Sorry for the length of time for this update. I hit a severe case of writers block there (something which never usually happens to me). Thank you to DKLC and Carpe Diem for your encouraging words and great feedback for this story. It was much appreciated and very helpful. Here's the next chapter as promised. Enjoy! :)
"Hawke? Hawke!? Shit, she's bleeding all over me."
Isabela was kneeling beside Lana, trying to keep her head above the water level of the swamp they were immersed in. She pressed her hand over the open wound on Hawke's side, which was gushing with blood, ignoring her own bleeding nose as Varric searched his numerous pockets for a bandage. The long brown jacket he wore always held the most unlikely objects, the only problem being that he could rarely find what he wanted when he needed it most. He patted himself down, feeling a hip flask full of whiskey, crossbow bolts and food, among some other junk, trying to remember where he put his medical supplies.
"Hold on, Rivaini. I'm sure I've got one here somewhere," he said, frowning as he sifted through his possessions. Isabela rolled her eyes.
"Oh, don't mind us," she joked, looking up at him, "I'll just hold Hawke's hand while she bleeds out, shall I?" She glanced down at her then. "Balls, she's turning grey, Varric!"
"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying," Varric sang back, frantically pulling item after item out of his coat pockets and littering the forest floor. Out came an empty bottle of ale, a compass, a map, some coin, a half eaten sandwich, a pocket watch...
"Got it!...Oh, no wait, that's something else," Varric said disappointedly, pulling out a long piece of no-longer white cloth that he had taken from the water closet of the tavern back in Antiva City. It was completely covered in mud. Isabela snorted, seeing what he had mistaken for a bandage.
"Afraid you'd be caught short?" she teased, seeing him throw the wiping cloth to the ground.
The dwarf chuckled as he continued searching his coat. "Afraid I'd drop an anchor without an order from the Captain," he agreed. "You can't tell with all the mud, Rivaini, but I think I actually crapped myself when that dragon showed up back there."
The pirate sniggered. "I thought I smelt something funny."
Hearing the dwarf's wheezing laugh in response, she turned her attention back to Hawke. The woman was lying limp in her arms, resting across her knees, eyes closed. The smile slid from Isabela's face instantly. She sorely hated feeling responsible for someone, but ever since she had met Hawke, the woman always seemed to have that never-wavering grip on her heartstrings, tugging them every so often to let her know they were still there. Even now, despite the fact that we've been at each other's throats more than usual. The pirate frowned. Balls... before her, all I had to worry about was myself. It was a lot easier. Her priorities had definitely changed the day Lana Hawke had walked into her life. She leaned down, unable to resist, and kissed her on the forehead, her arm tucked under the woman's neck, holding her head out of the muddy, bloodstained water they were sitting in. Come on, Sweetness, stay with me.
"Shit, Rivaini, I can't find it!" Varric cursed, holding out his hands in defeat. "Normally we're better prepared than this."
"Andraste's left tit, this quest was a bad idea from the very beginning," the pirate cursed. "You're right. We've lost the bloody coin and now we're on the verge of losing the only person I...Just, damn it!"
She exhaled, wondering what to do. Seething with the situation they now found themselves in, and even more so with the reappearance of Claudio, she began to untie the blue sash around her waist then. Varric watched her place it over Hawke's arrow wound and tuck it around her midsection, knotting it in place to stem the blood flow. She then scooped the women up in her arms, hearing the muddy water drip of her limp body and soaking wet hair. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" the dwarf asked, following after her.
"Witch hunting," Isabela informed him angrily, clambering out of the swamp with difficulty. Her lower back began to twinge with pain once more, under pressure by the dead weight in her arms that was Hawke. Not now! She gritted her teeth through the strain and began walking in the direction of The Silent Grove. "Let's knock down Big Booty's door and see what happens when I press my dagger to her throat."
"Probably get you eaten by a dragon," Varric joked, trailing along behind her. He jogged a little to keep up with her long strides, glancing up at her. The pirate's face was wrecked with worry, the normally uncaring features becoming lined and creased, making her look her age for once. "Are you alright, Rivaini?"
Isabela sighed. "Fine, Varric," she said, not looking at him. Truth be told, she was far from it. All she kept thinking about was that the arrow had been meant for her. I'll kill that bastard Claudio if it's the last thing I do! In the space of a few days Hawke had taken hits for both the King of Ferelden and now her pirate lover. Talk about bad bloody luck. She always was a magnet for trouble. Isabela was determined not to lose her to something as trivial as an arrow. Varric was right. Normally an injury like that was easily treated. Back in Kirkwall they had all gotten knocked out sometimes two, three times a day (sometimes drink-related, other times combat-related). With Bethany around though, everything was so much simpler. Wounds were healed in the blink of an eye, without any pain or fuss. Maybe we should go back to Ferelden and get her. Even Anders was helpful when he was around...right up until he cast the Free Marches into the flaming fires of war and destruction that is.
"You two have been arguing a lot more than I'm used to lately," Varric continued, remembering hearing his friends' bitterness towards each other earlier. "I was starting to think we were travelling with Aveline again."
"Just drop it, Varric," Isabela replied, "We're fine."
The dwarf shrugged, "If you say so, Rivaini. I'll take your word for it."
"That makes one of us," Isabela muttered under her breath, glancing up at the trees. She was starting not to believe it herself anymore. Varric looked up at her, choosing to ignore that last comment. It seemed that Hawke and Isabela's problems went well beneath the surface.
"We should probably get back to the ship," the dwarf said instead, changing the touchy subject as he clambered over a root that was protruding from the forest floor. "Before the crocodiles eat us...and before Hawke bleeds to death."
"Yes, that would be best," Isabela replied, still walking in the opposite direction. Varric looked up at her.
"We're not going to the ship, are we?" he asked, seeing the need for revenge in Isabela's eyes and already knowing the answer. Isabela glanced down at him.
"Not until I slit Claudio's throat and get his prisoner back," she said with a dangerous smile.
Varric grinned. "Good...I was hoping you'd say that."
In ten minutes they finally managed to find The Silent Grove again, the pain in Isabela's back having increased tenfold. She heaved Hawke further up into her arms as they both burned in pain under the woman's weight. She still hadn't so much as stirred. The pirate's left eye was throbbing after Claudio's kick to the face, but not as much as her anger was in her veins. I can't wait to meet that bastard again. Together she and Varric made their way up the crumbling steps of the temple. It was eerily silent, but thankfully devoid of any dragons for the time being.
"Yavana!" Isabela yelled, following in the woman's footsteps from earlier. "Come out, or send your damned dragon out!"
"I wouldn't give her ideas, Rivaini," Varric muttered, following her through the entrance. The giant hallway was lined with thick, stone columns. Their footsteps echoed in the damp air, reverberating off the cold, hard stone. There was a giant hole in the middle of the room with steps leading down either side.
"Er...I'm not relishing the idea of going down there," Varric said, staring over the edge. He hated going underground (a strange trait for a dwarf), but more so after the trip he had taken into The Deep Roads over a decade ago. His brother Bartrand had all but made it impossible for him now, after he locked them in a thaig and abandoned them all to die for the sake of a lousy idol.
"We don't have to," Isabela said, sounding a little relieved herself. She was slightly claustrophobic. Though having never mentioned it before, Hawke had teased her a little back when she was trying to get her to join her on The Deep Roads expedition. "There she is. You! Witch!"
Yavana was sitting on the edge of the other side of the hole, her wooden goat-skull staff lying on the floor in front of her. She didn't as much as flinch at the arrival of her visitors. Isabela and Varric walked towards her, leaving muddy, bloody footsteps in their wake. It's not like she had to worry about the decor...
"Alistair's been captured," Isabela informed her, getting straight to the point, as blunt as ever. "You need to help us get him back."
Yavana turned away, uncaring. "Why would I need to involve myself at all?" she asked, resuming her meditating.
"Oh, she's right, Varric. How silly of me! The best fighter between us is lying in my arms, half dead, and I'm about to keel over with her. But sure! Let's go on a bloody royal rescue mission!" Isabela said, her voice heavy with sarcasm. Varric sniggered.
"Your glibness does you no credit," Yavana said, not looking at them. She closed her eyes and sat perfectly still, as though ignoring their very existence.
"Look lady," Isabela began, feeling like she wanted to throttle her. "The people who took Alistair are looking for this...place. They already know the way and I expect they want him as a shield against your bloody dragon."
"That and more, yes," Yavana agreed. Isabela exhaled in frustration.
"And you're planning to do what? Wait for them? Invite them into your big hole?"
Yavana glared at her, insulted.
"I meant that hole," Isabela said quickly, pointing to the massive hole in the ground. "Not your..." The witch turned away again. Isabela made an apologetic face at Varric, seeing that she had offended her unintentionally. That's not going to get her to help us. The dwarf sniggered.
"Hardly your concern," Yavana replied, running her fingers along her staff, "Besides, you care nothing for my fate."
"Oh, screw this!" Isabela exclaimed, her patience wearing thin. She stared down at Hawke, seeing that she was getting worse by the second. The wound on her side was festering horribly. She turned to Varric. "We need to get to the roof and set up an ambush before they come...Or even better, let's just get ourselves out of here before Hawke is completely drained of any blood she has left in her. I'd rather lose Alistair and a sack-full of coin over her any day."
Varric grabbed her arm as she made to walk away. "We don't have to lose either of them. Let me try," he said, turning back to Yavana then. He took a few steps towards her and cleared his throat. "I've met your mother," he began, in his charming, business-like tone, "and I've met many merchants and con men who could fleece the horns off a Qunari. I know when someone wants to strike a deal. King Maric made a bargain and so can we. Name your price, Yavana."
In one flash of swirling blue the witch got to her feet, staff in hand, a hand outstretched in threat. She had finally lost her patience. Varric's mouth fell open.
"Oh, crud!"
Suddenly the blue wisps slithered through the air and wrapped themselves around both the dwarf and the pirate, their consistency that of both gas and liquid. Isabela felt Hawke being dragged from her arms, torn away from her grip. Unable to see anything, blinded by the spell, she tried to cling onto the woman unsuccessfully. Lana eventually fell from her arms into nothingness, leaving her clawing at the air. The pirate opened her mouth to shout when suddenly her vision returned, almost as soon as it had disappeared. There, standing in front of her, completely healthy, was Lana.
Hawke glanced around her in confusion.
"Bela? What's...?"
Isabela's mouth fell open. She glanced down at Hawke's clothes which had been caked with blood before and were now clean (well, cleaner). The wound in her side had completely healed, skin sewn perfectly over the gaping exit of the arrow, now visible through the hole in her shirt and looking as though it had never been pierced in the first place. She stared at Isabela, seeing the blood siphon off her face and stopping flowing down both her nostrils. The only thing she was now left with was a bruised eye and all three of them were still covered in mud.
"Not even a bloodstain," Isabela said, impressed, checking herself out in the reflection of her shiny dagger. "You could have done something about the mud though. We still look like we've been rolling around in dragon shit."
"Say another word and you will be. Go, your friend needs you," Yavana ordered.
"You didn't say what you wanted in return," Varric reminded her anxiously.
Yavana smiled mysteriously, making him shiver. "You will do your part," she replied, "Now go."
Needing no further encouragement, Varric led the way to the exit, grabbing Hawke and Isabela by the hands and towing them along. The pirate glanced back, feeling slightly wary now.
"He's not really our friend you know," she said, staring back at Yavana. Varric tugged her hand harder. It was too late to back out now.
"Let's just get out while we can shall we?" he asked, sprinting with them towards the exit.
The three of them left The Silent Grove, looking up ominously for any sign of dragons. It seemed strange that the witch would just let them go freely like that, especially after Isabela's antics and Varric's shady tactics. As soon as they were safely enveloped in the trees, Isabela turned her attention to Hawke, who was looking rather confused and still a bit peaky from her ordeal.
"Are you alright?" she asked, glancing over at Lana.
"I...Fine," Hawke replied, though still looking a little worse for wear. She massaged her side which had been, up until a few minutes ago, pouring with blood. The witch had healed her almost as well as Bethany used to. "How...How did we get back here?"
"Isabela carried you," Varric said, sounding amused, "Right after you fainted and leaked all over the forest floor."
"You're so dramatic, Sweetness," Isabela teased, throwing her a smirk.
"Hey! I took a bloody arrow that was meant for your...what was it? Heart?" Hawke joked. Varric sniggered.
"Any wonder they missed then," he muttered.
"Oy, I heard that!" Isabela exclaimed, sounding offended as the other two laughed.
The three of them trudged along the grass-covered path, trying to pick up any sign of a trail which the Crows left when they took Alistair. Lana could feel her head going dizzy from the amount of blood she had lost in the last few hours. As the others searched the nearby forest, she leaned against a tree trunk for support and massaged her temples. She was beginning to see stars again, a creeping sense of nausea making its way up along her shaking body. A warm hand rested on her back and she looked up. Isabela was by her side.
"We'll be out of here soon, sweet thing," she promised, tucking her fingers under her chin. "Just stay with me until we find Alistair, then we can spend some time alone together...I think we have some talking to do."
Hawke smiled in response, trying to pull herself together. It had been a very long night. Not to mention a very perilous week. The pirate smiled back and ran a hand along her cheek affectionately before walking away again and resuming scouting for the Antivan Crows and Prince Claudio. Hawke watched her for a moment, wishing she would come back. Somehow being close to Isabela made everything all right, whether they were arguing or not.
Varric saddled up beside her then and nudged her, holding out his hip flask.
"Take a swig of that," he encouraged, "It'll do you some good."
Hawke chuckled and accepted gratefully. "What about Isabela?" She asked, un-stoppering the flask and staring at the pirate as she scanned the ground for clues as to King Alistair's whereabouts.
"Don't tell her. She'll just drink it all on me before I even get a sip," the dwarf joked, "And it's for medicinal purposes only."
Lana chuckled. "Yeah right," she said sceptically, giving the dwarf a knowing smirk as she took a drink. Varric winked at her.
"Feeling better?" he asked, seeing some of the colour had at least returned to her cheeks after the whiskey. Lana shivered slightly, feeling the warm brown liquid slip down her throat, and handed it back to him.
"Well, I'm definitely not feeling worse," she compromised. "Cheers, Varric."
"Don't mention it."
"I've found something!"
Hawke straightened up off the tree and both she and Varric made their way over towards Isabela, who was hovering over something which thankfully branched out into a trail.
"These look like footsteps," Varric said, examining the ground, "I think we're finally on the right track. Let's get going. With any luck we'll get there before the Crows use Alistair as dragon bait."
The three of them began to follow the clues ahead of them which would hopefully lead to the captured King of Ferelden and the Antivan Crows holding him captive.
"Hawke, what in The Maker's name are you doing?"
The three of them had been walking for about ten minutes when Lana had suddenly taken a detour off the beaten track. She had a silly grin on her face and her eyes looked a little glazed over. The dwarf and the pirate watched after her as she climbed up a small grassy hill on the right, staring up at something. She glanced down at her friends as she stumbled upwards.
"I see a coconut up that...that tree," she replied, giggling childishly.
Isabela and Varric looked at each other, smiling uncertainly. Lana's voice sounded strange.
"What tree, Sweetness?" the pirate asked. She was pretty sure there were no coconuts in any of these trees. They weren't the right type and the climate was all wrong. Hawke giggled girlishly again.
"Up...up there, Bela, look!" she said, leaning back and point up at a massive, leafy green tree above her head. "They have nipples..." She leaned back so far that she lost her balance on the hill and fell backwards, rolling down it roughly and landing in a heap at the bottom.
"Hawke!"
Isabela ran towards her and bent down to see if she was alright.
"Andraste's Ass, what's wrong with you?" she asked, confused. Lana simply continued laughing, her hair matted in dirt and small twigs. Isabela plucked a few of them out and observed her closely. She looked funny. "Did you...are you drunk?"
Hawke's laughter increased. "Noooo!" she blurted out, waving her hand clumsily. "I only had a few sips of...of whiskey...Ha ha ha."
Isabela sighed and turned back to Varric, who was looking at his hip flask in confusion. Suddenly his mouth fell open. "Shit, Rivaini..."
"What did you bloody give her?" she asked, trying not to laugh as Hawke's infectious laughter echoed all over the forest. The woman was clearly out of it.
"I...Well, it was supposed to be for medicinal purposes. I mixed a health potion with a half bottle of whiskey and..."
"And what?" Isabela pressed anxiously, feeling Lana's lips brushing across her thigh. Varric tried to hold his laughter back.
"Um...Well, Anselmo and Celso passed on some home remedies..."
"And?" the pirate encouraged, knowing there was more to it and dreading hearing what was coming next. Varric grinned, a little worriedly, a little amused.
"A touch of Avens, two Orlesian Beans, a dash of Brown Bugle, a snip of True Herb, Lady's Mantle, Spikenard and..." The dwarf thought to himself for a second. "...Opium Poppy."
Isabela's mouth fell open. "Holy shit, Varric! You've just given her a mix of the most powerful aphrodisiacs in all of Thedas!"
The dwarf cringed at the pirate. "Oops!"
They both turned back to Hawke who was clumsily and drunkenly kissing her way hungrily up Isabela's thigh. She grabbed the front of the pirate's shirt and rested her head along her massive chest, squeezing them tightly and giggling to herself.
"Mmm, coconuts...I told you they had nipples, Bela..."
Isabela and Varric burst out laughing.
"She must have lost a lot more blood than we thought," Varric said, moving in for a closer look. Hawke looked as though she had drunk the tavern dry. She smiled up at him like a baby trying to undo the strings on the pirate's corset. "There's probably more whiskey flowing through her right now than anything."
"Not to mention whatever else was in that flask! Balls, what are we going to do?" Isabela asked, trying to pry Lana's face out from her cleavage. The two of them couldn't stop laughing long enough to form a plan. Hawke's hands began to get a bit more adventurous, sliding up Isabela's legs as the pirate tried to beat her away.
"Stop it! Stop it!" Hawke moaned, shaking her head drunkenly, still persisting, "Just let me..."
"Varric, a little help!" Isabela sniggered as the dwarf doubled over with laughter. He wrapped his arms under Hawke's and pulled her back, holding her still as she continued to squirm, laughing flirtingly. Isabela straightened up and readjusted her clothing, chuckling so much that her eyes were tearing up. Hawke wore an impish grin and turned her attention to the dwarf, staring up at him. She ran a hand along his stubble cheek.
"Hmm, Varric..."
"Uh, Rivaini!" Varric complained, staring down into Hawke's smouldering gaze and feeling awkward all of a sudden. Lana exhaled seductively and flipped over, her brown her flinging wildly. She leaned in closer to the dwarf and began running her fingers through his chest hair.
"Wow, look how springy it is!"
"Rivaini! Quick! Get her of off me! This is too weird!"
Isabela fought through her hysterics and tried to pry Lana off him as she leaned in for a kiss. She's definitely drunk...among other things. Lana began to giggle again, trying to wrestle out of Isabela's grip and get back to the dwarf. She was completely out of control.
"Aww, but he's so warm and cuddly," she moaned, holding out her arms, "And handsome...Oooo let me have him!"
"Oh, this is so bloody cruel!" Isabela laughed, holding a squirming Hawke around the waist and knowing how much she hated the thought of anything sexual with a man when she was sober. "I think that Opium Poppy is kicking in now. A shame we weren't back at the ship, I'd take full advantage of her enthusiasm."
Varric wheezed with laughter, getting up off the ground before Hawke pounced on him again. "Well, at least now you know what to take to get out of that dry spell you're both in," he teased.
"Keep a hold of that flask will you? We might need an antidote," Isabela said, all joking aside momentarily. That many substances in one person's body, as funny as the outcome was, couldn't be good for her by any means.
Hawke spun around in Isabela's arms and kissed her deeply then. Her tongue was clumsy and thick in her inebriated state. She giggled like a little girl, her hands travelling all over the pirate's body in indecision and misdirection. She clearly wasn't in command of any of her emotions or actions. It was all Isabela could to pry her off.
"Ugh, Maker that stuff's potent! I can taste it on her tongue," she said, spitting onto the ground and chuckling uncontrollably, leaning away from Lana's oncoming lips long enough to talk to the dwarf. "We've got to keep moving."
"How are we going to move her?" Varric asked, "Her legs are like a baby deer's right now, and I'm definitely keeping my distance."
Isabela laughed, holding her arms tighter around Lana to hold her upright. "This is your bloody fault!"
"I'm sorry, Rivaini, I am, and when she comes around I'll apologise...But it's too strange having Hawke look at me like that. I know she always desired me but just...no."
Isabela sniggered, "Oh, yes Varric. She's always had a thing for you...As have I. You lead the way then," she told him, "I'll help her."
Varric sniggered. "Good luck with that, Rivaini. She'll have climbed into your clothes before the night is up."
He turned and began to lead the other two along the trail left by the Antivan Crows, hearing Hawke's slurred words and lumbering footsteps as Isabela led her along. He tried to hold his laughter in, hearing her try to proposition the already sex-crazed (not to mention deprived) pirate. He was glad he hadn't taken the first sip or handed Isabela a sip back when Hawke had mentioned it to him a few minutes before. He definitely wouldn't have been able to wrestle off both of them in that state. There was a continuous slapping sound behind him as the pirate beat Hawke's adventurous hands away as they tried to slip under her clothes.
"...but I just want to touch them," Lana moaned, hanging off Isabela's shoulder and trying to peek down her shirt. Isabela chuckled.
"When we get back to the ship, Sweetness," she promised. It was taking all her self-control to prevent Hawke from stripping her naked on the spot. She knew the woman was completely out of it though. She was so cute when she was drunk. Or high on an arousing concoction of sorts. She grabbed the woman's cheeks and pressed her face away from her cleavage again, dragging her along, trying to keep her on her feet, as unsteady as they were.
"I love you, Is...Izzybela," Lana breathed wetly in her ear, her warm breath caressing along the pirate's neck as she rested her head on her shoulder. Isabela felt her bite her earlobe.
"I know you do, Sweetness, just watch where you're going," Isabela warned, keeping her upright as she tripped a little on the uneven forest floor.
"You have such... pretty eyes," Hawke said, staring up so close into the Rivaini's face so that she couldn't see anything apart from Lana's big brown ones boring into hers. Her pupils were dilated crazily and she wore a stupid smile on her beautiful face. Isabela couldn't help but laugh, seeing her drool out of the corner of her mouth.
"So do you, Sweetness, maybe let's use them to watch-OUCH!"
Hawke poked her in the eye with her finger. The smile slid from her face when she heard the pirate shout in pain. "I just...just wanted to touch them," she said innocently, looking offended.
"You can't bloody touch them, they're eyeballs!" Isabela groaned, "Shit Hawke, just turn around will you? I can't see where we're going."
"I can see for us! Use my eyes!" Hawke said childishly, spinning around and beginning to take giant, unsteady footsteps forwards. Isabela chuckled, keeping her hands around her waist to prevent her from falling. "Do you want to touch my booty so I can lead you?"
The pirate sniggered, "I always want to touch your ass, sweet thing. Just concentrate will you. You're like a baby on ice."
"Oh let's switch...I want...I want to touch yours instead," Lana replied, trying to turn around against Isabela's firm grip.
"Maker's Breath, this is like the dialogue from a cheap whore show at The Blooming Rose," she laughed, beating away Hawke's hand again as she tried to reach back and grab her behind. The woman dug her feet into the ground, resisting from the pirate's pushes as she tried to get her to move. Alistair didn't have much time. This was all they bloody needed.
"Hawke move!" she hissed in her ear. Lana giggled.
"Make me...you know you want to..."
"What? That doesn't even make any sense," Isabela replied, frowning at her.
"You don't make any sense," Lana mumbled. "Let's make sex instead...I mean love...No sex! Ha ha ha...
"Argh! Stop pinching my ass!" Isabela complained, jumping a little. "We've got to keep moving, Sweetness. You can have your way with me later."
"How's it going back there, Rivaini?" Varric joked, determinedly not looking round for fear of what he would see. Hawke's dialogue was enough to make him guess. He couldn't stop laughing, hearing Isabela's responses and the continuous slaps.
"I hate you, Varric," Isabela called back, slapping Lana on the ass to get her moving again.
"Oooo, you know what I like," Hawke teased, sticking her tongue out and staring back at Isabela. The pirate wrapped her arms around her again to get a better grip and tried to hurry to catch up with Varric, all the while with Lana's adventurous tongue trying to slip into her mouth.
"ARGH, Hawke!"
Isabela's head recoiled as Lana bit her on the chin playfully. Hawke giggled seductively, patting her on the cheek.
"I know you like it rough, Izzybibla," she said flirtingly, "Go on, let me have a peek...They're so big!"
Isabela slapped her outstretched hand again as she tried to cop a feel of her breasts once more.
"Hawke concentrate!"
"I'm trying...you keep slapping my hands away!"
"I mean on the road!" Isabela corrected, "Maker's Breath, I'm going to kill Varric."
The dwarf's wheezing laugh could be heard in the distance. He had never seen Hawke this crazy before. They eventually caught up with him, Lana's eyes rolling into the back of her head as Isabela held her up. She felt her lower back twinge in pain again, as the woman's legs gave out from under her.
"Shit, is she alright?" Varric asked worriedly now. Lana's heavy eyes looked up at him.
"I love you, Varric," she mumbled. Both he and the pirate sniggered.
"Come on," Isabela said, trying not to laugh, knowing it wasn't Lana's fault, "Help me with her. We must be getting close to the Crow's camp."
"Now, Hawke," Varric said, pulling her up along with Isabela and staring deep into her eyes. "We've got to be really quiet here," he began slowly. "We don't want to get caught." Hawke's face lit up.
"Like a game?" she asked. Isabela heard the dwarf snigger at the effect the herbs seemed to have had on her. It made her even cuter...in a slightly scary way.
"Exactly, Sweetness," the pirate answered in a motherly fashion, nudging him in the ribs to stop so as they didn't lose her limited attention. "Like a big game of seduction," she pretended, "Everyone has to be silent or else nobody has sex, understand?"
Lana nodded and smiled hungrily, "Can I be with you, Issybelsa?"
Varric laughed even harder, hearing just how much difficulty she was having even saying people's names. He wiped the tears from his eyes. That was definitely some strong concoction he had made. He made a mental note never to accept anything from any of Isabela's crew ever again.
"Of course, Sweetness," Isabela replied kindly.
"And Barric? Who's going to be with...with him?" Lana asked, her lazy eyes glancing over at the dwarf. "We could...we could share..."
"Oh, I've got Bianca, little Hawke," Varric replied, taking out the crossbow to show her. "I'm well looked after, don't worry."
"Oh good," Hawke mumbled, "Just like I've got Izzybela."
"Not to mention her nippled coconuts," Varric added, sniggering.
A huge smile appeared on Hawke's face then. "Mmmm coconuts..."
Isabela slapped her hand away from her chest for what seemed like the millionth time and nudged Varric in the ribs once more. He recoiled and began to lead the way towards the camp, chuckling to himself. The pirate rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around a more sedated Hawke and began to follow, desperate to get this night over with and get back to the ship. As funny as it was, Lana was definitely feeling the brunt of this night more than any of them. Tomorrow would be rough for her. All jokes aside, this was possibly the most disastrous quest they had ever been on. Isabela only hoped that they would catch up with Alistair in time, so that it wouldn't all have been for nothing...