Chapter 9: Love that Matters

Tetsuya woke to a deep, lovely feeling of warmth that seemed to be wrapped all around him. He wondered, at first, if he might still be dreaming, but when he moved experimentally, it became obvious to him that, rather than being alone, he was deliciously sandwiched between his sleeping cousin, and Byakuya's also sleeping husband. Byakuya was curled closely around his back, with a slender arm wrapped around Tetsuya's slim waist. And, as on the night they had spent together to make the baby, Tetsuya was sprawled across Renji's tattooed chest, with Renji's chin resting gently on the top of his head. Unlike the time before, they were all wearing nightclothes, but even so, Tetsuya found the warmth of being held like that to be sweetly intoxicating.

I must have fallen asleep while we were bonding.

But whatever had happened, he resolved not to miss the opportunity to enjoy the closeness of the two men who were now the center of his world.

And, he thought, feeling the sensation of heat in his belly, this little one that we have made together.

It was hard to imagine what it would be like to look into their child's face and see signs of all of them there. To touch and scent the baby's soft skin and know how connected they were. He knew that he would have to step back and leave the greater part of things to Byakuya and Renji, but it did seem like they really did want him to be involved in the child's life.

Yet...

Kaoru smiled at him sadly.

"It is lonely for you, bearing this child for them...hearing how much they care about it, and hearing their silence about you. It is not that they don't appreciate you, Tetsuya, but they do not love you. They cannot answer the call that comes from inside you, and pleads to be heard. I can..."

He moved closer, looking deeply into Tetsuya's distraught eyes.

"You just want to be loved. It isn't such a selfish thing. Haven't you waited all of your life to be loved?"

"Byakuya-sama and Renji-san..."

"They love each other. They included you for only that night. But the love they feel for you, is not enough to feed your heart. You suffer now, because you need more."

Tetsuya shoved the thought away forcefully.

I lived for a long time without love before Naoki and I fell in love, and I have survived just fine, ever since. That man provokes these feelings in me because he wants me to feel lonely. He wants me to turn to him. What I have here may not be romantic love, but it is a profound kind of love. I will let myself enjoy that...and not obsess over the rest.

He felt Renji's fingers move in his hair, and Byakuya stirred softly against his back. He breathed in the lovely blend of Renji's deeply masculine scent and his and Byakuya's lighter sakura scents, and let it out again in a sleepy sigh. Renji's lips brushed against his forehead and his fingers tousled Tetsuya's wispy hair.

He could have remained that way all day, but to his dismay, a feeling of illness rose up inside him rather suddenly, making him tense sharply, then scramble over a surprised Renji and out of bed. He barely made it to the bathroom, where he sank to his knees and expelled the contents of his stomach, before sliding the rest of the way to the cool, tiled floor. He closed his eyes and groaned, not wanting to move, but opened them again as he sensed the arrival of the two men he had been sleeping next to.

"M-my apologies," he managed softly, "I appear to be starting early on the morning sickness."

He could have kissed Byakuya for dropping down beside him and pulling him back upright as Renji got him a glass of water.

"Arigato," he said gratefully, "but you do not have to fuss over me."

He went quiet, offering only a soft, fluttery moan of relief as Byakuya's hands slipped beneath his yukata and flowed warm reiatsu into the chamber inside him. Renji knelt in front of them and added his hands to where Byakuya's were. Tetsuya closed his eyes, sighing contentedly at the deep comfort, both of the bonding itself, and just being held like that. The nausea left him, and he began to feel much improved.

Renji pulled his hands away and smiled at Tetsuya.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much better," Tetsuya sighed, feeling a bit guilty at how much he was enjoying their attentions.

But it won't last forever, so I had best not get too used to it.

Still, Tetsuya was one who had learned early on, that just because a source of love or comfort was transient, did not mean that one could not embrace it. As he had grown up in Itamigiri, he had learned to embrace the small pleasures...the occasional shaft of sunlight that touched him as he was taken into the courtyard and allowed to stretch his legs twice daily, the glimpses of the woman that he had been told was his mother, the sight of her blue eyes that were like his, and the pretty, musical voice saying his name as they passed each other, the gentle warmth of Naoki's body resting just on the other side of the bars, and the light pressure of the other youth's hand holding his as they slept. The beauty of the moment was, he found, sustaining, until the next bit of beauty came along to carry him forward.

Love and comfort, in bits and pieces. That is how I have always lived. Until Byakuya-sama took me in, and love became a constant. Now I crave it like a pregnant girl craves food...

He laughed softly at the irony of the thought, then blushed as Byakuya met his eyes questioningly.

"Arigato," he said, pulling free of the clan leader, and accepting Renji's hand to steady himself as he climbed to his feet, "I am fine, now. I am actually a bit hungry."

"Well, that's good," Renji said, sweeping him off his feet and depositing him back in bed, "because we are having a very large breakfast delivered to our room this morning."

"But..."

"Hush," said Byakuya, dismissively, "Breakfast will arrive any moment."

Tetsuya chuckled softly and moved over, making room for Renji as Byakuya slid into the bed on the other side.

"You know, you do not have to post yourselves like guards on either side of me," the younger noble said, smirking.

"We merely want to make sure you do not wander off and miss breakfast, the way you missed lunch and slept through dinner yesterday," Byakuya said, pointedly.

"Ah...right," said Tetsuya, looking up as several attendants entered the bedroom, bearing three large trays of food.

Tetsuya accepted one of the trays and set it in his lap. His stomach rumbled noisily, prompting a nudge from the redhead, who was already elbow-deep in his breakfast.

"You'd better take a bite before that monster in your belly devours you!"

"Renji," said Byakuya with mock disapproval, "how dare you speak of our baby that way! Apologize at once."

Tetsuya caught his breath and blushed as Renji patted the younger noble's abdomen in a sweet, familiar gesture.

"Sorry, squirt. Just though you might be getting really hungry in there. Give Tetsuya another growl. He's still not eating."

Tetsuya shook his head and took a bite of food. His stomach grumbled again, even louder than the first time, making Renji laugh heartily. And there was something about Renji's laugh that made it impossible for Tetsuya to keep from laughing. He had the misfortune of being in the middle of taking a drink of juice, and felt it invade his nasal passges. His eyes teared instantly and he coughed and sniffed as Renji laughed harder. Byakuya raised a cool eyebrow, and the two attempted to settle. But Tetsuya caught sight of Renji biting his lips to keep from laughing and started laughing again, nearly upsetting his tray. Byakuya frowned and cleared his throat, making both of the other two straighten and attempt to eat more respectably. Tetsuya tried to pay some attention to his manners, but the food was so hot and comforting, and he felt so hungry, he ended up eating more quickly than he should have.

"Damn," Renji chuckled, watching the food disappear from the slender noble's plate, "Where the hell are you putting all of that?"

A soft, satisfied burp escaped Tetsuya and he pushed the tray away and dropped back on the pillows.

"Ah," said Byakuya approvingly, "You have decided to be more cooperative and get some extra rest after your illness, like Unohana taichou recommended."

"I'm thinking the guy just can't move because of all of that food he wolfed down," Renji laughed.

He rubbed Tetsuya's belly gently.

"You having a shinigami, or is this going to be some kinda monster?"

"You had best hope it's a shinigami," Tetsuya said gamely, "Or it might just devour you in your sleep. It certainly wouldn't have any trouble finding you, the way you snore...but...the loud noise might frighten it away, so perhaps you would be all right after all."

"Hey!"

"You asked for it, Abarai," Byakuya said, setting his tray aside and climbing out of bed, "Come now, Renji. We have to bathe and get ready for work."

Tetsuya slid back down into the bed, watching quietly as the other two men turned to leave, Renji offering him a smile and a quick wink as he left. He might have been lonely again, thinking of those two beautiful men, and the way they had assisted him with his ritual bathing before their night together, but he was still too warmed inside by the sweetness of waking up surrounded by such warmth and affection.

Yes, love does not always have to be sexual to be profound and meaningful.

He lingered in the bed a short time longer, then rose and left the bedroom, heading for the family library. He searched the archive shelves and found the book he was looking for, then walked out into the gardens, enjoying the feel of the cool grass under his bare feet. He settled under a tree beside the koi pond and sank into the story, shedding real life for a moment and falling into that other, magical place that existed beneath the written words.

"How did you find me, your majesty?" Hajime asked softly, "I had thought that this place that he brought me was beyond our worlds? I thought I was trapped here forever."

A tear of relief found its way onto Hajime's face, and the king's hand brushed it away, gently.

"We are joined at the heart, my Hajime," said the king, laying warm kisses on the injured samurai's soft mouth, "I will always be able to find you, wherever you are. That is the beauty of our love."

A happier tear found its way onto Hajime's lovely countenance, and he embraced his king tightly, breathing in his comforting scent and feeling the pain of his injuries fade. The king's mouth sought his again...

Tetsuya's dream world was rudely interrupted as the book disappeared from his hand and a splash of water erupted from the pond, striking Tetsuya all over the face and chest.

"Arashi! You...!"

He was on his feet in a moment and flash stepping after the stallion, watching as Arashi leapt over the back gate, then vaulting easily over, himself and flash stepping onto the forest trail. He noticed an odd silence and paused, noting that he no longer heard the stallion's hoofbeats.

But you can't hide from me, you lout! Bring it back!

He heard a soft, equine snicker in his head.

Find me.

Tetsuya frowned and narrowed his eyes.

You should know better than to challenge me, you wretched beast!

He closed his eyes, extending his senses and listening deeply. His sharp senses picked up the soft whisper of an equine step and he flash stepped in that direction, calling out to the stallion as he was forced out from behind a cluster of trees.

I have you now! You know I'm faster than you amongst the trees, you brute!

Arashi's dark form turned and spun around the trees, staying barely ahead of his shinigami master as they ran through the forest. Tetsuya sprang into the branches of a tree, then went silent and still, watching as Arashi froze nearby and looked around for him. The stallion's head lifted and his head turned about, his ears perked and alert. Tetsuya remained breathless and perfectly still as Arashi edged in his direction on silent feet.

Both were distracted momentarily, by a dark shadow that appeared in the distance, and a faint hint of malevolent reiatsu that disappeared again almost immediately.

What was that? It was only there for a moment.

He listened and extended his senses again, but could find nothing more of whatever it was. He glanced down and realized that Arashi was standing directly beneath the tree he was in. Smiling devilishly, Tetsuya dropped silently from the branches and landed on the surprised stallion's back. He held on tightly as Arashi reared and squealed in mock fear, then charged away, his long neck stretched out and holding Tetsuya's book, just beyond the shinigami's reach. He raced at full gallop towards the ledge beside the waterfall, Tetsuya hanging on with his legs and still reaching for the book.

Oh no, you don't!

Tetsuya felt the dizzying sensation as the stallion launched himself off the cliff, at the same time, turning his head just enough to allow Tetsuya to snatch the book from his mouth and cast it up onto the ledge as they fell. Tetsuya let go with his legs and flash stepped slightly to the side, but allowed himself to splash down next to the stallion in the icy cold lake. The water exploded around the two and Arashi gave a pleased, pealing whinny as he surfaced.

I win!

"Huh," huffed Tetsuya, brushing a tangle of wet hair out of his eyes, "I could have simply dropped down in front of you, and would have had you dead to rights."

Ah...you could have, but you did not...Master.

Tetsuya sighed and caught hold of the stallion's neck, sliding onto his back and half riding, half floating as Arashi carried them to the shore. Tetsuya let go and crawled out of the water, belatedly covering his face with a slender arm and making a sound of disapproval as Arashi shook off the excess water, leaving Tetsuya even more drenched.

"Arigato, you mannerless beast," Tetsuya said, shaking the water out of his hair.

He climbed onto the stallion's back and laid down on his stomach with an arm around Arashi's neck and his body loose and sprawled across his back. Arashi grazed quietly, moving slowly, as he knew his shinigami master wasn't attending to holding on, but had drifted off into a pleasant daydream, letting the sun dry him, and enjoying the scents of Arashi, grass and flowers.

It was a long time later that Tetsuya sat up and turned Arashi in the direction of the manor, forgetting entirely, the book that still sat at the top of the cliff. As they passed it, two dark forms appeared nearby, and one reached down a hand to pick up the book.

"Remember what I told you," said the first cloaked figure to the second, "No one is to hurt him in any way. You must be careful to incapacitate the horse first, then take him down him swiftly. He is a very strong shinigami."

"Then, you want us to take him to the old prison?"

"Yes. Wait for me there. And as I said, make sure no harm comes to him."

"Right."

XXXXXXXXXX

Arashi passed quietly through the gate, into the gardens, where he and Tetsuya spotted Koji running about and calling for them.

"Koji?" Tetsuya said questioningly.

The attendant looked up at him, and relief flooded his young eyes as he took in the sight of the rather rumpled shinigami that sat astride Arashi.

"Thank goodness, you are back, Tetsuya-san! I was almost afraid that Byakuya-sama would find out that we had let you out of our sight and he would have been furious."

Tetsuya smiled at him.

"I am fine. I was just retrieving my book from...oh shades, I forgot the thing, up at the waterfall."

"I can get it for you!" Koji said, flash stepping away.

"No, I..."

Tetsuya broke off, finding himself alone in the gardens.

"Ah well," he sighed.

He slid down off of Arashi's back and moved on to the bathing room, where Koji found him a short time later.

"I'm sorry, Tetsuya-san, I could not find the book on the ledge."

"Hmmm, I will have to go and look for it later. But it is not important as that wasn't an original, and we have several copies."

"Oh, that's good."

"I have taken to leaving the finer reading materials safely within the archive and only walking out with something that I don't mind so much losing."

"That Arashi is a rascal, ne?" said Koji, slowly washing Tetsuya and detangling his long, wispy black hair.

"Yes...impossible," sighed Tetsuya, dozing on his feet as Koji finished bathing him.

He left the bathing pool and Koji wrapped him in a clean yukata, then followed him to his room, which he noted had been cleared of everything that Kaoru had sent. Tetsuya stood quietly as Koji dressed him in his dark blue house security uniform. The attendant frowned and bit his lips, struggling with the binding around his abdomen.

"What's wrong?" Tetsuya asked absently.

"Hmmm," said Koji, "it is just a bit snug around the waist. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I will have it let out."

Tetsuya let out a soft sigh and smiled, placing a hand on his belly.

"Growing already," he said quietly, "You must be in a hurry to meet all of us."

Koji brought him a more comfortable looking kimono.

"This should do while I have the uniforms adjusted."

"Unohana taichou said that I won't get too big."

"Yes, she forwarded the information to us. Someone will be in today to make the adjustments."

"Arigato, Koji," Tetsuya said, taking his leave of the attendant.

He left the bedroom and walked out into the gardens, where he found the lead guardsman waiting for him.

"How goes the watch?" Tetsuya asked, looking around the gardens for Arashi.

"Mostly quiet, but we have been sensing some odd touches of spiritual pressure outside the gates."

"Hmmm," said Tetsuya, thinking carefully, "Monitor the area and report back to me if there are any changes. I'm going to find Arashi. We have a meeting of the elders to get to."

"Sir, would you like me to...?" the guard began, then he broke off, gazing at the place Tetsuya had been a moment before.

He shook his head and moved off to check in with the house guard posts.