Lovein3parts10

A/N: I think it's time for Sarah and Chuck to perform the dirty deed for all to see. Yes, the dreaded Reality you think this is angsty you got your head firmly inserted up your fanny. This is why I am so damned unpopular… it or not but read it and think about it. Reality does bite. I did my own reality check.
APR

T/N: He's in a pissy mood. The slick's got everyone a little cranky. He can't help his friends with their boats and he's off the Vicodin so he feels guilty and pissy. He's writtn some add'l chaps I'll put up when I get time. sorry. fighting a deadline in the real world. No more pm's, pls. I have to live with him...lol Nicole 4/30/2010

Part 3 - Love, marriage, birth, death, they got it all out of order.He awoke to silence. Elizabeth was obviously with Charlie and he was alone. Alone. In the back of his mind he'd been reviewing alternatives to their current situation and had boiled it all down to five possibilities. He'd kicked them around since they'd been airlifted out of Khalot. That place had scared him, made him face things he thought long hidden, buried or just plain gone.

One – Status quo. Show up when time and missions allowed and insinuate himself back into the lives of the two people he loved more than anything and anyone on earth. The disruptions, tensions and eventual alienation that would result would be crippling to his relationship with Elizabeth and unfair to his baby girl.

Two – Get married and try to live as 'normal and simple' a life as his duties with the NSA allowed. His trip to Afghanistan and his brush with the real face of war made him question that option. He knew in his heart of hearts that Beckman saw him and his team as roving answers to her problem of ferreting out traitors, terrorists and Fulcrum agents. His time 'in the field' would only be greater not less and he'd be 'home' less and less. The results would be the same as the status quo option. Worse, he might not return from one of the junkets and leave behind a widow.

Three – Leave with the hope of someday being able to return and live a normal life, but how much time would pass? Could he ask a vibrant and loving woman to put it all 'on hold' until he could live as she wanted? And what would happen to his daughter? He'd be a stranger to her, the occasional visitor who's very presence created tension and sadness.

Four – Run. Take Elizabeth and Charlie and run as far and as fast as they could. He had 27 days of 'leave' and they could get almost anywhere in the world in that time. But that would mean always looking over their shoulders, living without contact with family and friends. Could he take Charlie from a safe and loving home and drag her through the 'jungle' of being hunted by his own government? No. Nor could he ask Sarah to do that.

Five – Beckman. Appeal to the General for 'guidance'. Appear to be indecisive and see what options she might have. Who knew she'd opt for a commission in the Army as a captain? He'd also have to talk to Casey about his suggestions. They'd grown closer, especially after Chuck had pulled his chestnuts out of the fire in Khalot.

He revised and simplified his options and felt he had to get input from his…well, from Liz. It was her life he was screwing over, delaying, risking or leaving. She had a baby as her first concern. Motherhood would always win over marriage or a lover. It was the way of things.

She'd slipped into the room and watched him argue with himself over something. She felt a sense of foreboding unlike anything she'd felt since he was overdue from Afghanistan. He was having either second thoughts or he'd put his mind on the problems facing them and reached conclusions, dismissed alternatives and probably made a decision.

They needed to talk. It was no longer about Chuck and Sarah. It was about Chuck and Liz and Charlie. She'd been cut loose from the spy life and she wanted as little to do with it as possible. She had a baby to protect and raise and she could do it alone if she had to. She wanted him with her but she had a higher responsibility now. She would do nothing that might harm her child.

Liz sat beside him on the couch and tousled his hair, leaning against him and enjoying their moment together.

"Chuck, we need to talk, talk about the future and what we're going to do. I know it's unfair to spring this on you, ask you to make decisions that we might not be able to carry out but I feel adrift, Chuck. I need grounding and direction. I have Charlie to think about now."

"I know. I haven't thought about much else since I was here the last time. Your dad thinks I should ask Beckman to base me out of your ranch but I don't think she'd go for it and I don't like the idea of bringing the possibility of danger here to you and your child."

"OUR child, Chuck. Charlie's yours as much as she's mine. I already…" She was defensive and her tone and tenor showed it. She didn't want to argue over little things when huge decisions stared them in the face.

"Hush, that's not what I meant. She's my darling baby girl and I already love her more than anything but for purposes of this discussion, Elizabeth, she's your daughter because you're the responsible parent, the one who will be here for her as she grows up, the one who will have to pick her up when she falls and guide her and love her for the both of us."

"You sound like you've already made up your mind, that you won't be a part of our lives, that we won't be together. Is that what you've decided, Chuck, unilaterally and without me having any say so in the matter?"

"I haven't decided anything, Elizabeth, I've just developed some scenarios that I think we should discuss and evaluate. This thing in my head is a curse to everyone I've come to love. Honestly, if Larkin hadn't left when he did, or if he walked through that door right this minute, I would be arrested for murder. I hate him. I really do."

"Chuck, baby, that's all in the past. Let it go. I'm yours and you're mine. And Charlie's ours, it's just that simple."

"I wish it were that simple but we both know it's not, Elizabeth." He fixed her with his stare, making her uncomfortable in her new role as 'Elizabeth'. What happened to 'Sarah' or 'Liz'?

"Chuck, do you love me? Me, Elizabeth, Liz, the mother of Charlie? Or was it Sarah Walker that you loved and now I'm…less, a substitute perhaps?"

"What? What the hell brought that on? How could you possibly question my feelings for you? I'm here. I got here as quickly as I could. I came back from the mission, as quickly as I could, and I've been tearing my heart out trying to figure out a way we can have the 'simple' life you dream of and you're questioning my love? Maybe this won't be such a hard decision for you to make after all, Elizabeth."

"See? See! Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Why am I suddenly 'Elizabeth' when you say 'Sarah' in your dreams, when it's 'Sarah' when you're flustered and – and…shit. I'll be back. I don't want to fight with you, honey. You're my love and I don't want to argue. I just want you to…arrrrggggh!" She got up and stormed out of the room and he heard the back door slam.

'Well, that went really well,' he thought.

He wandered out into the kitchen and helped himself to one of Mike's Bud's. At least someone else liked domestic beer.

He walked out onto the back porch and into the barn. He could hear her, in the loft, beating the crap out of a punching bag. His name was prominent in some of her more colorful expletive-laden phrases.

"Well, Chuck, whatever you did to piss her off, you better stay clear of her for a while. I have to run into town and pick up a seal for the pump on the north water well. Ride along with me. We have unfinished things to discuss and I want to run some things by you."

He saw Chuck look at the loft and cringe as an incredibly creative curse was practically screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Don't worry about her. It's her way of venting. C'mon. Rachel's keeping an eye on Charlie and we'll only be gone 2 hours. She'll be right as rain by the time we're back and reasonably willing to listen to your side of the argument."

"We didn't argue. She knows me too well to argue about things we know need to be settled. It's the emotional stuff she's hung up on. Sarah versus Elizabeth versus Liz."

"I got big ears and a closed mouth, Chuck. Feel free to unload. Sometimes an uninterested 3rd party can bring a new perspective to problems when you're too close to them."

He told him how he felt, how he'd developed some scenarios and wanted to discuss them with 'Elizabeth' and how she'd wigged out and asked him if he loved her or 'Sarah'.

"They're not the same person, Chuck. If you haven't figured it out yet, Elizabeth Reynolds is insecure, uncertain and trying to find her place back in the real world. Sarah Walker was a fiction. Elizabeth Reynolds is a person. So how did you answer her?"

He told him and Mike laughed. "You sure do know how to piss my little girl off, Chuck. It was the right answer, logically, but she's anything but logical right now. She's scared to death that you're going to make the decision to leave her, protect her with your absence, and maybe, just maybe, some day you'll find your way back to her."

"That's an option, Mike. I won't lie to you. And I won't lie to her. When did it get so damned complicated to love your daughter?"

"She's jealous, for one thing. You're moving up in her old world and she's stuck in your old world. Think about it. She loved her job and it got taken away from her, the one thing she was good at and it's gone forever."

"I was responsible for that. I should have been more careful, followed procedure but I was distracted and so she paid the price."

"You know, you really get off on feeling guilty, Chuck. It's not a trait you should foster."

"Easy for you to say. You've got what I want. A wife and kids, a home. Me? I got a bunker at the end of the day. Even though she's your daughter, Mike, if you were me, which option would you choose?"

"Thankfully, that's not my decision."