Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XIII. Square Enix owns it. I do not own anything. Do not sue me.

Author's Note: Ummmm… so I'm sorry? The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and Uncharted 3 has taken over my life. Sorry! I'll make it up to you. In other news, I just preordered FFXIII-2. I hope that'll get me to update every 2 weeks like I used to. You guys have no idea how hard it is for me to not watch the first 20 minutes of FFXIII-2… It's in my youtube recommended videos and it's tormenting me. It won't GO AWAY! Lol. Anyway, happy new year and hope you enjoy this.

ALSO! I figured I'd do something different. I wanted to delve into the minds of the two ex-lovers. Hence, the first person view. :)

Thanks to haruka-chan 212 for editing

Not Over You
Chapter Nine – Louder Than Thunder

I don't think I deserve it / selflessness find your way into my arms / All starts could be brighter… / All hearts could be warmer… -"Louder Than Thunder" by Devil Wears Prada

XXXXXXXX

Lightning's POV
Three days later

How did it get so bad? Why did I get here? How did I get here?

Have you ever wished that you could rewind time and do things over? And if you could, have you ever thought of the consequences? What if nothing changed and you were just in a constant rewind-play for the rest of your miserable lonely life, forcing you to relive the one moment you just wanted to change?

… Yeah. That's me.

I sighed and cuddled closer to the back of the couch, and pulled my legs towards me. What was wrong with me? Before the accident with Begum, I was a recluse pretty much. Afterwards, it's like something inside of me changed. My walls fell and out came this outgoing, carefree Lightning. And now…?

I'm a recluse. Again.

I'm an introvert. Again.

The truth was… I missed her. What was it about her that drew me in? Ever since the beginning, we'd always had this love/hate relationship. Always fighting. Always bickering about something. But something about the way she treated me after the accident changed everything.

She was loving, caring, and most of all, herself. That made me smile.

The way she whispered loving reassurance to me when I had a hard day at work. The way she caressed my face when we made love… I just… missed her.

But it's my fault she's gone.

Lebreau helped me realize that.

When my parents died, I had to grow up quickly. Quicker than most eighteen year olds ever had to. I had to become the mother on top of being the sister to Serah. I had to work hard to provide for her. To make sure she was happy. It was my responsibility to pay all the bills and make sure she had food in her stomach.

I guess when Fang and I got closer and more comfortable with each other, I did the same thing I did to Serah. I let myself get lost in my job. Taking ridiculous hours and jobs just so I could give Fang what she wanted. What she needed.

Never once did it sink in that all she ever seemed to want was me. She never needed material things. Whatever she needed or wanted, she would get for herself. Her job was just as secure as mine, I understood that it paid less… but money didn't matter to her. She was happy.

But not anymore.

And it was my fault.

When I lost her, I felt like my world collapsed around me. First it was her, then it was the demotion. On top of that, I was handed a new partner who's just as annoying as Vanille, if not more so.

I jolted out of my thoughts when I heard the front door open. "It's cold out there!" I cringed as her voice came through loudly. I heard her kick the snow off her boots before she walked into the living room, kicking them off lazily. She collapsed on the couch near me. "Hey, sis."

"Hey."

There was silence between the two of us. I handed Serah the remote and, while she looked for something to watch, I grabbed a blanket and put it over the two of us. She curled closer to me and put the remote down.

Honestly, I missed times like these where it was just her and I. I think I just missed my little sister. Back before she and Snow got married, her and I would have nights like these once a week. But now that she's out of the house, we barely saw each other… but why would she be here now? As if she read my mind, she answered. "Snow is in Palumpolum for training..."

"So you came here?"

"I got lonely and schools out on winter break."

All I did was nod and tried turning my attention back to the television. I had to get my mind off Fang.

XXXXXXXX

Hours later, I managed to tuck Serah in on my couch and head off to bed myself.

But I couldn't sleep. I looked at the clock and groaned in defeat. I wished my head had an off button. Fang used to rub my back whenever I couldn't sleep. She had this uncanny sense of knowing when my mind wouldn't stop running in a million different directions. Most nights she wouldn't even say a word, she'd just reach over and her touch alone would get my mind to shut up. There were some nights too where she'd just crack jokes about her co-workers or one of our friends just to get me to relax…

But all that was gone.

It was gone in an instant.

I could have taken her in my arms and apologized but I just let her go. I could have called her a few days later and apologized but I didn't. I'm such an idiot…

I sat up and rubbed my tired eyes. I looked at the clock again, and saw it was two hours to midnight. Fuck… I threw the covers off and got dressed.

I needed a walk.

XXXXXXXX

Fang's Point of View

Little bugger. I swear if she keeps snoring I'm gonna suffocate her in her sleep!

I glared down at her… Vanille was curled under her blanket on the other end of the sofa. At least she was way over there, but her snoring is driving me nuts. At least Lightning never snored.

And there I go again. That little know-it-all soldier is right on my mind… Again. Fuck.

Why am I still thinkin' about her? She never seemed to care about me since she was always workin'. Lightning always claimed she loved me. HA! Bloody lies. Every time she told me it would be followed by an, "I'm going to work. See you later."

Why do I even bother? No matter how hard I try, I can't stay mad at her. I miss her too damn much… Those annoyin' little scoffs at something I'd say, hell, or do. Yeah, sure… We fought a lot, sure, but there was always some compromise though. It worked for us. It's what made us stronger. Until her damn pride got in the way.

I let out a sigh. Seems I've been doing that a lot lately. As I flipped through the channels in a desperate search for something to watch, I rested my head down against the armrest of the sofa. If Lightning were here, she'd know exactly what to watch. No, better yet, the TV wouldn't be on at all. I chuckled at my own thoughts.

After shootin' a quick glance in Vanille's direction, I turned the volume of the TV up some so I could hear it better. Looks to be some kind of comedy…

"Turn that down."

Great, now she's awake… the snoring was less annoying. "Go back to sleep, Vanille."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her starting to sit up. "I'm just going to go to my room." She stood up, grabbed her blanket, and then disappeared down the hallway.

At least I could have peace and quiet again. This time without the damn snoring.

A familiar tone filled the room. I hadn't even realized I was starting to fall asleep until it woke me back up. Who the bloody hell is calling me at this hour? If it's work I'm gonna throw a fit!

I looked down at the screen... It was her. The woman who's invaded my thoughts for months now. I don't wanna answer it. Don't think I can handle another drunken phone call from her. But she could be hurt... no, Light wouldn't call me if she was hurt, hell that woman wouldn't call anybody, she'd hobble her way to the doctor's. It should go to voicemail soon...

Fuck it.

"Ya better not be drunk again."

"We need to talk."

"That tends to be the point of calling someone." At least the last time I checked it was. You call people to talk to them... right?

"Can you open your door? It's cold out here and I can't feel my fingers."

She's outside my house? "What the bloody hell do you mean open the door?" I wrapped the blanket around me as I stood up. "Guess I've got no choice but to talk huh?" I ended the call before opening up the front door to see her standing there. My breath caught in my throat when our eyes met. "Do you realize... how bloody cold it is out here? I thought that since you lived in a town with a beach and near 110 degree weather, it'd never get below 30! Let alone snow," and it was. It was fucking freezing, and standing here with my front door open and her standing there like a tree stump wasn't helping.

"I just… we need to talk," the pink haired detective said softly. "I'm sorry… if you want me to just go back home, I won't complain. You have every right to be mad at me."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. We both honestly had things we needed to say.

I held in the smile that wanted to break out. My lip quivering in the attempt. I looked at Lightning's face as everything I wanted to say ran through my mind, but I couldn't focus on just one thing… Only thing I could think of though, was how cute she looked, wrapped up in her coat and scarf. Her nose and cheeks were a light pink color, probably from the cold. She looked… absolutely adorable…

"Ya obviously came here for a reason…" I said before stepping aside to let her in. Damn it's cold outside, the wind was cutting through the blanket. "Get in here already." I closed the door quickly behind her before following her out to the living room where she was already removing her scarf. "You're here… so talk."

There was a long silence as I just watched her. I always could tell when she was nervous, she had this cute little habit of playing with the bottom of her shirt… or in this case, her coat. "It's just…" Again she fell silent. It was obvious she was searching for the right words to say. "I miss you Fang. I miss everything about you. When I go to sleep, I'm freezing. Your warmth isn't there with me. Just your memory. The memory of what once was… of what once was perfect. You're perfect. What we had was perfect. Until I screwed it all up. I let my pride get in the way of us. God Fang I love you so much. I can't… I need you Fang."

Well that's odd. She hardly ever rants like that. I was truly at a loss. I know what I wanted to say to her, but that was before she started her talking. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, she continued.

"What I'm trying to say is… I'm sorry. For everything."

I stared at her for a moment before speaking. "Do ya really expect it all to be okay now? Do ya feel better now that you've apologized?" I don't even know where the bitter tone came from. Why was her apologizin' making me so upset?

"Honestly? No… I don't. I just miss you Fang." Her eyes stayed trained on her lap. It was cute how she could never look at me whenever we had a serious conversation.

"We should have had this conversation months ago Light." I looked down at my own lap. It was the truth. We should have talked after we split apart. We should have been able to push the differences aside to at least try to mend whatever friendship we had left. "Ya know, you're not the only one who has trouble sleepin." It was true. Most nights I tossed and turned. I couldn't stop wondering what she was doing, or even how she was.

I glanced up at her just in time to see her eyes close. "I'm sorry… I let me pride get the best of me… and look where we are. Our families are torn apart."

"Ya broke my heart light… we won't be what we were before."

She let out a small laugh. It wasn't a happy one though, like those ones I'd come to love causing and hearing. No, it was a half-hearted, sad chuckle. "Somehow… I knew you'd say that. I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll just g-go."

"Wait." I called out before grabbing her wrist on instinct to stop her from walking off. "We need to start over Light. I can't just jump back into a relationship with you." Our eyes met for a brief moment and I could see all the hurt and discomfort in those blue eyes of hers. "I… I do miss you. Every damn day I miss you Light. But you need to learn to swallow your pride. Ya can't always control everything Sunshine."

Her lip twitched just a little bit. It had to have been the use of her nickname. I don't even know where it came from, it just slipped out. "I should probably get going. It's late…" I watched her stand up and didn't hesitate in joining her. In a way, things felt like they were back before we split up. Like clockwork, every time she'd leave I'd walk her to the door. Why would this be any different? "I know you have work in the morning."

She still remembered my schedule? I couldn't hide the smile that came to my face as I looked at her when we got to the door. "You still remember my schedule?"

"I think so… why?"

Why? Because it's sweet. It shows me she still cares. Somewhere inside of that cold hard shell, I knew she still had a heart. "No reason…" When her hand reached for the doorknob, I stopped it with my own before interlocking our fingers and stepping closer. "It's late, be careful goin home yea?" Her lips curled up into a small smile and I just couldn't stop myself.

I closed the last bit of distance between us and pressed my lips to hers. What was I doing? Her lips always felt so perfect against mine. Even after all this time. Nothing's ever felt so right. But it couldn't last. I wouldn't let it. Before she had a chance to pull me closer, I broke apart and looked right into her eyes. "I missed that…" Her eyes were still closed, and I was almost tempted to do it again. But I couldn't.

"I did too… But Light, ya have to understand, it won't happen again."

"Yea, I get that." She wrapped her scarf back around her neck and turned the knob of the door to leave.

I let out a shaky breath. Why did she always do this to me? Just being near her made my knees go weak and my resolve crumble. "We have to repair our friendship first… then… anything's possible."

Another smile graced those perfect lips of hers. "Alright… Good night Fang."

"Good night Sunshine… you better go right home too, don't want ya gettin sick."

Lightning nodded and turned away from me. Her warmed hands grasped the doorknob and walked out the now open door. I always hated watching her walk away. "Lightning!" I called. She turned around and had a hopeful look on her face. "Be careful." All she did was smile softly and nod. And I watched her walk away.

Again.

XXXXXXXX

Vanille's Point of View

Oh God, oh God… Did I just see what I thought I saw? Oh wow… I HAVE to call Serah. Serah has got to know about this. Oh wow. Oh crap… Fang's coming!

I hurried to close my door before she noticed me watching her. That would be bad if she saw me… She might kill me! No… she would kill me. Yea, no doubt about that one.

I sat on my bed for a moment. I guess I'm still in shock over what I saw and heard. They weren't yelling like they always did. And Fang kissed Lightning. And was that a smile I saw on Fang's face afterwards? I know I didn't just make that up. I know what it looks like when someone kisses someone else. Are they back together? Oh I have to call Serah. She'll kill me for waking her up but I don't care.

Before the phone finished its first ring, Serah answered. "This better be good."

"Oh. It is. I promise."

XXXXXXXX

Cookies and treats for those who review... Tell me what you think. Sorry about the long wait though, guys. I swear. I feel bad. :( Gonna try to work on the next chapter tonight. But for now, I'm gonna go play some FFXIII. I need to get my fix before FFXIII-2 comes out.

NEXT TIME: The Farron's and their lovely friends are prepping for Christmas! I think we need some humor up in this bitch, don't you?