"I'm sorry, you know." Standing in her doorway, Dawn watched pack clean workout clothes into her backpack. ". . . for ruining your birthday."

Buffy's hands stilled on the bag. Her gaze caught on her the Claddagh ring. After that night, she'd moved it from her left hand to her right. She shouldn't be wearing it at all anymore. . .

"Buffy?"

She looked at her young, deserving sister. "If you had died, it would have been the worst night of my life, but you didn't. You surviving is the best present I'll ever get."

Dawn rocked on her heels lingering. "You're not going to college because of me."

"None of this is your fault." She finished zipping her bag. "But what you did — what you felt you had to do, that's on me."

"No Buffy –"

"I wasn't around. I lied and planned instead of talking with you. I'm sorry."

Dawn crossed her arms. "I shouldn't have done it."

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she nodded. "I know you don't want to go away, but I need to do everything I can to help you and Golden Hills is part of it."

"I'm fine with it." Dawn rubbed her arms. "I just can't help feeling like I'm ruining your life."

Buffy followed her sister's gaze to the white dress peeking out of her closet. Dawn showed a rare sense of tact by not mentioning Angel. Their basement was filled with decorations for a canceled wedding and boxes for a canceled move.

Sighing, Buffy walked towards her. "Changed doesn't mean ruined." She reached out to brush Dawn's long hair off her shoulder. "I'm going to be fine. We both are."

Dawn nodded slowly.

"Now come on, let's be on time for our last day of school."

"Pfft, your last day. Only one of us is graduating."

Buffy rolled her eyes and followed her down the hall. Descending the stairs, she felt her hip burn and twist.

Joyce stood at the counter drinking coffee. "You girls want any breakfast?"

They answered together: "I'm good." "Already ate."

"Alright, can I drive you to school?"

Buffy smiled. "Thanks, but we have a ride."

Dawn frowned. "We do?"

"I bet Will is already here."

Dawn followed her out the door. "When did Willow get a car?"

"Gym friend."

Their mother called after them: "Have a good day at school!"

Sure enough, Will's beaten, black car sat in front of their house. Opening the car door woke him up.

"Hey." Dawn crawled to the back seat; Buffy took the front.

"Hey." He shook himself alert.

"Thanks for driving us."

"Can't believe they still have school this early."

Dawn leaned forward as he started the car. "You don't look that old."

He tilted back a dry glance. "Thanks."

"I mean, like you must have graduated in the last couple years."

"Dawn."

"S'alright pet. I dropped out years before parade and pomp. "

"Woah."

"Your sister socializes with a known rebel. Surprised I haven't rubbed off on her."

Buffy smirked, "are you sure you weren't kicked out?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "If I was, I sure wouldn't join up with a new league of brainwashers. Not all of us are masochists love."

Settling back in her seat, Dawn saw the floor was littered with tools, clothes and empty cigarette cartons. It looked like he lived in here.

Spike lowered his voice. "Adam have you training after hours now?"

"I tripped."

He nodded. "You mean someone tripped ya."

"Just an accident."

"You tellin' Adam that or am I covering classes tonight?"

"I'll tell him."

His lips parted but he didn't say anything.

"I'm not sparring with anyone besides him and Giles."

"Doubting the librarian knocked your hip out."

Dawn snorted.

"I'm not lying to them and I'm not lying to you."

"Cuz you're always honest 'bout who and what you're doing."

She finally looked at him. "If I wanted to break my promise, I wouldn't need to find someone new."

"Realize that, do ya?"

"I know you can keep a secret." She touched his arm. "I'm just trying not to have any."

Dawn felt bad that Spike didn't believe her. "Her arm is scraped up. I think she really did just fall. Like, who spars on cement?"

He grunted.

Not knowing how to interpret that, Dawn didn't say anything for the rest of the drive. When he parked at the curb, she pushed out of the car.

Buffy watched her go. "I went to her art show last night."

"Leave early?" He knew her well.

"Angel was there."

He had no sassy retort for that.

"I fell on him – literately."

Brushing his hand against her hip, he watched her flinch. "Musta been a hell of a landing."

She down at his hand. Sighing, she pushed her pants down an inches revealing the top of an ugly bruise. "I know how to fall right. Just didn't."

"By now, it should be instinct."

She righted her pants. "I can't go back on my word. I need Adam's help to get better."

"I'm glad you called me. Don't stop." He reached for her hand.

She let him hold it a second before pulling back and pushing out of his car.

"I'll be here after school love."

Rolling her lips between her teeth, she nodded and closed the door. As she walked towards the school, his car rumbled away behind her.

Xander jogged to her side. "Still diggin' the older guys?"

She sighed, "I'm not dating Spike."

"Just feeding his fantasies."

She swatted his arm.

"Ow. Hey. White flag waving." He shouted across the hall. "Hey wills!"

Walking hand-in-hand with Oz, Willow smiled at them. "Isn't this exciting?"

Xander's whole body nodded. "For those not doing more school next year, today is very exciting."

"Don't forget to get caps and gowns today."

Buffy and Xander glanced at each other. "Yeah, we're stopping by the office at lunch."

"Good." Willow squealed, "Oh, there's Jess! I'm gonna remind him too."

Oz nodded their goodbyes as his girlfriend pulled him further down the hall.

Xander hissed. "When we don't show, how pissed you think she'll be?

She shrugged. "You've known her longer than I have."

He fake shivered. "So we ask the school to mail over diplomas and then we go into hiding, yes?"

"You're road tripping indefinitely. Hiding shouldn't be hard for you."

"Right. Nice knowing ya. I'll send postcards to your funeral."

"Canceled wedding takes death penalty off the table. It's like a law or something."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Life in prison it is then." He walked her to her locker.

"Meet you here at lunch?"

"Lockers, office, lunch, last afternoon of classes ever."

Unzipping her bag, she exchanged gym clothes for textbook. After closing the door, she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "I already miss you."

He blushed a little and smiled back.

She turned away letting the river of students push her to her first class. She took her usual seat and turned on her computer. Connor slumped down next to her without a word. She didn't expect one.

Since breaking up with Angel, both he and Jenny ignored her completely. They weren't mean about it – quite the opposite. They knew about Dawn's suicide attempt. She heard Angel calling them from the hospital. That night, that weekend, and all the weeks after had overwhelmed her. Angel's family was giving her space to process her life. Knowing her decisions hurt and baffled them, she appreciated their silence.

She also understood their new distance wasn't temporary. Instead of joining their family on Friday, she was beginning of the slow slide back to stranger status. She didn't regret it. She didn't want to disappoint them again.

Jenny stepped towards the middle of the room. "So, all of you completed your final project; most have a couple steps to redo. When you finish, the rest of class time is yours. I'll be coming around to answer any questions. Okay, get to work."

Buffy stared at her notes. She needed to repeat only one section. That'd leave more free time than she'd like. She brainstormed excuses to leave early.

"Did you talk to Angel last night?"

Startled, Buffy looked over and saw Connor sitting fairly straight and alert. She looked down at her notes again. "Why?"

"He came home late and extra broody."

A fully awake Connor was both nosy and perceptive. "I'm doing everything I can to stay out of his life." The computer was ready, but her fingers refused to type. "I couldn't miss Dawn's show, but I'm sorry it hurt him." She shifted her sore hip. ". . . that I hurt him."

He started typing, so she did too.

He mumbled, "He could help you."

"With what?"

"Everything." He meant Dawn and her dad and any other drama in her soap opera of a life.

Even though she wasn't ready to talk about this, she realized this might be the last time they talked. She turned to him and waited for his gaze to meet hers. "I want more for your brother. You do too. If you want to help him, forget about me and my family. I'm handling everything." When he frowned, she turned back to her computer. "Golden Hills doesn't allow letters anyway."

"H-how, d-did, does-"His mouth gaped and shuttered.

"She asked me if you could write her. I told her the same thing I told you."

"I don't want to stop being friends with her – with either of you."

"And I don't want to be the bad guy, but for the people I love, I am."

The finality in her voice was like a wall between them. He didn't know how to breach it – if it even could be breached. Angel must have reached this same wall last night. He looked back at his computer. His whole body felt cold, but he was sweating.

Jenny stood between them. "Everything all right?"

"Just finished." Buffy shifted to the side of her seat.

Jenny leaned over to check her work. "Looks good."

"Can I go to the library? Mr. Giles always welcomes help on the last day."

"Sure, Buffy." Jenny stepped back as Buffy gathered her things.

"And Connor, how are you coming along?"

Instead of answering, he watched Buffy walk out of her last class with them.

Jenny watched too and sighed. She loved Buffy like a daughter – so did Giles, but Buffy didn't want to be loved by anyone; she couldn't bear it.

Jenny squeezed his shoulder. "You're doing fine." Her hand slipped away as she approached the next table.

No one would stop caring about Buffy. He wondered if she knew that. The way she acted like they could hurt all of them. From behind her wall, though, she couldn't see that.

His temperature evened, but his emotions didn't. He hated thinking how long it'd take for her to realize what everyone knew: she deserved more than she allowed herself.

OoOoO

"Giles?" Buffy stood in the middle of the library and swallowed.

Just like her first day of school here, Giles wasn't around, but unlike that day, neither was Angel.

She remembered finding him behind the stacks – all dressed in black and glaring.

A lot of days had changed her life, but that was the first one that changed it for the better.

Making him smile calmed her in ways he never realized. It seemed impossible she'd never do that again.

Her fingers twitched with the urge to call him. Hearing his voice last night, she felt sick with relief. She hated how much she wanted to hear it again. Angel deserved to figure out who he was without her drama holding him back. She owed him that.

Sitting at the empty table, she pulled out sheets of codes and abbreviations she needed to memorize.

She felt his ghost watching her. The Angel she first met would be proud of her studying to become an officer; it meant she was taking her power back, or taking it for the first time. But then he'd fallen for her and started planning a life together.

Maybe deep down, her current Angel was a little bit proud of her, but mostly, he was scared.

He looked at her like she was destined to die soon; he just didn't know exactly how or when. If he had a book of prophecies, she'd love to read it . . . or maybe she didn't. Her eyes skimmed the list of penal codes.

240: Assault.

242: Battery.

261: Rape.

288: Lewd acts with a minor.

415: Disturbing the peace. She chuffed at the euphemism.

She'd experienced all of these firsthand. What other crimes had Hank Summers committed and what ones had incarceration prepared him for?

He refused to live with a potential officer, so probably had bigger plans than domestic violence. She flipped through codes and notes with an awareness of how many ways he could ruin their lives, how much trouble he could involve them in.

Once he was released, the only things standing between him and his family were her commitment to joining law enforcement and living at home. She needed to return home after every shift.

The first time she'd changed Dawn's bandage, she knew her nights out were over: no more sleepovers at Willow's or Angel's. Holding bloody gauze, she realized she couldn't just postpone the wedding; she needed to end things with Angel entirely. Her life wasn't hers. It belonged to Dawn. She had a responsibility to give her everything she could -everything she had.

The bell rang.

She stood.

Looking around the quiet library, she wanted to feel sad; she didn't. It was probably better that couldn't feel anymore. Her family didn't need feelings; they needed sacrifice. She recognized her numbness to loss as the blessing it was.

She walked out of the library, away from Angel's ghost and didn't think about him again for the rest of her classes. Even when she returned for her last period of study hall, her thoughts fluttered the memories like they didn't exist.

"Here to help."

Giles stood behind the counter checking in returned books. "Good afternoon Ms. Summers."

She added the last of her textbooks to the pile before walking around the counter and loading the cart with books ready for re-shelving.

"If you have more stuff to teach me, Adam told me we can use his gym. I think he wants you to teach a class there – not sure which one."

Giles' handling of the books slowed and stilted. "That's a very kind offer. I'm –"

"The equipment there is good, like really good. Maybe you could store some of yours there. Better than a library, right?"

He set down another book and looked at her. "Buffy, I . . ."

He planned on keeping in touch, but he hadn't expected her to want him to stay a regular figure in her life. He hadn't expected her to need him.

"Think about it?"

He nodded and watched her roll the cart towards the stacks.

He had every reason to believe she'd be accepted by police academy for their July session and hired upon graduation six months later. Her time and responsibilities were about to change radically, and she felt nervous. He heard it in her voice. She wanted him to assure her some things wouldn't change. She needed something, someone to depend on. He didn't know if accepting that role would help her harm her.

For the path she'd chosen, she needed total independence and self-sufficiency, but he couldn't refuse her request for support. He cared too much to refuse her anything. He made a mental note to talk with Adam. Perhaps, they could form a plan for the months and maybe years ahead.

Despite her incredible strength, Buffy retained a remarkable degree of vulnerability. He didn't want life to rob her of it.

He glanced at his briefcase again. Sitting inside was a business card that Jenny gave him earlier that week. She suggested he call the number and ask some questions "just in case."

He'd felt guilty accepting the card – like he was going behind Buffy's back, but now, he felt guilty for not having already used it.

Watching her return book to their rightful places, he noticed how carefully she took the stairs. She was hurt, and she was helping him. She'd been hurt many times, and she wanted to help a lot of people.

As soon as she left, he went to his briefcase and pulled out the card. The more he thought about his questions, the more urgently he wanted answers to them.

OoOoO