room number and said that you needed us. So we came here and when we found Marco's room, Levi said you had run out suddenly. So your father stayed in the room with the kids and the Bodt's while I went and searched for you. Now, here we are." She stopped in front of Marco's door, turning to face me, a stern look on her face.

"Jean. You need to be strong. You can handle this. I know you can. So chin up. Things will turn out in the end." She smiled slightly before entering Marco's room, going directly over to Hanji to give her a half hug. I followed her in, walking to stand next to my father. I said nothing, but I felt his hand rest on my shoulder a moment later, giving me silent support. I saw my brothers playing with Mikasa on the floor by the window. She wasn't crying anymore, probably because of the arrival of her close friends, but I still felt horrible for causing so much pain. 'It hurts, seeing people I care about in so much pain that I caused.'

The chair next to Marco's bed was unoccupied, so I left my dad's side and sat down in it, taking Marco's hand in my own. I stared at his face and silently asked for help and prayed for him to wake up. 'Please just let him wake up. Please God. Please.' I just kept thinking positive thoughts; thoughts of what we were going to do when Marco woke up, thoughts of our future together, things like that. I don't know how long I was lost in my daydreams or how long everyone was in the room, just comforting each other. The time just slipped by and before we knew it, visiting hours were over.

When the nurse came in to inform us that we had to leave, my daydream was broken and I looked around the room for the first time in hours. Both my mother and Hanji had left, along with all of the kids. I saw Levi by the window, just staring out it into the fading light. I looked around the room for my dad and saw him standing at the door, beckoning me to leave. I nodded, gently kissing Marco's hand then stood up. I arranged his hand at his side before I called out gently to Levi.

"Thank you, Mr. Bodt. Thank you for everything."

And with that, I left.

When I got home, the first thing I did was plug in my phone that I had left sitting on the kitchen counter from yesterday. When it finally turned on, it started buzzing nonstop for a few seconds, letting me know of all the texts I missed since the party. I had gotten several from my "friends" and I opened them up, scrolling briefly through their idiocy.

From Reiner

yo asshole. y u stop the party? dick move man.

I scoffed at his message, moving on to the next ones.

From Reiner

u wanna hang out 2day? what abt 2pm? ur house?

From Reiner

dude fucking reply. ass.

From Reiner

fine. dont hang out. whtvr. c u 2moro practice

Those were all my messages from Reiner, the last one received around four in the afternoon. I shrugged before looking through my other texts from my "friends". They were all pretty much the same thing, asking why I stopped the party and if I could hang out. I read through all of them before turning my phone off, not replying to any of them. 'Fucking hell.' Looking at my watch, I saw that it was nearly midnight. I sighed, knowing that I had to get some rest for school tomorrow, so I headed upstairs to my bedroom to get ready for bed.

I quickly changed into pajamas and brushed my teeth, curling up under the covers and resting my head on the pillow Marco used just only three nights ago. I felt tears come to my eyes as I remembered our first night together and where we were now. 'I wish he was here so everything would be better.' I sniffed, trying my hardest not to cry, as I silently prayed that Marco would be okay. As I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, a single tear slipped out and fell down my face onto the pillow below me.

So? How did you like it? Please leave your thoughts and feelings about the chapter and story. If you want to see something happen later on, mention it and I will probably take inspiration from it and give you credit if I use it! I'm always looking for inspiration!

This story has sad themes and really sad moments, but the ending WILL be a happy one. I promise! Please keep reading on!